Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Dogs Choice of Fish for Dinner

I was just wondering....some homes have aquariums filled with fish. I have to assume that even the humans realize that you can't pet a fish since they have to live underwater so they can't be "pets" by the very definition of the word, pet. However, there must be some reason why the humans have fish in their homes because it takes some trouble to set up an aquarium, and it costs money to feed the fish and take care of them. Since they aren't pets, why would the human go to the trouble and expense of having them in the first place? I have the answer to that question. I have watched television enough to know that when you go into an elegant seafood restaurant, the customer picks out the "live" lobster that he or she wants to eat. Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that the aquarium is set up in the house so dogs and cats can choose which fish they want to eat. That is the only logical reason for having an aquarium in the home. It is particularly welcome for cats since cats really love seafood, and they like to see the food try to get away before it is caught. This brings me to my next point. When the humans have a bird in a cage, is that also for the dog or cat to choose as dinner? Personally, I think it would be a great idea. I would not mind getting to choose a bird for dinner. I'm sure they taste delicious!

Demon Flash Bandit (Fishes are For Eating)

Monday, May 30, 2011

Drivers License for Dogs

I have been wanting to drive a car since I was a puppy, but the humans told me that it is necessary to have a drivers license in order to drive a car, and that dogs aren't allowed to have a license to drive. I have been speaking out on this injustice since puppyhood, and I am pleased to announce that today I am going to share some information with my readers on how to get a license to drive if you are a "pet". The web address is:
For a mere $19.95, a dog can have his own license issued from his home state. These licenses are only good for dogs in the United States so dogs in other countries will have to keep after their own local governments to allow them to have a license of their own. I have often said that, judging from some of the maniacs on the road who happen to be human, that many of us dogs would be better drivers. It is nice that the humans are finally beginnning to realize that simple fact. I hope that all the dogs reading this will get their own license. You never know when you will need to take over the steering wheel for your human! I only hope that cats aren't allowed to get them. Cats should not be allowed to drive. They have 9 lives so they take too many unnecessary risks.

Demon Flash Bandit (Happy About Doggy Drivers License)

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Killer Tomatoes

Sometimes it becomes difficult for a dog to live with his humans and not wonder how they have managed to survive as long as they have. I am going to give you an example of what I am barking about. There have been many tornadoes that have done much damage and taken many lives in the last month across the United States including one that hit my own humans hometown of Ringgold, Georgia. This has been very sad, and my prayers have gone out to all the people affected by these storms. On a lighter note, my human is getting older and she is supposed to wear reading glasses which she is not fond of wearing---something about not wanting to admit she is getting old or being too vain to wear them--or some combination of the above. This leads me to my topic for today. Mommy got on the computer yesterday, and the title of a news item was "killer tornadoes" which Mommy read as "killer tomatoes" because she wasn't wearing the reading glasses. For those who have read my blog last year about the danger of killer tomatoes or who are unfamiliar with the concept, there are several documentary movies called Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. I have been concerned with this topic since I watched the movies as a puppy because it also makes a dog realize that if a tomato can become a killer, this could happen to other vegetables. This is why us dogs prefer to eat meat. Anyway, be sure and watch out for tornadoes and tomatoes, and anything else that might be out to hurt you, but don't forget to watch out for the evil birds. Anything that can fly around dropping "bird bombs" on everyone can't be trusted!

Demon Flash Bandit (Killer Tomatoes)

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Latest News in Entertainment

I think it is interesting that Disney studies managed to make sure that the anchor from Blackbeard the Pirates ship, Queen Ann's Revenge, was found so close to the opening of the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Kudos to Disney for such good timing.

In other entertainment news, rumors are that Pippa Middleton is being courted to be a talk show host. I have no idea why. I also just watched a video that was discussing her choice in fashions and how everyone wants to buy the clothes she is wearing. Sure, she looked nice, but I've seen plenty of humans at Walmart wearing equally nice things so I guess maybe it is something that us dogs just don't understand. The video said that if you want clothing like she is wearing, you had better buy it fast because it is selling out. Considering Pippa's behavior, I think if you hang around her long enough, you can get the clothing free because she always seems to be taking it off. I do have to admit that I have to admire her attitude toward clothes. I think she might be part dog. I refuse to wear clothing too. The main difference is that I do still wear my fur. However, I would not watch a talk show with her on it. I can't imagine her having anything important to say. If the humans want a good talk show host, they should get me. I would be great at that job!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Entertainment)

Friday, May 27, 2011

Chicken Dance--Not Just for Fun

Today I am writing about a dance that has been around for years, but being a dog, I just learned about it today thanks to my exhaustive Internet research. Yes, that is correct--I am a very devout researcher for my blog. I've been known to spend 10 or even 15 minutes a day researching a topic for my blog. Today's topic is about the chicken dance. Chickens are part of the bird family although they aren't successful members of that family because they can't fly. I can imagine how they are introduced as the losers at the Bird family reunions. Hi Wally Wren, have you met cousin Clyde Chicken....you can talk to him anytime since he can't fly away (inevitable snickers from the rest of the family). I will say one thing good about chickens. They taste good! I'm sure you are thinking, Demon Flash Bandit, if chickens are such losers why are is there a chicken dance? I really wish I could answer that question, but despite my genius, I have no idea. The humans are the ones who do the chicken dance. I have never seen a dog do the dance so who knows what the humans are thinking. I'm not even sure if humans have the intellectual capacity for thinking. Anyway, the humans seem to like to do the chicken dance, and they look very silly when they are doing it so you would think they would stop it. Perhaps they need to have a mirror show them what they look like when they are doing it. I suspect that humans think they look cool when they really look very uncool.

I think this dance might be part of the birds' ultimate plan for world domination. They know that they can put their other evil plans into effect while the humans are busy dancing. I think this is a situation that needs to be monitored because if my suspicions are correct, there will be other silly dances to keep the humans occupied....the turkey dance, the duck dance, even the goose dance. As a dog, I must be ever vigilent in my watch on the birds. I am grateful that I learned to speak bird as a puppy so I can listen in on their evil plans. Please, if you are a human reading this, don't get so involved in the chicken dance that you let the birds take over the planet. I know it is hard for you to focus on important stuff, but try--the planet is depending on you!

Demon Flash Bandit (Birds Dance--Threat to Life as We Know It Now)

Thursday, May 26, 2011

TV Show: Big Bang Theory

As many of my loyal readers are aware, I am often announcing that birds are evil and should be watched. I can prove my point very easily because whenever spring arrives, the birds are always singing and they sing because they are the ones stealing the snow. They try to claim it is a coincidence, but they aren't fooling me....I know what they are doing. Anyway, Mommy was watching some older episodes of The Big Bang Theory. For those who haven't seen it, it is a television program about 4 intelligent men, and the real major genius in the group is named Sheldon. In this one particular episode, Sheldon needed to make a new friend at work. To do so he went to the bookstore and asked where he could find a book about making friends, (that type of book is in the children's section). He was chatting with a little girl, and she said birds scared her, and Sheldon hates birds too. I'm hoping that the influence of The Big Bang Theory on prime time will make the humans realize what I've been trying to tell them all along and declare all out war on birds!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who HATES Birds)

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

The Nose Knows

Space archaeologists are supposed to have discovered lost pyramids in Egypt using infrared images that show buildings that are underground from satellite surveys. Leave it to the humans to spend a bunch of money and try to find stuff underground from space. A team of dogs could have found the lost pyramids from the ground with our super useful noses. We could probably have dug them up by the time the space archaeologists finished coming to their conclusions. Once again, this proves my point about dogs getting more done spending less money than the humans can ever match. Despite a dog's talent for getting things done at a cheaper price, the humans still think they can do a better job running the world. No wonder it is in such a mess!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With Amazing Nose)

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Everyday Events

Hold the applause...the Deemster is back to write another blog. My stunt dog, Phantom Fast Snowman, is complaining because he keeps getting knocked down by Angel Zoom Smokey and myself. I told him to get used to it. After all, he is a stunt dog so falling should be one of the easier of his stunts. Can we help it if he has a tendency to get in our way?

The human who predicted the end of the world last weekend has set a new date for the end of the world. Does this guy have a life or does he just sit around trying to predict the end of the world? If I predicted it wrong once, I think I'd just give up, but some of the humans will still believe him. Humans are so much easier to fool that us dogs.

The weather here is getting warmer, and I do not approve. I guess it is time for me to go and have another talk with that Mother Nature character. If she tells me, there is nothing she can do about it, I am going to boycott that margarine company that used her for their commercials. It may not do any good, but a dog has to try something.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Everyday Events)

Monday, May 23, 2011

Letter From Johnny Depp

Since the new movie, Pirates of the Carribean: On Stranger Tides came out this weekend, I thought it would be a good time to share this letter I got from my celebrity pal, Johnny Depp. I am happy to be Johnny Depp's pal, and he is truly a great guy. Maybe one day when he isn't so busy, we can go to Burger King together. Being a big star, I'm sure he must be used to elegant restaurants like Burger King. Here is the letter:

Dear Demon Flash Bandit,

Once again, one of my movies is on the big screen, and I am so glad I got the part of Captain Jack Sparrow in the original movie since I know you were up for the part. I know it was a stroke of luck that you chose not to take the role because you didn't want to wear a pirate's hat, and you said filming the movie would interfere with your napping. I know that the women say I'm handsome, but I have to admit that if you were willing to wear the hat, you would have been one gorgeous pirate. I cannot compete with your gorgeous blue eyes or that lovely curly tail you have. I just want to let you know that I have done my best to portray Captain Jack Sparrow in a way befitting the honor of taking the role from you. I can only hope that one day I will have the honor of playing a dog--that is every actor's dream.

Your Pal, Johnny Depp (Captain Jack Sparrow)

I want my pals to know that I think Johnny Depp did an excelllent job of portraying Captain Jack Sparrow, and I am glad he got the part because I really hate to interrupt my nap time with work.

Demon Flash Bandit (Happy To Nap)

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Tweeting Dogs

Occasionally a new product comes onto the market that makes you wonder how the humans have survived up until now without it. I am going to discuss a product that fits into that category in today's blog. That product is Puppy Tweets. Finally, a product that sends a tweet from your dog so that you will know what the dog is thinking about at that moment. Imagine how exciting it is for the humans to know what their dog is doing at any given time! I do have to admit that I was more than a little annoyed when I read about it in a news article that called it a stupid pet product, and then asked the question, who would set up a Twitter account for their dog? I would like to introduce you to DemonFlashHusky, my twitter name. I set up the account for myself just like my Facebook account and my dogster diary. I am tired of the humans thinking that a dog can't do these things for him or herself. After observing the humans since I was a puppy, I have come to the conclusion that when a family has a dog, the dog is the "brains" of the family. I have often wondered how dogless families even manage to survive without the intelligence of the average dog to guide them. I can prove we are geniuses. Who is out working to pay for the food? It is usually the humans which proves my point. The dog stays home and naps while the humans are out working. If that isn't genius, I don't know what is!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Doggy Tweets)

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Movie, The Beaver: Not Successful at Box Office

A limited release of a recent movie starring Mel Gibson was a bomb. The movie had a limited release, and brought in $104,000. I have not yet had the opportunity to see the movie, but Mel Gibson plays a person who walks around with a beaver puppet on his hand. I just read a blog about the reasons why it probably did not do well, but I think my theory is the correct one. The movie was called The Beaver which means it was either a remake the the classic television series, Leave it to Beaver (which it was not), or the main "character" was a furry little beaver. I know the beavers can be cute, but basically all they do is work, thus the term, "busy as a beaver". They are the engineers of the animal world--always building dams when they could be napping. I think if the movie had been called, The Dog, it would have done much better. We dogs are adorable, and we are much more fun to watch. We know how to play games and have fun. Obviously, the humans love us because you see a lot more humans walking dogs instead of walking beavers. If they insisted on having the movie be about beavers, it could have been vastly improved by making the beaver puppet play Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver. Everyone of the actors could have worn a puppet on their hands, and that would make it possible to have Wally, Eddie Haskell, and the rest of the gang. The next time Hollywood wants to do a puppet movie, I would suggest they remake Mr. Ed because that would be cool having a talking horse puppet who will only talk to the Wilbur puppet.

Demon Flash Bandit (The Dog)

Friday, May 20, 2011

Trees Being Bothered By Birds

As a dog, I take my job of keeping the forests watered very seriously--as do all my fellow dogs. This is particularly true of dogwood trees. Any tree that wants to be a dog gets special attention from the canines. As I was watering one of the dogwood trees yesterday, I noticed that the dogwood tree, as all other trees, was being annoyed by birds. Birds were sitting on its branches and when I asked the tree if the birds had a deed to the branch, the tree said the bird did not. The birds just take over like the tree branches belong to them without even consulting with a tree estate agent or anything. Meanwhile, the tree just stands there unable to do anything to stop the evil bird from hanging out there or even building a nest on a branch because trees can't move. This is one reason that I, Demon Flash Bandit, have infiltrated Twitter. I wasn't anxious to join a site that has a stupid bird as its logo, but I realized that by being on Twitter, I can be a dog spy in the war against birds. I hope that someday a dogwood tree-or any other tree-can stand proud and not worry about a feathered varmint bothering it. For those of you who want to follow me on Twitter, my Twitter name is DemonFlashHusky. I would also recommend you follow one of my pals, BronxZooRhino. He is a funny guy who thinks that just because the cobra and the peacock have escaped from the Bronx Zoo that he will be able to escape too. Remember, it may say I am posting a tweet, but in my case, it is a howl or bark!

Demon Flash Bandit (Protecting Trees From Birds)

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Arnie: Does Not Possess "Dog Sense"

I'm sure many of you are familiar with the different types of intelligence. "Book Smarts" is a person who is well educated and has a better than average comprehension of the knowledge that is contained in books. There are people who are "Street Smart" which means that they may not necessarily be well educated or even particularly smart (although some of them can also be "book smart"), but they are good at judging other people and their reactions to situations display wisdom. However, the smartest of all the humans are the ones who are "Dog Smart". These are the rare humans who possess the kind of genius that is normally only possessed by dogs.

Because I, being a dog possess "dog sense", my email is often filled with humans asking me my opinions of the latest events in the news, and the Arnold Schzen-however you spell his name is no exception. What do I think of him having a child with one of the domestic staff while his wife knew nothing? First, let me say that he was definitely in the wrong. He is lucky he isn't married to Angel Zoom Smokey because she would give him some puppy slaps of justice, and then make him clean the entire house. If you have seen his house, you'll know that would be a BIG job. I have never been a big fan of Arnie because this dog, with the exception of a couple of movies like True Lies (which seems to be a page out of his real life) and Twins, this dogs doesn't think he is a great actor or a particularly intelligent human (judging from his little escapade with the help, I think it is safe to say that his brain doesn't work well). In fact, if I want to see muscles, I can just look in the mirror because I am one very handsome he-man type dog. I have better muscles than Arnie--always have---always will. It doesn't take much to entertain the humans, but dogs have a higher standard of entertainment.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Arnie's Stupidity)

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Exploding Watermelons Making Gallagher Unemployed?

According to news reports, there are fields of watermelons in China that are literally exploding in the fields. Some reports blame the use of a growth accelerator, but since it has happened in fields with watermelons that aren't treated with the chemical also, I guess they aren't exactly sure what is causing it. Of course, it could be that the untreated fields got some of the chemicals on them due to wind, stupid birds, etc. However, this dog is not concerned with what is causing it since that is a job for the scientist dogs. You might be thinking, Demon Flash Bandit, is it because there will be less watermelon to eat? No, that isn't the worst part of the problem either. The worst thing about this situation is that when watermelons decide to "smash" themselves, that puts hard working comediennes like Gallagher out of work. The man who is best known here in the United States for smashing watermelons in front of his audiences while selling his watermelons smashing product-unemployed!! How is he going to make a living when the watermelons are taking his job from him? No one is going to pay to see previously smashed watermelons. It takes the fun out of the demonstration. As it is, he hasn't had a lot of television specials recently so I hate to see the possibility of this whole watermelon situation growing out of paw. Very much like that documentary movie, Killer Tomatoes, what if the watermelons are starting out exploding themselves to get the humans to feel sorry for them and then they decide to go on a killing spree? This situation must be stopped before it gets out of paw. I am going to encourage you to go to Gallagher's official website to support him during this time of watermelon crisis. The address is:
Let's hope that the watermelon crisis ends quickly so that Gallagher and comediennes like him won't be out of work!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Exploding Watermelons)

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Dedicated Employees at Amazon.com

Occasionally we get things we have ordered from Amazon.com in the mail. I wonder how many of their customers bother to thank them for sending their orders so promptly. Most companies store their merchandise in warehouses that are usually located in cities. Amazon's warehouses are located in the Amazonian rain forest which is why the company is called Amazon. Those workers have to trudge through the jungle to get to work and mail the packages. That takes nerve to know that you could meet a cobra, a tiger, or a lion--not to mention a cute little poison dart frog on the way to work. Most employees do not have to go through such hazards just to get to work. Next time you get a package from Amazon.com, be sure and thank them for their perseverance. It takes dedicated employees to go through so much to get to work and then have Walmart declare war on them every few days. Amazon employees are a brave group!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Amazon.com)

Monday, May 16, 2011

Pippi Longstocking and Pippa Middleton--Same Human?

Since the royal wedding, the press has been excited over the coverage of Pippa Middleton, Kate Middleton's sister. I thought her name was Pippi Longstocking, but Angel Zoom Smokey told me that Pippi Longstocking is her "stripper name". She wears long stockings that take a while to take off. I don't always believe Angel Zoom Smokey, but since there are photos of her on the Internet dancing in her bra, I have to give Angel Zoom Smokey credit for being right this time. I can't keep from wondering....is this really the family that Great Britain wants to have representing their country? We have humans like that in the United States, but you usually see them on television programs like Cops, where they are being arrested. It sounds like, once again, my pal, the Queen Lady is going to be busy doing damage control.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing the Royal Family)

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Leonardo Dicaprio Breaks up With Girlfriend

Perhaps you saw the story about Leonardo Dicaprio breaking up with his super model girlfriend, Bar Refaeli. The media didn't tell the entire story of how it happened, but as usual, you can get the whole story from my blog. I have to admit that I am responsible for their breakup. I was visiting Leo at his home. I might add that Leo is not green and has outgrown that awkward mutant turtle stage nicely. Leo and I were having a great time together. He had arranged to have his assistant pick up some whoppers from Burger King for us to eat. They were delicious and we were chowing down on our tasty meal when the telephone rang. It was his girlfriend. Since Leo was in the magnificent presence of Demon Flash Bandit, and we were eating whoppers, he should have let it go to voice mail. Instead, he proceeded to take the call. As you can imagine, I was outraged because this interrupted my dinner.

This is when I realized that I needed to break up this couple for Leo's own good. This was easier to accomplish than you might think. I showed him a photo of Angel Zoom Smokey. she is one "smokin' hot" girl husky, thus the name Smokey. I arranged a meeting between the two and the rest is history. The next time Leo and I share a whopper, there will be no interruptions. I do feel sorry for Bar Rafaeli. When compared to a dog, she is always going to lose.

Demon Flash Bandit (The Truth Behind the News)

Saturday, May 14, 2011

I Did Not Attend the Comic Con Because it was Stupid

My human brother, Jeff, and I went to the ComicCon in Novi, Michigan yesterday, and I was not allowed in because I'm a Dog! I was wearing my red Superdog cape, and I looked quite handsome if I do say so myself. I even winked at the admission ticket humans with my gorgeous blue eyes. Imagine my anger when they would not allow me to enter the event. We huskies are a stubborn breed so I didn't give up easily. I tried several times to make my way into the event. I told them I was Dylan Dog, but they didn't believe me. They told me Dylan Dog was not a dog. I told them I was one of the huskies from Marmaduke and I was told that Marmaduke was a dog who would not be allowed to enter either. I even bandaged my paws, and rode in a wheelchair hoping for the "sympathy" entrance, but that didn't work either. What a bunch of stupid human jerks!!! They allowed humans dressed as Storm Troopers and Artoodetoo into the ComicCon. I guess space aliens and robots are okay, but dogs are not. Who makes up these stupid rules anyway? When a world famous blogger like myself isn't allowed to enter, I'm surprised they have any celebrities that people want to see. Don't they realize that they could make a fortune getting 10% of the money I get for my pawtographs? It is their loss. I decided to head for Burger King to get a couple of burgers. Bacon on the burgers will help soothe my hurt feelings. I wouldn't be surprised if the humans running the ComicCon refused to allow bacon to be served. This is what happens when stupid humans are put in charge of things.

Demon Flash Bandit (Not Attending the ComicCon)

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Thor and Bronx Zoom Escapee: The Peacock

The Bronx Zoo has been voted as the best place to be sent by all the animals in the wild. This is because the animals at that zoo always seem to manage to escape and run wild through New York City. I know there are a lot of weird things in New York, but you would think that the humans would notice when they see one of the escapees running around the town. I mean if I saw a cobra watching a Broadway play, I would think something was amiss. A short time ago, it was the Bronx Zoo Cobra that was loose, but more recently, a female peacock escaped from the Bronx Zoo. Of course, the peacock had her own twitter account under the name, Bronxzoopeacock. She isn't quite as popular as the cobra, but she does have over 4,000 followers. I'm sure that amount will probably not grow as much now that she has been captured. Yes, they have found her already, and they are still going to allow her to run loose because they are sure she will be happy at the zoo now and won't try to escape again. I think with stupid statements like that, all us dogs understand how the animals manage to escape. Besides, I'm sure the peacock was just trying to get to her job at NBC as their mascot. Of course, the cobra and peacock aren't the only ones to escape from the zoo, they are also searching for a homeless person who escaped from captivity. I guess the zoo can't even keep the homeless humans from escaping, and the zoo even provides them with meals!

I went to see Thor yesterday. As usual, I put on a shirt, and the humans at the theatre never noticed that I am a dog. I enjoyed the movie. Thor reminded me of a husky because he was strong and handsome. There should have been more dogs, but the movie studios are too cheap to pay the dogs what we would deserve. Thor was an excellent movie, and I enjoyed watching it.

Demon Flash Bandit (Wondering if There are Any Animals in the Bronx Zoo)

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Spray On Hair or Chia Hair--Which is Best?

Finally, the humans have discovered an answer to an age old problem. When the humans start losing hair, what can they do to make it look like they aren't bald? The humans had to solve this one on their own because dogs usually keep their fur, and even if they don't, they don't tend to worry about it. We know we look good whether we are covered in fur or not. This probably explains why the product I am going to talk about today is definitely the invention of a human and not a dog. Personally, I don't know any dogs who would want to take "credit" for inventing it. That product is Spray On Hair. It comes in different colors and can be purchased through Amazon.com. Spray On Hair is supposed to look like hair and it is removable with shampoo. I think it might not hurt to make sure it isn't removable by plain water or swimming would not be a good idea if you really want to keep the illusion of hair. Personally, this dog would rather see the humans plant chia seeds on their heads to create a head of chia hair. If the humans plants edible plants on their head, then they would always have food when they are hungry. In addition, rabbits would be very friendly if the humans had some tasty greens growing on their heads. I think the product is a bit silly, but I have more than enough fur. In fact, I have so much fur that I shed a lot of it all around the house much to the enjoyment of the humans with whom I live.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing a Product)

Monday, May 9, 2011

Great Blog Creates Great Responsibility

It always makes me feel good to see the importance of my blog on the world around me. Recently I wrote a blog about No Pants Day. Today I saw an article on the Internet about an attorney in Austria who dropped his pants while his client was being questioned. This happened on April 20 in the hamlet of Mayrhoten and was reported in the Tiroler Tageszetung. It is a shame that the attorney was unidentified, because if I knew his name, I could let him know that No Pants Day doesn't happen until May. He must have been so excited over the upcoming No Pants Day that he started celebrating early. It is also heartwarming to see the day spreading around the world. I wrote a blog about financial zombies, and it is now Zombie Month. I can't tell you how it feels to have the ideas of one dog so quickly incorporated into the humans' lives. It also brings with it a very sobering thought. Very much like Spiderman, with great power comes great responsibility. I hope that I can continue writing this blog and make the world a better, possibly even pantless, place. Perhaps one day the humans will read my blogs about evil birds and realize that birds must die.

With the importance of my blog subject in mind, I have carefully chosen my subject for today. That subject is tennis balls. They are cool because they fit in most dogs' mouths, and they feel fuzzy which makes them feel furry like us dogs. They bounce, and they are lots of fun. Okay, you may have guessed, but tennis balls aren't really the important topic of the day. However, they are fun and deserve to be mentioned. The real topic today is that yesterday was Mother's Day, and in keeping with my blog about Mother's Day being a day to give something special to the family dog or dogs, I got my wish. Mommy brought an entire foot long Angus Subway sandwich just for me. It had provolone cheese and it was delicious! This proves that with great responsibility comes great rewards. Had I not written that blog telling the humans what to do for Mother's Day, my humans would have never figured it out for themselves. Humans just don't have that much brain power. I can only hope that other humans read my blog and got great stuff for their dogs thanks to my wisdom. I have to go now so that I can take a nap. This
"great responsibility" stuff makes a dog tired.

Demon Flash Bandit (With Great Blog Comes Great Responsibility)

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Read Zombie Economics--Avoid Filing Boneruptcy

I have decided to inform my readers about a new book that is available for public consumption which has the potential to change your economic life. That book is called Zombie Economics and it was written by John Quiggen. Amazon.com has this book for $16.47 at the present time, and it is money well spent. The book discusses how, very much like zombies from the movies, there are financial zombies who threaten your financial well being. I have to tell you that this book has really made a difference in my life. I'm sure I'm not the only dog who has noticed that there is always one dog in the pack who won't share their milkbones. When you have a milkbone, they will ask you to share and are always bugging those of us who work hard for our bones to give them our hard earned treats. For many of us dogs, we really don't have to work that hard, but we do have to hang around the humans and look cute. Sometimes we even have to sit or beg for our treats so those doggy moochers think they can just walk up without doing any tricks or hanging out keeping the humans company and get a treat from a dog who was willing to give the extra paw to the humans. Before you realize it, those doggy bums have eaten all your treats and you have nothing to eat. In fact, there have been terrible stories of dogs who have had to file for boneruptcy because other dogs have had them copaw for milkbone loans and generally have used up all the dogs bones. Don't let this happen to you. Get the book and read it. You'll be glad you did, and you don't have to thank me. I enjoy watching out for my readers!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Economic Zombie Dogs)

Saturday, May 7, 2011

I'm Planning a Special Mother's Day for my Human Mommy

Tomorrow is Mother's Day here in the United States. It is a day set aside to honor our Mothers for all the wonderful things they do for us. I will be honoring my human Mommy who is very good to me. Since she enjoys doing nice things for me, I have the day all planned out for her. First on the agenda is for me to get her up which probably won't happen. Mommy usually gets up before me. This dog does not like to wake up before noon. I'm not a morning dog. I'm sure she will understand, and she can wait to receive my greeting when I finally wake up. That is when the fun will begin. Mommy can run to Burger King or Subway to get me some burgers to eat. This year is the first year that I have added another restaurant besides Burger King to my list so it will be a little more exciting for her this year since she will have a choice. Angel Zoom Smokey is going to allow her to make some chicken because Angel says that she knows Mother's Day would not be complete for Mommy if Angel doesn't have chicken. Then we will get the gifts Mommy has gotten for us. I am sure there will be toys and treats since Mother's Day is a special day, and the only way to celebrate a special day is to give the family dogs gifts! It is even listed in the book of Human-Dog Etiquette that I wrote so you can check and see for yourself that is is proper etiquette for the day. I plan to do some napping so Mommy can sit back and choose a dog movie of her choice because I think Mommy deserves the best in entertainment. When I wake from my nap, Mommy can bring me my usual ice cream, milkbones and rawhide bones which I like to enjoy before I go to bed at night. Yes, as you can see, this will be an exciting day for Mommy. I am so glad that there is a special day set aside for her.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Planning a Mother's Day Celebration)

Friday, May 6, 2011

Today is National No Pants Day

Today is a special day in the United States. It is National No Pants Day. This is the day when the humans decide to skip wearing pants and walk around all day without pants. I have no idea how this day started. I suspect someone hadn't done their laundry in a long time, and announced that it was No Pants Day. Many of the humans will do anything the other humans tell them to do so they jumped on the bandwagon, and National No Pants Day became a tradition. I have to admit that I've never seen anyone in my town without pants on No Pants Day so I suspect that some of the humans either haven't heard about it or they think it is silly. My own humans do not celebrate it, but continue to wear pants just like any other day. However, because dogs enjoy seeing the humans look silly, we dogs are trying to get the word out so that one day, all humans will celebrate all over the world and us dogs will have a good laugh. I honestly don't know what the big deal is anyway. I never wear pants and no one seems to notice. I think the humans are so used to seeing dogs without pants that they don't even notice or think it is unusual. For those who would like to get the tradition going in their area, more information can be found at this site:
www.nopantsday.com/wp/ .

Whether you choose to wear pants or not, I hope my readers have a nice weekend!

Demon Flash Bandit (Celebrating No Pants Day Everyday)

Thursday, May 5, 2011

My "Precious", Mt. Doom, and the Chicken Dance

Today I am going to cover the royal wedding from my own point of view. My previous coverage was from the royal corgi dogs because I didn't bother to watch the royal wedding on television. I had better things to do like lick my paws. Today I saw about 3 minutes of coverage which was all I needed. Some of the human women were wearing hats that made them look super silly. I have no idea why they would want to be seen in such monstrous hats, but I can only assume it is because the royal corgis told them the hats looked good. Most humans ask dogs how they look, and we dogs have a sense of humor and enjoy telling them they look good in silly things. I have to admit that I really don't care what the royal family does or does not do which is why I kept wondering why the news kept yapping about the wedding for so long. It was only a wedding. Judging from the funny hats, it wasn't even a serious occasion. My brother has a jester's hat from a Renaissance Festival, and it looked like it would be worn by a more serious person than some of the hats at the wedding. One lady wore a blue dress and a ridiculous blue hat that looked like it might fall off her head at any time. I can only assume she was the royal wedding jester. I preferred the coverage on The Daily Show because having Gollum from Lord of the Rings as the ring bearer was a brilliant idea. It would have been nicer if only he had been willing to give up "his precious" ring. I know they don't show it on the clip, but Kate had to fight him for it, and Frodo was in the audience hoping to grab the ring so he could take it to Mt. Doom. Frodo really didn't need to worry since I've heard that Mt. Doom is the honeymoon destination. The couple heard their motto: "what happens at Mt. Doom stays at Mt. Doom". It sounds like nothing good ever happens there, but the royal couple didn't ask me for my opinion.

At least the couple didn't do the stupid dance down the aisle at the wedding like Jim and Pam did in the wedding episode of The Office. That episode is a good reason to avoid wedding ideas that appear on Youtube. I'm sure that the wedding reception did include the classic chicken dance which is a "must dance" at every wedding. Personally, I don't approve of the chicken dance because any dance that is named after a "bird" is bad. I am not so sure that the chicken dance was a good idea anyway since the royal family was watching the royal budget. When beans are the main menu item, the chicken dance is not practical. They were serving fruit cake which had been saved from every Christmas since the last royal wedding of Charles and Diana so they only served beans and fruit cake. They tried to cover the frugality of the menu by saying the beans were served in honor of their guest, Mr. Bean, but his name is really Rowan Atchinson so I'm not buying that excuse. I'm not so sure that I would have wanted to eat at the wedding anyway since the beans were from Chernobyl Farms. The beans were free of charge so the Queen was excited about the savings. Now a couple of wedding guests are glowing in the dark so I suppose they are happy about saving money on electricity. I know one friend who managed to crash the wedding by wearing a suit and putting on some Mickey Mouse ears that were purchased at Disney World. People at the wedding thought it was Charles.

Remember if you are a dog and you want to pass as Prince William, that only works for Chinese Crested because other breeds have too much fur.

Demon Flash Bandit (The Real Story of the Royal Wedding)

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Dylan Dog

I went to see the movie, Dylan Dog, yesterday because the title made it sound like a "must see" movie. Whenever a movie involves a dog, it makes me want to see it. I enjoyed the movie, but I have to report that there was no dog in the movie. However, Brandon Routh's character was named Dylan Dog. I liked the movie because it is always nice to see a human who wants to be a dog so much that he calls himself a dog. In the near future, I will be posting a movie review of Dylan Dog on my brother's site, http://www.silverscreenhub.com/ . I should add that I think it is very intelligent on my brother's part to cover movie reviews from a dog's point of view. The movie has vampires, werewolves, and zombies so I can only imagine how big it is going to be for the "tween" girls in the audiences since so many of them love the Twilight series. Dylan Dog has both vampires and werewolves with the additional zombies with which teenage girls tend to love. I don't think I have to tell you that teen-age girls are always asking if they can be matched with a zombie because they are so handsome. Additionally, a zombie boyfriend tends to do what he is told which probably is going to make them very popular with older women too. I've heard the women complain about the human men not wanting to carry out the garbage and do other household chores, but a zombie man will do what he is told. In fact, when it comes to garbage, he might even eat some of it for you thus reducing the amount of trash that has to go to a landfill.
I do think the movie could have been improved with the addition of some zombie dogs to the cast.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing My Opinion of the Movie Dylan Dog)

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

A Solution to an Everyday Problem

I wonder if my fellow dogs have experienced one of my pet peeves about the humans. Just when a dog lies down and gets comfortable, the humans want to walk over you. Sure, the humans will say it is because some of us like to lay down in the middle of everything and they refer to it as "being in the way" which if you ask me is a bit insulting to us dogs. We aren't "in the way", but it is the humans who are trespassing into our territory. I am a busy dog who has only so much time for eating and sleeping, and I do not like to be disturbed when I am trying to take a nap. As usual, because I am a genius, I have found a solution for this problem. In fact, I have found 2 solutions. One is a human bridge that the human can put over the dog thus being able to walk over the dog without disturbing the dog's rest. The other is putting the human in a crate until our nap is over. Humans put dogs in crates which has never made any sense to me because I always thought it was the humans who should be in the crate while the dog runs free. Yes, once again, Demon Flash Bandit comes through with solutions to everyday problems!

Demon Flash Bandit (Genius Dog With Great Ideas)

Monday, May 2, 2011

Angus Burgers at Subway: Delicious!!!!!

Since I was a puppy, I have loved the burgers from Burger King. I think that realm which is ruled by King Burger must be a magical land filled with delicious foods. It is difficult for my humans to even get me to try another burger--until yesterday. Mommy came home with an Angus burger from Subway, and I actually asked for a bite because it smelled so good. I must let my readers know that it tasted as good as it smelled. Finally, I have found another burger that I will eat. For those of you who have not tried it, I would suggest you get one as soon as possible. I am not being paid by Subway for writing this, but I am doing it because a burger that good deserves my praise. I only wish that Mommy had given me her entire burger. She did share, but I would have liked to have eaten the entire sandwich. If you should decide to try one, be sure and ask to have it toasted because I doubt if it would taste as good cold. I even ate the cheese that was on the burger from Subway. Mommy has to order Burger King burgers for me without cheese because I don't like the cheese they use there. I am picky about cheese, and the cheese Burger King uses does not meet my standards!

I might add that Subway has tasty cookies too, but they do not serve the delicious milkshakes that Burger King serves so perhaps the humans running Subway might check into adding them to the menu. One nice thing about Subway is that you can add bacon, and bacon is also very delicious. I have yet to meet a dog who does not like bacon.

I hope that all my readers are getting tasty items to eat.

Demon Flash Bandit (Subway Burgers Are Delicious)

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Birds Do Not Belong on Tshirts

Birds are evil creatures who cause global warming, and are in a massive plot to take over the planet. Most dogs learn this as puppies. Even most cats know this and want to have birds as snacks. Humans just never seem to learn. It is bad enough that they build birdhouses for them, and set out bird feeders filled with bird seed to "take care of the cute birds". In addition, they have invented a video game called Angry Birds. However, when I saw a tshirt being worn by a human that had the face of an "Angry Bird" on it, I got annoyed. Once again, the humans have not been listening to their dogs wisdom. We tell them to destroy all birds, and they act like birds are harmless little creatures. Now some of them are even wearing tshirts that seem to honor birds. When will the humans listen to their dogs and use some sense?

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Dislikes Birds)