Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Human Gophers

Humans have a large array of ways to  earn a living.  Some can be referred to as jobs because the only way people are willing to do them is for money.  Some of the more interesting jobs are called careers. The "jobs" that no one wants to do are usually the ones that are harder and pay the least.  As a dog, this situation makes no sense  to me.  Dogs think more logically than humans.
One entry level position for humans is that of a gopher.  This person runs errands for the people in charge.  The animal kingdom also has a gopher.  He is the errand fur guy of the forest.    Life would run a lot smoother if dogs were in charge, and gophers ran all the errands.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Gophers)

Sunday, December 27, 2015

My Blog Won't Write Itself

When I got up  today,  I suspected that mom might not feel like writing my blog today.  She has been neglecting my blog more than usual so this time I took action.  I know she has been sick, but if you listen to every flimsy excuse, a dog would never be able to accomplish anything.   Before she could give me a lame excuse, I had to remind her that the blog isn't going to type itself.  When dealing with humans, sometimes
 a dog has to be harsh.

Thursday is New Years Eve, and I'm planning my usual big party for dogs.
  I am expecting at least 5,000 dogs to attend. The sky will be lit up by noiseless fireworks. (Noiseless ones were invented by dogs for dogs.)
  I have ordered  one truckload of bacon and a truck load of all the other meats we like.  We'll have milkbone appetizers and special bones  with frosting (for dogs).

I've got a lot to do to prepare for my party so I have to go. Very like my blog, the party won't  plan itself. You can get guzzied up, dress casually, or just wear your fur, don't miss it.  My New Year's Eve party is the event of the year!

Demon Flash Bandit (Busy Dog)

Saturday, December 26, 2015

I Love Santa Paws

I hope my readers had a wonderful Christmas!  I had a great Christmas.  It was a little weird this year because the tree was set up in mom's bedroom..  Mom said my bothers put it in her room so she could enjoy seeing it.  I prefer it in the living room, but I also love to see Mom happy.  Santa Paws was good to my family.

Angel Zoom Smokey said she had  asked for a prepaid credit card with millions of dollars loaded on it.  I told her that.Santa can't always bring everything on your list.  She is convinced  Santa Paws is a cjeapskate.  I have to.sign off  this blog.  I've got to play with my new reindeer dog puzzle.  As usual, I'm happy with Santa.  I want to wish everyone a happy New year!

Demon Flash Bandit (Happy Dog)




Thursday, December 24, 2015

A Visit from Santa Paws

Twas the day before Christmas and I am mad.
The humans are treating this dog very bad.
I've been very helpful I watered the tree
The humans don't always appreciate me.


The stockings were hung with the greatest of care
In hopes that Santa Paws gives me my share.

Dogs were supposed to be sleeping in bed.
I had visions of Dog treats dancing in my head.
While mom in her hospital bed was taking a nap.
We know Santa can find us-we sent him a map.

Out on the lawn I heard so much noise,
I ran to the window with my usual poise.
I looked out the window to check out the scene.
My job as a guard dog is to bark and sound mean.

I was delighted to see a blanket of snow
As the piles of snow continued to grow.
I started to do some very loud barking
When I saw a sleigh on my roof  parking


The sleigh carrying Santa Paws was a welcome sight.
This dog is sure to have presents tonight.
Forget the chimney-I opened the door for him
Obviously, he wastes no time at the gym.

We barked and sniffed each other's tails.
He said he got my list in the mail.
He  left all the treats and toys I requested.
That is why I think Santa Paws is the bed rest.

He moved fast for a chubby old man.
He ate his cookies and I gave him a ham.
It was my gift to Mrs. Paws and him.
I watched him fly off until the vision was dim.

Let this be a lesson: be careful who you bite.
It might be Santa Paws wishing you a good night.

Demon Flash Bandit.(Dog who Knows Santa)














Monday, December 21, 2015

Angel Zoom Smokey's Letter to Santa Paws

Yesterday Demon shared his letter to Santa Paws.  He kindly offered me the opportunity to share my letter with my list for Mr. Paws.  I appreciate Demon's request.  Remember, Demon likes to write funny stuff so if he claims I locked him in a closet and took over the computer, he is just trying to be funny.  Without further ado. here is my letter.

Dear S. Paws,

You have the rare privilege of receiving a letter from me, the most excellent Angel Zoom Smoky
Possibly I am wasting my time writing you because in past years, you have not brought me what  I requested.  I can only surmise that you are a cheapskate.  When I sent the first two letters asking for several million dollars in cash, I just assumed you were busy because you did not bring the things I asked for
Still, I did not get the gifts and cash I requested again  last year  I am going to.make it even easier for you and the elves this year.  Load 50 million dollars into a prepaid charge card.  I love to shop and that amount should see me through until my birthday which is in March.

I hope you don't continue to disappoint me again.  Just so you will see the impact your lack of generosity, here is the letter and reply that I wrote to the editor of Dog Fancy magazine.


Dear Editor Fido,
I am a very sweet Siberian husky.  I should be at the top of Santa Paw's nice list, but every year he does not come through with my gifts.  A cat told me that Santa doesn't exist
  I know I can trust an editor of a dog magazine so, is there a Santa Paws?
Sincerely,   Angel Zoom Smokey

Dear Angel,
The cat who told you there is no Santa Paws was wrong.  This is why a dog can never believe.a cat.  Cats are compulsive liars.  I'm o sure Santa left you everything you requested which were stolen by that no good cat.  By the way, birds are untrustworthy also. As long as a dog needs a bone, there is a Santa Paws!  Sincerely, Fido.

I have to go now.  I hear Demon crying in the closet-and he thinks he is a he-man dog.

Angel Zoom Smokey (Guest Blogger)










Saturday, December 19, 2015

Letter to.Santa Paws

Since it less than a week until Christmas, I decided to share my letter to Santa Paws.

Dear Mr. Santa Paws,
This is Demon Flash Bandit , and I am sending you the first of my letters to you each and every year.  Some dogs just send you their gift list.  However, as you know, I also send you a thank you card after Christmas. If the human puppies followed their dogs advice,  the naughty list would be a lot shorter.

I don't think I need to tell you how excited I was to see my humans carrying in a tree. Since Mommy bought a new tree last year, I thought maybe this tree was my own personal tree.  Alas, the tree she bought last year is in the garage surrounded by stuff.  She said my brothers would never have it up before Christmas.  Obviously she knows my brothers well.  They think like dogs.

Instead of sending you an individual list of the things I want, I am registered at  Amazon and at all major store chains except Wal-Mart.
I have been to www.peopleofwalmart.com.  I feared I might run into one of those humans which might cause me to choke to death laughing

I will as always leave you cookies.  I will.leave you a choice of beverages because milk is disgusting.  I know you like Coca Cola because you are in many of their ads   Since it is humom's favorite, we never run out.  Thank you in advance for all the wonderful gifts.  I will still send a thank you letter, but you deserve so much thanks for all the wonderful things you have done in the past.  Give my best wishes to Mrs.  Paws and the furelves.

Demon.Flash Bandit ( Writing to Santa)


















Monday, December 14, 2015

I'm a Tough Dog

Warning:  this blog contains subject matter that might be upsetting to some dog breeds (particularly terriers and dachshunds).  In the past, I have written about killing mice.  Many dogs have been bred by humans to chase mice.  The cats who helped raise me as a wee puppy did not have any use for mice except as a snack.

  I am only telling my side of the incident because my human thought I was being sweet.  I'm sure she would tell my readers even if she had to write a blog entry for me

I was.out in my yard.yesterday minding my own business and watering the trees when I found a mouse.  The mouse had a damaged front paw so mom brought him into the house in a little cage. When he was well, she was going to put him back into the wild.    I wish I could say that he got better,  but the little guy crossed the rainbow bridge last night
I hope this blog doesn't ruin my reputation as a tough dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Tough Dog)

Sunday, December 13, 2015

Vote Demon.Flash Bandit!

The humans are deciding who will.run for president in the next election.  I have already announced my plan to run.  It is high time a dog was put in charge.  However, despite the humans not being presidential material,  some of them are still planning to run.  The media has not properly covered the cadidates' pets.  Do they own dogs? Cats?  Birds?  Are we in danger of having a bird run the country?  These are the important questions.  Of course, the smart humans will be voting for yours truly , Demon Flash Bandit!

Demon Flash Bandit (Presidential Candidate)

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Barking From my Window

I have been unable write my blog for a few days.  I have been on guard duty at my house.  My home has been attacked several times by birds.  If it weren't for Angel Zoom Smokey and myself, the humans would have no defense from the little feathered varmints.  Seriously, it was like a scene from that old Hitchcock horror movie, The Birds.  I never meant to put my humans in danger when I started warning everyone about the bird's plan for taking over the planet.  I suspect that many birds who would have flown  south for the winter stayed here to takes part in the attack.  I could not take the easy way and not warn other species of their plans even if it makes me a target of hate crimes.  As long as I continue to win the world's handsomest husky contest (presented by me every year), I will be keeping tabs on those evil birds


Demon Flash Bandit (Spying on Birds)

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Movie Review: Fried Green Tomatoes

I hate to criticize a movie, but Fried Green Tomatoes was a disappointment.  This sequel did not follow the first movie at all.   I was wondering how the tomatoes would act before ripening.  I could envision the human army waiting to attack with  a giant salad fork.  Perhaps some scientist would invent some poison salad dressing or  invent some super aphids to fight the tomato plants.
For my readers who have not seen the original, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes and/or Fried Green Tomatoes, the sequel is a waste of money.  Personally, I think that Fried Green Tomatoes should have been a prequel since tomatoes are green before they ripen into red or yellow tomatoes.  The movie could have explained what went wrong that caused ordinary tomatoes go on a killing spree.  Instead of using the opportunity to delve into the tomato situation, they had an old lady narrating a story about living in a small town when she was young.  The green tomatoes never attacked anyone.  In fact, the train caused more suffering than the tomatoes did.  Perhaps it is because the humans cooked the tomatoes before they could become rotten. However, it left the viewers like myself disappointed.  When a dog expects to see an action movie and is greeted by old women gossiping, I have to give the movie a bad rating.  I refuse to see another cooking movie unless they remake it and it is called "Cooking Bacon".
  I love bacon.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)



  

Sunday, December 6, 2015

Happy .Hanukkah

In keeping with my humans idea that the family dog gets gifts on every gift giving occasion, this dog  is converting to Judaism.  Happy Hanukkah to all the humans and dogs celebrating the holiday.  I haven't really spent much time studying theology, but I am going to assume that the celebration is in honor of Han Solo escaping the carbonite in which Jabba had him encased
 The best thing about Hanukkah is that it lasts for more than one day.  According to the song, 12 Days of Christmas, at one time, Christmas had gifts for more days.  I would be upset about
missing 11 gifts, but I am assuming that it was cut back because no one wants a bird for Christmas!  I know I don't.

Before you mention giving up bacon and ham; dogs do not have to eat kosher  Why go you think the humans were told not to eat pork?  God loves dogs, and he knows how much we love bacon.  It is great that we don't have to share it with the all the humans.

Hanukkah comes before Christmas so, once I get my Hanukkah gifts, I can convert back to Christianity in time for Christmas.  I need to check out other religions for gift giving occasions. Angel and I may have missed many gift giving religious holidays. Keep in mind that Jehovah's Witness followers don't believe in giving gifts so don't get fooled when they come to your door.  They don't even celebrate their dogs birthdays.  I've got to go now because I need to pick out gifts I'll like.  For my readers who have gifts to buy, Amazon has cool Han in carbonite necklaces for the Star Wars fan on your list



Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Getting Gifts)
 









Thursday, December 3, 2015

Mom's Wolfdayi

I am writing a bit later than usual.  That is because December 2 was my humon's Wolfday. She has had a lot of wolfdays in her life so  it is my job to make  this one memorable.  As you know, we dogs are largely responsible for the happiness of our humans, and I am excellent at my job!  Besides, Mommy is not hard to please.  A big kiss, saying I love you in human and wagging my lovely tail melts her heart.  When humans don't have a dog, visiting canines slip prozac into their human food and hope they will eventually get a dog to watch out for them.

The day started out great.  Angel and I got gifts. Mom got us toys and a new antler to chew on.  I am glad mom does not want us to feel left out of gift giving occasions.  She thinks very logically for a human.  Actually, I think the humans enjoy giving us stuff.  I suspect the humans love us as much as we love them.  In fact, Angel gave mom her squeaky frog toy which was a big sacrifice on her part.  The humans reading this might think she is being sweet.  Personally I think she has an ulterior motive.  It is easy to fool the humans, but dogs are too smart to be fooled.

Boni, who mom met through dogster sent gourmet candy.  I'm sure that it was meant for me, but humom isn't sharing.  It was put of my reach.  However, when the humans  are sleeping, I plan to get the ladder from the garage, and I plan to eat all that delicious candy.  Mom had a chocolate birthday cake with ""bumps" of vanilla frosting covered with chocolate.  They aren't sharing it either.  At least dinner was good.  Mom got hamburgers from  Georges Coney Island and She ordered us our own dinner.  I love bacon cheeseburgers!  I think most dogs do.

Demon Flash Bandit (Celebrating mom's Wolfday















Monday, November 30, 2015

Attack of the Killer Pumpkins !!!

In the past. I have written about a horrible situation involving vegetables-killer vegetables.  In 1978 Hollywood released 4 subsequent documentaries and an animated show about this problem.  The first was Attack of KIller Tomatoes. It was followed by Return of the Killer Tomatoes, Killer Tomatoes Strike Back!, and The Killer Tomatoes Eat France!  These documentaries tried to warn the general population of the threat.  Most humans did not pay attention to these informative public service announcements.


In case you are wondering why I brought this subject up today.  It is because I am concerned about the possibility of killer pumpkins.  I observed that last month around  Halloween, many houses in our neighborhood had pumpkins as decorations.  At first it was just simple pumpkins, but as Halloween approached, faces started appearing on pumpkins--and some of those faces looked sinister to me
  Now most of them are missing, and I can only assume that those pumpkins took off on a killing spree.  I have no idea what makes an ordinary veggie go wrong.  However,  this is why I don't eat vegetables, and I think the world would be better off without them.  Most vegetables taste bad anyway.

Demon Flash Bandit (Vegetable Hating Dog)

Friday, November 27, 2015

Tired Dog

I asked humom if she felt like writing my blog today.   She said she is tired, but she loves me so much that she would type it for me. Since I've been recovering from all the recent activity, I am sleeping as much as possible



Demon Flash Bandit.( Tired Dog)












Leftovers

I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving.  Mine was pleasant. My humans bought  Angel and me an exlarge pizza to share.  Ours had 3 toppings-bacon, ham and bacon.  It was good  but could have been better with extra bacon.  We sat around all day eating, watching tv, and sleeping.  It was a great day and I am thankful for days like it.  I think Thanksgiving should be in our hearts and tummies everyday!  Now is the time for leftovers-pizza sandwiches, Pizza soup, and pizza a la king.  I think she should donate the leftovers to.the local animal shelter.  I think it is irresponsible to give me the same food everyday because it is boring

Demon Flash Bandit (Happy Dog)


















Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Happy Thanksgiving

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving here in the United States. It is a fantastic holiday dedicated to food so it is a big day for us dogs.  My Humans are planning their big holiday feast.  They order pizza from the deli near our house which stays open on Thanksgiving.  Since I have decided I like.pizza, mom will order one just for me.  I
prefer my toppings to be bacon and ham
I've heard tales of a wondrous time when humom used to cook and bake.  There was a dead bird on the dinner table.back then.  However those days are gone.  There are a lot of things in which humom can no longer take part in doing.  In fact, she has been seriously negligent publishing my blog.  I would normally complain about her laziness. But I know she doesn't have a lot of energy, and she does have chronic pain.  I am only bringing up this subject because this dog is very thankful that she is still here.  Usually dogs  cross over the bridge before their humans, but that is not always the case. My human dad crossed over in 2007 and my life has not been the same.  Anyway, I am thankful for my humans, my dog pals,and their humans.  I would appreciate any prayers you can send our way.  Mom often feels.useless.  I hope everyone has a nice Thanksgiving!

Demon Flash Bandit (Happy Dog)












Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Heads Will Roll

To answer the question, how does it feel to be an old dog?  I have no idea how to answer because I look and act like a puppy.  I even killed a mouse yesterday. I spend so  much of my time putting up "no mice trespassing" by order of the royal dog, and the mice are continuing to break the law.  If I were French, I would buy a mouse size guillotine, and mouse heads would roll

I have some exciting news for my readers
  My brother, Jeff, has a new channel on YouTube.  Here is the link: https://m.youtube.com/#/channel/UCb7Y2MneI_Srw1I6BBr9tPQ

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog)
 

 

Sunday, November 22, 2015

Happy Birthday to me

I hope every dog who attended my wolfday party yesterday had a good time
 It was so good to see all my pals.  It was a great day for me.  I am now 12 years old.   I have already asked about social security benefits
  and I'm checking on senior discounts.
  I got some bones frosted with doggy frosting and humom gave a a mouse puzzle toy and Angel got a panda bear puzzle toy. My human brothers gave us lamb chop toys and dingo bones. Also we got a frog and a
Rabbit

  I have to tell you that the greatest gift was an answer to my prayers.  The night before my birthday"  I said my usual prayers "
now I lay me down to  rest my paws, I know you watch out for me all the time. I know you are busy, but
  It sure would be nice to.have a white birthday.  God answered my prayers because we woke up to at least a foot of snow.

Demon Flash Bandit ( Celebrating a White Birthday)

 




Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Movie. Review: Jurassic World

Today it is time for this dog to write a
movie review of Jurrasic World which is essentially a good movie
However. If you are looking for historical accuracy watch The Flintstones,  it shows how cooperation between the animals and humans were at their best  I give Jurassic World 4 paws up, Tummy rubs, and a wagging tail

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)
















.



















Thursday, October 29, 2015

Tricks for Treats

My good luck is continuing. Yesterday my humom ordered pasta from Dominos, and she ordered me the specialty chicken and bacon.  The only thing that could make it better would be additional bacon.  For the dogs reading this, I have to admit that luck is only part of the equation.  There are "tricks" for dogs to use to get the food a dog wants.  Most dogs are masters at begging for food.  However, begging usually only scores a couple of bites.  That is why I am going to.share my secret with all dogs. I will warn you that my method does take patience,  but the rewards are definitely worth the effort.  Every time the humans are eating something you
like, don't simply beg.  Cry like your heart is  breaking. My.humans always give in to my crying.  This is how I.get my humans to give me my own order of food.  I have my humans wrapped around paws.

Demon Fiash Bandit (Sharing a Useful Trick)

















Monday, October 26, 2015

I am a Lucky Dog

Sometimes life  can surprise a dog with an opportunity that a wise dog will  use to his advantage.  In my case, the humans left a half full box of cereal. Yes dogs, half a box of banana nut Cheerios.  I recommend getting your paws on this tasty cereal.  I loved it!  I was eating it right out of the box.  Just to make sure that I would not be blamed for eating the cereal, I tore the box into little.pieces and left them by William's bed.  If.possible make sure a human gets the blame so look innocent.  Now I'm waiting.formy next lucky break.

 



Demon.Flash Bandit (Cereal Loving Dog)
 
  


Saturday, October 24, 2015

Dog Hats are Stupid

Mom has done it again.  An Amazon package arrived today
 Humom.ordered me some.yogurt drops but imagine my anger when.  She showed me the "cute" cheeseburger hat she ordered for me.  I'll admit I got excited.when I saw it in the box.  I was hoping Burger King had started a delivery service which I have advocated for the burger chain since I sampled my first hamburger as a puppy.  However, my initial surprise was overcome by the realization.that my nose was not.smelling the delicious aroma of hamburgers.   That is when I grabbed the hat only to discover that it was made of fabric, and was not real!  My friend and blogger, Whitley, is from Texas; and Whitley left me a comment on my blog about the new cowboy hats humom got us.  Whitley said cows eventually become hamburgers, but I prefer to.meet my cows on the grill.  A.cow on the grill has never walked away.


Demon.Flash Bandit (Burger King Should Deliver)


 


Wednesday, October 21, 2015

I'm not a Cowdog

I have a horrible announcement to make. As if ordering Angel and me Ghostbuster and
 StaPuff man costumes for Halloween isn't bad enough, we got another package from Amazon today.  I'll admit, I was glad she ordered us some yogurt drop treats. She should have stopped when she ordered the.treats, but humom is not smart.  She also ordered Angel a pink cowgirl hat with a decorative tiara. She ordered me a brown cowboy hat.   My humom And my nonfur brothers think the hats are adorable which makes Angel and myself even madder.  We have no interest in looking silly for the human's amusement.  Seriously, how can we be cowhands when we have never even seen a cow?  I've got to.go now.  I see some clean  clothes that will smell better when I pee onotthem. Yes, I am adorable!

Demon Flash Bandit.(Not a Cowdog)






Saturday, October 17, 2015

Why Help Mice?

All I can say in this blog is that humans have to be the dumbest species on the planet (except for birds of course)
 Since humom is using a chair with wheels, she has been staying home more, and watching television a lot more.  I love spending time witn humom but some of the programs she watches are incredibly stupid.  Case in point:  one that has science lectures from Ted.  Personally, I think it is very silly to give that stuffed bear, Ted, from McFarlane's movie, Ted, in charge of a show involving science.  One episode was particularly annoying.  The episode dealt with increasing the lifespan of humans--an idea of which I approve.  Eventually that technology could also be used to increase the lifespan of dogs.  However, they are presently working to increase the lives of mice!  Mice normally have a 2 year lifespan, and the ones in experentation are living an extra year.

 Why?  I have killed several mice in my life, and my humans have thanked me for it.  Mom had to spend $300 a few years ago to fix her car from damage incurred when mice climbed into the engine area and chewed up some wiring.  Other humans have had the same thing happen to their cars.  Perhaps it is mechanics who are funding the study so they will continue getting the extra business.  I can't think of any other reason other than insanity
 for increasing the life of mice if you think I'm annoyed over this, don't even mention it to a cat.  Cats are really, really mad, and have always said that mice are only good as cat food.  I can't speak from experience because my humans never let me eat the mice I caught.  I think they were planning on eating the mice themselves.  Humans can be so annoying at times.

Demon Flash Bandit (Mouse Catcher)
 
 
 


 



 

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Sad dog

I have been putting off writing for several days because I learned that my dear, dear pup pal Puff crossed over the bridge
  Puff was a gorgeous little Maltese who could win your heart just by looking at his photo.  He was dashingly handsome, and he loved cuddling with his humom.and playing with his stuffys.  He was preceded over the bridge by his sister, Coco Rose, who.ruled the roost. Puffy did not mind.  He was happy Coco.Rose accepted him.  Their family recently moved from CA on.a new adventure to New Mexico.  I, along with my family will miss him greatly.    However, I'm sure Coco and Puffy will.greet all of their family and friends when it is our time to go.  Their humans are.giving  their love to 2 puppies who are blessed to be sharing their home.  Check out their blog titled, Barking From New Mexico.

Demon.Flash Bandit (Sad Dog)









Saturday, October 10, 2015

Halloween Costumes.are for Humans--not Dogs

Now that it is October, the dreaded holiday, Halloween will be celebrated.  Normally I would welcome a holiday in honor of candy.  I love Swedish Fish and Mike and Ike camdies.
  In fact, my favorite dog treats list sugar as the first ingredient.

My problem with Halloween is caused by the humans.  As I have mentioned many times in the past. This dog does not wear clothing.  Angel hates clothes even more than I.  From.the time
she was a puppy, she runs if she even sees dog size clothes
 This is why Mom doesn't buy us Halloween costumes.  We become very stubborn and uncooperative when mom tried in the past to put us in costume.  As all dogs know, humans continue to make the same mistakes because they have such short powers of recall.  Recently a package arrived from Amazon which contained a dog costume in our size.  It was the marshmallow man from  the movie, Ghostbusters.  Then today I noticed on mom's Amazon account that she had ordered a Ghostbuster uniform from the same film.  I hope mom plans to have our stunt dog, Phantom Fast Snowman, wear them because I love mom and I don't want her to get into a situation where I would have to bite her.  It is a disappointment to me because I thought I had her better trained.

Demon Flash Bandit.(Not a Ghostbusters)

Friday, October 9, 2015

Hellboy and Marriage.Vows of Henry the 8th

William and I were watching the movie,
 Hellboy.  It was hard for me to pay attention to the plot.  I kept thinking , why  is he wearing a coat?  Why doesn't the coat burn up?  Jeff said it is to look cool, but it sounds odd to me. However, human types are odd creatures so I'll accept.his explanation.

Mom and I have been watching the television series, The Tudors, again.   We just finished the episode in which he married his sixth wife, Catherine Parr.  I have to admit that, though I'm a very Macho dog, I got all choked up when Henry  the 8th said his wedding vows!  He had such a great staff of wedding vow writers, and he kept them super busy.  English nobility had to hire professional wedding gift shoppers to keep up with him.
Anyway,  I was so touched by his vow which I will now share with my readers who are unfamiliar with his loving words

My dearest Catherine, I pledge to you that I will be a loyal and loving husband until I meet a woman who is younger or prettier. When that happens, I will divorce you if you are agreeable. If not, I will be decreeing--off with your head.  I'm sure we will enjoy several weeks of wedded bliss before we separate.

Sadly, he died before he could find a 7th wife. I suppose that is part of the reason the US does not have royalty, except of course for Angel Zoom Smokey and myself.

Demon Flash Bandit (King Demon)






Wednesday, October 7, 2015

I Offer Solutions

Since I am running for president of the U.S. in the 2016 election, it is time for me to address some of this country's problems.  Today's subject is about the serious droughts in the west  including California.  In order to conserve water,  all dogs in California are willing to make the ultimate sacrifice and go  unbathed. We are willing to give up baths for our entire lives in order to make drinking water last longer. I am asking dogs all
over the country to stand in solidarity with dogs in the areas hit by the drought and Do not take a bAth
 If your human does not agree, have them read my
blog. If the humans quit bathing, it would save even more water, but humans are seldom.willing to make such sacrifices.

Demon Flash Bandit (Future President)


Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Now I'm a Fashion Model

As you know, I am a dog of many talents which now includes modelling.  At first, I was hesitant to.pursue this career because it involves walking on a "catwalk"  No self respecting dog wants to be on a catwalk, and I like cats, but I am also fond of walks
 That is why I decided to give it a try.

I am sure that you.must be thinking. "Demon, you hate wearing clothes so why become a model?" . Let me explain.  I love attention, and models get lots of it.  There is also the excitement.of hearing the announcement:  "Next is Demon Flash Bandit sporting a Kelloggs corn puff on his tail". I love cereal so I was keeping it close in case I needed a snack.  None of the other
models had a snack with them.  Of course, I was the only dog-the test were humans.   I'm not sure they ever eat.  Between working and dieting; I'm glad I'm a dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Cereal Model)

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Sunday, October 4, 2015

Angel Zoom.Smokey Ate MY Bacon !!!!!!

The student has become the master, and I wasn't aware I was a teacher.  On an average day, Angel and myself are given a boneless chicken breast for dinner.  i used to get hamburgers, but since mom can't get out of the house, we both get chicken instead of just Angel.  I was annoyed at first, but by eating chicken, I feel I am doing my part .in the war against birds.

Today there was only one piece of chicken so I got it because I am a pickier eater.  Angel was given a dish of Beneful prepared chicken dog food that mom.keeps around for just such an emergency.
Angel refused to eat it.  Therefore, Mom gave her a package of pre-cooked bacon  which mom bought for the humans.to make sandwiches for themselves.    BACON----- an entire pack of bacon for Angel.  That is how I get the good food .  I never dreamed Angel would use my plan. Frankly, I didn't.think.the bitch was smart enough!  Now I've learned not to under estimate
Angel's intelligence!  At least I.got to eat the Beneful prepared food which  looks just like human food so I.guess I did okay.  However, chicKen and bacon are delicious together.  I'm going to tone down my teaching skills.  Sometimes I forget just how smart I am.


Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Fine Dining)

Friday, October 2, 2015

Give me Food or Else

I am not happy at this moment
  I should have been fed about 2 hours ago.  My brother, William, fell asleep before he fed me.  Just as I was about to
  go to the kitchen and get my own foodiy mom
woke him.   Therefore, I will not bave to report him for animal cruelty.  William has roast beef to feed me so.I've got to.go
  Time to eat!!!!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who is Going to be Fed)
 

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Sharing Ancient' Egyptian Dog's Diary

I have long held an interest in history.  I was at a local garage sale recently.which is where I find my ancient.artifacts.  I really got lucky at that one.  I found an ancient dog diary from an ancient dog.  My find was written by an ancient Egyptian dog named Gahiji.  Gahiji admits that the humans then treated cats too well.  The humans back then treated.their.dogs well and were often buried with them when both  died.  Gahiji's human was named Habibah.  Habibah's family tried to.get him to go to.scribe school, but Habibah hated school so he became a pyramid builder.  Gahiji.loved Habibah  but was always worried that he would lose his job.  Habibah liked to write things.like "the Pharaoh needs to get a life", "this pyramid was not built by extraterrestrials" next to.a drawing of one, and "Don't re-elect the Pharaoh".  Gahiji.had heard rumor that the Pharaoh didn't have a sense of humor

Here is one of his entries:

Hot Day in Egypt.   2976 BC
It is  Hot day here in Egypt. My human (Habibah) is at work.building pyramids.  I plan to spend my day on one of.the Nile's many beaches.  Being a dog is a great life!
Gahiji (Ancient Dog)
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Demon Flash Bandit.(Professor Demon)






Saturday, September 26, 2015

Why Have Laundry Rooms?

In past blogs, I have written about the most useless room in a house-the bathroom.  My loyal readers already know-how I hate baths.  It has occurred to me that there is another room that exists in most houses that is equally useless--the laundry room.  Yes, most of the humans have a special room in which to do laundry,  I have never understood why humans like clothing.  The humans had to get a stunt dog for Angel and me because both of us refuse to put on silly clothes. We are NOT models.  If wearing clothing and taking baths isn't stupid enough, the humans have to wash and dry their clothing.  Therefore, they dedicate an entire room for that purpose.  There is both a washing machine and a dryer in the laundry room-both of them just to clean clothing.  The space wasted on that room and those machines can be better spent by turning it into a dog's playroom.  A room where a dog can  peacefully chew a bone.  That would make  a great addition to any house.  The only good thing about the laundry room here is that the humans do put some treats for us in there.  I would make it a treat room if I were a human!

Demon Flash Bandit (Why Clean Clothes?)


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Wednesday, September 23, 2015

New Salon Barbie

Do any of my canine readers have humans who have discovered Salon Pas? (I assume pas is a misspelling of paws.)  Salon Pas are small self adhesive strips that help alleviate pain in a specific area.  Since Mommy has a lot of pain, she buys them by the truck load.  In fact, I often wonder if Amazon would survive without my humans.  However, I am happy they carry dog treats so I like Amazon.

Mattel must have a lot in common with Mom because the company has just announced the new "Salon Pas" Barbie
  She will have special accessory packs with items she will need.  She can buy more Barbie size Salon Pas, Ace bandages,  regular bandages, and a heating pad.  You can buy a hospital bed and a wheelchair for her dream home.  Yeah, those items have been delivered to our home.  We don't like the new bed.  Angel got up on it, and her paw accidentally touched the "remote".  I have never seen Angel move so fast in her entire life.  There is the Vicodin accessory pack that also has several prescription pads for the Barbies who need pain medication whose stupid selfish doctors are hoarding it all for themselves.  One IV package comes with a tequila drip.  Of course, you can also buy flowers and candy to lift her spirits.  Mattel is even making Pharmacist Ken.  She met him while trying to get a forged prescription filled.  It was.love at first sight for both of them.  In fact, their gift registry is at the pharmacy where Ken works.  Barbie's gown will be made of Salon Pas.

For those of you who are wondering what caused her problems, what do you expect from a young person who has no parents to guide her, and a sports car that you know she is driving to fast-and texting her friends.  For any children reading this, be grateful you have parents who care about you.  We canines appreciate our humans!

Demon Flash Bandit (Doctor Demon)
 

Sunday, September 20, 2015

I am a Hero

Sometimes the humans need a hero.  Occasionally  that hero is a 55 pound Siberian husky with blue eyes.  Yes, I am a hero!  Yesterday I was doing my usual business in the yard, and I found a mouse trying to.infiltrate MY house.  I know that dogs reading this will admire my handling of the situation.  I killed the  rodent!  He is one rodent thAt will never invade a dog's territory again You are most welcome for my feat of heroism
  If only it could have been a bird!

Demon Flash Bandit  (Hero)

Saturday, September 19, 2015

Mommy is Home!

Good news!!!!!!  Mommy is home after over a month in the hospital and nursing home.  Angel Zoom Smokey  and myself were so glad to see her.  When my humans return home after a regular absence, we are happy to have them return.  Usually I let Angel get her kisses out.of the way and then I give kisses, but Mommy had.been.gone for so long that I couldn't wait.  Angel and I were both kissing Mommy at the same time.  She was equally happy to see us!  I am pleased to announce that my is better.  Even if she does have to use a chair with wheels to get around.

Mommy wants me to thank Coco Rose, Puffy, and their humom, Marilyn; for the pretty get well card.  Coco Rose had come back from the bridge to pick it out. She can't leave important decisions like that to the new puppy. She said to tell my readers that she is very happy there, but misses her many, many pals- particularly her humom, Marilyn!

Thanks for all the prayers and power of the paws.  I know they helped me get humom back!

Demon Flash Bandit (Thankful Dog)




Sunday, September 13, 2015

Television Show Review: The Golden Retrievers

Today I am reviewing an old television show that is shown on reruns a lot.   I'm sure that most of my readers are familiar with the show, but I am going to review it anyway.  The show is The Golden Retrievers.


This is the heart warming story of 4 older (senior citizen) dogs who were spending their golden years (aren't all a retrievers years golden?) living together in Miami, Florida. All are female dogs.  One of the dogs is older than the rest.  Her name is Spotfia. She is Dotfia's mother.  Dotifa is the smartest of the 4.  Rosey was originally from Minnesota, and she does a lot of silly barking.
  If Rosey had been a Siberian husky like me, she would have never left Minnesota!  The last bitch was named Branch.  Her parents chose the name because they were wealthy, and had a large stick collection. All of the dog's had grown up puppies who made occasional appearances on the show.

All the shows are about the daily lives of the 4 dogs.  During the day, they went their separate ways, but at home, together they played ball with each other, chased squirrels,  and chewed on bones and sticks.  There was always time for eating treats around the kitchen table which was the best part of the day!  I recommend this show.

Demon Flash Bandit (TV Critic)





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Monday, September 7, 2015

Sewing With Demon Flash Bandit

Welcome to the "Sewing With Demon Flash Bandit"  show.  Today we are going to make a straight jacket for Angel Zoom.Smokey.  It is a special gift that  she deserves for taking a bone meant for me.  I want to point out that, despite her thievery, this dog is willing to make her a gift!  I am such a good dog.  Do any of my readers have another dog "sharing" their bones too? .Be sure and watch the show.  You'll be glad you did!


Demon Flash Bandit (Dog 'Tail'or)  Dogs are born tailors thanks to our tails.


Saturday, September 5, 2015

Helping Mom.Save Money

Thanks for the comments.  Angel and I have our paws crossed that my nonfur brothers will listen.Meanwhile, I have. been moving food from the black Glad treasure bag while Mom is gone.  Since my brothers aren't taking us to see Mommy, how can I depend on them to feed us?   My brothers have been throwing away perfectly good food.  When Mommy gets home, I'm going to tell Mommy so she can save money.  Mommy prefers to.spend her extra money on bacon for Angel and me.  I know Mommy will appreciate my vigilance on this matter.  I am such a good dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Good Boy)

Thursday, September 3, 2015

Take Us to see Mommy

Hello to my readers!  I am happy to report that my brothers tell mommy is okay. It has been almost a month since the car that makes noise took.her to the hospital/nursing place.  I don't.like that car.  It took Daddy away and he never came home so I don't like the ambulances.    Mommy said they are good; but when it takes one of my humans, this dog holds a grudge!  If the Grim Reaper comes to my house, I will bite him on the butt.until he leaves the planet.  Anyway, Mommy should be able to return to us soon.
  However, Angel.and I think it is taking too.long
  The place does allow visits from.dogs.  So far my lazy nonfur brothers haven't taken either of us.  My brothers think we might become difficult because we are strong dogs and we get stubborn. Just because we think when walkies are for us that we should be in charge of where we go.  If the walks are for us, we should be in charge.  Be sure and leave feedback telling my brothers to take is to see Mommy.  She needs to see us!  We miss her and want to see her NOW!

Demon Flash Bandit)


Saturday, August 29, 2015

I Miss my Mommy

My humom has been in the hospital and is now in  a nursing facility for further physical therapy.  We want to thank all.those who have prayed for her and sent power of the paws.  Angel and I miss her, but we promised.her to watch out for our 2 human brothers.  I'm sure I don't have to.explain this to the dogs reading this
 Humans are helpless on their own.

Mom is feeling better.   We barked on the phone before I wrote this so I could share the latest news.  I'm sorry I haven't written updates until now. I was too.worried about humom.to write my blog. She may not be home for a month or two which does not make me happy, but I am glad she is better.  I do not want her to cross over the bridge. It was hard enough when my human dad crossed over.  By the way,she is getting excellent care.  She said that a  bunch of dogs visit  everyday and  one Dr.even  does his rounds with his dog!

She has been watching the trilogy  of the Lord of the Rings today.
  She has been watching it for 15 hours so there is only about 10 hours to go.


Please continue to pray for humom. I.miss her and want her back with me
  I know she misses me too!

Demon Flash Bandit (Missing Mom)








Pl

Friday, August 7, 2015

Angel and I have been missing our humom.. she has been in the hospital for five days
 Now is in assisted living.  I was not consulted about them taking Her
. Pray we get her back soon


 

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Baths are Unnecessary

I am taking my brother William to court for slander.  I overheard him telling other humans that Dr Demon Flash Bandit prescribes frequent baths!  This dog thinks baths are inhumane, and lead to injuries like falling in the bathtub.  This dog does not now nor will I ever prescribe a bath.  I'm a good Dr. Not a quack.  I plan to sue for a truck load of Dingo bones.

Dr. Demon Flash Bandit (Good Doctor)

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

My Recent Run of Good Luck!

This dog has been having a string of good luck for the past couple of days.  It all started when I found a box of my brother, William's medicine.  I was able to get some suckers and tootsie pops.  Yesterday I found pure gold-- red Swedish Fish candies.  I love them.  I found a nice sized bag of them and I know the humans wanted me to have them because of my hurt paw!  It is feeling much better.  I'm so lucky to have such thoughtful humans!  They were in a box that was on top of a shelf.  I had to do a bit of climbing, but I found it.  They wanted me to get some exercise.  As I said, they are always watching out for this dog!  Today I found a box of Mike and Ikes root beer float flavor.  As you may have guessed, this dog is going to be buying lottery tickets.  Normally, I would not recommend purchasing them.  However, I can't argue with my good luck.  Besides, I'm sure humom won't mind buying.them for me.  I think I could potentially win as much as $25. for dingo bones.

Demon Flash Bandit (Lucky Dog)

Saturday, July 18, 2015

War With Birds

As usual, I am receiving many inquiries about the war in Afghanistan or wherever our troops are at the moment. I don't really see the need in humans fighting other humans when that fire power could be better used to kill birds!  Once I am Preident, the war of bird aggression will begin.  Personally, I am okay with squirrels, but if dogs of the terrier persuasion
want to chase squirrels, I am okay with it.

I plan to put General Fuzzybutt the cat in charge of the artillery.  Those cats show no mercy.  Cats hate birds as much as I do.  It is a battlefield promotion for Fuzzybutt.

Demon Flash Bandit ( Birds Are Evil)


Tuesday, July 14, 2015

My Goals as President

I have been silent on the subject of the young human who went into a church and killed some people of African American descent.  Evidently, some of the humans think it was done by a Confederate flag that ran amok amd went on a killing spree.  The media takes a.kid who dropped out of school, used drugs, was more than likely insane, and got a gun legally which.he should not have been able to do.  Instead of gettng to the root of the problems, as usual, the govt.'s answer is to blame an inanimate object.  At least 10 years ago, a man with a gun walked into a Ford plant in Wixom, Michigan and killed an employee.  My dad worked in the plant at the time.  Why?  Because he was in love with one of the women who worked there that he met in a local bar.  Yes, the man was nuts. I try to be concerned with other people's feelings, but I do wonder where it going to end.  Since I am running for President, I thought I should let my readers know what I find offensive because.I will push to enact legislation against these things.



1. I find birds living on my planet to be highly offensive.  I want all birds shot on sight so that they can't take over this wonderful planet.

2.  I would outlaw all sale ads for.kibble.  I find those ads are stupid.  Dogs don't want to eat.kibble.  They want to eat wbat their humans are eating!

3. I find dog clothing highly offensive unless a dog wants ro wear said item.

4,  Baths and grooming need to be outlawed.  I don't like either of them.

5.  Vets-not military vets, but vets that treat animals.  However, if a military vet is also a pet dr. , I would suggest.that he is part of some "Inception" type movie plot and can't be trusted.

As you can see, I plan to be a paws on president who gets things done.

Demon Flash Bandit.(Presidential  Plans)

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Chef Demon Flash Bandit

"The best laid plans of dogs and men often go awry"  which is based on a line from a poem by Robert Burns.  I discovered the truth of that sentiment earlier today.  I had been preparing a rawhide bone for my consumption for a long time.  I have been systematically "marinating my bone in mud, dirt, and other interesting smells until it was.finally at just the proper eating level.   Your bone has achieved that moment when you start to eat it, and the humans gag just looking at it.  This is when the fun starts.  The humans will try to grab the bone from you at this point.  A couple of growls will make your humans rethink that plan.  This is when they try to get the bone from you with the "grabby arm".  Feel free to bite it because you can't hurt it.  It is metal and plastic so it feels no pain!  This is the point where the humans are willing to negotiate.  I got a bag of bite size dingo bones in exchange for the "yucky" rawhide bone.   I think the humans threw my marinated bone in the trash..I'm sure I can get myself another bag of dingo bones or maybe some other delicious treat. To be honest, I would love to eat my yucky rawhide.  Believe me:  it smells so good.  If only I could find it.

Demon Flash Bandit (Doggy Chef)

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Ghostbuster Dogs

I'm sharing this photograph of The New Ghostbusters movie. I took one look at the photo, and said,  WHY?????    Why??????!!!!!  Of course, that is the mormal reaction humans have when they see this photo.  Why did Hollywood feel Ghostbusters needed to be remade?   I don't normally bet, but my money would be on those movie.doing badly.at the box office.  If they wanted a box office,  hit, an all dog cast would be the way to go.  Dogs have so much talent that the humans can't compete!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Dogs in Films)

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Great Idea: Dog House Chicken Coop

Herro readers. Itis always good to welcome you to my blog!  I didn't write yesterday because I was attacked by Angel.  Sometimes she gets very grouchy, and she attacks me.  I didn't get hurt, but only because the humans intervened.  They told her she was being a bad dog!  Occasion nally, the humans do get things right.  It may not happen often, but it does happen.

Speaking of Angel Zoom Smokey. She was surfing the Internet today, and she found a dog kennel chicken coop. She thinks it is the best idea humans have ever had.  She said a dog can walk to the chicken coop area; and grab a chicken for dinner
  Add a pig sty, and a dog will have bacon to go with the eggs (pre-birds).  I've got to admit:  sometimes the humans do come up with some good ideas.

Demon Flash Bandit (Celebrating Good Ideas)

Saturday, July 4, 2015

Call Me Doctor Demon

I am happy to report that Humom did not listen to my human brother when he said to start giving me kibble.  Humom realized that I was refusing to eat because of my hurt paw.  My paw is better, and I'm eating again.  I'm glad humom is one of the smarter humans.

Happy birthday United States.  I wonder what I will get for its birthday.  As my regular readers already know, I get gifts every time someone has a birthday around here.  Since it is the whole country's birhday, I bet it will be something huge!

Since I have been taking care of humom, I now answer to the title, Dr. Demon.  Angel is Nurse Angel Fuzzy Butt.  Because of my new status, I have told the humans to get me a stethoscope to wear aroind my neck so I can look the part.  I wonder.............. can you get a stethoscope made of rawhide?   I'm sure a doctor would prefer one made from rawhide.  All the dogs I asked said they would order one made from rawhide



Demon Flash Bandit ( Doctor Demon)

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Gourmet Dog !!!!!!!

Things are not going well around here!  Thank dog I have an outlet for my misfortunes.  I know that many dogs who read this will understand my plight.  It started at dinnertime last night.  William (my server) fed me ham-or tried to feed me ham.  I refused to eat it so he he allowed me to go without dinner.  I was a nice dog, and I love my humans so I did not call the authorities and report them for dog neglect.  Today I confiscated a bag of bacon and cheese flavor Beggin' Strips because I was hungry; and, obviously, the humans wanted me to get my own food.  I didn't eat them immediately because I carried it with me everywhere.  I used the bag as a pillow when I napped.  It is wonderful to. smell bacon in your sleep!

Today, at feeding time, William again offered me ham.  I politely showed him my bag of Beggin' Strips and refused to eat the ham.  He felt that barking at him was not polite behavior.  How am I supposed to let them know that the ham is not up to my standards?  I know the store has  maple syrup ham which is much more delicious, but my humans don't want to spend $10.00 a pound for it.  I'm tired of the humans and their cheapskate behavior.  It is okay when they are cheap with their own food, but they shouldn't be chrap with mine.  I happen to have very refined taste buds.  There are many foods I will not try:  hot dogs, pepperoni, liver, eggs-to name a few.  I also have refused to eat salmon and sreak when I'm not hungry.

However, this time William took offense to my refusals to eat, and told Mommy I'm spoiled and should be fed kibble.  I was insulted!  Kibble is for dogs, and I'm refusing human food.  How logical is that thinking?    I know the humans are stupid, but have they lost all common sense?  I'm not spoiled!  If I were spoiled, I would smell rotten.  I happen to smell great-particularly after I put on some cologne.  I hope Mommy has more sense.  She is much smarter than my brother.  She thinks like a dog!

Demon Flash Bandit ( Gourmet)



Sunday, June 28, 2015

I Want to be a Star!

I have been unable to write because I've had a hurt paw.  Don't worry about me.  It is caused by allergies, and the humans have already given me medicine for it. To make me feel better, humom got me a new toy.  The new toy is so cool.  It is a fire hydrant puzzle with a squeaky dog and a bone attached to it
  It always makes a hurt feel better when I get a new toy.  I wonder why more veterinarians don't prescribe toys.  It would make them very popular with their canine patients.

I was watching the television program, Pioneer Woman,  on the Food Network..  The hostess of the shiow is a blogger who shares recipes on her program.  I think that a dog who writes blogs should get a lot more attention than a human blogger.  Therefore, I think I should have my own televised program.  The Food Channel would work out great for me. The humans can watch me eat.  I can't think of a program that would be more intetesting to a human than one with me as the star!

Demon Flash Bandit  (Future Star)

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Possible Water Shortage

As a dog who tries to keep up with the news, I am very concerned about the droughts and the warnings about the world running out of water.  I think all of us should do our part to conserve water.  I have announced to my humans that I will no longer waste water on a bath.  Angel Zoom Smokey has made a similar announcement.  Why are we willing to make such a sacrifice?  Because we don't want the humans to run out of drinking water!  I'm sure other dogs will be willing to make a similar sacrifice.  I already do my part to keep the lawn watered.

Demon Flash Bandit (Watching out for the Planet)

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Why Peacocks?

I enjoy the occasional moment spent with human puppies.  I seldom see any children because my yoingest brother is 30 years old.  Having no puppies around makes it easy to nap, but I don't get the joy of licking. delicious food from their faces. However,, there are some things that weren't meant to be done by children.   A zoo once had a contest to name the animals.  All ages were allowed to enter until 2 five year olds named the peacock and the sperm whale.  Since then, adults name the animals.

Demon Flash Bandit (Childten and Language)

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Letter From Demon Flash Bandit

To my dear, dear humans,

I feel I must write you to remind you of my love for you.  As you know, the love and loyalty of a dog  is one of life's richest blessings.  I assure you that I would prefer lying on your bed under the air conditioning than to be holding vigil in this war against the birds.  It must be 70 degrees F, and this husky thinks it shouldn't be so hot!

I remember all the happy times I have spent with you--the delicious food the treats, my wonderful squeaky toys, and the tummy rubs.  It is this great love that I have for you that brings me to the back yard to wage war on the birds.  When that mommy bird attacked my  human brother not once, but twice, this dog had to take matters into his own paws.  I  can't trust a matter of such importamce to the government.  The govt.never gets anything done unless some wealthy campaign contributer pushes to get involved.  Plus it would get a fight from the birdseed interests.  This is why a dog has to take care of the matter with my army of dogs and cats I organized. Try not to worry too much about me in my absence.  I have to end this letter now because some birds are surrounded by Captain Fluffybutt's cavalry of cats.  I hope to be with you soon, but those squirrels are looking a bit nutty--I think it is their diet.  So many enemies, so little time!

Love,   Demon Flash Bandit

P.S. Demon's Human Mom here: Demon and Angel are inside napping after their 30 minute battle. We humans feel safer now, and we love them too!




Sunday, June 14, 2015

Knowledge y is Power (and Comfort)

That stupid mama bird attacked my brother, William again so I have been having to guard the front door more closely than usual.  This means I have had less time for blogging which is part of the birds' evil conspiracy plan.  They know that it will be hard for me to find the time to "rally dogs for war if I am busy helping the humans.  I'm depending on my readers to howl the news to other dogs.  Despite all my love and concern for my humans, they said the house was too cold and turned off the air conditioner yesterday. I discoveted if I stand on my back paws, I can touch the thermostat with my front paw to turn it back on.  I'm sure my humans are going to appreciate my new talent!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Has Learned a New Trick)


Thursday, June 11, 2015

I'm Not Scaredypaws!

We had a recent thunderstorm; and Angel Zoom Scaredypaws went into her usual freaked out  behavior.  She has a talent for going nuts. Thunderstorms don't scare me.  In fact. I usually nap during storms.  Angel Zoom Smokey   also gets upset if the humans aren't happy or even if they raise their voices.  She either tries to hide or she comforts them.  Again, I usually nap through such events.  As long as they aren't mad at me, I don't get involved.  However how can the  humans get mad at me when I look at them with my beautiful blue eyes?

Demon Fash Bandit (I'm a Big, Brave He-Man Dog)

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

My New Bed

My hu-mom ordered  Angel Zoom Smokey and myself a lovely New bed. Angel destroyed our last bed.  Mommy found us look alike beds on Amazon.  These beds are blue on one side with paw prints on it and the other side is a soft fleece fabric.  Mine cost more because mine is larger.  I happen to be bigger, but let's face facts; I'm worth the extra money.  The main problem is that my bed is so big that I need my own room.  Therefore I'm taking over the master bathroom.  There will still be another bathroom for the humans.  However, i if Angel wants her own room, I don't see why the humans can"t take care of their business like dogs-outside
  The trees appreciate my daily effort to water them!


Demon Flash Bandit (I've Got a New Bed)

Monday, June 8, 2015

Guns Can Make a Fashion Statement

Normally I'm a dog who doesn't think that dogs or humans need to carry a gun wherever they go.  However, after the bird attacked my hu--brother, I have changed my thinking on the subject.  I never wanted to declare an out and out war, but sometimes in the course of doggy events, war is necessary.  As if it isn't bad enough that the bird is living in MY territory without my permission, that bird has not paid the rent invoices I've been sending her.  I know it is a female bird because she laid eggs in the nest which hatched into baby evil creatures.  Personally, I think the reason Yosemite Sam always carried 2 guns with him was to shoot Yosemite birds.

Angel Zoom Smokey brought up an interesting point.  If you want females to have guns, they need to be fashionable.  A female dog does not want to carry a gun that clashes with her leash and collar.  Most guns are black, and a girl wants something more colorful.  I checked the Internet, and you can get guns in different colors--pink, blue, red, etc.  The girls can do their part to help kill birds, and still be fashionable!

Demon Flash Bandit (Fasionable Guns for Women


Saturday, June 6, 2015

War With Evil Birds

Since the bird attacked my hu-brother, I have had to take drastic measures;  I like to hang out with mommy;  but yesterday I spent the day hanging out at thr French doors that lead out to thr deck.  To see the birds flying down on.a surprise attack,.  I had to  get a bettet view so I had to poll down the entire blind.  I am glad Mommy was okay with it.  She knows the enemy Birds.have to be stopped. .She knoes I am a good dog who is at war with birds.  I have trained my humans well!

Demon Flash Bandit ( At War With Birds)

Friday, June 5, 2015

I'm Officially Declaring War on Birds

I am writing this with saddened paw.   My brothers took me out for a walky today, and the bird who had babies on MY front porch attacked my brother, William.  Since William had my leash, I assume the bird was after me.  They can't hurt me because I am a super macho dog. Life is tough for a dog who stands up to warn the humans about the evil birds! Of course, my non-fur brother is okay.  The stupid bird eas trying to scare my human.  All the birds know that if they get near me, that bird would be my snack!

Then I came inside, and I was reading in the Washington Post on my Kindle Fire.  There was an article about the Kremlin being sttacked by crows.  I don't think this is a mere coincidence.  However, I'm sure that is what the birds want you to think.  A bird attacks me here in the Umited States, and a flock of the little varmints are attacking Russia.  The birds are destroying the facade of the Kremlin.  It is time for us dogs to join with cats  to protect our humans from those feathered scum--birds!

Demon Flash Bandit (Declaring War On Birds)



Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Humom Should be Supervising Hockey

I was watching televisiom with humom yesterday (Rescue Me) in which the firefighters play hockey against a team of policemen.  The show is like a soap opera in the sense that most of the characters seem to spend their lives making really stupid decisions.  This is not a surprise for me because the show is about humans, and not about dogs.  Anywho, this blog is about the hockey game.  Evidently, hockey is a game whete the goal is to use sticks to beat up each other over a thing that isn't even a ball.  It is a duck, but it looked nothing like a duck- or maybe it was a junk which would make sense because it looked like something the humans fished out of the trash.  I suppose that proves that some humans have sense enough to know trash is valuable.  Time to get off the "wild duck chase" and back to the hockey subject.  I think this is a game that could benefit greatly from humom.  Since Angel and I were puppies, whenever one of us gets a toy, humom gives each of us a toy that is the same or similiar.  This keeps us from "fighting" with eah other over toys.  As any dog will yell you:  sticks are for chewing.  The humans have taken a game which is played on ice (which we Siberian huskies love) and ruined it with their silly fighting.  Imagine how much nicer it would be to watch a bunch of humans sitting around in a circle chewing on their hockey stick while playing with their ducks.  They need humom to show them how to get along with each other!

Demon Flash Bandit (Hockey Improvement)

Monday, June 1, 2015

School Dog Days

School days,school days,
Dear old golden rule days,
Readin' and 'ritong' and 'rithmetic
Taught to the tune of a doggy's bowls.

For those familiar with that old song, you may bark, where is the hickory stick?  The answer:  the class dog is chewing on it.  Yes, the schools should have dogs. I think schools need dogs in the classrooms.  Human puppies need wisdom and humans just aren't as smart as dogs so why are the humans trying to impart wisdom they don't possess?  Besides, we dogs can teach and entertain at the same time.  The most important thing for a human puppy to learn is how to treat dogs.  You would think that human adults would know fundamental things (for example, bacon is for dogs).  Since humans are such slow learners, their training should start when they are hupuppies.  Besides, dogs are also fun to play with at recess.  Yes, dogs should  be in every classroom to teachhupuppres the important lessons!

Demon Flash Bandit (Imparting Wisdom)

Saturday, May 30, 2015

Australia is Forgiven for Depp Dog Incident

I have reconsidered, and I have forgiven Australia for being ready to kill Johnny Depp's dogs so I have lifted my ban on travel there.  I will probably never make it there because humom can't do much travelling now.  I am very loyal to my humom.  I can't leave her behind while I travel.  If you ask my opinion (and who doesn't), the humans would be a lot happier if they behaved more like dogs.  Dogs Should be above the silly anti dog laws.  I think the government's should quit picking on dogs and pay closer attention to the humans they let in.  Some humans are evil.  I assume they have been trained by birds.  I won't even approach the subject of birds going through customs.  Why would a human ever allow a bird into a country when I hate them?  This brings me to today's subject which is pets.  Clearly some humans have no clue as to what constitutes  a pet.  A pet is a companion who will listen sympathetically while the human strokes the pet.  This includes many species of which I will list a few:  Dogs, cats rabbits, kangaroos, guinea pigs, and even elephants but elephants do need a big  yard unless you live in a  town that has an elephant park where they can run and play.
 Spiders and snakes are not meant to be pets.  They aren't cuddly and cute.  There are pythons slithering around Florida nowadays because some misguided humans
got themselves an exotic pet and then let it go when they got tired of it.  This is unacceptable behavior.  If you read the Bible, you will discover that God cursed snakes and told the humans never to get one as a pet.  This is because the snake talked Eve into eating from the tree of knowledge.  Once Adam and Eve realized that they were naked, they put fig leaves on themselves to hide their nakedness which made the snake extra nasty because he didn't tell them to go  to the shopping mall.  Fig leaves were out of style even back then.  God was mad at the snake and he said to the humans:  "Thou shalt not like snakes.  In the future, instead of walking on snake legs, snakes will crawl on the bellies.  Humans should kill every snake they see with whatever fire power which is necessary  to accomplish the goal.  The best pet you can get is a dog.  Also. You should never eat bacon or ham.  Bacon is exclusively for dogs."  Be sure your human reads this blog so they will start giving you all the bacon.

I do have one last thing to say about Capt. Jack Sparrow.  If Australia had,women running it instead of men, this incident would have never happened.  Even Angel Zoom Smokey thinks he is "dreamy".  I have to admit that I have used my own cuteness to get out of potential problems so I understand!  Other males get very jealous of me.  Have you seen the old men running govts.? Many of them were hit by the ugly stick so you know they are jealous.

Demon Flash Bandit (Capt. Demon Flash Bandit)



 

Thursday, May 28, 2015

I"m Running for President

Next year is the U.S. presidential election so the humans are all crawling out from under their perspective rocks to run for the office.  I will again be putting my paw into the running.  Why should I get the votes?  The most important reason is because I am a dog, and my breed was bred to run.  I already have the dog vote, but the humans are more difficult because humans have delusions of grandeur, and think they are better than dogs-like that is possible!  My brother is designing a bumper sticker for my campaign.  I'm sure that sticker will have a lot of influence because it is very cool

Demon Flash Bandit  (Presidential Candidate)

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Depp's Dogs Should be Welcomed

I know the United States has some stupid people running the country.  However, although I have many dog pals in Australia (Charlie Down Under is one of them), I am having to make this announcement that I will never go to Australia to meet Charlie
  This is sad for my humans because they always considered Australia to be a nice place to go if the leaders of the U.S. got too stupid to tolerate.  Of course, that would probably never happen because Mommy's ancestors came here in the 1600's, and a small percentage of them were already here so this is her "old country".  Why is this dog mad at Australia?  A couple of days ago, I wrote a blog about Jonny Depp's dpgs.  He brought 2 Yorkshire territors with him on his private plane.  The bureaucrats in Australia wanted to kill the dog's because they were "illegal aliens". First of all, they are not from outer space so calling them aliens is insulting.  I don't think rich celebrities should be above the law.  However, the punishment should fit the crime.  A 10 year.prison sentence and a $263,000 fine is excessive punishment for bringing 2 cute dogs like Pistol and Boo into the country.   They should have been welcomed with open paws!  Considering how much money is brought into a country when a film is made there, I think Australia could lose a lot of money if studios decide not to film there in the future.  Besides, there is a series of shots that will keep a human from contracting rabies, and I think it is safe to assume that Depp's dogs have had their shots.  Therefore, it will come as no surprise to my readers that I won't be filming my new movie, Captain Demon Flash Bandit:  Pirate Dog  Down Under.  Yes, I have cancelled the shooting there, and it has been rescheduled at a different location.  Here is the link to the news article:

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/johnny-depp-could-face-jail-time-for-bringing-dogs-to-australia/

Demon Flash Bandit (Sticking Up fOr Fellow Dogs)




Tuesday, May 26, 2015

War Between KFC versus Chick-Fil-A

I hope all of my United States readers had a nice holiday weekend.  We had a quiet weekend here.

I read in the news that KFC is going to war with Chick-Fil-A.  I don't think finding chickens who will be willing to dress in uniforms will be easy.  Also, finding guns that chickens can use might prove difficult.  Guns are not designed for wings.  I've heard KFC  has a contrAct with Foghorn Leghorn who will probably expect the dog on the cartoon to do the brain work.  Angel Zoom Smokey is hoping they have a price war because she loves to eat chicken although Humom gives her roasted or grilled, she likes it fried too.  I am worried about putting guns in the wings of a member of the bird family!  Birds cannot be trusted!

Demon Flash Bandit ( Don't give guns to Chickens)

Sunday, May 24, 2015

I Love Fortine Cookies

Recently I had a fortune cookie that said, "If a dog wants to make new friends, he doesn't growl.  That fortune cookie may not have predicted the future, but it is sound advice!  It is never a good idea to growl when you meet a dog or a human.  It is a sign of aggression, and that is not  indicative of future friendship.  That being said, I think it is amazing that the testaurant knew the cookie would be eaten by a dog.  I thonk that proves that fortune cookies are spot on.  In fact, most fortune cookies are eaten by humans.  However, my humans know how much I love them so they give theirs to me.  Yes, I have well trained humans.  It was a lot of work for me during my puppyhood, but it was worth the effort!  Since humom knows how much I love them--sweet and crunchy--she ordered a huge box of 350 cookies on Amazon.  Angel Zoom Smokey and myself are very excited!  We think we could finish off the box in less than half an hour.  Mom is giving us 5 at a time so we won't get sick.  We are willing to take that risk if we can get our paws on them.  The interesting thing about the cookies she ordered is that they are from Houston, Texas; and the fortunes are inspired by the Bible,  so they are "Christian fortune cookies".  I am wondering where I can buy dog oriented ones.  I think "Dogfucios" says would be a big hit with dogs.  However, I would like the cookies if they didn't have a fortune.  They are delicious.  

Demon Flash Bandit ( Cookie Monster Dog)

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Movie Review: Mortdecai New movie from Johnny Depp

Mortecia is a movie starring Johnny Depp which Mommy bought on blu-Ray.  Mortecia  (Depp) is an art dealer who lives a very ritzy lifestyle despite being broke.  He manages to do so by being a con artist.  His wife is played by Gyneth Paltrow, who also did an excellent portrayal in this movie.  I think the funniest parts of the movie were that of Morticai's "man servant", who was taking unbelievable risks for Morticia.  In turn, Morticia acts like he is the heroic one of the two.  It is a funny movie, and definitely worth watching.  I give it 4 paws up, a tail wag, a tummy rub, and a box of Milk bones!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Thursday, May 21, 2015

Humans are in Deep Depp Trouble, Mate With Me-as Usual

What is the world coming to?  This question has been barked by dogs all over the world  who are not happy with government bureaucracy.  The incident in question is the Australian govt. picking on Johnny Depp's dogs.  Pistol and Boo, Depp's Yotkshire Terriors were going to be euthanized.  They entered the country without the proper documentation and dogs must be quaranteened for a specific amount of time.  Yes dogs, they are put in doggy jail just because they are dogs.  Why don't humans get quaranteened when they enter the country?  As the recent outbreak of ebola here in the United States proves, humans carry diseases that are far worse than rabies.  I would assume that Pistol and Boo had their rabies shots.  Considering the private plane to bring them home cost $400,000,  I think Depp could afford to keep up their shots.  Although it is good to know that the U.S.  isn't the only country that does things of which I don' t approve; the dogs did not deserve such treatment.  I do normally approve of not giving special treatment to celebrities,  However,  Depp is Capt Jack Sparrow.  You cannot expect a pirate to check in with customs.
He would be the laughingstock of all the other pirates.  I'm glad the dogs are safe in L.A.

Demon Flash Bandit ( Annoyed Dog)

Monday, May 18, 2015

Just Say NO to Vegetables !!!!!!

Target hss announced that they will be selling less packaged food and more "fresh foods and vegetables"

.  I barked an interview with  Bullseye, Target's mascot dog, and he is angry.  The humans made that decision without checking with him.  Bullseye is a bull terrier, and we might not agree on our opinion of snow; when it comes to food, we agree completely.  Bullseye said he might have to take over the business before Target faces bankruptcy. I personally have no use for vegetables.  Fruit is okay, but I prefer crunchy fruit that isn't fresh-  Some of the humans may prefer yogurt and granola, but this dog would rather eat the packaged cereal.  Have you trid rice crispy treats?  I have and it is delicious.  What is next?   If bacon gets banned, what will us dogs eat?  I must go and stock upon bacon before it is banned.  If you get to the store before me, save me some bacon.

Demon Flash Bandit (Humans Should Never be in Charge)

Saturday, May 16, 2015

Guard Duty

I didn't write a blog yesterday because I have been on guard duty.  Why am I on guard duty, you are asking?  I'm on guard duty because a bird has built a nest in the flower pot by the front door!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The bird did not ask for my permission and is not paying me any rent.  That nasty bird doesn't even drop a worm for me to examine.  The bird has 4 baby birds in the nest-like the world wants more of those evil, mooching varmints.  Besides, any worms in my yard are mine.  They are not---I repeat----not bird food!  To make matters worse, that bird attacked my human brother, Jeff, yesterday.  That was the last straw for me.   I've been on guard duty ever since.  It would be so easy to take out those baby birds now, but humom refuses to evict them..I have decided to be nice to them and give them a tour of the grounds.  I plan to start with the barbeque grill
  I am such a clever dog!!!!!

Demon Flash Bandit ( Guard Dog)

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Movie Review: God's Not Dead

I haven't done a movie review in awhile so I'm reviewing one I watched on Netflex titled God's Not Dead.  This movie has a cameo appearance by Will and Corey Robertson of Duck Dynasty.  The movie is about a philosophy professor, an atheist, who makes all his students write God is dead during their first class.  One student refuses to do so even though he will fail the class if he refuses to write it.Because he refuses, the professor would allow him to pass the course if he can prove God's existence.    It seems to me that the whole idea of the movie is stupid.  If you write God is dead, then that statement should prove God's existence.  You had to exist in order to die.   I think that student should switch colleges-and do so as soon as possible.  What do I believe?  I know there is a God, and he sent me here to watch out for my humans.  In fact, God made dogs to take care of the humans.  Do I recommend the movie?  No, I don't.it was a melodramatic movie, and I would suggest you watch a cinematic masterpiece like Snow Dogs instead


Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Monday, May 11, 2015

Brilliant Plan!

My humom bought a birdhouse that looks like a lighthouse.  At first, I'll admit I was upset until I realized that there is a method to her madness.  My regular readers know how much I hate birds.  I should have known that living with a smart dog like myself would make my humans smarter than those without dogs.  After we had a nice bark session, she assured me that  my many barkuments  about birds have not fallen on deaf ears even if mom's hearing isn't great!  I have to admit that the plan is brilliant.  She is going to buy a bird feeder, and fill it with gourmet bird seed with tranquilizers added.  Then all the birds will tell their friends and they will tell their friends.  Once millions of birds have congregated in my yard, it is a simple matter for a dog to get out his gun and shoot them.  I am so glad I have well trained humans!

Demon Flash Bandit ( Bird Hater)

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Mooey's Story

This could be started by saying, "once upon a time",  but this is not a fairy tale.    I don't want to confuse the humans.  Heaven knows they are confused enough already. This actually happened.   Many centuries ago when my mom was young, she lived in a state called Georgia in a little hamlet called Ringgold.  I'm using the word, hamlet, because this dog loves ham and  its tasty counnterpart, bacon!

Mom attended high school there in the early 70's.  There was another student at the school when mom went there.  .  I'll call her "Mooey" to protect her actual identity.  Mooey was a very serious student who enjoyed attending school.  However, Mooey was a victim of discrimination.  Yes, we dogs aren't the only animals who face discrimination everyday.  Mooey was the victim of cow discrimination.

Every year, when the weather started getting hot, the teachers propped open the doors and opened all the windows to let air circulate.  The school did not have air conditioning.  This is when Mooey would use that opportunity to come to  class.  I do understand why the humans didn't want Mooey to attend.  They know that all the children would be copying Mooey's test paper.  How long would the teachers keep their jobs when the standardized tests show that Mooey did better without attending class everyday.  The humans do not want to admit that cows are smarter than them.  The school would look silly if the class valdictorian turned out to be a cow?  This is why so many intelligent cows end up in hamburgers and roast beef sandwiches.  No wonder the world is in such lousy shape.  It has humans making decisions they aren't smart enough to make!

I say let cows go to school!

Demon Flash Bandit ( Barking the Truth About Humans)


Friday, May 8, 2015

Campfire Stories

There was a time in the distant past when our ancestors were not allowed to live indoors.  Dogs used to hang out around the campfire  and bark among themselves about how nice it would be to live inside with the humans.  It sounds odd now, but that was a LONG time ago--at least a couple of decades ago back when dinosaurs still roamed the Earth!   That was before my ancestor, Demon Lord of the Huskies, saved the humans from the Horrible bird troll.  Even back then my family risked their life to protect the humans from evil birds.

Demon Flash Bandit ( Discussing Evil Birds)

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

I Love My Human!

I am sure all my pals have missed hearing from me.  I am equally frustrated because I have so many things about which to bark.  All of this is because my human fell down on her job--literally.  She fell on Friday night. She was not injured, but the fall made her too sore to "move".  Yeah, I realize she could be "faking" it, but  my human loves me too much to fake it.  At first, Angel and I were excited to have Mommy on the floor.  We thought she came down to play with us.  However, after about 5 minutes of Mom looking like a "beached whale" trying to get back into the water, I realized that she had fallen. I immediately brought her a whole box of milk bones to make her feel better.  She told me they did help her feel, better..She also told me that I'm a good dog--but I know that already!

Demon Flash Bandit (Concerned Dog)

Friday, May 1, 2015

Alligators Love water

You would think even the humans would possess some elementary knowledge of the care and feeding of animals.  Case in point:  I have a plush alligator squeaky toy and even though there are no gators in Michigan, I know rhey live in water so I put my gator in my water dish. .  I am a responsible toy owner

Demon Flash Bandit (Caring Dog)

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

I'm a Big Star Now!!!!

 I have great news for my fans!  Jeff posted a video of Angel and myself on youtube. You are probably wondering what it feels like to be a star..It feels great!  I am already preparing my awards acceptance speech.  Here is the link:

https://m.youtube.com/?#/watch?v=IUw7_73aNbQ


Demon Flash Bandit ( TV Star)

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

I've Got a New Bone

William went shopping yesterday.  He got me a silver bone with my name engraved on it.  My other one fell off, and the humans would not survive without me around.  He didn't get one for Angel Zoom Smokey.  I would like to think it is because she isn't worth hunting for, but the breeder had her microchipped.  However, I don't want to hurt her feelings so I am going to have a one engraved for her too.

Line 1: Super Bitch
Line 2:  Guess my Human's Name
Line 3:  Guess the address
Line 4:  Guess the Telephone #

Can't you feel the love?  By the way, that was not me---I repeat----not me who was kissing her yesterday.  That was Phantom Fast Snowman, my stunt double.

Demon Flash Bandit (Caring Dog)



Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Mother's Day Gift for Psycho Mom

Earlier today, as I was shopping on Amazon, I found a cool item I knew I had to share with my readers.  It is a " mothers heart" necklace that can hold up to 5 birthstones of her children..  The interesting thing about this necklace is that you put the birthstones in it yourself.  Finally, a necklace for the insane mom who now has the opportunity to change the crystals with her moods.  This necklace is not for Octomom or that reality show mom who has 300 children.  However, most mothers now have 5 children or less.  M mom had 3 boys so she would still have room for her important fur children---Angel and me.  It would also be useful for moms with adult children.  It would  be a quick way for them to see if they are still in Mom's will.  If your crystal is missing, you won't be getting an inheritance.  NOTE:  that only works from moms who have money to leave behind.  My mom's mom was like that, but it didn't work with my mom.  She said no one should love some just for money.  I've got to hand it  to mom.  She thinks like a dog, and she never loved her mom over money.  Here is the link for the necklace.



http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000FFVCIE/ref=ox_sc_sfl_title_8?ie=UTF8&psc=1&smid=A4M31WCHEQF7Z

Demon Flash Bandit ( Sharing a Shopping Treasure)

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Dog Rapper

In case my readers have forgotten, Angel and I are in the singing group ,The Howling Huskies.  Of course, I'm only kidding.  I'm sure my readers know all about my musical career.   I have decided to branch out on my own and be a rapper.  I already have  the necessary information street cred with my stand on bird executions.  How many other dogs have done so much to get rid of birds?  The answer is: NONE!!!!!   One of  the most important things to be a successful rapper is the name.  I gave it a lot of thought.  Ice Tea seems quite successful so I needed a name that would bring the kind of comfort that ice tea brings to the humans.  Therefore, I will be called Bacon because bacon makes my tummy happy!  I paid a marketing consultant who did research among dogs, and every dog surveyed loved the name so I picked a winner.  Here is a sample of my first rap song:



Walkin' Down the Street


I was walking down the street past a bird in the tree.
That bird dropped a white bomb on me.
When a bird drops a bomb on this dog's head
that bird will soon be dead.
You don't mess with Demon Flash Bandit
the baddest dog on the planet.

Should I have titled it:  Let's Kill a Bird instead?


Demon Flash Bandit (Rapping Dog)


Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Protectve Dog at Wotk

Jerry Seinfeld called youtube a "giant garbage can".  Since I recently made a cameo appearance on my brother, Jeff's, youtube channel (Steel Magnolias review) I was offended by Stenfield's statement.  He even had the nerve to say that no one wants to watch cat videos.  I happen to know that many humans love the dog and cat videos.  I think he should watch what he says because the funniest person on his show was Kramer.  What is his problem?  He has money and fame.  Why is he jealous of dogs and cats?  Is it because he has been watching his show, and realized he isn't funny so  he insulted pets because he is jealous of pets.  I did Mommy a favor  because she had all of his "worthless" show on dvd.  I'm sure she will thank me for it when she realizes what I have done. It s my job protect the humans from such garbage.  Yes, I said it-- I know Mommy would prefer to watch dog and cat videos anyway.  I put those Seinfeld dvds where they belong:  in the garbage!

I do have good news too. A couple of days ago, Angel and I had Burger King for dinner which was delicious.  We had B K again today.  It was even better because today we had double cheeseburgers with bacon.  I have yet tomeet a dog that does not LOVE bacon!  I hope all my readers get all the bacon they want!

Demon Flash Bandit (Protective Dog)

Friday, April 10, 2015

Dog Poop is not a Crime.

Are any of the humans sane?  A recent article in the Washington Post reports that, in some cities, there are apartment complexes that are requiring a swab of the dog's mouth to get the dog's individual DNA.  This is so they can match the dog poop that their human that don't pick it up.  Really!!!!  The humans have nothing better to do with their lives but inspect dog poop.  It sounds like an excuse for the humans to obsess about dog poop while acting like they aren't fascinated with it.  Many cities have crack houses, and the humans are worried about the dog poop problem!  No wonder the humans are so dysfunctional.  They worry about stupid stuff.  According to the article,  dog poop gets into the ground water.  Are the humans serious?  Most city water in faucets go through a water treatment plant which cleans up the water.  Besides, what about the deer, squirrels, raccoons, possums, etc. who also poop everywhere.  I think this is a definite case of discrimination against dogs!  What is next?  Are dogs going to be facing criminal charges for pooping?  Are we going to have to watch out for the poop police?  Police don't go to that much trouble and expense to find people who have broken into houses.  By the way,  if a dog eats another dog's poop, will that affect the DNA test?   Why are the humans not mad about birds who are the most evil creatures on the planet.  They poop everywhere too.  I will end this with the philosophical question......if a dog poops in the forest and no human is around to smell it, does it still stink?  Also, do the humans sit around obsessing about dog poop in the forest.  Philosophers have been contemplating these questions as far back as ancient Greece.  Plato wrote a book about dog poop.  I bet my readers were unaware of that fact.  Here is a link to the article.

http://tablet.washingtonpost.com/top/its-like-a-crime-scene-for-poop-dna-used-to-link-dog-owners-to-their-pets-droppings/2015/04/08/145e0cb9a14f99c49545425d862194c0_story.html?tid=kindle-app

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Poop is not a Crime)

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Flintstones Meet the Jetsons

After writing my last blog, I discovered that there are humans who think that the Flintstones took place in a post apocalyptic future.  According to conspiracy theorists, the Jetsons happened prior to the Flintstones.  My brother, Jeff, told me about this conspiracy theory.  Jeff is a treasure trove of weird trivial knowledge.  By the way, if you watch Wolfman Jeff do his movie review of Steel Magnolias, you might see a familiar furry face with blue eyes make a cameo appearance on his video.  Here is the link:

http://youtu.be/VaLFJlxty90


  1. Anyway, the Flintstones--- Jetsons theory makes a lot of sense to this dog.  It explains why Fred and Wilma had all those modern style appliances in the Stone Age.  Personally I think both were great shows.  I am glad that a historian decided to educate the public.  I try, but it would take up too much of my nap time to educate the humans so I am glad I'm not alone.  There is one thing that bothers me, and I question the historical authenticity.  I do not think Dino the dinosaur can replace a dog.  The Saber Tooth Tiger can replace cats though.  I  like cats, but they can be snobby at times.  One thing I do know is that, if an apocalypse occurs, I know birds are behind it.  I am sharing a link that gives the details:


http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/why-flintstones-takes-place-in-post-apocalyptic-future/q

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing a Conspiracy Theory)

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Building Computers j

My brother, William, was watching a do it yourself project on building a computer out of an XBox.  Although, I don't consider myself a do it yourself dog, I consider myself to be  a let the humans do it  it for the dog kind ofdog., I found this one interesting. Projects take  a lot of time from my napping schedul, but this one was worth staying awake   Besides, I think Jeff would not appreciate coming home to see his game system in pieces.  When I was a wee puppy,I chewed up his game controller (he has all the systems)  so I have no idea which controller I chewed on, but I suspect it tasted like a PlayStation system.  He got a new controller the next time he went to the store. .there.  Flash  my Dutch bunny pal, chewed up the new one.  He said it tasted like an Xbox system, but what does a rabbit know about video game  systems?  I loved Flash, but the dog is always right!  We had planned . attacks because Jeffwas spending entirely too much time playing games and not enough time with us pets.  From that experience, I knew that Jeff is not happy when you destroy his game system.

I will admit that this project peaked my interest.  However, I did not want to use  Jeff's system so I used my doggy genius to build a computer out of things around the yard
  I found.d a nice large pebble which is flat.  I do not recommend using a
pointy rock because it could hurt your paws.  I hit an owl over the head with  a stome.  I know this violates my "kill all birds" motto, but I did needed  a brain for my computer.  I put the bird in a cage.  This is necessary because you don't want your " brain" flying away.  .A stick makes a great stylus!  I made a computer worthy of being sold in Bedrock.  In fact,  that Fred Flintstone has one on order.

Demon Flash Bandit ( Computer Building Dog)