Ultimate Human Tease

I decided to go into the kitchen and cook myself some food. I opened the refrigerator (okay, that is one door I have not yet conquered so I stuck my nose in when the humans opened it). What looks tasty, I asked myself? Then I saw it just sitting there in a package....BACON!!!! What could be better than a package of bacon? Yeah, two packages of bacon would be better. I got out the bacon, and then I cooked it and just before I ate it, I hunted the human who was in this video called Ultimate Dog Tease, and I did the same thing to him that he did to that wonderful dog. Here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGeKSiCQkPw
Yes, the bacon tasted even more delicious after I did that!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Bacon)

Prehistoric Modern Art

After much searching, I have found prehistoric vomit in a cave in South America. I think this is the earliest version of "modern art" ever discovered. Clearly, this was a piece of art about a bird. Some ancient human thought of a bird, and that thought alone made him vomit. And then voila, ART! I don't think I could have made a better painting myself. Additionally Spot (one of my doggy art students) said the art piece was "yummy". Sadly, because of Spot, I can no longer share my discovery with the world-at least not until Spot has to take the Browns to the Superbowl. However, I will continue to try to "dig" up more ancient art to share with the humans. I think it is important for them to see what kind of art their human ancestors enjoyed.

Demon Flash Bandit (Professor of Dog Art)

Candy Corn: A Delicious Vegetable

My blog today is a public service to the humans to let them know that vegetables are good for you, and some of them are quite delicious. For example, yesterday I had some Easter pastel candy corns. These are delicious little sugar snacks that are both vegetables and candy. I know I could eat these veggies everyday, and never feel like I am eating health food. I know they have to be healthy because I've heard the nutritionists say that vegetables are healthy. This means that a dog (or human) can eat candy corn and be eating a nutritious and tasty item. I think they should be added to the dog food. I think dogs would eat their food better if it was chicken and candy corn flavor. Those little corns can make a dog enjoy their dinner! Remember, buy them and eat them with every meal. You'll be taking a step toward a healthier life!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Candy Corn)

Leprechaun Trap

Since tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day, I searched Youtube to find an interesting trap for leprechauns. I found a video which I am going to share with you now:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGZCGZiZXEo&feature=related
It seems appropriate that St. Patrick's Day would be the perfect day for catching a leprechaun because there will be more Irish music playing on that day, and I'm sure that will make them start dancing around. When the wee folk are dancing, they are less likely to be watching out for traps. As you can see, the main attraction is Lucky Charms cereal which makes sense because I've been watching the children try to get the leprechaun for his Lucky Charms cereal since I was a puppy. I can't blame the leprechauns. Most of the cereal brands are delicious-as long as they aren't the "healthy for you" type. I wonder how the humans can eat some of the healthy stuff. Why don't they just eat the box since it tastes better? Anyway, good luck catching one and getting that pot of gold.

Before I end this blog, I want to remind all my readers about my blog contest. The prize is a men's XLarge t-shirt featuring my photo. You will be automatically entered if you leave a comment on the blog or you can pawmail me at http://www.dogster.com/ (this is for all my dog pals on dogster who read my diary entries--I want them to be included). Be sure and leave comments and paw mails. The shirt has my photo on it so I know everyone will want to win it.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing Video for Leprechaun Trap)

Multi-Talented Cows

Today I am going to write about our good friend, the cow. It isn't that I know any cows personally, but I am a fan of ice cream, and ice cream comes from the milk they provide. Cows, for the most part, are a friendly group. They spend most of their lives hanging around a pasture eating grass. When an animal can turn grass into something as tasty as ice cream and cheese, a dog has to admire their talent. They are easy to chat with as long as you can master saying moo, and there are breeds of dogs that enjoy herding them wherever the farmer wants them to go. Yes, life would be a lot more boring without delicious ice cream that I enjoy every night so the next time you see a cow when you are out shopping or enjoying a night on the town, be sure and tell them how much you appreciate them. For those of you who doubt that you would see them "out on the town", here is a dancing cow video for you to enjoy.
http://www.cowdance.com/

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Ice Cream)

I'm the Cookie Bandit!

Earlier today I was in the mood for a cookie. When I say "cookie", I am talking about the cookies the humans eat, not dog biscuits. I am particularly fond of peanut butter cookies. Anyway, I have heard that there are Keebler elves who make cookies, and they bake those cookies in hollow trees. I thought this would be useful information since we have a lot of trees around here, and I could check to see which tree the elves are using for their cookie business. I could also get a couple of tasty cookies while I am there. I went outside and I checked every tree in the yard, and there were no elves in any of them. Unless the elves have some advanced technological force field that keeps a dog from seeing them, they weren't there. Besides, even if they could not be seen by a dog, it would be hard to keep a dog from smelling those delicious cookies. If you ask me, it is false advertising to tell a dog that the cookies are made in trees if the dog can't find the tree. Because I was so annoyed, I made sure I lifted my leg to every tree in the yard. The trees appreciate being watered, and just in case those elves are hiding, they deserve a shower. In the future, I will be checking every tree I see just to make sure that there are no elves hiding in the tree refusing to give a dog cookies!

Demon Flash Bandit (Call Me Cookie Bandit)

Here I Go Awaffling

I wrote about Walmart yesterday and the violence at some of the Black Friday sales. The customers at a Walmart in Arkansas got into a riot over some $2.00 waffle makers. Do the humans in Arkansas not know that they make frozen waffles which are popped into the toaster and ready in about a minute with no preparation and no clean up? It is almost like the humans want to work more. I am lucky to have intelligent humans who know how to do things properly. If they want waffles around here, they go to the freezer, pop them into the toaster, and put them on a disposable plate. Yes, there is a dishwasher in the kitchen, but using it would require loading and unloading and putting things away. To be fair, when my human was in better shape, she used to do stupid things like make her own stuff, but now she says she is questioning the wisdom of all the extra work she did in her youth in order to save money...like disposable plates are that expensive. I could have told her these things had I been around back then, but Mommy is a lot older than I am so she had to go with her own wisdom, and let's face it, compared to dogs, the humans are idiots! By the way, she has discovered when maple syrup rose in price that caramel sauce meant for ice cream makes a great topping for waffles. I'm pleased that she can figure some things out for herself. I like the caramel sauce too...but I'm also a fan of maple syrup. Both are delicious-even by themselves!

Demon Flash Bandit (Waffling)

No Longer Recommending Burger King

I have been enjoying Burger King burgers since I was a wee puppy, but today I have to report that I will no longer be barking their praises. Sure, the burgers are delicious, but Mommy had a problem with my order Friday (the employee was arguing with her about not being able to order a stacker without cheese and sauce). When Mommy finally called the corporate office to complain (and she isn't one who usually bothers to call the corporation), the corporation didn't do a very good job of customer service. If they treat a well known blogger who has been barking their praises for years like I don't matter (probably because I'm a dog), it is time to let my fellow dogs and their humans know that the company really doesn't care about its customers at all. I have never been paid or compensated for my many blogs involving BK nor for any company I write about, but I do it because if I like something, I tell my pals. From now on, I will be blogging about the other burger I happen to enjoy which is Subway's Angus burger. I know King Burger probably cares, but he is busy with royal business in his realm and he has hired humans to represent him, and they didn't do a good job of making this dog feel appreciated. Sure, the burgers are still good, and you can enjoy them if you want, but be aware that the company does not appreciate your business so don't expect them to be nice if they mess up. In fact, the guy on the phone told Mommy that an individual franchise can charge extra if you want something left off the burger. This is a stupid policy since that saves the restaurant money, and their whole slogan is "have it your way". I guess they should change the slogan to "have it our way because we don't care if you are happy or not". Anyway, a dog has to stand on his principles, and I would suggest that even the clown place is nicer to its customers when there is a mistake.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Is Annoyed at Burger King)

Delicious Candy Growing on from a Plant!

Since I was discussing fashion yesterday, it brought to mind the many fabrics available for use in the fashion industry. My personal favorite it cotton. This dog thinks cotton is the greatest of all the fabrics. It grows on a plant, and I have decided that I would like to get involved in picking it from the plant. I know there probably wouldn't be much left for making clothing after I'm done eating it. I'm not quite sure how the humans turn a tasty plant into clothing that does not taste good, but the humans are good at ruining good things. This is why I want to pick my own cotton candy. I will admit that I plan to eat all of it I pick and I won't be making any clothes from it, but cotton candy is delicious. All that sugary goodness growing right there on a plant. I'm surprised more humans don't grow it in their gardens, but I think they like to make themselves miserable eating things that they think are "good for them". I say if it tastes good, it is good for me.

Demon Flash Bandit (Candy is Better than Fashion)

Fortune Cookies: Uncanny accuracy

I happen to be a big fan of cookies--oatmeal, peanut butter, vanilla wafers, etc. The one cookie that I not only enjoy eating, but that also gives me words of wisdom is the fortune cookie. The fortune cookie is delicious, and when you break it open, there is a small piece of paper with a "fortune" on it. In this case, the fortune is not referring to an actual treasure, but it tells a dog what a dog needs to know. Normally, I would be cynical about its accuracy, but I have to tell you that, after eating quite a few fortune cookies, this dog has a great respect for their wisdom. Last week, my cookie said, "People enjoy having you around. Appreciate this." Of course, it is true--the humans do enjoy having me around, but despite its obvious accuracy, I realized that it could just be a coincidence. Then today I got another cookie and the fortune said, "You are admired for your adventurous ways." Here I am writing a blog entitled, Adventures of a Lead Dog, and the cookie talks about how adventurous I am. Who would have thought a cookie could know so much? Anyway, I am now a firm believer in fortune cookies. In fact, I am wondering why you see advertisements for psychic hotlines and no ads for fortune cookie hotlines. Now I am getting worried that, once the humans see how accurate they are, they will buy up all the fortune cookies so that there won't be any left for this dog--and in addition to being accurate, they are also delicious! I think perhaps I should head for the store now to buy up all the ones on the shelf before the humans realize how wonderful they are. I would love to write more, but an important adventure has just come up. Until tomorrow.....

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Fortune Cookies)