New Television Show: Hunting for Dog Toys

There is a new television show called Toy Hunter. It is about a human who is searching for toys. This show gave me a brilliant idea (let's face it--most of my ideas are brilliant because I'm a dog). Why not a show starring a blue eyed Siberian Husky (myself) who goes in search of dog toys? I have been collecting dog toys since I was a puppy, and I don't think a dog ever outgrows the need for toys. There is just something comforting about having a dog toy around. I think this kind of show would also bring in the doggy demographics which the networks are so concerned about capturing yet do nothing to capture. What do you expect when you allow a bunch of humans to run things? They are dumb, but we dogs still love them anyway. Since humans run the networks, and they don't have much in the brain department, I feel that, in order to get my own show, I may need the help of my readers. How can you help? You can write the network executives at the following address and tell them that you are a fan of Demon Flash Bandit, and that you would love to see me have my own searching for dog toys show. Here is the address:

Nitwit Network Executives
Hollywood, CA
ATTN: Leading Nitwits

This should get your letter sent directly to the proper people since the post office knows that they are some of the dumbest people in the country, and that is all you need for your letter to get to them. Be sure and get those letters mailed in so I can be starring in a television show that a dog would actually enjoy watching. I will tell you now that my tubey toys will be featured in an episode. Any toy that squeaks EVERYWHERE deserves its own episode!

Demon Flash Bandit (Star of Dog Toy Hunter)

Trilogy Movie Review: The Napkins (Series)

Today I am going to do a movie review of 3 movies--The Napkin Trilogy-which have been such a major success at the box office. Everyone wants to see these movies, and who can blame them? They are 3 of the best movies Hollywood has ever made!

Napkins 1: The Clean-Up

Alien space napkins come to Earth to clean the planet. They give up and return to their home planet.

Napkins 2: The Return of the Napkins

After they return home due to the hopelessness of trying to clean Earth, they decide to return to try once again to clean the planet.

Napkins 3: the Final Stand

After 20 years of cleaning the planet, the napkins finally give up completely and return to their home planet, Urcleanus.

I'm not saying that a Napkins 4 is not possible, but I seriously doubt that the studio will want to make another one.

Next time you pick up a napkin to wipe off some food on your face, look closely at that napkin to make sure it isn't a space alien!

I have been given the da Liebster award by my pal and fellow blooger, Whitley Westie. I will be posting more about this in the next day or two--when my computer illerate Mommy finds out how to link stuff. Mommy says that when she was in school, they were taught to type on non-electric typewriters. I don't think any such thing exists so I suspect she is lying to me. You know how the older humans are....we used to have to walk through 20 inches of snow to get to school, and we lived in the tropics. The oldsters sure love to exaggerate all the horror they had to go through as children! I would hire a more computer savvy secretary, but Mommy works free so I can't beat her price.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Review: The Napkin Trilogy)

Buck the Dog, Star of Married With Children

My human has been watching the old television program, Married With Children. Few television shows have the intelligence to star a dog. Buck was quite a dog, and he made the show worth watching. I think it is a shame that, even though he was the star, he was not given top billing. It shows that Hollywood has a long way to go when dealing with dogs who star in their movies and television programs. I always love it when Buck is given a steak while Al, the human gets nothing. Personally, I think us dogs should eat first and give our leftovers to the humans. I have barked with other dogs, and all of them agree with me on this subject.

Don't forget my blog contest.....win an XLarge t-shirt with my photo on it. Just leave a comment on my blogs written between March 15 and April 15 to be entered. You can also send me a pawmail at www.dogster.com asking to be entered into the contest. Good luck!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discusssing Buck the Dog!)

Moths: Working With Birds?

I have written numerous times about birds and their evil plans to take over the planet. However, now I am suspicious that they might be aided in their attempt by another flying creature--moths. Sure, moths are small and they look harmless, but just last night, my fellow dog and adopted sister, Angel Zoom Smokey, was laying on the bed trying to relax. A black moth landed on her nose. Before she could take her paw and hit the moth, he was gone. This brings me to my conclusion. . . . moths are in league with birds. Both fly around bothering people, and both can be annoying. Moths can destroy a wardrobe which makes them very powerful.

I think this is probably why Hollywood made the movie a few years back, The Mothman Prophecies. The movie showed a "Mothman" who showed up before tragedies took place. The movie never really made it clear whether the Mothman was trying to warn the humans or if he was the reason for the tragedy. If moths are in league with birds, I would assume he caused the tragedies.

I might add that this does not apply to the Moth sidekick in The Tick. That moth looks like a rabbit. Therefore, he is okay. Rabbits never bother anyone. . . . their job it to hop around looking cute.

Remember, if you see a moth, get rid of it. There is no need to take chances that it might be out to help the birds take over the planet.

Demon Flash Bandit (Warning About Moths)

Demon Flash Bandit in 3-D

My humans take my photo with their digital camera and post it on my various sites. The photos of me look okay, but with the advent of 3-D technology, I have been concerned that my viewers are only seeing me in 2-D. Therefore, I told my humans that they need to buy a new camera that will take my photos and that of Angel Zoom Smokey in 3-D so that our viewers can get the real "dog experience". Hollywood has filmed a bird movie (Rio) in 3-D and I won't even tell you my opinion of making a movie about birds. It was supposed to be a family movie, but even Hitchcock knew that if the movie involved birds, it is going to be a horror movie. I know I was too scared to even watch Rio. I think it is horrible for birds to be depicted as sweet, cute creatures. I'm quite sure that Rio must have been written and produced by birds to fool the humans. However, this blog is not about birds or bird movies, it is about seeing me in 3-D which I'm sure all my fans--which I'm quite sure must number in the millions-want. In fact, I'm amazed that one of the camera manufacturers hasn't sent me a 3-D camera free, but I can only assume it is because they don't know my address. In addition to my concern that my viewers aren't seeing me in 3-D, I'm not quite sure what 3-D actually is. I've asked other dogs and they have no idea either. I would ask the humans, but if a dog doesn't know, you know the humans will have no clue to the answer. I'm wondering if the people who see me in person are seeing me in 3-D. I think 3-D stands for 3-Dogs. I can't think of anything better for it to stand for. I suppose that means that whenever a photo is made, 3 dogs are added to the photo. No wonder all the studios are anxious to make movies in 3-D. Having 3 dogs added can only improve a movie!!! Everyone knows that!!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (3-Dog Technology)

Meatloaf, Onions, and Killer Tomatoes

Meatloaf collapsed on stage in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Onions are threatening to go on strike. I'm surprised the killer tomatoes aren't also in the news since it seems that food is taking over the news today. According to Internet news sources, Meatloaf is in the hospital. I can only assume that meatloaf is so delicious that it now has its own act on stage. However, I think if there is a problem, it would make more sense to send it to a chef and not a hospital. It sounds like a case of food poisoning to me. Mommy just told me that meatloaf is a human and not an actual meatloaf. Why would a human name himself after food? It makes no sense to this dog, but of course, few things the humans do make sense.

Onions have their own news show and they are about to go on strike. I suppose the onions think they aren't getting enough money. I suspect it is really because onions don't get the proper respect they deserve as a vegetable--if they are a vegetable--I'm not really sure what they are.

For those who are worried that the killer tomatoes are back, I have heard nothing about them in the news, but I would be careful because you never know when they are going to go on another killing spree. This is why Hollywood has made so many documentaries about the killer tomatoes. Be on the lookout for large, evil looking tomatoes. It is better to be safe than sorry.
Demon Flash Bandit (Commenting on Food News)

Movie, The Beaver: Not Successful at Box Office

A limited release of a recent movie starring Mel Gibson was a bomb. The movie had a limited release, and brought in $104,000. I have not yet had the opportunity to see the movie, but Mel Gibson plays a person who walks around with a beaver puppet on his hand. I just read a blog about the reasons why it probably did not do well, but I think my theory is the correct one. The movie was called The Beaver which means it was either a remake the the classic television series, Leave it to Beaver (which it was not), or the main "character" was a furry little beaver. I know the beavers can be cute, but basically all they do is work, thus the term, "busy as a beaver". They are the engineers of the animal world--always building dams when they could be napping. I think if the movie had been called, The Dog, it would have done much better. We dogs are adorable, and we are much more fun to watch. We know how to play games and have fun. Obviously, the humans love us because you see a lot more humans walking dogs instead of walking beavers. If they insisted on having the movie be about beavers, it could have been vastly improved by making the beaver puppet play Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver. Everyone of the actors could have worn a puppet on their hands, and that would make it possible to have Wally, Eddie Haskell, and the rest of the gang. The next time Hollywood wants to do a puppet movie, I would suggest they remake Mr. Ed because that would be cool having a talking horse puppet who will only talk to the Wilbur puppet.

Demon Flash Bandit (The Dog)

Where is My Book Deal?

Harper Collins has announced that a book deal with the Bronx Zoo Cobra has been reached. The cobra will be writing an autobiography entitled, Cobra Blood, about the snake's adventures in the city. The zoo said that the snake never left the Reptile House, but those of us who kept up with the snake's tweats know better. The snake, which escaped from the Bronx Zoo on March 26, enjoyed sightseeing around the "Big Apple", before being apprehended by zoo officials. The zoo officials had been on the lookout for the snake as soon as they noticed she was missing. I personally found the snake's escapades to be fun reading. However, if that earthworm that I met in the yard who bought the hooded jacket and is trying to pass himself off as the Bronx Cobra gets a book deal, this dog will be angry. I don't have a book deal myself and I have written several children's books. Of course, I have not sent them in to any publishers yet because I think the publishers should come to me. I doubt that the stupid snake had to go to the publishers--and that snake didn't even blog--she just posted what she was doing at the time. I happen to be a highly respected blogger, and I know this because I write myself a lot of fan mail. Anyway, if the worm tries to get a book deal, I will go outside and smash him with my mighty paw. I don't mind the earthworm pretending he is the snake, but I draw the line at writing. That is MY vocation, and I am not about to compete with a worm. I wonder if Hollywood will make a movie based on the snake's book. I think it would be an interesting movie. Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Is Better than a Snake)

Mr. Peabody: Watch out for the Zombie!!!!

Robert Downey Jr. has finally been cast in the role of a lifetime. He is going to be Mr. Peabody in the animated movie, Mr. Peabody and Sherman. Mr. Peabody used to make appearances on Rocky and Bullwinkle. Mr. Peabody is a super intelligent dog, and Sherman is the boy he "adopted". I'm sure that Robert Downey Jr. is ecstatically happy that he has been chosen to play the role of a dog. That is what all the human actors aspire to play--a dog.



On the subject of a super intelligent dog, my humans have been watching the new television series, The Walking Dead. It is a show about zombies. Because I've been watching it with them, I had to face the scenario of what would happen to me if zombies started running around loose like they do in that show. I even looked to find possible survival scenarios on the web just so I would be prepared. Some of them were helpful--like the one that said head for Costco which makes sense. You would have survival supplies for quite some time if you were hiding in a Costco. However, it took me very little time before I realized that, once again, the humans are wrong. I will explain how I reached this conclusion. First and most important: the zombies want to eat brains. I've observed the humans long enough to tell you that the zombies are going to starve if they are trying to live off human brains. If the humans don't own a dog, they barely have sense enough to come in out of the rain--why do you think they take baths? There aren't many dogs who voluntarily take a bath. That is because we have brains! You don't see a dog wasting time and money adding a room to a house just for getting wet. Even most cats have more sense than to want a bath! Birds are another story--the humans even have bird baths for them, which proves that birds have no brains. But I digest or digress---where is my Burger King--I prefer to digest. You know Hollywood has gotten the whole zombie thing wrong in movies and television. If a zombie is after brains, then the humans are safe. Dogs are the ones who have to worry since zombies will be after us for our superior brain power. This is why it is so important for all dogs to know what to expect and to have a plan because in real life, the zombies will be after us. Mr. Peabody had better take Sherman and head for Costco....he is a super smart dog, and will be a very attractive meal for a zombie.



Demon Flash Bandit (Warning of Dangers of Zombie Attack)

An Extraordinary Career

Today I have an interesting bit of history to share since this dog takes educating the public very seriously. Today's topic is about a prominent man in American history--so prominent that he merited a television show about his life. That man is David (Davy) Crockett. Davy was born in northeastern Tennessee on August 17, 1786. Davy set himself apart from other toddlers when he "killed him a bear when he was only 3". He did not win the heart of other bears, but none of the other bears would give him any trouble. Even today, Mother bears warn their cubs to watch out for Davy Crockett when they let the cubs out to play.

Davy went on to set the fashion world on fire by wearing the coonskin cap, which was actually a dead raccoon. Needless to say, this did not make him very popular with the raccoons either. At that time, much of the country was still forest and when you already have the bears and raccoons mad at you, it is best not to spend a lot of time in the forest if you value your life. This is when Davy got into politics. Most politicians are less scary than an angry bear--remember, I said most of them--not all of them. Some of them are even scarier than bears.

Anyway, he got into politics and decided to move to Texas, where he got involved in that whole Alamo fiasco, but news of his death, as Mark Twain, would say, were highly exaggerated. Some of the humans think he died in 1836, but you can't kill Davy that easily. He moved to Hollywood, California, where one of his latest projects was as one of the executive producers of the movie, Seven Pounds starring Will Smith. When asked about his life, Davy, or David Crockett, as he now likes to be called said, "I enjoyed making this film, and I hope to be showing my new line of coonskin caps in the fall". Davy, let's hope that your film career is as successful as your bear killing and political careers. You have this dog's support.

Demon Flash Bandit (Writing About Legendary David (Davy) Crockett