Empty Mushrooms!

Due to the recession, there have been many humans who have lost their house to foreclosure by the bank. It is bad enough that so many humans have lost their homes because of it, but I was outside the other day, and I saw that is has hurt other creatures too. There were some mushrooms outside, and not one Smurf was in sight. Yes, even the little blue creatures have been touched by the foreclosure crisis. The Smurfs are lucky that they have Papa Smurf and Brainy Smurf to help them through this crisis, but where does a homeless Smurf live? Do they have to take up in the grass, or do they build treehouses? As anyone who watched television commercials can tell you, trees are already the home of the Keebler Elves who make cookies, and no one wants cookie production interrupted! Perhaps they can use some leaves to keep the rain off their little blue heads, but I think when the bank starts foreclosing on mushrooms, that is going too far!!! In honor of the homeless Smurfs, I am going to this site to play the cool game, whack a banker. You can join me there at this address:
http://www.funnygames.co.uk/whack-a-banker.htm
I hope the next time I see mushrooms that there are Smurfs living in them!

Demon Flash Bandit (Smurfs Need Their Mushroom Homes)

I'm the Cookie Bandit!

Earlier today I was in the mood for a cookie. When I say "cookie", I am talking about the cookies the humans eat, not dog biscuits. I am particularly fond of peanut butter cookies. Anyway, I have heard that there are Keebler elves who make cookies, and they bake those cookies in hollow trees. I thought this would be useful information since we have a lot of trees around here, and I could check to see which tree the elves are using for their cookie business. I could also get a couple of tasty cookies while I am there. I went outside and I checked every tree in the yard, and there were no elves in any of them. Unless the elves have some advanced technological force field that keeps a dog from seeing them, they weren't there. Besides, even if they could not be seen by a dog, it would be hard to keep a dog from smelling those delicious cookies. If you ask me, it is false advertising to tell a dog that the cookies are made in trees if the dog can't find the tree. Because I was so annoyed, I made sure I lifted my leg to every tree in the yard. The trees appreciate being watered, and just in case those elves are hiding, they deserve a shower. In the future, I will be checking every tree I see just to make sure that there are no elves hiding in the tree refusing to give a dog cookies!

Demon Flash Bandit (Call Me Cookie Bandit)

My Hobby: Collecting Bones!

I'm writing this blog later than usual today because I've been a busy dog-you know how it is for us celebrity dogs. Okay, the truth is that I have been laying around napping and I was comfortable and decided that writing the blog could wait. My readers know me so they probably aren't believing that "busy" excuse anyway! Besides, there isn't much of interest for me to write about today. Mommy did eat at Taco Bell and I got to share some cinnamon twist dessert things, and I did find that interesting, but really not up to my usual blog topics. As you know, I like to write about the things that other dogs are afraid to bark anything about. I did see one news item about how napkin rings add a distinctive touch to the table, but I'm a dog, and I could care less about napkin rings unless they are those cool round bones that a dog can get his teeth into! Speaking of bones, I don't want to brag, but I have quite a nice collection. I am always adding to it because some of them slowly disappear--I have no idea how this happens....one minute, you are enjoying a big bone, and a couple of weeks later, it is half its size. My theory is that elves come in the middle of the night and chip away at it when a dog is sleeping. I have yet to stay up all night to test that theory, but it sounds reasonable to me. I wonder if those elves are the ones who wrote the song about all the bones that are connected to each other---you know, the tail bone is connected to the tummy bone, the tummy bone is connected to the liver bone....now hear the bark of the dog. The real problem bone is the funny bone because you never know what it is connected to since it is always moving around trying to be funny which, of course, is how it got the name, funny bone. I must admit that I do enjoy writing about bones. I enjoy chewing them more, but writing comes in second. I hope that my readers are having a nice day and have their own bone collections because everyone needs a hobby!

Demon Flash Bandit (Bone Collector)

Wedding At Walmart

Recently I saw that a couple got married at a Walmart in Louisville, Kentucky. Personally, I really don't think it matters where a couple gets married because the amount spent on the wedding does not make it any more or less likely that the marriage will be successful. In fact, some of the humans who have the most lavish weddings are the first to get divorced. I do wish the couple well. However, I do hope that Walmart doesn't decide to get into the wedding business on a large level simply because I think it would be very annoying to the customers in general. The wedding was held in the garden center, and during nice weather, the garden center sells flowers, plants, outdoor furniture, etc. If a customer happens to want to purchase some items from the garden center, it would not be fun to discover that you can't enter the area because there is a wedding taking place there. Even worse, what if a dog needs some dingo bones, and the wedding is being held in the dog area? I happen to think is the best part of the store. I would not want to have to go away with empty paws because there is a wedding taking place in "my area". Walmart is an okay store for the most part, but I do hope it doesn' t decide to get into the "wedding business". It is okay as a novelty to have a wedding there, but I just hope it doesn't become another service offered by Walmart. If Walmart starts offering weddings, then what is next--funerals? I can just imagine walking through a Walmart store that has a roll-back price on a casket. Just imagine how the humans would be fighting over that item. Sadly, judging from the way Walmart has been run in recent years, I can just see the humans in their board room.....you know people aren't able to buy a casket at our competitive stores...we can corner the market. I hope Walmart decides to stick with the merchandise they have now. I really don't want to attend a future wedding with the Keebler Elves making an appearance to give out samples....wait a minute, that might be the best part of the wedding at Walmart. Pass me a cookie Elf.

Demon Flash Bandit (Writing About A Walmart Wedding)

Call Me the Demon, the Cookie Monster!

According to television commercials, you would never believe where the Keebler cookies come from--they are baked by elves in a hollow tree. Why do they think we won't believe them? When I go outside, I'm always looking for hollow trees in case there are some cookie baking elves in them who need a dog to sample their products. I'm willing to do my part for Keebler by testing their product. In fact, I think it would be a good career choice for me. Anyway, so far I have never found a tree that has any cookie baking elves in it. I decided to write a letter to Ernie, who happens to be Keebler's head baker and SpokesElf.

Dear Ernie,
I am a dog who enjoys your product, and I would like to know where the hollow tree where you bake the cookies is located so I can stop by and taste test your product. This dog thinks your cookies are uncommonly good, and I would like to know if there is a job opening for a taste tester because I think it is a job for which this dog is well suited. I know you are busy, but please answer as soon as possible.
Love, Demon Flash Bandit
(NOTE: It is always important in business letters so use the salutation, love. It makes the company know you appreciate them.)

This brings me to another point. I was watching Lord of the Rings, and I did not notice any of the elves in Lord of the Rings baking cookies. Don't they know what they are supposed to be doing? If you ask me, the whole reason there was a war was because there was a serious lack of cookies to eat. It is impossible to stay in a bad mood when there are delicious cookies to eat. Lord of the Rings also had a bunch of trees, but I didn't see any that were being used to bake cookies. Besides, I think it is easier to bake cookies if the tree isn't running around the countryside.
My theory is that the hollow trees that they use to make the cookies could be located in BurgerKingland. I know that is where I would want to live if I were a cookie baking elf.

Demon Flash Bandit (Looking for Cookies)