Sunday, March 30, 2014

Food Can Be Delivered

I have an amazing discovery to share with the dogs reading this.  Did you know that you can order sandwiches from a place called Jimmy Johns and they will bring the sandwiches right to a dog's door?  I know it sounds too good to be true, but it is true.  We have a location near our house, and they delivere sandwiches to the humans, and all the humans had to do was call and order.You can also order on-line so I have been deciding whether it would be easier for me to order via the Internet or over the telephone.  I don't think there is any limit on the amount of sandwiches you can order, but they do expect some of that paper stuff the humans call money.  They also take the plastic money so just get that plastic card out of your human's wallet.  I'm sure they won't mind.  The humans know we need food to eat, and if you order it yourself, it keeps the humans from having to bother with giving it to us.  Be sure and pay extra to order bacon with each sandwich.  Bacon always makes everything better, but I don't need to tell my dog pals that!

Demon Flash Bandit (Food Delivery)

Thursday, March 27, 2014

My Hobby

I have decided to discuss one of my favorite hobbies today.  That hobby is napping.  I took up the hobby as a puppy because it is something I truly enjoy doing.  I can nap for 2 hours, wake up and be ready to nap again.  Why is napping such an interesting hobby?  It is an interesting hobby because a dog can do anything while napping---go to a fast food drive-thru, pull a sled in a lovely blizzard or even nap.  How can a dog do all this while napping?  It is called dreaming.  The best thing about dreaming is that a dog can't get hurt no matter how dangerous the activity, and a dog always wakes up feeling refreshed no matter how hard the dog has worked in the dream.  When I'm awake, I like to daydream. Sometimes if you don't have a dingo bone to chew on, day dreaming about one is the next best thing.  However, in the case of dingo bones, I think it is better to have one than to dream about having one.

Demon Flash Bandit (My Hobby)

Monday, March 24, 2014

Movie Review: Pompeii

I have to admit that I found this film a bit disappointing.  I thought it was going to be the tale of some cheerleader pom poms that could articulate what it is like to be a pom pom.  Okay, on second thought, pom poms probably don't live that interesting a life so perhaps it is best that I was disappointed.  The film is actually about a place called Pompeii which many years ago in ancient times (probably the 1940's or 50's) was destroyed by a volcano. I bet the humans in Pompeii would have preferred a blizzard to the volcano, but the humans always complain about the weather no matter what comes so there is no making them happy.  That is probably why Mother Nature gets so annoyed at them and does as she pleases with the weather.

Pompeii is the story of some of the humans who lived in that ancient time,  One of them was a slave who became a gladiator which I think is kind of sick since I don't think a human should be proud of being a cannibal.  Look at the word, gladiator--glad he ate her.  If that is not a reference to cannibalism, I don't know what is.  At least he wasn't a gladheatethedog.  Anyway, he fell in love with a young woman who was supposed to marry this jerk of a Roman politician.  I guess many politicians have been jerks for decades which is why in the next presidential election, you should vote for me, Demon Flash Bandit for president.  You didn't think I could resist a chance to garner some votes for my up-coming election, did you?  I can only tell you that a volcano did happen and I don't consider that a spoiler anymore than knowing the Titanic sank before watching that movie would be a spoiler.  Some things are historic fact.  However, you have to watch the movie to see what happened to the individual characters.  I won't give out that information in my blog.

The movie was good, but not great so I am not going to give it a doggy rating since I'm getting tired of the lack of dogs in the movies.  However, on the human movie scale, I give it a 6 out of 10.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Disney Should Depict Birds as they Really Are!

In past blogs.,  I have complained about Disney's obsession with a mouse. I find it reprehensible that Disney dedicates entire parks to the mouse and yet dogs are not allowed unless they are service dogs.  Just how logical is that?  However, I feel the need to complain about a whole new aspect of Disney that really makes this dog's blood boil-and it takes a lot to get a Siberian Husky's blood to boil!  I have observed that Disney makes a lot of movies in which the heroine (usually Cinderella or Snow White) has birds singing to the heroine while the birds  fly around and help with the housework.  Humans, who by their very nature are quite gullible, watch these movies and some of them think that birds are cute and nice.  This makes it even more difficult to explain to the humans that birds are evil and out to take over the world as we know it.  I think Disney should stop all this silliness.  They should replace  their mouse named Mickey with that nice dog named Pluto.  Birds should only be depicted in their movies if they are showing how birds really act.  Hitchcock did a great job of presenting them properly in his movie, The Birds.  It is nice to know that some film makers stick with the truth!

Demon Flash Bandit (Birds are Evil)

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Sharing Scientifical Knowledge

I have decided to write today about a scientifical subject because sometimes a dog likes to write about intellectual things.  Today I am going to discuss the latest scientifical findings from a group of terrier scientists (of which my friends, Whitley and Finley head the team).  These terriers have done some extensive research and their research has shown that squirrels are jerks.  Not only are they jerks, but they are annoying.  I personally have not dealt with a lot of squirrels so I can't speak from experience.  I'm usually much too busy keeping my eyes on the evil birds. so I have not noticed what jerks squirrels can be.  I'm so glad that the terriers have done the research for me because, quite frankly, this dog needs to save more time for napping.  Twenty hours a day set aside for napping is not enough.  In fact, cat scientists have come to the same conclusion as the terriers so that proves it dogs....squirrels are jerks!

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing Scientifical Knowledge)

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Great Dog Invention

You can buy cool new invention that I'm sure was invented by a dog whose human is taking credit for the idea.  You know the humans are always stealing their dogs' ideas!  What is this exciting new product that was really invented by a dog?  Bacon bowls of course.  I have thought of serving a dog's food and treats in a rawhide bowl, but bacon is better so a dog out there was thinking like me, but came up with a better idea.  That is not an easy feat since I happen to be a doggy genius!  For those who want to order one, here is the link:
These items can also be purchased in stores for those who want to get their paws on one immediately.  I even have a recipe for the bowl.  I think the most perfect thing to serve in a bacon bowl is bacon with bacon bits.  I have never met a dog who didn't love bacon!

Demon Flash Bandit (Bacon Bowls Brilliant Invention!)

Movie Review: Mr. Peabody and Sherman

Since dogs make much better movies than the humans, the humans try to keep dogs out of most movies unless they want to make sure it is a blockbuster.  Today's movie review is about a "dog movie", Mr. Peabody and Sherman.  This movie is based on the cartoon that used to be on the Rocky and Bullwinkle show (which proves that even moose and squirrels know that humans love to watch dog movies).

This movie stars Mr. Peabody, a genius dog who is even smarter than the average dog,which means that he is much intelligent than the human, Albert Einstein.  Mr. Peabody adopted Sherman who is a human child.  If you ask me, he is one of the luckiest human pups in existence.  Can it get any better if you are a human pup than being raised by a dog?  Most children can only dream of such a thing.   Mr. Peabody and Sherman travel through time in the WABAC machine.  Sherman was getting quite a history education that way until he disobeyed Mr. Peabody and did some "unauthorized" time travel. Then Mr. Peabody had to step in and solve the problems.  I can't tell you if Mr. Peabody was successful because it would spoil the movie for the dogs who haven't seen it.  However, with a dog to the rescue, I think most of us know that Mr. Peabody will succeed.  I give this move 4 paws up, enough tail wags to cause a hurricane, and sloppy doggy kisses. The human movie rating would be a 10 out of 10.  This is a "must see" movie, and it should be up for an Oscar for best movie of the year.  When you go into the theatre, tell them Demon Flash Bandit told you to see it.  The only thing that would have made the movie better is if the Mr. Peabody had went back in time to kill some birds.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Monday, March 17, 2014

My Treasure Was Stolen by MY Humans!!!

I have been unable to write for the past week, but I think the problem is now solved.  It seems that the browser my computer was using did not work with blogspot.  I hope this has not been too big an inconvenience for the many dogs out there who depend on reading my blog for my latest words of wisdom.  Because of my inability to write recently, there are so many things for me to write about that I hardly know where to begin.  When that happens, I like to begin with my favorite subject---ME!

Guess what I did last week.  I killed a mouse.  Sure, it isn't like I killed a bird, but I still consider it a score for a dog.  I have to admit I did make one mistake.  I let my humans see the mouse, and they took it from me.  A dog finds a rare trophy,  and the humans make the dog give it up.  They came up with an excuse that they thought I would buy, but I didn't buy it for one minute.  I'm a dog which means that the humans aren't smart enough to fool me.  They tried to claim that the mouse might have had some "poison" put out by neighbors so it wasn't safe to eat.  Do they really think any dog would be dumb enough to believe that.?  I know  that they wanted that delicious mouse for themselves.  I settled for the roasted chicken they gave me for dinner, but I would have loved to have tried that mouse.  I mice lay eggs? If so, there could be some delicious eggs hanging out in the yard, and this time the humans won't see them. Fool a dog once, shame on you....fool a dog twice, no way!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With Treasure Stolen by Humans)

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Mommy's New Conspiracy Theory

I have been unable to post a blog for almost a week now which proves to me that my enemies, the birds, have taken over BlogSpot.  I can't think of any other logical explanation for my inability to access the site in order to bark my words of wisdom.

Today I have a new conspiracy theory to share with my readers.  This one is not mine, but it is that of my human.  She was shopping in Target the other day. She saw that sign that tells the humans the date that a human has to have been born by in order to buy certain items like alcoholic beverages that are only available to people over 21.  When the humans reach the age of 21, they are considered "adults". Yeah, I know,  we dogs know that most of the humans never really act like adults, but you can't hold the humans to a dog's standards.  Anyway, she saw the year, 1993, and that is when one of those ideas came to her.  You know the humans have a good idea when you can see the light bulb above their heads, and hers was a 100 watt bulb so you know it is brilliant!  The reason Mommy and others of her generation are getting old is because the youngsters have had the nerve to grow up and become adults.  Mommy certainly did not give them permission to do so, but they have done it anyway.  Imagine the repercussions this has on the world.  The kids who never learned how to pull up their "pull up training pants" are now considered old enough to run the world.  If those "tots" had the foresight not to grow up, Mommy and her cohorts would still be young-or younger anyway.  As a general rule, I would think that Mommy is being silly, but I can see her point.  I am now 10 years old, and as an older dog,  I can understand why she might get upset about such a thing.  When I look around at the young puppies chasing their tails when they could be napping,  I wonder if they will ever have the sense to kill birds like us dogs are supposed to do.  However, I told Mommy everything would be okay because the older dogs probably thought the same thing about her and me and we turned out okay so I guess the world will still continue even with the babies born in 1993 taking over.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing a New Conspiracy Theory)