Birds: Get Out of Town!

Once upon a time.....yeah, this is a fairy tale. If it were a more modern tale, it would more likely start....this happened awhile back. Once upon a time, there was a town that was overrun by birds. Everyone should be aware that birds are evil (particularly if they read my blog). The town's leaders got together to try to decide what to do to get rid of the evil birds. There were many ideas from poison birdseed which could kill other animals to shooting them, but that would involve everyone carrying a gun. Then one of the leaders remembered that he had read a news story about a dog--a Siberian Husky-who hated birds and could get rid of all of them just by playing music. You may have guessed that this is where I come into the story. This is not just a fairy tale because this is a true story. I happen to play a mean flute, and I have the ability to have birds follow me wherever I want them to go. I took the job, and made an arrangement with some hungry cats to be waiting where I would bring all the birds. The cats were thrilled by this arrangement because cats love to eat birds! I did just as I promised, and all the birds were eaten by the cats so that the town was bird free. When I showed up to get my pay, the city leaders decided to stiff me on the pay and did not come through with the necessary money. I'm sure many of you are thinking that I would get out my flute, and lead all the children out of town. However, I observed that leading the children out of town would make life way too easy on the adults of the town so I left the kids and the cats paid me for the feast they enjoyed. The moral of this story is that Demon Flash Bandit hates birds!

Demon Flash Bandit (The Pied Piper Husky)

The Dog is Watching the Sheep!

Today I am going to examine a "fairy tale" that many human children have heard over the years. The tale is that of a shepherd boy who continues going back to his village to tell the villagers that a wolf is after the sheep. Of course, this is not true, but when a wolf finally does come and attack the herd, no one in the village believes him so his lies hurt his credibility when it was important for the other humans to believe him. I guess some of the humans never learn that it is best to be honest with others. Of course, I am not fond of the fairy tales that make the wolf the villain. I think our cousins, the wolves, aren't really scary animals at all. As usual, the humans get paranoid and scare easily. Here is the real version of the story which you know is true because it is the version as told by us dogs.

There was once a young boy who was a shepherd. He was watching the sheep, but he got bored and decided to cause a bit of trouble to liven things up a bit. He went to the village and told everyone that a wolf was bothering the sheep. It was not a wolf at all, it was a German Shepherd dog who was doing a better job watching over the sheep than the boy ever could. When the villagers saw it was a dog, they told the boy he was stupid and laughed and laughed at how dumb he was. You might ask, what happened to that boy when he grew up? He went into politics. Obviously, his job as a shepherd prepared him well. I'm not sure, but I think he said something about going to a tea party so I guess politics is much more fun than watching sheep. He even gets to attend political parties.

Demon Flash Bandit (Boy Who Cried Wolf Over a Dog)

I Didn't Attend the Royal Wedding

Since I chose not to attend the royal wedding, I also chose not to watch it. I do have a letter to share with you from the Queen Lady regarding my lack of attendance.

Dear Demon Flash Bandit,
The royal wedding of my grandson yesterday went well, but it would have been so much better if you had attended. We never realized that when we didn't invite Bo Obama, first dog, that you would take offense and not attend. We were so looking forward to you because, as you know, you were our most important guest. The media was very upset when they asked where you would be sitting, and we had to tell them that you had declined our invitation. I have to admit that I didn't expect you to decline the invitation since most people will not turn down a royal invitation, but we failed to take into consideration you would stand by your fellow dog, Bo. I do hope that we can continue to be friends because being your friend means a lot to me and my family.
Love, Queen Lady Elizabeth

For those who want to know what I replied, I am going to include my reply.

Dear Queen Lady,
I do appreciate the wedding invitation, and I am glad that it went well. I would have attended had you included Bo Obama, but when you omit the first dog, then as a patriotic American dog, I cannot in good conscience attend the event. I understand that the wedding would have been a lot better had I been there, but this is something you should have realized before you omitted Bo Obama.

Actually, I'm surprised the royal family has even managed to survive all these years what with all the inbreeding in past generations. Some people in the United States do that, but they usually don't get the opportunity to run the country. Sure, sometimes they are allowed to run a fast food franchise or a gas station, but seldom the entire country. Judging from the success of recent royal marriages, it even takes the "fairy tale" out of the equation since, in fairy tales, the couple lives happily ever after--not divorced. I will admit that I never realized what a rich country Britain happens to be until I saw how much money your family has to live on. I have to tell you that you wouldn't like the welfare system here in the United States because the tax payers won't allow a family to draw so much money from the government. Kudos to your welfare system there.
Don't worry about us being friends. I'm glad that you understood why I could not attend the royal wedding, and I do hope the couple will be very happy together. Happiness doesn't seem to be too prevalent in your family which is very sad.
Love, Demon Flash Bandit