Frosted Bones are Delicious!

Today is Angel Zoom Smokey's birthday which is nice for me since the humans give me the same gifts they give her so that both of us will be happy. I must admit that I think this shows intelligence on the part of my humans since many of the humans don't have that kind of dog sense. Angel and I have already received a big birthday frosted bone which was quite tasty. My brother had to be at work at the undogly hour of noon today so the humans woke us early. I don't think a dog should have to wake up before noon so this is why, as a dog, I think the humans must be stupid to work. If he didn't work, all of us could have slept later. I suspect that Angel and I are going to get some new dingo treats today in addition to the toys we will get later today. I might add that I endorse the new chewy bones that Dingo has brought to the market. I had some mega meat chewy bones a couple of days ago and they were delicious. I hope my readers are enjoying a nice weekend.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Likes Frosted Bones)

Dogs: Better Than Humans!

I saw on the Internet today that Kim Kardashian is being replaced in a Sketchers commercial by a dog. Evidently, someone at an advertising agency has been reading my blogs about how dogs are much better in movies than the humans, and they were smart enough to listen! I don't know who this Kim Kardsahian is, but as I understand it, she stars in some reality show. I don't like reality shows so I have never watched her show. From the headlines that she gets on the Internet, I don't think I am missing anything because I am not impressed. I am impressed that a company would have the intelligence to hire a dog in their commercials. I just hope they don't make the dog wear shoes. I hate shoes!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs--Better Than Humans)

Ancient Egyptian Dog Diary!

I went to a garage sale because everyone knows that is where you go to find antiquities. I found a real treasure because I found a diary written by an ancient Egyptian dog, Gahiji. I am going to share an entry with you now:

Gahiji:
Things are going well today. My human, Habibah is at work today. Habibah is one of the men who builds the pyramids. He should have listened to his mother, and he could have gotten a better job, but he doesn't mind working at the pyramid. I am worried that he will lose his job. He keeps writing graffiti hieroglyphs on the pyramid walls, like "the Pharaoh needs to get a life", and "Where is my mummy?". Yeah, I know his humor is silly, but Habibah is a human so he does not have the class and intelligence of a dog. I just hope the Pharaoh doesn't catch him doing it because I'm fond of eating, and Habibah's job keeps me fed.
Gahiji (Ancient Egyptian Dog)

I am so fortunate to find such a treasure for my antiquities collection. It is a shame that I can't meet Gahiji in dogson. I bet he was a fun dog to hang out with.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing an Ancient Dog Diary Entry)

Fish School

I've heard the humans discuss whether schools are doing a good job of educating the human puppies or not. I am not qualified to answer this question, but I do think they do a better job than the schools for fish that I've checked out. Basically, all the fish schools teach the fish to do is to swim around. Sure, swimming can be a useful skill, but I do think the humans puppies need to graduate with more skills than just swimming. Sure, some of the fish do learn some valuable lessons in school. Some of them learn to spot bait so that they don't get caught because getting caught by the humans can really ruin a fish's day. Personally, I don't think the lesson should be that hard to learn. Since dogs are so smart, I'm sure I could teach even the dumbest puppy to avoid being caught. All you have to tell them that if food is hanging around suspended in the air, it probably is bait to get a dog's attention. This is because food is not supposed to hang around suspended in mid-air. Personally, I am not impressed with the intelligence of fish. Sure, they at least do go to school so it looks like that are trying, but they don't even have enough common sense to avoid pooping in the water they are swimming around in which is not only disgusting, but it should be their first lesson when they are puppy fish. I've talked to a few cats, and they are happy that fish aren't smart. They say their lack of intelligence makes the job of catching fish easier. One very enterprising kitty has a special glove that makes his paw look like food. When the fish reaches out to grab the paw, the cat gets a fish snack. I'm sure the fish is annoyed, but if he had been smarter, he would not have fallen for the baited paw trick. This is why a good education is so important!

Demon Flash Bandit (Fish School)

Invisible Store

Every dog knows that humans do not possess the intelligence of the average dog. However, sometimes even us dogs are shocked at some of the things the humans do. Case in point, there is an art museum for invisible art. Yes, you read correctly---invisible art. I thought the whole purpose of art was to be able to see it, but for the first time in my life, this dog is wrong. In fact, one of the works of invisible art recently sold for $10,000. Of course, it was a human that bought it. You won't see a dog spending that kind of money on invisible art. I can understand a painting with the quality of "Dogs Playing Poker" going for a large price. However, with invisible art, you get a written description of the invisible painting. Since I am the kind of dog who has learned to go along with the humans--it is what keeps the treats and dingo bones coming, I now have opened the Demon Flash Bandit invisible store. I sell art, and all sorts of other things. Just write me and tell me what you want and I'll send you a written description of the item, and I will only charge you 10 times more than the actual item would cost. Maybe the humans are onto something with this idea. I can guarantee you that when I receive the money from the invisible items from my store, I will be buying actual dingo bones. This dog is not interested in invisible dingo bones. I might have to chew them with invisible teeth. If you want to read more about the invisible museum, here is the web address:
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/praxis/museum-of-non-visible-art-praxis-and-james-franco
If you happen to get a chance to visit the museum, be sure and say hello to the invisible man. I'm sure he must be the curator of the museum. Who else would be so perfect for the job!
Demon Flash Bandit (Owner of Invisible Store)

Conspiracy Against Dogs

Today I am going to cover a conspiracy of epic proportions. The conspiracy involves one of my favorite treats: Bit of Luv. These are delicious dog treats in beef or chicken flavor and they are truly a bite of love. My humans say I'm a Bit of Luv addict. I don't agree, but when none of the stores around here had them anymore, I wasn't happy. You can imagine how happy I was when I saw the ACO ad, and they had Bit of Luv ON SALE. That's right....they had my treats and they were even below the usual price. This dog was on Cloud 9.....you know the cloud you go to when you are super happy!!!!! Anyway, my humans stopped by ACO and the store never got the Bit of Luv in as expected. I was annoyed, but I thought it would be okay because the humans could try again the next week. I assumed that perhaps the shipment was late. I had my mouth all set for those delicious treats and then when my humans went out the other day, it looks like the ACO store has shut down without notice. The ACO sign is covered up and there is a "For Lease" sign in front. I can only assume that this is part of a vast conspiracy reaching into the top levels of dog enemies. I have been doing some intelligence gathering, and I have narrowed it down to several possibilities. Of course, there are my usual suspects: birds. Whenever there are problems in a dog's life, you can be sure that if the birds aren't behind them, they are at the very least laughing at the dog. It could also be cats. Although some cats are friendly to dogs, there are definitely some who hate us dogs. Perhaps it is space aliens who were using ACO as a base until some human stumbled upon their secret and they had to shut down the store. The humans said maybe they went out of business. Of course, I know that couldn't be the case. How can a place go out of business when the sales of Bit of Luv alone would make the profitable beyond their wildest dreams! Leave it to the humans to come up with the least likely scenerio.

Lifestyles of the Rich and Furry

I'm sure at least one television network executive is going to be super happy that he heard from me today. I sent my idea for a new television show to the television networks. The show is called, Lifestyles of the Rich and Furry. Everyone sees how normal dogs live, but how many know how the rich ones live? This television show takes you into their world. From overly elaborate mansion doghouses, diamond filled collars, and Burger King restaurants inside their homes (at no charge to the dogs who visit of course). I'm sure some of you, like myself are wondering, "is there anything that can be better than free BK for life? The answer to that is "of course, there are few things on Earth better than free Burger King burgers". I'm sure everyone would love to watch how all the celebrity dogs live. The shows can feature movie dogs, television dogs, dogs who "belong" to celebrities (at least that is how the humans view it--we know that the human belongs to the dog), and dogs who have been left vast fortunes by their humans. This is a category I will never be in because my stupid humans are not rich. Yeah, hard to believe isn't it? A dog of my obvious intelligence and pedigree having humans who aren't rich!! I wonder how that happened myself, but I have to admit, I do love my humans. I know they love me so I guess that is enough. Although a few million in a dog's bank account would not hurt any. Anyway, I think this program would be interesting to watch, and it would certainly be better than most of the programs the humans put on television. I think television viewing would be better if a dog were in charge of programming.

Demon Flash Bandit (Idea Dog)