Today I am going to discuss my tail, and in the process, I am going to discuss why all dogs have tails. I have heard many of the humans say that my tail is gorgeous, and I can't argue with them when they are so obviously right. It is furry, and it curls, and I know it is adorable. Because we dogs have such gorgeous tails, the humans tend to be jealous because they don't have tails. Why don't humans have tails? Obviously, they are an inferior species so they don't have tails. It is just that simple. This is why the humans suffer from what we dogs call "tail envy". Yes, the humans see our beautiful tails and wish they could have one too. This is the reason that they come up with reasons for us to have tails. I will share a link from a website that actually tells the humans why a dog has a tail. I have already told you the real reason we have a tail: we are a superior species to the humans so the website is silly! Here is the link I mentioned:
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_do_dogs_have_tails
I've got to go now. I've got to wag my tail for the humans--they love watching me!
Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With Gorgeous Tail!)
Showing posts with label tail. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tail. Show all posts
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Dr. Doghouse: New Television Program
I am very excited to talk about a new show that is going to be premiering on television soon. It is about a veterinarian diagnostician named Dr. Doghouse. I have gotten permission to share one of the upcoming episodes with my readers:
In this episode, a dog is admitted to the veterinary hospital. The dog's tail won't wag which, as all dogs know, is a serious medical condition. If a tail doesn't wag, how can a dog wag his tail? The dog is met by a team of veterinarians who work for Dr. Doghouse because Dr. Doghouse does not personally see patients. Dr. Doghouse only took the case because it is interesting. Hospitals do not treat patients unless the condition is interesting. Dr. Doghouse finally comes by to see the patient in this situation because he is so intrigued by the symptoms. He sniffs the dog's butt, and checks over the tests, and finds that the dog has lazytailitis. He fixes the problem and the dog goes home feeling good and wagging his tail.
I don't know about the rest of you, but this program should be a big hit among the humans!
Demon Flash Bandit (Writing About Dr. Doghouse)
In this episode, a dog is admitted to the veterinary hospital. The dog's tail won't wag which, as all dogs know, is a serious medical condition. If a tail doesn't wag, how can a dog wag his tail? The dog is met by a team of veterinarians who work for Dr. Doghouse because Dr. Doghouse does not personally see patients. Dr. Doghouse only took the case because it is interesting. Hospitals do not treat patients unless the condition is interesting. Dr. Doghouse finally comes by to see the patient in this situation because he is so intrigued by the symptoms. He sniffs the dog's butt, and checks over the tests, and finds that the dog has lazytailitis. He fixes the problem and the dog goes home feeling good and wagging his tail.
I don't know about the rest of you, but this program should be a big hit among the humans!
Demon Flash Bandit (Writing About Dr. Doghouse)
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Corporate Zombies Spotted on Wall Street!!!!
Recently I wrote a blog about zombie insurance that is available for purchase. I'm sure some of my readers laughed it off and assumed that there is no need for zombie insurance. However, I am going to share a news item about zombies:
http://www.inquisitr.com/147232/occupy-wall-street-goes-zombie-today/
You don't have to thank me for telling you about the zombie insurance in advance, but in the future, my readers need to learn to pay closer attention to what I say. I wrote about zombies, but even I did not expect to see corporate zombies although, to be fair, that is what most corporations are all about--zombie employees. If employees thought for themselves, many of them would quit their low paying jobs and start their own corporations. Then they would need to hire zombies so I guess it is one of those vicious cycles that never ends unless a dog is running things! Don't even ask me why us dogs aren't in charge. I have been wondering about that since I was a puppy. Just look at the humans. They aren't even smart enough to realize that walking on your two back legs makes you more likely to fall---yet they are in charge. I don't know about you, but it scares the tail off of me. Fortunately, I do still have my tail, but I've seen dogs that have been so terrified of the humans running things that they literally do not have tails. Their tails are docked, which means their tails took off in terror.
If you weren't wise enough to heed the advice of Demon Flash Bandit, and you failed to get zombie insurance, I suggest you get some before the zombies make it to your city. I suspect the zombie insurance company never thought they would have to actually pay out any claims so get it while you still can!
Demon Flash Bandit (Corporate Zombies on Wall Street)
http://www.inquisitr.com/147232/occupy-wall-street-goes-zombie-today/
You don't have to thank me for telling you about the zombie insurance in advance, but in the future, my readers need to learn to pay closer attention to what I say. I wrote about zombies, but even I did not expect to see corporate zombies although, to be fair, that is what most corporations are all about--zombie employees. If employees thought for themselves, many of them would quit their low paying jobs and start their own corporations. Then they would need to hire zombies so I guess it is one of those vicious cycles that never ends unless a dog is running things! Don't even ask me why us dogs aren't in charge. I have been wondering about that since I was a puppy. Just look at the humans. They aren't even smart enough to realize that walking on your two back legs makes you more likely to fall---yet they are in charge. I don't know about you, but it scares the tail off of me. Fortunately, I do still have my tail, but I've seen dogs that have been so terrified of the humans running things that they literally do not have tails. Their tails are docked, which means their tails took off in terror.
If you weren't wise enough to heed the advice of Demon Flash Bandit, and you failed to get zombie insurance, I suggest you get some before the zombies make it to your city. I suspect the zombie insurance company never thought they would have to actually pay out any claims so get it while you still can!
Demon Flash Bandit (Corporate Zombies on Wall Street)
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Mr. Ed Would Get His Own Bacon Treats
Happy Anniversary to Mr. Ed, the horse that entertained the humans every week for many seasons. For those who want to read more about Mr. Ed, here is the web address discussing his 50th anniversary:
http://www.aoltv.com/2011/09/29/mister-ed-50th-anniversary-tv-animal-quotes/?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl2%7Csec1_lnk3%7C100576
Since many famous animals were asked to talk about Mr. Ed, I am wondering why I was not asked since I am Demon Flash Bandit, the world famous blogging dog. I like Mr. Ed. I have watched his program, and he is a very cool horse. I think picking up the phone and playing pranks on Wilbur and ordering special stuff for himself shows that he was a true genius. I think animals everywhere can learn from his example.
I woke Mommy early this morning crying. She asked me why I was crying. She thought she would be funny so she asked me if I had lost my tail. My tail was not lost--and it is beautiful. Then she asked me if I was hungry. I said, "eat". She said she would get me something later when she got up. When she got up a couple of hours later, I was asleep using a bag of bacon treats I had gotten from the kitchen as a pillow. I like to think that Mr. Ed would do the same thing if he were a dog. Sometimes a dog has to take matters into his own paws.
Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Mr. Ed)
http://www.aoltv.com/2011/09/29/mister-ed-50th-anniversary-tv-animal-quotes/?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl2%7Csec1_lnk3%7C100576
Since many famous animals were asked to talk about Mr. Ed, I am wondering why I was not asked since I am Demon Flash Bandit, the world famous blogging dog. I like Mr. Ed. I have watched his program, and he is a very cool horse. I think picking up the phone and playing pranks on Wilbur and ordering special stuff for himself shows that he was a true genius. I think animals everywhere can learn from his example.
I woke Mommy early this morning crying. She asked me why I was crying. She thought she would be funny so she asked me if I had lost my tail. My tail was not lost--and it is beautiful. Then she asked me if I was hungry. I said, "eat". She said she would get me something later when she got up. When she got up a couple of hours later, I was asleep using a bag of bacon treats I had gotten from the kitchen as a pillow. I like to think that Mr. Ed would do the same thing if he were a dog. Sometimes a dog has to take matters into his own paws.
Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Mr. Ed)
Friday, July 22, 2011
Happy 75th Birthday to the Weinermobile!
Milo Kunis has admitted to having a butt double in her latest acting job. This is why I feel it is so important for me to let everyone know that when you see Demon Flash Bandit's butt, that is my actual butt. I know my readers might be wondering since I have a stunt double, Phantom Fast Snowman. I only use him for important stunts like wearing doggy clothing. If you see a doggy butt and the dog is wearing clothing, it would be Phantom, but if the dog is wearing only his fur, then it is me....all me. I might add that I don't like to brag, but I think my curly tail is adorable!
I've received many compliments on it from the humans, and it is nice to know that my beautiful butt is appreciated. I would never wear clothing over my butt because it is just too adorable!
Now that I've put your mind at ease about the butt stunt double, it is time to move onto a more important suject. Happy 75th Birthday to the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile!!!!! I have blogged about the weinermobile in previous blogs, and it is one super cool car. A human is being given credit for coming up with the idea of the weinermobile, but I'm not believing it. The weinermobile had to be the brilliant idea of a dog. I've got to go now. I am working on plans for a new car--a hamburgermobile for McDonalds.
Demon Flash Bandit (Weinermobile is a Cool Car)
I've received many compliments on it from the humans, and it is nice to know that my beautiful butt is appreciated. I would never wear clothing over my butt because it is just too adorable!
Now that I've put your mind at ease about the butt stunt double, it is time to move onto a more important suject. Happy 75th Birthday to the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile!!!!! I have blogged about the weinermobile in previous blogs, and it is one super cool car. A human is being given credit for coming up with the idea of the weinermobile, but I'm not believing it. The weinermobile had to be the brilliant idea of a dog. I've got to go now. I am working on plans for a new car--a hamburgermobile for McDonalds.
Demon Flash Bandit (Weinermobile is a Cool Car)
Friday, April 8, 2011
I Need Insurance
Last night I was staring at my tail, and I realized that I have a beautiful tail. It is long and furry, and it wags when I want it to. I wondered what would happen if some unfortunate accident caused me to lose my tail. This is why I got up early this morning and placed a call to Lloyd's of London to check into an insurance policy for my tail. While I was on the phone, I decided to insure my klondike bar too. I won't go into what my klondike bar happens to be, but I bet you get the idea. I think I would more upset if I lost it than if I lost my tail. It also makes me laugh every time I hear the commercial, "What would you do for a klondike bar?". I would insure my beautiful blue eyes, but I have never heard of eyes changing color unless it a human who has to use drops for glaucoma. I decided to insure both the tail and the klondike bar for 1 million dollars. Sure, they are worth more, but you do have to pay the premiums, and the premiums go up the higher the insured value. I haven't bothered to get life insurance because I am irreplaceable. Besides, it isn't like I would be around to buy dingo bones with the money anyway. Speaking of dingo bones, Mommy bought Angel Zoom Smokey and myself some small chicken flavored dingo bones, but they aren't as good as the regular larger dingo bones with the meat inside. Those bones are heavenly. I have tried the new stackers burgers from Burger King, and I want to let everyone know that the bacon makes the burgers a lot better. Angel Zoom Smokey and myself both LOVE bacon. I don't think Burger King could make a better burger unless they made a bacon burger with bacon on it. I saw on the news today that 46% of Republicans polled in Mississippi think interracial marriage should be illegal. As a dog who is both black and white, I think these humans are silly. I think some of the dogs with varying colors are some of the prettiest dogs there are. You would think the humans would realize that. I suppose I have the attitude that you should allow other dogs to live their own lives and mind your own business. I have noticed that the humans who are always trying to tell everyone else what to do are usually the ones who have the most self created problems. I can only assume that is because they are too busy trying to live other people's lives instead of living their own. I hope all my readers have a good weekend, and be sure and stop by my human brother's site, www.silverscreenhub.com He puts a lot of work into the site, and he has had the good taste to give me my own movie review page. Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Needs Insurance)
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Why Does a Dog Have to Get up so Early?
The human woke me to write this blog, and I'm not even sure if the sun is out yet. Does she realize it is only 12:30 pm? No wonder I need naps throughout the day when I'm awakened so early to write my blog. Do the humans have nothing better to do than wake a dog? Next they will be expecting a husky to pull a human around in a sled. Don't the humans here realize this dog has better things to do? I have decided to get a college degree in napping so I am trying to do my homework! You would think they would appreciate a dog trying to improve himself.
Speaking of improvement, my human was watching the first season of Caprica. If you ask my opinion, the show might not have been cancelled if they had been "inventing" a robot dog instead of a robot "human". How do they expect to get the audience to watch if there aren't enough dogs on the show. I do applaud them having a dog on the show, but the dog should have been the star instead of having such a small part.
I spent some time yesterday admiring my tail, which happens to be lovely. We huskies do have pretty tails. I bet the humans are jealous that they don't have tails like us dogs. I better stop mentioning it since, if there are humans reading this, I would hate to make them feel bad about not having a tail.
Now that I have written some stuff, I can get back to my nap. Pleasant dreams everyone.
Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Enjoys a Good Nap)
Speaking of improvement, my human was watching the first season of Caprica. If you ask my opinion, the show might not have been cancelled if they had been "inventing" a robot dog instead of a robot "human". How do they expect to get the audience to watch if there aren't enough dogs on the show. I do applaud them having a dog on the show, but the dog should have been the star instead of having such a small part.
I spent some time yesterday admiring my tail, which happens to be lovely. We huskies do have pretty tails. I bet the humans are jealous that they don't have tails like us dogs. I better stop mentioning it since, if there are humans reading this, I would hate to make them feel bad about not having a tail.
Now that I have written some stuff, I can get back to my nap. Pleasant dreams everyone.
Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Enjoys a Good Nap)
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