Let's Watch the Bacon Show!

Imagine my happiness when I found a video of a cool new machine that uses 3D technology to cut bacon into perfect strips. It isn't that I really care what shape my bacon is--it could be star shaped for all I care as long as it is bacon, I will eat it. However, the thing I like about the video is that I can watch a huge slab of bacon being cut into smaller pieces. Personally, I could skip slicing it and just go for the huge slab, but I do enjoy watching bacon. I'm surprised bacon has not been offered its own television show. I know all us dogs would tune in, and it has to be better than Jersey Shore or Teen Mom, or any of the other stupid reality shows that the networks are running. There are a couple that I enjoy (like Pawn Stars), but I have yet to see any interesting dog related items being brought in to sell. The things the humans think are valuable is beyond me....if I were running a pawn shop, I would be looking for dog toys and bones. I could care less about the art and other assorted garbage the humans bring in there. But I need to get back to the subject, and that subject is bacon, bacon, and more bacon. If I were a network executive, I would sign that slab of bacon up for its own show. Of course, if the network executives knew what they were doing, there would be a Demon Flash Bandit Show. Anyway, here is the link for those of you who want to watch the only bacon show on television at the moment.
http://now.msn.com/money/0616-bacon-machine.aspx

Write the networks and tell them you want bacon to have its own show that you would most definitely watch. While you are writing, be sure and tell them to sign me up for my own show too. I might even let Angel Zoom Smokey make a guest appearance if she is good, and does what I tell her to do. By the way, my dogster diary today discusses a topic that is important to every dog whose human bathes them: a kid in Texas was given a forced bath, and his parents are suing the school system. My diary is on http://www.dogster.com/ I have a page on there with my diary that I write about as often as I write this blog. I do think this diary is a must-read for dogs! I hope everyone is having a nice--bath free weekend!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Wants to Watch the Bacon Show)

Center for Disease Control on Zombie Attacks

Today I am writing about a subject that has been in the news several times recently. That subject is zombie attacks. According to the Center for Disease Control, there is no virus or any other kind of thing that would cause humans to become zombies, but this dog is wondering if they are trying to cover up a major zombie attack. There are just so many stories of humans eating other humans. It isn't like food is in short supply where the attacks occur. There are supermarkets and restaurants which serve much better tasting foods. I can only hope that, if they are covering up zombie attacks, that dogs won't become some zombie's dinner. So far, the reports are only including humans, and I have not read one case of a zombie attacking a dog or of a dog becoming a zombie so this dog can rest easier knowing that those stupid zombies aren't after me. Here is the link to read about all the zombie attacks:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/01/cdc-denies-zombies-existence_n_1562141.html

For those of the human persuasion reading this, I would be extra careful for the next couple of weeks.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Zombies)

Stupid Policeman In Austin, Texas Kills dog at Wrong Address

Today I am writing about a subject that has made me very angry. In Austin, Texas, a dog was shot by a policeman who was responding to a domestic violence call at the wrong address. The dog was minding his own business and when the policeman came up, the dog barked at him.....if anyone knows anything about dogs, that is what we do. In this case, the policeman shouldn't have been there in the first place...as I have pointed out, he was at the wrong address. I think this policeman should be fired and possibly have animal cruelty charges brought against him. Even if he knew nothing about dogs, and was afraid the dog was going to bite him; there are other ways to deal with it. He did not have to shoot and kill the dog! I have a solution to this problem that would work great in Texas. Since Texas has more guns that people, I say arm the dogs and teach them to shoot. The next time some idiot policeman comes to the wrong address and threatens to kill a dog; the dog can shoot first and ask questions later...just like the policeman did in this case. There have been way too many cases of policemen killing dogs in recent months, and I think this is ridiculous. If a policeman can't even deal with a dog, how are they supposed to deal with criminals whose behavior tends to be a lot worse than that of dogs? Most dogs don't attack unless they are protecting their home and loved ones. When did the police forces start hiring such idiots? I know some intelligent policemen, and these idiots make them all look bad which I think is wrong because humans and dogs should like the police and trust them---not wonder if they have enough sense to come in out of the rain. Here is a link to the article:


http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/04/17/11250094-officer-shoots-mans-dog-after-911-caller-gives-wrong-address?lite





Demon Flash Bandit (Writing About Stupid Policeman in Texas)

Pet Tax Deductions

Several days ago I wrote about possibly winning the mega millions lottery which I did buy a ticket for and did not win. Who would have expected that outcome? Anyway, I was writing about how I should not have to pay taxes on a winning lottery number since I'm a dog and a dog does not qualify for government benefits nor can we be declared as dependents on our humans taxes. (This is for the United States-other countries might be more progressive with dogs). Today I did see that congress is considering allowing the humans to declare the money they spend on their pets as tax deductions. I doubt that it will pass, but I think it is time for the humans and all us dogs to start a letter writing campaign. I bet the politicians haven't stopped to think that many dogs don't bother to vote so I think the humans had better step back and let us dogs be heard. Then maybe they would get our votes. There are dogs running cities, and I'm thinking about running for President. If you ask me, we dogs couldn't do any worse running things than the humans anyway. Here is more information on the subject:
http://money.msn.com/tax-tips/post.aspx?post=5cf66966-07f6-4eae-bf0f-09bceeb94824

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Wants to be a Tax Deduction)

Checking the Financial Situation

I was wondering how the economy is doing so I decided to do some research and check some indexes for signs of how it is faring. First, I checked the Hair Index which covers how well beauty salons are doing. Then I checked the MUI (Men's Underwear Index) which Alan Greenspan favors, but I'm suspicious of that index because although men probably won't buy new underwear if money is tight; I suspect that most of the married men don't buy their own underwear anyway. I'm guessing their wives buy it for them. However, I don't think those are good economic indicators. I like to check the MI (Milkbone Index) because we dogs are so important to the humans that you know milkbone sales will show if there is really anything to worry about. If the humans cut back on the family dog, the economy is in trouble. Milkbones are made by DelMonte Foods, and I just checked over their financial report, and I think everything seems to be in order. Okay, I am assuming that everything is in order because it was a bunch of boring pages that a dog did not want to read. However, I like milkbone, and other dogs enjoy milkbones so I don't think it is out of the question to assume that the company that makes them is doing good. Therefore, according to the MI, things are okay. I'm glad I could put everyone's mind at ease over this subject.

Demon Flash Bandit (Milkbone Indicator)

Scientific Study

I have decided to ask for a government grant to study the behavior of drunk humans versus drunk monkeys. I was watching some drunk humans throw their poop at each other and I wondered if drunk monkeys stop throwing their poop at each other. Okay, I haven't actually seen the humans do that when they are drunk. I have observed drunken humans in parking lots while I'm waiting on my humans and they get really silly. I know that the dogs reading this are thinking, but aren't humans always stupid? Yes, that is true, but they get even dumber when they are drunk. In fact, you would think that they wouldn't get drunk considering how stupid they get, but they are so stupid, they continue to get drunk anyway! Then I started thinking--what if monkeys get classier when they are drunk. I think 10 million dollars to study this would be enough. Once my "findings" are published, then maybe the humans will quit drinking so much. I do want to say up front, that 5 million will be used to purchase dingo bones because they help me think, and I am going to need all my brain power to do this study. I'm not just doing it go get 5 million dollars for dingo bones. I am really concerned about this subject, and it is of vital importance to everyone on the planet. Besides, wouldn't it be cool to see a monkey in a tuxedo? You just have to pray that the other monkeys don't sober up and start throwing poop at him. An interesting documentary has been done on this subject already--Planet of the Apes, but it was not done as well as my study will be done--it is done by humans. It would not surprise me if the humans doing the documentary blew things up---I would hate to see the Statue of Liberty blown up.

Demon Flash Bandit (Ready to do a Scientific Study)