Trilogy Movie Review: The Napkins (Series)

Today I am going to do a movie review of 3 movies--The Napkin Trilogy-which have been such a major success at the box office. Everyone wants to see these movies, and who can blame them? They are 3 of the best movies Hollywood has ever made!

Napkins 1: The Clean-Up

Alien space napkins come to Earth to clean the planet. They give up and return to their home planet.

Napkins 2: The Return of the Napkins

After they return home due to the hopelessness of trying to clean Earth, they decide to return to try once again to clean the planet.

Napkins 3: the Final Stand

After 20 years of cleaning the planet, the napkins finally give up completely and return to their home planet, Urcleanus.

I'm not saying that a Napkins 4 is not possible, but I seriously doubt that the studio will want to make another one.

Next time you pick up a napkin to wipe off some food on your face, look closely at that napkin to make sure it isn't a space alien!

I have been given the da Liebster award by my pal and fellow blooger, Whitley Westie. I will be posting more about this in the next day or two--when my computer illerate Mommy finds out how to link stuff. Mommy says that when she was in school, they were taught to type on non-electric typewriters. I don't think any such thing exists so I suspect she is lying to me. You know how the older humans are....we used to have to walk through 20 inches of snow to get to school, and we lived in the tropics. The oldsters sure love to exaggerate all the horror they had to go through as children! I would hire a more computer savvy secretary, but Mommy works free so I can't beat her price.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Review: The Napkin Trilogy)

Film Director: Demon Flash Bandit

I have mentioned in the past that dogs are better actors than humans and should star in more movies. However, now there is a product that can help a dog go beyond merely acting and into directing, producing, or even just being a cameradog. That product is from the nice people at dogtek. They sell a video cam for dogs that takes movies as the dog walks around. This opens up a new opportunity for me, Demon Flash Bandit, to become a director. I have some great ideas for a movie, and I even have a brother who has a movie script in the works. I think I'll have him write a script that stars me and maybe Angel Zoom Smokey. However, since Angel Zoom Smokey bit my paw earlier today in a scuffle over the ownership of some Arbys roast beast, I might not let her be in my movie. I will probably make an epic type of movie--you know something on the level of Lord of the Rings, but maybe only lasting 15 or 20 minutes. If I go much longer than that, most dogs are going to want to stop watching to take a nap so you have to keep it down to a reasonable amount of time. In fact, the humans have even less of an attention span. If it goes more than 5 minutes, the average human will be jumping around in their chairs acting stupid. Okay, that is not true. The average human starts acting stupid even before they sit down to watch--it does not take 5 minutes. Anyway, the address for the pet cam is:
http://www.dogtek.com/eyenimal/?utm_source=adwords&utm_medium=cpc&gclid=CImYoZystKwCFcvJKgodpEcuHw
With this web cam, I could start my own television program: Funniest Dog Videos. I bet it would be an awesome television show!

Demon Flash Bandit (Film Director Demon Flash Bandit )

Call Me the Demon, the Cookie Monster!

According to television commercials, you would never believe where the Keebler cookies come from--they are baked by elves in a hollow tree. Why do they think we won't believe them? When I go outside, I'm always looking for hollow trees in case there are some cookie baking elves in them who need a dog to sample their products. I'm willing to do my part for Keebler by testing their product. In fact, I think it would be a good career choice for me. Anyway, so far I have never found a tree that has any cookie baking elves in it. I decided to write a letter to Ernie, who happens to be Keebler's head baker and SpokesElf.

Dear Ernie,
I am a dog who enjoys your product, and I would like to know where the hollow tree where you bake the cookies is located so I can stop by and taste test your product. This dog thinks your cookies are uncommonly good, and I would like to know if there is a job opening for a taste tester because I think it is a job for which this dog is well suited. I know you are busy, but please answer as soon as possible.
Love, Demon Flash Bandit
(NOTE: It is always important in business letters so use the salutation, love. It makes the company know you appreciate them.)

This brings me to another point. I was watching Lord of the Rings, and I did not notice any of the elves in Lord of the Rings baking cookies. Don't they know what they are supposed to be doing? If you ask me, the whole reason there was a war was because there was a serious lack of cookies to eat. It is impossible to stay in a bad mood when there are delicious cookies to eat. Lord of the Rings also had a bunch of trees, but I didn't see any that were being used to bake cookies. Besides, I think it is easier to bake cookies if the tree isn't running around the countryside.
My theory is that the hollow trees that they use to make the cookies could be located in BurgerKingland. I know that is where I would want to live if I were a cookie baking elf.

Demon Flash Bandit (Looking for Cookies)

I Had a Napmare About Legends of the Guardians

I usually write my blog earlier in the day, but as the humans say: better late than clever. I know it doesn't make any sense, but how often do the humans make sense? I think they say that because they aren't clever. If they were, they would have never made the movie I wrote about yesterday, Legends of the Guardians. I was having napmares about that movie today. Isn't it bad enough that birds are evil and steal my snow and drop bird bombs on everyone? In the movie, some of them were wearing armor and having sword fights. Do birds really need swords, and who makes them small enough for birds? When a stupid bird swoops down from the sky and stabs a human in the face, maybe then the humans will listen to my warnings. I might add that Legends of the Guardians is no Lord of the Rings no matter how much they use the sword fighting.

For those of you who read the celebrity gossip, don't pay any attention to the story about Ryan Reynolds dating Sandra Bullock. That was made up to sell tabloids. The real story is that Sandra Bullock is dating Keanu Reeves. This comes from a very reliable source. Yes, I dreamed it when I was napping. You can't get any more reliable than that. A dream is right up there with fortune cookies. Speaking of fortune cookies, I would like to eat one now. Those are tasty cookies. I think they are even better than milkbones. I have a box of milkbone in my paws now, and I think it is time for another nap. Did you know that a milkbone box makes a great pillow?

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Movies and Celebrity Gossip)

Burger King Cannot be Owned by Commoners

This dog is highly upset today over something I read in the news. Burger King might be up for sale. Yes, Burger King, the place that sells this dog's favorite food, might be sold to another company. This upsets me because how can a dog know that the new owners might not mess with the menu and start serving food this dog doesn't like? I happen to be a picky eater. I have refused to eat burgers from McDonalds since I was a puppy. The clown just does not serve a burger high enough in quality to persuade me to eat it. However, I am okay with their bacon and ice cream. Does the King know what is happening in his realm? Has he been taken over by some evil influence like that king in Lord of the Rings? Is he sick? Someone needs to check on the King's health and get him to realize that selling Burger King would be a mistake. If a bunch of commoners buy the franchise, the burgers won't be royal anymore, and what will I serve the Queen of England when she comes to mow my yard? Of course her coming does depend on if that royal pain the the arse, Prince Charles, can ever take care of himself long enough for the Queen Lady to come for a visit. Perhaps she could talk to the King of Burgerland for me. Maybe he will listen to another royal. Meanwhile, Mommy has been watching a marathon session of The Tudors. Henry the VIII was not a good king. He didn't serve hamburgers to his subjects or do anything noteworthy except marry and kill his wives. I think he was the first recorded serial killer in history. It seemed to me that he spent most of his time putting people to death. You would think a couple of his "subjects" would have gotten together and returned the favor, but I suppose they weren't allowed to or it would have ruined the series which would have annoyed the Showtime executives. Perhaps if everyone started eating at Burger King everyday, the King would not even consider selling the franchise. It is a sacrifice that this dog is willing to make.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Burger King)

My Opinion of the Weather

It is another hot day here in lower Michigan. I bet it might even be hot in the upper peninsula of Michigan. It might have even hit 50 degrees F up there. The humans probably took off their winter coats, put on their sweaters, and are wondering why the weather is so much different for the past couple of days. That fact brings me to the question, why do I not live up there? Anyway, my blog today, like yesterday, is about the heat. I have a story to share with you about the heat, and how it is effecting everyone here. I saw a dog's poop get up and walk around the yard trying to find a cooler spot. Yes, folks, it is too hot for a dog's poop to want to be in the sun. I know some of you might say I'm exaggerating, but I am not. The best thing about the poop was that it finally found a bird bath to jump into and now the evil birds have a special surprise waiting for them when they come to get a drink or a bath. Yes, this dog is laughing my tail off just waiting to see the bird's expression when he sees what is in his bird bath. By the way, I do have my camera ready so I can get a photo of the bird's face to share with other dogs. When a dog has to go outside, it is ridiculous--all the trees and shrubs are begging you to pee on them. Who could blame them It isn't like most trees can walk around and get out of the heat--only those lucky trees like the ones in Lord of the Rings can do that sort of thing. To be fair, it is worse for the trees and shrubs because some of the dogs I know said that if they have to go outside for more than 3 minutes, they will water themselves. I can see their point. For some stupid reason, the government has never seen fit to put a dome over the country and air condition the entire country as I have suggested so many times in the past. You would think they would listen to a dog! Anyway, I have to hurry and finish writing this. I overheard the computer saying that it was getting tired of the heat, and that the air conditioner needs to work better. Anyway, it said it was going to go and take a shower to cool off. I am not a computer geek, but I don't think computers are supposed to get wet.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing the Weather)