Checking the Financial Situation

I was wondering how the economy is doing so I decided to do some research and check some indexes for signs of how it is faring. First, I checked the Hair Index which covers how well beauty salons are doing. Then I checked the MUI (Men's Underwear Index) which Alan Greenspan favors, but I'm suspicious of that index because although men probably won't buy new underwear if money is tight; I suspect that most of the married men don't buy their own underwear anyway. I'm guessing their wives buy it for them. However, I don't think those are good economic indicators. I like to check the MI (Milkbone Index) because we dogs are so important to the humans that you know milkbone sales will show if there is really anything to worry about. If the humans cut back on the family dog, the economy is in trouble. Milkbones are made by DelMonte Foods, and I just checked over their financial report, and I think everything seems to be in order. Okay, I am assuming that everything is in order because it was a bunch of boring pages that a dog did not want to read. However, I like milkbone, and other dogs enjoy milkbones so I don't think it is out of the question to assume that the company that makes them is doing good. Therefore, according to the MI, things are okay. I'm glad I could put everyone's mind at ease over this subject.

Demon Flash Bandit (Milkbone Indicator)

Purpose of Stonehenge

It turns out that one of the humans thinks that he has the answer to why Stonehenge was built in Great Britain. He says it has to do with sound. Here is the article for those who want to read about it:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/16/stonehenge-inspired-by-sound-illusion_n_1283464.html?ref=science&icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl1%7Csec1_lnk2%26pLid%3D136505

This dog knows the real reason that Stonehenge was built. Many years ago, the humans got together and tried to come up with an idea to make life more interesting. Of course, they had to get some dogs to lead the meeting because everyone knows that dogs are the ones with the genius ideas--not the humans. The dogs suggested that they make a big park, but add some giant rocks. The rocks would make interesting scenery, and also be great to pee on. We dogs do get tired of peeing on trees. In addition, the stones, being big and unusual, would make a great tourist attraction, and bring added money into the local economy. Obviously, the dogs had a great idea because those rocks are still attracting tourists from all over the world. Without the rocks, Stonehenge would be just another field full of grass. For those of you who have been to Stonehenge in person, thank the next dog you see because, without dogs, there would be no Stonehenge.

Now that you have heard both sides, you can now make your decision on the real purpose of Stonehenge, and if you are intelligent, you will choose the dog's side of the story!

Demon Flash Bandit (Relating the Story of Stonehenge)

My Solution to All Economic Problems

I hope everyone had a nice New Year's Day. My humans had Arbys chicken sandwiches. Yeah, they really know how to live it up. Then I found out how to solve all financial problems and make sure that everyone in the world is prosperous. I overheard my Mommy telling my human brother Jeff that when she was growing up, her Mother always had ham on New Year's Day. Why did they have ham? Because if you eat ham on New Year's Day, you will live high off the hog all year. If you eat chicken, you will be scratching for a living. This made me wonder about my humans because they ate chicken sandwiches, but they were cordon bleu so that means they were chicken with ham. Do they cancel each other out and make it a moderately successful new year or do you count one or the other? You would think that, with this kind of knowledge available to Mommy, that she would not have taken such stupid chances with dinner yesterday. She also said that black eyed peas are supposed to be served for good luck. Of course, the humans didn't eat them either. I am not quite sure how peas who were unlucky enough to be given a black eye can be lucky, but perhaps even if they aren't lucky themselves, they have the power to give good luck to humans. Personally, I think eating Burger King on New Year's Day means that you will be living royally all year. Guess who had Burger King yesterday? Yes, it was me. I do love Burger King. This means that I will be King for the rest of the year. This dog does not take chances with ancient superstitions.



With the world economy not doing well, it would have been nice if I had known these dinner facts in advance. I could have told everyone to eat ham yesterday, and everyone would have had a prosperous new year. I called Bo Obama today to let him know how simple the solution to everybody's economic problems happens to be. I hope next year, we can make sure everyone has ham for dinner except for us dogs--we can eat Burger King.



Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing a Solution to World Economic Problems)

Appearance of Money Could be Improved!

Today I am going to discuss something the humans seem to think about a large amount of the time: MONEY. I like money. Even as a puppy, I observed that when you give the people at drive thru useless pieces of green paper, they give you burgers at Burger King and ice cream at the Diary Queen drive thru. I know it is silly. I would never give up a burger for a piece of paper, but these businesses are run by humans, and all of us dogs know how dumb they are. Mommy actually has a nine dollar bill that she ordered from Ebay awhile back and it is the only piece of green paper that I would accept if I were Burger King even though it clearly says it is non negotiable. Instead of having those silly looking old humans on it, it has a lovely Siberian husky on it instead. It even says "in dog we trust" which is a smart move if you ask me. This brings me to the important part of this blog. Why did the humans choose to put old men on the money when they could have put some adorable dogs on the money instead? I think that part of the reason people can't hold onto money is because looking at the faces of a bunch of old guys does not make a human want to save that money. However, with a cute face like mine, the humans would save their money because who would want to give up money with such a handsome face on it? I think the governments should re-think their position on how they make their money look. Now that I have solved the problem with the economy, it is time to take a nap.

By the way, I see the Pope is visiting the Queen of England. Did she not tell him she needs to come here to mow my yard? Queen Lady, I know you want to come and mow my yard.....I think you should tell him to get in his Popemobile and come back later--you have mowing to do.

Demon Flash Bandit (Solving Economic Problems for the Humans)