Court Planet Television

When the moon hits your eye Like a big-a pizza pie That's amore. This is the start of a song, but this song makes no sense to this dog so I am re-writing it in a more up-dated fashion. When the moon hits your eye like a big-a pizza pie, that's a lawsuit. This brings me to my point for today. When did the mooon start assaulting people and who does one sue when it happens? In this case, do you sue the moon itself which seems useless since the moon has no money. Do you sue the man in the moon since he must be in control? Do you sue the pizzaria for allowing them to hit you with a pizza--or is the whole pizza thing figurative? Do you sue in court here on Earth or is there some court planet where you can take the case. Can you watch it on television like the court shows? I can just see it now.....Judge Yakayak from the planet Zeldoid is the judge for today's case which will be heard right after this message from our sponsor....Moon Mist from the nice humans at Faygo. It tastes like mists from the moon. Then of course, someone will be writing a newspaper article asking which moon they are talking about since there are moons on other planets. Wait...the commercial is over...Judge Yahayak is speaking. Hello space people, the case today is about the Moon hitting an Earth person in the eye. The first witness is....Mr. Pepperoni Pizza. Swear him in....Mr. Pizza swears on some moon rocks that he will tell the truth, the entire truth, and nothing but the best ingredients truth. The trial is then interrupted by a riot in which the hungry people in court decide to eat Mr. Pizza. The case is dismissed due to lack of witnesses, and the moon got by with hitting the Earthling in the eye. The whole purpose of this blog is to warn my readers....if the moon starts heading for you, you had better move out of the way. No one wants to get hit in the eye like a big pizza pie. I know....I sent out a survey, and only 10% like to be hit in the eye like that. The other 90% want the moon to mind its own business.

Demon Flash Bandit (Warning About the Moon)

Leonardo Dicaprio Breaks up With Girlfriend

Perhaps you saw the story about Leonardo Dicaprio breaking up with his super model girlfriend, Bar Refaeli. The media didn't tell the entire story of how it happened, but as usual, you can get the whole story from my blog. I have to admit that I am responsible for their breakup. I was visiting Leo at his home. I might add that Leo is not green and has outgrown that awkward mutant turtle stage nicely. Leo and I were having a great time together. He had arranged to have his assistant pick up some whoppers from Burger King for us to eat. They were delicious and we were chowing down on our tasty meal when the telephone rang. It was his girlfriend. Since Leo was in the magnificent presence of Demon Flash Bandit, and we were eating whoppers, he should have let it go to voice mail. Instead, he proceeded to take the call. As you can imagine, I was outraged because this interrupted my dinner.

This is when I realized that I needed to break up this couple for Leo's own good. This was easier to accomplish than you might think. I showed him a photo of Angel Zoom Smokey. she is one "smokin' hot" girl husky, thus the name Smokey. I arranged a meeting between the two and the rest is history. The next time Leo and I share a whopper, there will be no interruptions. I do feel sorry for Bar Rafaeli. When compared to a dog, she is always going to lose.

Demon Flash Bandit (The Truth Behind the News)

Demon Flash Bandit With Kung Fu Grip

There was no blog yesterday because my human took the day off-without my permission. I don't know why the humans get some of these weird ideas in their heads about getting days off when a dog has not authorized an off day. I should start paying my human so I can fire her, but on the other paw, then who would type my blog? When I get money, I buy dingo bones and Burger King. I don't want to pay for typing.

My humans went to see a movie yesterday. They saw True Grit. There used to be a newspaper named Grit which is now a magazine. It has been in print for a long time so I bet it is about its early years because I noticed in its trailer that the humans were dressed in very old fashioned clothing which made it look like a western. My humans said it is an excellent movie. Mommy said it is better than the original movie, which starred John Wayne. John Wayne was a very popular actor in the past, but this dog has noticed that he always played the same basic character so, realistically, he probably was not a great actor, but he was smart enough to pick roles that suited him.

The humans ate at Cracker Barrel, and Mommy had chicken and dumplings. Angel, who happens to love chicken told me she knew what they had for dinner because she could smell the chicken on their breath. She was not pleased that the humans had chicken, and they didn't bring home a dinner for her. I told her that it was okay because the chicken is the important thing--we dogs can live without the stupid vegetables.

Jeff bought an Avatar action figure, and I took off with it. I don't usually care about Jeff's toys, but this one was interesting. I did not want to give it up. Jeff is 25 years old and I am 7 years old so I fail to see why he should want a toy when a dog of my age doesn't get it. I think I have outgrown the plush squeaky puppy toys and I'm ready to play with big dog toys. I think Mommy is going to buy me one the next time she goes to the store which I hope is soon. I told her that I would like a GI Husky action figure with kung fu grip. It would be cool to have a dog who can beat up annoying humans with one paw. The next time I read about a dog who has been abused, I could use my action figure's kung fu grip to go after the offending human. It would be nice to go after Michael Vick. He deserves to be smacked with a kung fu grip after the dog fighting in which he was involved.

I hope that I will get to see True Grit soon. Why should a dog always have to wait for the blu rays and dvd release?

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Wants Kung Fu Grip)