I Like to Keep My Fur On!

I have received another letter from my pal, the Queen Lady (Queen Elizabeth II) asking for my advice on the latest scandal involving the publishing of photos of Kate topless. For those don't know what topless means, that means that she doesn't have any shirt on--not that she is bald. I know the word can be confusing which is why my readers can always turn to a dog to explain it to them. Personally, I don't care anything about the photos, but a lot of the humans will want to see them. My advice for the royal family in the future is "don't sunbathe topless" if you don't want photos to be published. You would think that after all these years in the public eye, that the royals would know that by now that photographers love to take photos like that of celebrities. Sure, it is a shame that they can't have privacy, but it is part of the price of being a celebrity. This is why this dog does not sunbathe topless. The photographers would love to get my photo since I am such a celebrity dog blogger. However, I have enough sense to keep my fur on. I hope the royals take my advice because it seems like it is becoming an everyday thing for photos of them naked to be published, and I am getting tired of hearing about it. I hope the Queen Lady can get her grandchildren to learn to wear their clothes. At least there aren't any naked scandals involving the royal dogs. This is because we dogs are smart enough to keep our fur on!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With Fur)

Intellectual Reading: Captain Underpants

I've been doing some reading, and I'm sure my readers are anxious to know what an intellectual dog like myself likes to read. I am currently reading the Captain Underpants book series. I discovered this series of books a few years ago, and although the books are a bit too intellectual for the humans, I find them just right for us dogs. It would not surprise me if the books were written by a dog, but I'm not sure--a human might have written them. Sometimes dogs do give themselves human pseudo names when they write and publish books. You would be surprised how many humans don't like to give a dog credit for an intellectual work. I recommend this series of books to all the dogs who are reading this blog, and just for fun, here is a Capt. Underpants video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJPYqAwzixw

Demon Flash Bandit (Intellectual Dog)

Scientific Study

I have decided to ask for a government grant to study the behavior of drunk humans versus drunk monkeys. I was watching some drunk humans throw their poop at each other and I wondered if drunk monkeys stop throwing their poop at each other. Okay, I haven't actually seen the humans do that when they are drunk. I have observed drunken humans in parking lots while I'm waiting on my humans and they get really silly. I know that the dogs reading this are thinking, but aren't humans always stupid? Yes, that is true, but they get even dumber when they are drunk. In fact, you would think that they wouldn't get drunk considering how stupid they get, but they are so stupid, they continue to get drunk anyway! Then I started thinking--what if monkeys get classier when they are drunk. I think 10 million dollars to study this would be enough. Once my "findings" are published, then maybe the humans will quit drinking so much. I do want to say up front, that 5 million will be used to purchase dingo bones because they help me think, and I am going to need all my brain power to do this study. I'm not just doing it go get 5 million dollars for dingo bones. I am really concerned about this subject, and it is of vital importance to everyone on the planet. Besides, wouldn't it be cool to see a monkey in a tuxedo? You just have to pray that the other monkeys don't sober up and start throwing poop at him. An interesting documentary has been done on this subject already--Planet of the Apes, but it was not done as well as my study will be done--it is done by humans. It would not surprise me if the humans doing the documentary blew things up---I would hate to see the Statue of Liberty blown up.

Demon Flash Bandit (Ready to do a Scientific Study)