I Like to Keep My Fur On!

I have received another letter from my pal, the Queen Lady (Queen Elizabeth II) asking for my advice on the latest scandal involving the publishing of photos of Kate topless. For those don't know what topless means, that means that she doesn't have any shirt on--not that she is bald. I know the word can be confusing which is why my readers can always turn to a dog to explain it to them. Personally, I don't care anything about the photos, but a lot of the humans will want to see them. My advice for the royal family in the future is "don't sunbathe topless" if you don't want photos to be published. You would think that after all these years in the public eye, that the royals would know that by now that photographers love to take photos like that of celebrities. Sure, it is a shame that they can't have privacy, but it is part of the price of being a celebrity. This is why this dog does not sunbathe topless. The photographers would love to get my photo since I am such a celebrity dog blogger. However, I have enough sense to keep my fur on. I hope the royals take my advice because it seems like it is becoming an everyday thing for photos of them naked to be published, and I am getting tired of hearing about it. I hope the Queen Lady can get her grandchildren to learn to wear their clothes. At least there aren't any naked scandals involving the royal dogs. This is because we dogs are smart enough to keep our fur on!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With Fur)

Dinner With the Royals,and Kate Wearing a Napkin Hat

Last week I was invited to have dinner with the royal family in Great Britain, and I know that my readers will want to know how it really is to have dinner with the royal family so I am using this blog to share the experience with all of you. I hope this will make all of you feel like you are vicariously enjoying a royal dinner. To make it easier to read, I will put it in script form.

INSIDE THE CASTLE DINING ROOM....DINNER TIME....THE MENU......COWHEART BURGERS...

Queen Lady: I do hope the food is up to everyone's culinary taste.
Prince Charles: Yes, Mom, the cow heart burgers are extra tasty today.
Queen Lady: That is because I ordered them from extra contented cows.
Prince Charles: Bravo, Mom....once again.... a culinary masterpiece. I do hope we have fruitcake for dessert.
Queen Lady: Why of course, we are having fruit cake for dessert. This is a royal meal, is it not?
KATE IS PUTTING A NAPKIN ON HER HEAD
Queen Lady: Kate, must you always experiment with dinner as a hat. You know that the ketchup you tried last week didn't work out, and when you tried to use the tablecloth, you knocked everything off the table. I told you that your next fashion item will be to make a dress out of that burlap bag I told the servants to leave in your room. We just bought stock in a burlap company, and we need to sell a lot of burlap.
Kate: Can't I ever have any fun? Can I at least try the plate as a hat?
Prince Charles: I love your hat choices, and I know you like to try new things, but you really should sit back and eat your cow burger like the rest of us.
Queen Lady: Demon Flash Bandit, what do you think of the napkin as a hat?
Demon Flash Bandit: I think she should use the cow burger as a hat then at least I wouldn't have to eat mine. Of course, I'm not going to eat it anyway.
Queen Lady: Did we serve something stupid again Demon Flash Bandit?
Demon Flash Bandit: Yes, you did. Don't you know how to order good food?
Queen Lady: What is good food?

That was my dinner with the royal family. Yes, truly a riveting occasion. There was actually a person in the corner of the room putting rivets in something. After reading this, I'm sure that most of you will realize that eating dinner with the royal family is not a fun event. I think their menu would be improved if they served dog food.

Demon Flash Bandit (Covering the Royal Dinner)

Perfect Hat for Duchess Kate

I have written several times in the past about Duchess Kate's fascination with what I think are very silly looking hats. I might add that this is hard for me to understand because I really don't enjoy wearing hats. I will wear them on occasion when the humans want to take a photo and I happen to be in a particularly obliging mood, but for the most part, I do not wear hats. However, I have done some research and I have found the perfect hat for Kate to wear anywhere and everywhere. That hat is available on the Internet, and Kate can order one and get next day delivery which I think she can afford to pay extra for in order to get this cool hat and start wearing it as soon as possible. This is the web address:
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=beer+hats&x=12&y=15 As you can see, she can order several in different colors so she will have hats to go with any color outfit she chooses to wear. This hat is not only fashionable, but practical as well which is something that can't be said for a lot of hats. Let's say that it is a hot day and Kate is thirsty. Does she have to find someone to give her a drink? No, she does not-she merely sticks the hat's straw in her mouth, and she is no longer thirsty. I'm surprised more humans aren't wearing these delightfully practical hats. I wouldn't mind having one myself, but mine would have Bowser beer. Bowser beer is beer made for dogs. I hope that Kate will order herself one of these cool hats today. She continues to look silly when she chooses the hats she likes. She needs a dog like me to tell her how to dress properly!

Demon Flash Bandit (Fashion Consultant to Royalty)