Saturday, May 27, 2017

Legal Contract

It has come to my attention that there are many dogs reading this who do not have a legal contract with their humans.   There was a time when a dog and his or her humans did not bother with legal contracts.  Things are more complicated now.  In the olden days, life was simpler.  Dogs were happy chasing a Frisbee, and living with the humans in their house.  In fact. living inside was the ultimate holy grail of dogdom.  Things are more complicated because so many families don't stay together anymore.  Sometimes those breakups can effect a dog's life.  Besides, a contract can be a good thing.  As a public service to all the dogs who read my blog, I am going to share my contract.  All you have to do is substitute your name and that of your humans.

Here is the contract:

  I, Demon Flash Bandit,  being a totally awesome dog who any human would be thrilled to have as a companion, enter a legal agreement with Humom, William and Jeffrey.  The humans agree to put Demon in charge of the household.  They recognize   that dogs are superior to humans.  If the pack ever breaks up, Demon gets to choose with whom to join.  Demon will continue to be in charge of the new pack.  The humans will provide Demon with the food and treats he prefers.  Both parties agree to  this contract with a signature or a pawprint.

Demon Flash Bandit

Friday, May 26, 2017

Demon Flash Bandit Show

https://www.youtube.com/#/watch?v=IUw7_73aNbQ



I am sharing a video I have shared in the past on my blog. This is posted on my brother, Jeff's channel starring Angel and me.  I am the dog with blue eyes.  Angel has brown eyes.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Dogs: The Broadway Musical

At the Neil Simon Theatre, in NYC,  there is a musical show called Cats being performed by humans dressed as cats.   This show has been boring the humans for a long time.  The ticket prices start at $59.00.  Can you believe it?  That is an enormous amount of money to watch a bunch of cats jumping around  and meowing.   I like cats, but they are not interesting to watch.  I do enjoy watching them kill birds and mice, but that is the only thing cats do that is useful.  Mostly they just hang out with their humans when they are in the mood.  From their behavior, I am not sure they  like their humans.  They also tend to be very picky about food.

On the other paw, it would make more sense to have a show about dogs.  Dogs are interesting and we love our humans.  How many cats jump on their humans as a gesture of love when they have been separated for more than 10 minutes.  Does a cat kiss their humans enthusiastically when their humans return?  I would pay  more for a show about dogs.  When do we dogs get our show on Broadway.?   I want to see the musical, Dogs.

Demon Flash Bandit

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Bye Bye, Birdies!

Birds are evil.  I have written numerous blogs on the subject.  Evidently my humom has not been reading what she types or she is unable to comprehend what she reads.  She bought a copper bird feeder and birdseed to hang outside the house.  She thought I would enjoy watching the birds from my vantage point on the couch in front of the big window.  I am wondering if humom lost the little mind she has left.  I am going to look for hudad's air pistol, open the window, and shoot bbs at the evil birds.  A dog can take the humans most stupid actions and salvage them jnto somethihg good. Bye bye birdies!

Demon Flash Bandit

Friday, May 19, 2017

Angel is Rccoyed

Angel Zoom Smokey was perusing some sales ads from the newspaper.  She went running to show it to humon.  Angel was so excited  because our local Rural King store is going to have a free hot got day.  I don't like hot dogs, but that is all Angel can talk about.  She thinks they will give her at least 20, maybe even 30.    I could tell her that the store is probably only giving hot dogs to the humans but I can'tbe he one to break her heatt.

Demon Flash Bandit

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

The Cow Jumped Over the Moon

Hey Diddle Diddle,
The Cat and the fiddle
The cow jumped over the moon
The little dog laughed to see such a sight,
and the dish ran away with the spoon.

A simple child's fairy tale or a government cover up?  You might ask, why a government cover up?  It would be an embarrassment for the humans who spent millions of dollars on the space race in the twentieth century.  

I passed by a pasture that had some cows and a couple of horses grazing on the grass.  I like both animals.  I suspect they are part of the dog family.  I spotted my long time friend, Elsie T. (the) Cow, Carrie O'Leary, and June the cow who jumped over the moon.   The tranquil scene reminded me of the nursery rhyme above.

Since  June jumped over the moon many years before the space race, I decided to ask her some questions.  She said that NASA knew about her feat.  It cost her nothing.  NASA humans spent million on the project.  If I was part of NASA, I would feel stupid.

At the time, the humans paid no attention to the cow's accomplishment.  They were to  busy chasing the dish and spoon.  The dog was laughing at the humans.  Silly humans!

Demon Flash Bandit

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Interrogating Squirrels

According to what I have heard, the orange guy in the White House proclaimed, water boarding and other torture is okay.   With his new executive order allowing torture, I went outside and I proceeded to interrogate the little squirrel  varmints.  First I sat them on boards and I proceeded to  water board them with the hose.  They claimed that they had no knowledge of  the squirrel on top of the Donald's head.  Of course, I did not believe them so the torture continued.  I showed them an unshelled pecan wrapped in bacon and then  I ate the bacon and the pecan.  I turned off their squirellnet. Merlyn and Pearl Squirrel have a YouTube show which is very popular with the squirrels.   A squirrel spends most of his day going from  tree to tree looking for food, then they settle in and watch Squirrelnet while they eat  dinner.   After dinner, they try to find their stored food.  Squirrels  are a forgetful group.  Anyway, I knew the  loss of their entertainment  would be the worst torture of all.  This was the final item that got them to answer my question.  The squirrel
 On top of "the Donald's head is a fake unstuffed toy plush squirrel.

Now all is right with my world.  It restored my faith in squirrelkind.  I have to admit that my torture was unnecessary.  It turns out the squirrels are upset about Trump using their likeness on his head.  I understand how they feel.  I am glad Trump isn't wearing a fake husky.  The squirrels and I had a great time chatting.  In fact, they have am upcoming lawsuit against Trump For infringing on their intellectual fur.  I nope they win.   We said our goodbyes and tomorrow, I will be chasing them again.  If you are tired of watching human television, try Squirrtelnet.  The Big Acorn Theory and The Wonderful World of Squirrels ate 2 of their highest rated shows.

Demon Flash Bandit
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Friday, May 12, 2017

All You Need is a Dog's Love

It has come to my attention that there are some humans that do not love dogs.  They do not understand why many humans ate so fond, even seemingly crazy about their dogs.  My brother, William had a birthday today, and both Angel and I received a new toy.  It was a squeaky raccoon with 3 squeakies.  We hit the squeaky jackpot!   I am mentioning my toy because I wanted to share my good fortune with my readers.  However, it illustrates my point about my humans and other dog owners.  There would not be so much money spent on dogs if the humans didn't love us so much.  A pet dog is the animal that gives the most affection to the humans.  

With the exception of dogs who have had humans mistreat them or homeless dogs  that have to survive without a loving human, most dogs give the humans unconditional love.  We don't care if our humans are rich or poor.  Our only judgement toward our humans is that they are the most fantastic humans on the planet.  Most humans respond to us the same way.  They aren't afraid to hug us and humans do not tend to show that kind of love to other humans.  Humans can be a bit judgmental at times though.  Just pee on the carpet and they judge you.  Am I not right, dogs?  However, they do forgive us.  In my opinion, that is why so many humans love dogs.  We love them, and they are able to love us back.  I don't think the humans will ever learn to love each other and that is a shame.

Demon Flash Bandit

Feel free to share as long as I am credited as the writer.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Royal Corgis Should be called Sir

It has come to my my attention that the Queen Lady (Queen Elizabeth II) is soon to be without Corgis.  I was appalled to learn that she used to have 8 Corgis and now she only has 2.  This blog's original subject was supposed to be why she hasm't knighted the dogs because I think it is only proper that the Queen's dogs should be addressed as Sir.  As I was researching the subject of knighting dogs, I discovered that the Queen will not allow any puppies when the older dogs go to the palace in the sky.  Naturally, she doesn't want to outlive her dogs.  I am sure someone would take care of any dogs left behind.  I think puppies help the humans live longer.

The Queen Lady  could have someone bring in the puppies only when she is sitting.  Puppies can be tripped over as the humans age, and it is understandable that she should be concerned about falling. However,  she  is still riding horses.  I like horses, but they can be dangerous.   Even Superman was hurt on a horse.  I think it was a green horse so he should have been more suspicious.  By the way,  Christopher Reeves will always be my Superman - may he RIP.

I am an older dog myself so I sympathize with the Queen Lady.  It would be nice to be a puppy longer, but that is not how the world operates. The Queen Lady has been granted a long life.  Perhaps it is time to retire and turn things over to Prince Charles. Then she could spend more time with her corgis.  Time spent with a dog is time well spent.

I am sharing an article I found in my research:




Demon Flash Bandit

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Today's Color: Orange

Since "The Donald" has taken office, and I mean that he literally took the office, I have been wondering where the rest of the orange people reside.  I decided they must live in Florida because Florida has oranges.  Then I read that he keeps going to Marigold, Florida so, as usual, I have discovered the truth.     I assume that the orange people are an odd mixture of oranges,  and pumpkins that came to life..  YouTube had a channel that featured a  talking orange that annoyed its viewers.  No, I am not talking about The Apprentice.  Personally, I would prefer to watch the talking orange.  In fact, there is one episode of the annoying orange that features Donald Trunk and the orange during election time which I will share with my viewers.


https://www.youtube.com/?reload=2&rdm=2kiry93mk#/watch?v=e-yvVVye0ds

I also have a theory that Trump is an orange alien from another planet.  I am sure that not all aliens ate green.

Demon Flash Bandit

Monday, May 8, 2017

Movie Review: Manchester by the Sea

Today I am writing a movie review of Manchester by the Sea.  This is a movie from Amazon Studios, and it won 2 Oscars.  They were for best screenplay and best actor (Casey Afflect).  I will venture to guess that he is related to Ben.  I would have been shocked that it got 2 Oscars if I had any respect for the awards.  These ate the !The morons who did not give Johnny Depp the Oscar for best actor as Capt. Jack Sparrow.

If there was an Oscar for most depressing movie ever made, this would win paws down.  The movie begins with a man who has a delightful job as a superintendent of a couple of apartment buildings in Boston. Humom said it is not a fun job, but Angel and I concurred that his job would be fun..  He got to work on toilets and take out trash.  That would be a dog's dream job!  Do you know they pay people to do that job when a dog would do it without charge?

His brother dies and he had to go back to his hometown.  Once there, he learns that his brother wants him to be his son's guardian.  This is a difficult position for hi! Because he lost his 3 childten in a house fire, and he never got over it.  In fact, that was the reason he had the job on Boston.  The town had too many sad memories for him.   I won't spoil the ending, but the movie is about his dealing with his psychological demons.he
I give it 3 paws up which means that it isn't as entertaining as a stick, but less entertaining than watching a cat throw up a hairball.

Demon Flash Bandit ( Movie Critic)

Every Dog Has His Day

Today I have a tip for my readers:  when ordering  a pizza, adding more meat and extra cheese makes a much tastier pizza.  If Dominos needs a spokesdog, I will work for pizza.  I am also a very cute mascot.

As you may have guessed, I am having a good day around the homestead.  Okay, maybe I live in a small town and we have no farm animals.  I think they would be fun to play with.  I live in a house that is next to a 5 lane highway so I do find it interesting to watch the cars from the big window in the living room.

As usual, I was thinking about philosophical things.  I was contemplating the amount of time between Easter and Halloween - 2 holidays that involve gift giving for dogs around here.  I have decided that it is entirely too long  to wait.  Therefore,  I am declaring  July 15 as Dog Appreciation Day. It is about half way between the aforementioned holidays.  The humans have a Mothers Day and a Fathers Day.  It is about time we dogs have a day.  In fact, the humans know we should have a day.  I am sure everyone has heard the expression, every dog has his day.  I have now specified the day - July 15.

Demon Flash Bandit




Friday, May 5, 2017

Angel Zoom Smokey is in Trouble

Angel Zoom Smokey is in trouble with the humans today.  She went into Jeff's  bedroom and chewed up his PlayStation 4 controller.  Jeff found it when he came home from work. He was not happy.  She has her nose out of joint because of Jeff's girlfriend.  She adores Jeff.  He was the one who held her on the way home from Ohio.  I like Jeff myself, but William is the human who feeds us the most.  He shared his grilled chicken today.  I am a more practical dog.  I like the humans who feed me good stuff.  I love humom too.  She is the one who held me on the way ho!me from the breeder.  She is the human who pays for our  food so she is, in my opinion,  the best human in the world.  I smell a sugar and cinnamon pop tart. and it is in Williams paws.  I have to go and get my share. i love pop tarts.

Demo. Flash Handing