Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Bye Bye, Birdies!

Birds are evil.  I have written numerous blogs on the subject.  Evidently my humom has not been reading what she types or she is unable to comprehend what she reads.  She bought a copper bird feeder and birdseed to hang outside the house.  She thought I would enjoy watching the birds from my vantage point on the couch in front of the big window.  I am wondering if humom lost the little mind she has left.  I am going to look for hudad's air pistol, open the window, and shoot bbs at the evil birds.  A dog can take the humans most stupid actions and salvage them jnto somethihg good. Bye bye birdies!

Demon Flash Bandit

Friday, May 19, 2017

Angel is Rccoyed

Angel Zoom Smokey was perusing some sales ads from the newspaper.  She went running to show it to humon.  Angel was so excited  because our local Rural King store is going to have a free hot got day.  I don't like hot dogs, but that is all Angel can talk about.  She thinks they will give her at least 20, maybe even 30.    I could tell her that the store is probably only giving hot dogs to the humans but I can'tbe he one to break her heatt.

Demon Flash Bandit

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

The Cow Jumped Over the Moon

Hey Diddle Diddle,
The Cat and the fiddle
The cow jumped over the moon
The little dog laughed to see such a sight,
and the dish ran away with the spoon.

A simple child's fairy tale or a government cover up?  You might ask, why a government cover up?  It would be an embarrassment for the humans who spent millions of dollars on the space race in the twentieth century.  

I passed by a pasture that had some cows and a couple of horses grazing on the grass.  I like both animals.  I suspect they are part of the dog family.  I spotted my long time friend, Elsie T. (the) Cow, Carrie O'Leary, and June the cow who jumped over the moon.   The tranquil scene reminded me of the nursery rhyme above.

Since  June jumped over the moon many years before the space race, I decided to ask her some questions.  She said that NASA knew about her feat.  It cost her nothing.  NASA humans spent million on the project.  If I was part of NASA, I would feel stupid.

At the time, the humans paid no attention to the cow's accomplishment.  They were to  busy chasing the dish and spoon.  The dog was laughing at the humans.  Silly humans!

Demon Flash Bandit

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Interrogating Squirrels

According to what I have heard, the orange guy in the White House proclaimed, water boarding and other torture is okay.   With his new executive order allowing torture, I went outside and I proceeded to interrogate the little squirrel  varmints.  First I sat them on boards and I proceeded to  water board them with the hose.  They claimed that they had no knowledge of  the squirrel on top of the Donald's head.  Of course, I did not believe them so the torture continued.  I showed them an unshelled pecan wrapped in bacon and then  I ate the bacon and the pecan.  I turned off their squirellnet. Merlyn and Pearl Squirrel have a YouTube show which is very popular with the squirrels.   A squirrel spends most of his day going from  tree to tree looking for food, then they settle in and watch Squirrelnet while they eat  dinner.   After dinner, they try to find their stored food.  Squirrels  are a forgetful group.  Anyway, I knew the  loss of their entertainment  would be the worst torture of all.  This was the final item that got them to answer my question.  The squirrel
 On top of "the Donald's head is a fake unstuffed toy plush squirrel.

Now all is right with my world.  It restored my faith in squirrelkind.  I have to admit that my torture was unnecessary.  It turns out the squirrels are upset about Trump using their likeness on his head.  I understand how they feel.  I am glad Trump isn't wearing a fake husky.  The squirrels and I had a great time chatting.  In fact, they have am upcoming lawsuit against Trump For infringing on their intellectual fur.  I nope they win.   We said our goodbyes and tomorrow, I will be chasing them again.  If you are tired of watching human television, try Squirrtelnet.  The Big Acorn Theory and The Wonderful World of Squirrels ate 2 of their highest rated shows.

Demon Flash Bandit
.


Friday, May 12, 2017

All You Need is a Dog's Love

It has come to my attention that there are some humans that do not love dogs.  They do not understand why many humans ate so fond, even seemingly crazy about their dogs.  My brother, William had a birthday today, and both Angel and I received a new toy.  It was a squeaky raccoon with 3 squeakies.  We hit the squeaky jackpot!   I am mentioning my toy because I wanted to share my good fortune with my readers.  However, it illustrates my point about my humans and other dog owners.  There would not be so much money spent on dogs if the humans didn't love us so much.  A pet dog is the animal that gives the most affection to the humans.  

With the exception of dogs who have had humans mistreat them or homeless dogs  that have to survive without a loving human, most dogs give the humans unconditional love.  We don't care if our humans are rich or poor.  Our only judgement toward our humans is that they are the most fantastic humans on the planet.  Most humans respond to us the same way.  They aren't afraid to hug us and humans do not tend to show that kind of love to other humans.  Humans can be a bit judgmental at times though.  Just pee on the carpet and they judge you.  Am I not right, dogs?  However, they do forgive us.  In my opinion, that is why so many humans love dogs.  We love them, and they are able to love us back.  I don't think the humans will ever learn to love each other and that is a shame.

Demon Flash Bandit

Feel free to share as long as I am credited as the writer.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Royal Corgis Should be called Sir

It has come to my my attention that the Queen Lady (Queen Elizabeth II) is soon to be without Corgis.  I was appalled to learn that she used to have 8 Corgis and now she only has 2.  This blog's original subject was supposed to be why she hasm't knighted the dogs because I think it is only proper that the Queen's dogs should be addressed as Sir.  As I was researching the subject of knighting dogs, I discovered that the Queen will not allow any puppies when the older dogs go to the palace in the sky.  Naturally, she doesn't want to outlive her dogs.  I am sure someone would take care of any dogs left behind.  I think puppies help the humans live longer.

The Queen Lady  could have someone bring in the puppies only when she is sitting.  Puppies can be tripped over as the humans age, and it is understandable that she should be concerned about falling. However,  she  is still riding horses.  I like horses, but they can be dangerous.   Even Superman was hurt on a horse.  I think it was a green horse so he should have been more suspicious.  By the way,  Christopher Reeves will always be my Superman - may he RIP.

I am an older dog myself so I sympathize with the Queen Lady.  It would be nice to be a puppy longer, but that is not how the world operates. The Queen Lady has been granted a long life.  Perhaps it is time to retire and turn things over to Prince Charles. Then she could spend more time with her corgis.  Time spent with a dog is time well spent.

I am sharing an article I found in my research:




Demon Flash Bandit

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Today's Color: Orange

Since "The Donald" has taken office, and I mean that he literally took the office, I have been wondering where the rest of the orange people reside.  I decided they must live in Florida because Florida has oranges.  Then I read that he keeps going to Marigold, Florida so, as usual, I have discovered the truth.     I assume that the orange people are an odd mixture of oranges,  and pumpkins that came to life..  YouTube had a channel that featured a  talking orange that annoyed its viewers.  No, I am not talking about The Apprentice.  Personally, I would prefer to watch the talking orange.  In fact, there is one episode of the annoying orange that features Donald Trunk and the orange during election time which I will share with my viewers.


https://www.youtube.com/?reload=2&rdm=2kiry93mk#/watch?v=e-yvVVye0ds

I also have a theory that Trump is an orange alien from another planet.  I am sure that not all aliens ate green.

Demon Flash Bandit

Monday, May 8, 2017

Movie Review: Manchester by the Sea

Today I am writing a movie review of Manchester by the Sea.  This is a movie from Amazon Studios, and it won 2 Oscars.  They were for best screenplay and best actor (Casey Afflect).  I will venture to guess that he is related to Ben.  I would have been shocked that it got 2 Oscars if I had any respect for the awards.  These ate the !The morons who did not give Johnny Depp the Oscar for best actor as Capt. Jack Sparrow.

If there was an Oscar for most depressing movie ever made, this would win paws down.  The movie begins with a man who has a delightful job as a superintendent of a couple of apartment buildings in Boston. Humom said it is not a fun job, but Angel and I concurred that his job would be fun..  He got to work on toilets and take out trash.  That would be a dog's dream job!  Do you know they pay people to do that job when a dog would do it without charge?

His brother dies and he had to go back to his hometown.  Once there, he learns that his brother wants him to be his son's guardian.  This is a difficult position for hi! Because he lost his 3 childten in a house fire, and he never got over it.  In fact, that was the reason he had the job on Boston.  The town had too many sad memories for him.   I won't spoil the ending, but the movie is about his dealing with his psychological demons.he
I give it 3 paws up which means that it isn't as entertaining as a stick, but less entertaining than watching a cat throw up a hairball.

Demon Flash Bandit ( Movie Critic)

Every Dog Has His Day

Today I have a tip for my readers:  when ordering  a pizza, adding more meat and extra cheese makes a much tastier pizza.  If Dominos needs a spokesdog, I will work for pizza.  I am also a very cute mascot.

As you may have guessed, I am having a good day around the homestead.  Okay, maybe I live in a small town and we have no farm animals.  I think they would be fun to play with.  I live in a house that is next to a 5 lane highway so I do find it interesting to watch the cars from the big window in the living room.

As usual, I was thinking about philosophical things.  I was contemplating the amount of time between Easter and Halloween - 2 holidays that involve gift giving for dogs around here.  I have decided that it is entirely too long  to wait.  Therefore,  I am declaring  July 15 as Dog Appreciation Day. It is about half way between the aforementioned holidays.  The humans have a Mothers Day and a Fathers Day.  It is about time we dogs have a day.  In fact, the humans know we should have a day.  I am sure everyone has heard the expression, every dog has his day.  I have now specified the day - July 15.

Demon Flash Bandit




Friday, May 5, 2017

Angel Zoom Smokey is in Trouble

Angel Zoom Smokey is in trouble with the humans today.  She went into Jeff's  bedroom and chewed up his PlayStation 4 controller.  Jeff found it when he came home from work. He was not happy.  She has her nose out of joint because of Jeff's girlfriend.  She adores Jeff.  He was the one who held her on the way home from Ohio.  I like Jeff myself, but William is the human who feeds us the most.  He shared his grilled chicken today.  I am a more practical dog.  I like the humans who feed me good stuff.  I love humom too.  She is the one who held me on the way ho!me from the breeder.  She is the human who pays for our  food so she is, in my opinion,  the best human in the world.  I smell a sugar and cinnamon pop tart. and it is in Williams paws.  I have to go and get my share. i love pop tarts.

Demo. Flash Handing

Sunday, April 30, 2017

New Arrival




This dog is the latest new addition to our   family.  Humom said he is a Siberian Husky puppy, but I am an adult husky, and he is st least twice my height.  Perhaps he is the husky version of Clifford, the big red dog of children"s literary fame.  So far, he has not caused any trouble.  He just sits in the rocking chair in the living room.


The last time the humans got a new dog was when they got Angel Zoom Smokey. I got in the car and we headed for Wellsville, Ohio.  I love to ride in the car and go places so it was a wonderful adventure for me. I assumed we were going on  a vacation.  I always accompanied them on family vacations because I am family.  😎.   It was not a vacation. But it was a trip to pick up  Angel Zoom Smokey.   We got to a house where  Angel lived.  I entered the house, and Humom had driven there to buy Angel.  Angel immediately started  yapping at me and she hasn't stopped yet.  She is a typical bitch-always yapping about something.  I was not consulted on Angel:s arrival.  It was a shock to me when they put  her in our minivan.  I was perfectly happy being an only dog.  I don',t mind her now. But she is a diva.  One time last year she refused to go outside because it had snowed, and she didn't like getting her paws wet and cold.  I almost turned her into the Siberian Husky Association.  What self respecting husky gets upset over a wet, cold paw.

So far, the new giant husky hasn't bothered me so he can stay.  It would be nice if the humans had asked for my opinion.  I am more intelligent than the humans. Thus my opinion should be valued. Anyway, the new dog is okay so far.  Humom has not named him yet.  Maybe that is a good sign.

Demon Flash Bandit




Friday, April 28, 2017

Gingerbread

My rules for eating gingerbread cookies:

Gingerbread is a tasty treat, but it can be difficult to enjoy.  That is because many gingerbread cookies are "gingerbread men".  Gingerbread men tend to rum away before you can eat them.  I guess I can't blame them.  I would probably run too.  Being baked in an oven can't be fun. Being on a menu is not something to which anyone would want either.   This is why I am writing this blog.  I like to share my insights with my fellow dogs and any human! s who might be reading this. There is a story most people kmow. It is  the story of a little old lady who made the first gingerbrlad man.  He  is a smartalect who runs away from the little old lady and the little old man., and other farm animals that want to eat him.    Finally he gets eaten by a clever fox.

Back to my  gingerbread situation.  Humom bought some gingerbread cookies and put them into a cabinet where a dog can smell them.  I opened the cabinet to help myself to one.  This is when I discovered that they were gingerbread girls.  Most of my regular readers know that I live with Angel Zoom Smokey, and she is a bitch.  Therefore   I was one with the clever fox.  I ate her legs so she could not run.  The moral of this blog is that bitches annoy a he-man dog like me.

I hope my readers have a pleasant day!

Demon Flash Bandit.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Unwelcome Spider

Ad usual, I have been doing my duty as a dog to guard the humans from harm.  Most of the time, things are quiet around here.  Today we hut threat level spider.  There was a spider in my territory acting like he owns the place.   I could have taken care of the interloper, but I alerted my human brother, William.  Normally I don't like the vacuum cleaner,  but the look on that spider's face was hilarious!  I doubt that he saw the humor in his situation, but I thought it was very funny.  I took him out of the vacuum and put him out on the porch to send a message to other spiders that they are not welcome.

Many of you are probably wondering about the size of the spider.  Hr was about 20 feet long with giant legs and an ugly face that makes a dog want to smack him.  Of course, if you smack him, you would have to touch him with your paw.  I don't want spider germs on my paw.    I know some of you might ask how a spider that big with a vacuum cleaner, but it is a special magical vacuum.  It can stretch to hold spiders.  I hope my readers will invest in a magical vacuum.  They come in handy.

Demon Flash Bandit

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Strike!

Hold the presses!  I have always wanted to say that, and now I have the opportunity.   It is possible that there will be a writer's strike.  This would affect my summer television viewing.  Some of the humans might say that a dog needs fresh air and should not be sitting around watching tv.  They are wrong.  During hot weather, a dog should rest inside under the air conditioner.   In fact, one summer day every year should be set aside to honor the man who invented air conditioners.  He is my hero!

Demon Flash Bandit

Monday, April 24, 2017

Big Foot Discovered

I am pleased to announce that Big Foot and his family are alive and well.  In fact, they are doing commercials for a mattress cover. Here is the link:

https://onpurple.com/mattressprotector

Demon Flash Bamdit


Sunday, April 23, 2017

McDonalds New Uniforms

In an effort to increase sales and have a more modern looking workforce, McDonalds has turned to the fashion industry to update their uniforms.   Unlike past uniforms, employees would be proud to wear them outside of work.  Do the people running McDonalds have a clue as to what their potential customers are thinking?  The new uniforms are just as lame as any they have had in the past.  Clothing preferences are a matter of opinion. By the way, this dog was not impressed with the look of the new ones.  I will sum it up in one word, DRAB.  It is a shame that a company that should pay its workers higher wages puts money into "designer" uniforms.  McDonalds would have more customers if they put more money into the food, not fashion.   I have yet to hear a dog say I go to McDonalds ( or any other restaurant) because of the dress of the employees.  They go there to EAT.  I think finding more qualified employees  and hiring enough to do the job properly is more important than what the employees wear to work.  Since puppyhood, I have always been an unpaid spokesdog for Burger King.  I love their food.

Demon Flash Bandit

Friday, April 21, 2017

Humom is Home

Hallelujah!!!  The humom is home from the hospital.  Angel and I were concerned about her care.  I checked the hospital registry, and there was not one dog on staff.  Yes readers, my mom was being cared for by humans!!!   However, I must give credit when credit is due; and the humans did a good job.   Humom is feeling better.

Sir E. Bunny left humom a white chocolate bunny, and treats for us.  I knew the bunny would come through as always.  I hope my readers treated the bunny cordially.  He is a great guy!

I have to take care of mom now. Hopefully, mom will be able to type my next entry.

Demon Flash Bandit



Sunday, April 16, 2017

Happy Easter!

Angel and I are very upset over  the care our humom is receiving at the human hospital.   It is not st the small local hospital.  The ambulance took her to the big hospital.  As of this moment, the drs.  have not reached out to me as a consultant.    I am humom's main  Dr.  So I should be consulted before they even say herro  thumom!  Head nurse Angel Zoom Fuzzybutt is also insulted.  My brothers said mom is okay so I hope they are correct.


I do hope everyone had a nice Easter.

Demon Flash Bandit

Friday, April 14, 2017

Humom is in Hospital.

Keep sending those prayers!  Humom is in the hospital.  She has the flu and possibly pneumonia. Yes, she had both flu
and pneumonia shots.  With luck like hers, I think my readers will understand why she doesn't buy many lottery tickets.
I will keep you up to date on yhe treat situation. My brothers better give them out generously.

Demon Flash Bandit


Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Gone Fishing

Before I write my blog, I want to thank my readers for the prayers for humom.  She sends her thanks also.  She is feeling better.  She is getting antibiotics when she gets dialysis now.

I had a delightful day.  I took Angel Zoom Smokey's paw and we went fishing.  It was a first time for Angel, but I went once before so I am a seasoned veteran.  We got our fishing poles, and headed for the water.  The weather was perfect.  We entered the automatic doors, and headed straight toward the seafood section we cast our fishing poles into the water.  Each of us caught 2 lobsters so we will  be.living high off the fish tonight.  I must add that God, in his infinite wisdom was wise to put rubber bands around their claws.  A dog could get hutt if the claws are free.

Demon Flash Banditq


Grayhound Subsidies Should be for Grayhounds.

Do the humans ever make sense?  The state of West Virginia gives a $15,000,000. subsidy to the humans who race Grayhound dogs.  The subsidy is given because the races are not a viable business.  Basically, the state is.paying money to keep dog racing going because it makes no profit.  The dogs are being forced to run after a rabbit instead of being able to relax and be a dog!   I think West Virginia should follow most of the other States and make dog racing illegal.   If the state wants to give away $15,000,000, why not buy $15,000,000 worth of milkbones.

Demon Flash Bandit

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

My Blog

My humom has been sick for a couple of days; and because I am such a delightful employer, I have not told her that my speeches aren't going to type themselves.   I am asking my readers to pray for humom.  I love her so much, and she love me!  Thanks in advance for the prayers

Demon Flash Bandit

Monday, April 10, 2017

Goodbye Sweet Mishka

I prefer to write about pleasant subjects so my readers can enjoy a few minutes of peace.  This world is not always a pleasant place.  Howevetr, it is with great sadness that I must write that Mishka, the celebrity talking Siberian huskey has crossed over the rainbow bridge.  She had her own YouTube channel, and she was on Google's ads for a long time.  She did talk shows and was well known on the Internet.  My family and I am very sad.  Humom has been following her for years.  I will close this by saying, goodbye sweet Mishka, test in peace.  I will also share one of her videos.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXo3NFqkF

Demon Flash Bandit

Sunday, April 9, 2017

Dog Jack is a movie I watched that would have received an academy award if dogs were on the academy.  This story is inspired by teal life events.   A  young man flees from slavery, and takes his dog with him   He and his dog signed up to be in s Pennsylvania regiment during the Civil War .Jack (the dog's name, Spoiler Alert;  the U.S. army (northern  side).   The dog is so special that the Pennsylvania regiment was willing to trade a Confederate soldier for Jack.  If you ask my opinion, and everyone does, those humans were smart humans.  Dogs are always superior to the humans, but they don' like to admit it.

Demon

Saturday, April 8, 2017

Typical Day Off

Many of my readers have expressed interest in knowing about   my activities and those of  Angel Zoom Smokey' also..  I will describe what happened today.  I had to get up early today because humom had to go in for dialysis.  Therefore, I was up at the ungodly time of 8:30 AM.  It is ungodly because God does not get up until 9:30 AM at the earliest.  Think about it:  if you were the big boss, would you get up early?

I got to lick the breakfast plates.  The melted butter is delicious.  Angel was still asleep so I got to lick both plates.  When you snooze, you lose.

When humom left for dialysis,  it was time for me to nap.  After humom got home, I had to walk my brother.  Then Angel had to walk my brother too.  If it weren't for Angel and me my brothers would not get any exercise.  I watched TV for  awhile until it was time for bed.  This is a typical day off.  Most days I am busy doing important things, but a dog needs an occasional day to relax and lick the melted butter.

Demon Flash Bandit

Friday, April 7, 2017

New Flavor of Ding Dongs

On my continuing mission to keep my fellow dogs informed of the important events that shape a dog's life, this is huge.  Yesterday my brother brought humom a new product called white fudge ding dongs.  Humom took a   bite and was transported into ding dong paradise.  By the way,  humom  noticed that the cakes are smaller than they were before Hostess sold their company a few years ago.   Humom did not approve of the sale, but she really loves ding dongs.  They looked so  delicious so,  naturally, I had to beg for some.  She gave me a couple of bites, and they tasted as delicious as they look.   I am going to add a box for me onto humom's grocery list.  She will think she put it on the list herself. Humans are easy to trick!

Demon Flash Bandit (Food Taster).

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Chia Trump

For those of you out there who, like myself have wondered what President Trump would look like without the dead squirrel on his head, you need wonder no more.  Now you can own a bust of Donald Trump from the company  that brought you  chia pets.  In fact, there are several other famous busts if you  want to start a chia pet collection.  If you voted for Trump, having this bust will be the holy grail of chia collectors.  Can you imagine attending a  Chio Fan convention in the future and have to see that you don't have the most valuable chia ever made- Trump?    The chia manufacturers won't guarantee that it will go up in value, but none of the other chias have done so.  Meanwhile, you can sit at your dinner table across from Trump, and you can discuss matters of great importance like the proper way to put ketchup on a steak.  Here is a link to  chia sites.

https://www.bing.com/images/search?q=chia+pet+trump&id=55B15979415A9C1D58571D549022DC11D2840528&FORM=IQFRBA

Demon Flash Bandit


Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Demon Discusses Fairy Tales

As a dog who takes educating the humans very seriously. I have decided to discuss early human puppy education and development.  Watch for my textbook which will be on sale at university bookstores everywhere.   The subject I plan to discuss today is the bedtime stories to which the human puppies are exposed.  Mother Goose has been compiling these stories for years.  Perhaps those stories are good for baby geese, but I can assure you that only geese have goose moms.  My mother was a black and white husky with blue eyes like me.  In fact, my dad was also a handsome black  and white husky with blue eyes.   My mother was not a goose!  I have never met a human puppy whose mother happened to be a goose.  Yet every night many youngsters hear these stories with little research done on the impact the stories have on their little lives.  I will give an example and follow with my own personal view.

Humpty Dumpty sat Jon a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again

Really?  When Humpty broke, the dogs yapped for breakfast because Humpty was an egg.   Scrambled eggs for everyone!


Little Moiss Muffet sat on a tuffet eating her curds and whey
Along came s spider who sat down beside her and frightened Miss Muffet away.

This one is complicated.  Was she lterally a little girl being punished with a time out in the corner where she was forced to eat something disgusting?  Instead of admitting her disobedience was to blame a non existent spider as the reason she left the corner and refused to eat the slop she was given?  Of course that  is what  people were supposed to believe.
It was really a coded message involving troop movement that is classified.  Since it has remained  classified for centuries.  I refuse to be the one who leaks the secret.

By the way, what is a tuffet?

Demon Flash Bandit







Monday, April 3, 2017

Pyramid Discovered

According to the news, a new pyramid has been found in Egypt.    I do not see how that is possible.  The pyramids wete built a long time ago so it isn't new.  I am not suggesting that it is impossible to build a new one, but I think people would know about it.  A project that size is hard to hide.  Coincidentily, I came across a show on YouTube  featuring a man stacking bricks.  Perhaps hr was building a pyramid, but considering  that he had only stacked about 12 bricks, I guess that show will be on for a long time if he builds a pyramid.

A pyramid is supposed to be filled with treasure.  I am sure it is full of milkbones, rawhide bones, and squeaky toys.  The Egyptians used to  put everything that would be needed in the afterlife.  Sometimes the treasures are stolen by grave robbers.  Some of yhr pyramids were filled with useless gold and gems.  I have no idea why they would bother with silly stuff.

Demon Flash Bandit







Sunday, April 2, 2017

Caterpillars


The latest news from the business world:  Caterpillar Inc. Is closing it's Aurora, Illinois plant. This action will  leave 800 people without jobs. I'll admit I was surprised to learn that caterpillars are manufactured by the humans.  I thought they were natural worm type creatures.  I also did not think that humans were capable of making something as beautiful as a butterfly.   Never let it be said that this dog doesn't admit when the humans can do something amazing.  My heart goes out to the humans who will be put out of work.  I hope they find equivalent or better jobs.  Wasn't the squirrel hair guy supposed to stop that sort of thing.  I asked humom, and she said most human politicians don't keep promises.  This is why dogs should be running things.  For further information about caterpillars go to this link:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caterpillar



Demon Flash Bandit

Saturday, April 1, 2017

Pied Piper According to Demon Flash Bandit

Once upon a time, in ancient Germany, there was a town in which humans and rats shared living quarters.    This went on for many years.  However, the relationship became strained because the humans decided that the rats were dirty and disgusting.  Truth be told, the rats felt the same way about the humans, but the rats were too polite to complain.  The humans hired the Pied Piper Pest Removal Company.  You may have seen their logo on one of their trucks.  The company is owned and operated by a family of birds.  Their motto is "we will sing your pests away.  The humans hired them to get rid of the rats.  As you may have guessed, the birds songs were worthless.  Finally, they called in a dog consultant.  He sent in some cats, and the rat problem was solved.  The morals to this fairy tale are:
1.  Never hire a bird.
2.  If you want something done properly, hire a dog.

Demon Flash Bandit

Friday, March 31, 2017

Dinner Etiquette

This blog will answer any questions you may have about dinner etiquette..  The most important thing to remember is that the food tastes good..  The dish itself should be clean and pleasant.  It can be a dish made for dogs,  Noritake china, Corelle, or my personal favorite- the Dixie disposable plates with the purple flowers. I cannot stress the importance of presentation to a dog.  If your humans can afford it, hiring a chef and server specifically for the family dog or dogs is recommended.

Dogs do not require eating utensils, but if you ate setting the table for the humans, you must put the fork on the left side of the plate with a napkin next to the fork.  The other side has a knife with blade facing the plate and then a spoon.  Those 3 tools will cover all eating situations.  However, there are other utensils that are useful at the table, but they go in a little container on the side with the dominant paw.  The container is one way that creativity can run wild.  Since they aren't needed for eating, they are for protecting your food from other humans.  This is particularly true if you are eating around dieters. Humans cannot growl as effectively as dogs.  This is why they need weapons.  Now that I have imparted dinner etiquette, feel free to throw a dinner party worthy of royalty.

Demon Flash Bandit

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Food is Fashionable

Today I stand In solidarity with Angel Zoom Smokey.  Our human brother, William, told Angel he wanted to clean her nose.  He said she had stuff on it, and she looked awful.  How ridiculous!  She was adorable.  That "stuff" on her face was food.  She looks a lot like me so she can never look awful.  If you ask my opinion (and who wouldn't?), the humans would look better if they quit using over priced cosmetics, and  put some food on their faces. I find bitches (female Dogs) look better covered in pudding.  Angel Zoom Smokey is gorgeous with or without food!

Demon Flash Bandit

Monday, March 27, 2017

Snow Dogs

There is a wonderful blog that I enjoy about Siberian huskies here in Michigan.  I am sharing the link:

http://www.gonetothesnowdogs.com

The videos are pawsome.  The 3 dogs ate Shelby, Oakley , and Memphis.  I know you'll enjoy it.

Demon Flash Bandit

Sunday, March 26, 2017

Survival Lessons

It is always good to teach children and young adults survival skills.  Cooking and baking are among the most elemental of survival skills.  I will admit that it is much easier to survive without the knowledge nowadays.  The modern world does make life easier.  Cavemen had to both hunt  and cook their dinners.  They could not go to the supermarket and buy food to be Onheated  at home.  I suspect that is why cavemen were always grunting instead of talking or perhaps they had not invented language yet.

Between ready to microwave food, delis, and restaurants, a lack of cooking ability will not necessary  hamper one's survival.  However, one of the reasons for making things oneself is the opportunity for creativity and the added benefit of saving money.

Imagine my surprise when I discovered that there are easy bake ovens for human puppies.   Although I applaud the idea of teaching young puppies self reliance, it seems counter productive,  considering that the baking mixes cost more than ready made cookies  cost, it seems that human puppies would get the idea that working for something will cost you more.  Even humans must understand that you are supposed to spend less money when you do the work.  Girl Scouts have been selling over priced cookies for years.  Now they ate selling  mixes for cookies. I can only assume that the mixes are preparing human puppies to buy for the Pentagon.  Those humans think nothing about spending $500.00 on a toilet seat.  If you have nothing better to do, Amazon has 5 Girl Scout cookie mixes on sale TODAY for $17.97.  Normally they sell for twice that price.  By the way, I am collecting cookies.  Send any you don't want to Demon Flash Bandit,  Howell MI, 48843.  It is a tough item to collect because they keep disappearing.  None the less, I continue to collect them.  It is truly a labor of love!

Demon Flash Bandit (Cookie Collector)

Friday, March 24, 2017

New Territory

The state of Florida is being overrun by pythons.  There are humans that get a Python as a pet.  Obviously anyone who thinks a snake makes a good pet needs a therapist.  When they tire of the snake, they let him go.  Now there are a lot of snakes, and they are annoying the gators there.  The gators have complained that the pythons are not paying rent to them.  Gators are so angry that they are getting a  bit cold blooded about the situation.  To show they mean business, some of the pythons have been eaten by gators.  Then the gators got really angry when pythons starting rating Gators.  Florida is a reptile eat reptile world.  I wonder if Gatorland in Orlando  will have to add pythons and call it Gatorthonland.

I wonder:  since the reports of baby alligators flushed down toilets in NYC must be true since I have heard that many times.  The source of the information is a reliable source (a wolf).  You have to consider the  sources of information.  If a squirrel tells you something, don't believe it.  Squirrels are jerks.    My advice to New Yorkers is to watch for alligators and pythons.  It is better to be safe than sorry.

Demon Flash Bandit (Warning  my Readers)

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Farming

Officially spring is here, but so far we have continued to have lovely cold weather.  Still, a dog starts thinking of starting a garden.  Whether planting vegetables, flowers, meat, pasta, candy, etc, the principle activity is the same.  For the city dogs reading this, Farmer Demon will give you instructions that will make your garden the envy of every rabbit in your area.

The first step in gardening is to dig a hole.  Humans need tools for that, but we dogs have front paws that are perfect for digging holes.  Once the hole is dug, you plant whatever you want to grow.  I always plant some bacon bits because I love Bacon.  Believe me, there is nothing better than bacon fresh from the garden.  After the planting is done, some sunshine and water will have your crops almost as tall as a giraffe's neck.  When the crops get that tall, it is time to harvest your crop and enjoy tasting it.  For more gardening tips, buy my new book, Demon Flash Bandit's Almanac.  It is a great book.

Demon Flash Bandit ( Farmer)


Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Dogs Love Bones

My brother, William, thought up a clever joke which I will share.

 Question:What do you call a junk yard owned by a dog?

Answer: A  boneyard.

Personally, I don't think many dogs would be interested in owning old junk cars.  You cannot drive them, and dogs love to drive.  The humans know we would be better  drivers than them so they won't let us drive legally.  The charge, if the dog is caught driving is impersonating a human which is ridiculous.   Why would we want to impersonate a lower life form?

On the other paw, if the bonbeyatd was, literally.  an area filled with bones, a dog would love that.  It would be even better if the bones had some meat on them.  I can hear the dog saying  Waitress, I  will have some barbeque sauce on my ribs.  Delicious!!!  I need to go get sleep sand dreams about ribs, Bacon, steak.......zzzzzzzzzng,

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Bones)

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Dog Approved TShirt

Isn't this an adorable T-shirt?  All my humans wore this shirt on St. Patrick's Day.  It was advertised on Facebook, and humom had to buy one for everyone.  The bottom says, can you handle your licker?  Angel and I laughed and laughed.  She said she had to buy them because they are so cute.  I havshare the photo so you can see humom has good fashion sense.  The shirt  is  (dog approved.

Demon Flash Bandit (Fashion Dog)

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Spy Dog

I was busy yesterday being a spy which is why I didn't write my blog.  Coincidentally, my secremommy was wiped out after dialysis so she fell asleep right after dinner.  I can't share my adventures because they are classfied.  I was not working directly for the orange human with the tiny hands, but I was working for his country.  There are some moles bothering the White House lawn.  They called and begged me to help.  This happens to me frequently.  It is a normal part of being a world renowned mole catcher.  I have so many mole finding awards.  I would say I don't like to brag, but I know my readers know better.  I hear the moles are being sent to QiamtonaMOLE. EBay.
I assume they sell them from there.  As usual, I got a thank you from the orange  man.  I think he is a clown named Bozo.

Demon Flash Bandit ( Spy Dog)

Friday, March 17, 2017

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Happy St. Patrick's Day!  The humans are wearing their new green McHusky Pub  t-shirts.  They look so cute in their dog featured clothing.  I am wearing a green hat.  It was either that or "the eating of the green" and this dog does not eat vegetables.
I did eat a bowl of Lucky Charms cereal.  I don't know a lot about leprechauns, but they make good cereal.  I wonder if they exchange recipes with the cookie baking elves from Keebler.
  I have checked every tree in my yard and I have not found  any elves baking cookies, but they are welcome to move here.  It is time for my nap.

Demon Flash Bandit


Thursday, March 16, 2017

Vincent Van Gogh

It is time to introduce human culture to my readers.  It is far inferior to dog culture, but humans are not advanced enough to understand dog culture.  I have chosen to write about Vincent Van Gogh.  Vincent came from a long line of taxi drivers, but he decided to follow his heart and became an artist.  It caused a lot of friction in his family, but he was determined to follow his own path.    He was an impressionist.  Impressionists did impressions of famous people while they painted.  He painted sunflowers and straw hats.  He painted starry nights, but it was no match for Sammy Spaniel's bones on a tray.  He is best known because of a accident.  He was ahead of his time on body piercing.  He overdid it and had no ear left.  There are books about him, but thanks to me, you don't need to waste valuable time reading them.  You are welcome!

Demon Flash Bandit (Art Expert)

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Dog Doctor Visit

I have been violated!  I went to the dog doctor today, and I was tortured.  She thought I was fabric because she was sticking needles in me.  She stole my blood.  I told her I need that blood.  My theory is that she is planning to clone a superdog.  From my blood.  I can:t blame her.  I am an awesome dog.  She a!so clipped my nails.  Thank dog the humans did not authorize painting them.  The doctor said I look good.  Yeah, humom paid her for that.   My humans know I look good.  They could have bought me a lot of cool stuff.  I think they should have paid me to make an appearance.  By the way, 4 humans accompanied me to the df.,  I like to travel with an entourage.  If is an expected part of being a celebrity dog.

Demon Flash Bandit (Patient)


Ancient History

In my continuing mission to educate the humans, today I am giving a history lesson.  The subject will be ancient history which is about 1200 years ago (in people years).    Back then, dogs lived a spartan lifestyle without many of today's modern luxuries.  Cars had not been invented so, if a dog needed to be somewhere, they had to walk on their own paws or ride the bus.   Dogs were, quite literally, cave dogs.  The caves were furnished nicely, and the dogs had wonderful taste in decorating.  Doggy taxidermists were masters at making dead birds and squirrels look alive.  Cave dogs lived in a very advanced civilization for the era.

Meanwhile, the human cavemen were living out in the open with no protection from the elements.   They were living like birds and squirrels.  One dog thought the humans were kind of cute. and might make a good pet.  Of course, the other dogs teased him about letting s human into his cave.  A lot of dogs thought humans were dirty, and called them germ machines and tail pullers.  Once one was adopted, other dogs saw that they were cute when cleaned.  Of course, you tell them to stay off the furniture, and they get on it anyway. The humans were so happy living with us dogs that they think dogs are their pets.  We love our pets so we humor them.  They are in an inferior position in comparison to us.  We don't pick up their poop.

Demon Flash Bandit (Historian)


Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Living Like a Cavedog !

The reason I have not written in several days is because there was a windstorm that left our house without electricity and the internet  for several days.  We were living like cave dogs.  We didn't have necessities like television.  We had no heat so the house was very comfortable for Angel and me.  The humans were complaining, but ask any penguin or polar bear, and they would agree with Angel and me.  The temperature was perfect.

Angel Zoom Smokey celebrated her tenth birthday last week.  We both got the coolest squeaky plush poop toy!  What dog can imagine humans making a cool toy like that?  We also got a tray of gourmet dog biscuits.  I am so glad my humans make sure we get gifts for everyone's special days.  We even get gifts on humom's birthday.  My humans are wise.

Demon Flash Bandit (Being a Cavedog)

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Squirrels are Jerks

According to the Washington Post, red Squirrels which are native to Great britain will become extinct unless humans get involved.  Many years ago, gray squirrels from the United States were   introduced to Britain.   The gray squirrels thrived.  My theory is that gray squirrels are  rude jerks.  I saw  a German Shepherd chase a squirrel up a pear tree.  The dog couldn't climb the tree so the squirrel sat up on the tree and threw pears at the dog.  As I said, they are jerks!

Demon Flash Bandit

Faceless Humans

Are you aware that the majority of female humans are born without faces?  Obviously, the women don't want to talk about this embarrassing birth defect.  However, despite the social stigma, many of the braver ones admit that they have to "put on their face".   This explains why the cosmetic companies make  hundreds of dollars every yezr on their products.  Evidently, this is not a problem with female (or male) dogs.  All dogs are born with faces.  I am glad my humom has a face because she can buy us bones with the tens of dollars she would have to spend on a face.  No matter how much money the humans spend, they still don't look as good as a dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With Face)

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Every Bird Bettet Run, the Dog has a Gun

This morning the stupid bird brained sapsucker was trying to eat the house.  This house belongs to ME!  I barked at him, and told him to leave. This house is a no bird fly zone.    I was ready to get a gun and go after the varmint.  He must have taken my warnings seriously. He flew away.  For those of you who don't think a dog can carry a gun, I have a video to share.  Here it is:

https://www.youtube.com/#/watch?v=_FYEyUPOi3w


Demon Flash Bandit


Bowling for Birds

I have studied the sport the humans call bowling,  and I think it could be easily adapted for dogs.  The game has been played for centuries.  Archaeologists have unearthed bowling alleys in ancient Egypt. Every pyramid has a bowling alley so the Pharaoh  could play his favorite game in the afterlife.  Several of them were champion bowlers, and their gold trophies are now museum pieces.  The bowling clothes were found in perfect condition.  One of the leagues was called "Nile Sandstorms.  That name sounds intimidating to me.   Although the history is fascinating, tnis blog is about modern bowling so I will get back to the subject of modern bowling.

The game is simple.  The humans play it at a bowling alley which is derived from the old days when it was played in alleys.  The bowling alley is a large building with a lot of bowling lanes.  The humans pick up a heavy ball with a hole for one finger, and throw it at a group of pins. There are chairs for the ones awaiting their turn and a concession stand where you can buy concessions.  The humans playing are usually eating so I assume they sell food somewhere on the premises.  If all the pins are knocked over on the first try, it is called a strike.  When a strike is not achieved, there is one more try.  There is a maximum of 2 tries each time you bowl.

To adapt this game for dogs would involve a ball which can fit into a dog's mouth.  (I'll let engineers work on that.). The best part is that, instead of pins, dogs want something they would enjoy hitting and knocking over.  Birds come to mind, but some dogs would prefer squirrels, cats, chipmunks or whatever.  Fake ones are okay, but there is nothing wrong with using real ones.  It would give a whole new meaning to "killing 2 birds with 1 stone.)

Demon Flash Bandit

Friday, March 3, 2017

Psycho Chickrn

My brother, William found a video called Psycho Chicken.  I watched it too, and it is so amazing.   I had no idea that television could be so educational.  If not for TV, I would have no idea that chickens could be psychotic.  This is an important fact for a dog to  know.   From the lyrics of the song, I assume that Colonel Sanders can't tell the difference between psycho and non psycho chickens.  I suspect the song was written by a chicken so that the humans will be afraid to eat chicken. Angel  said chicken and Beneful when it ended.   The humans were so surprised to hear her say it that we both got a Beneful prepared chicken meal which was delicious. I told her when she was a puppy that the humans love it when a dog speaks human.  It is nice to know that she paid attention to at least some of my wisdom.  Here is the Psycho Chicken video:

https://www.youtube.com/?reload=2&rdm=2glzk44oe#/watch?v=UnBlst3T7bY




Demon Flash Bandit

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Unappreciated Parking Meters

Life on Earth is filled with many misunderstood inhabitants.  Probably at the top of the list is the lowly parking meter.  Unless one of them  lands a job at the occasional indoor parking lot, most have to brave the elements in all kinds of weather.  It has a rough and lonely life.  As if they don't have enough problems, humans resent having to give them money.   Although they are unappreciated by humans, we dogs try to make them feel better.  I, for one, never pass by one without smelling it, and I give it the same respect as I would give a tree or fire hydrant.  I pee on it.

Demon Flash Bandit

Monday, February 27, 2017

Mail Lady

Our mail is usually left in a rural type mailbox so I  don't usually see the postal delivery lady.  I am sure I don't need to inform my readers that it is a dog's business to know that individual  These people invade a dog's territory.  They bring good things, but sometimes they bring bad things like bills.  I am grateful that the mail lady is human.  I was worried  she might be a cat.  No dog wants his mail delivered by a cat.

Demon Flash Bandit

Proof of Big foot

For those of you who are wondering what I did today, I napped and I watched TV.  TV was boring.  I have to admit I napped more than I watched TV.  That is because the humans chose the programming, and it was not at all interesting. The program on Big Foot was obviously the work of humans.  They were hunting  for the big furry guy and found no proof of his or her existence.  I got on the Internet and solved the problem in 10 minutes.  A man in Venezuela who wears size 26 shoes has the world's biggest feet..  It takes a dog to solve problems for the humans.  Then they watched a show about Chinese history, but some people in China eat dogs so I took a nap in protest of that practice.   Finally they switched to Paw Patrol and teruns of Sledgehammer.  I like Sledgehammer.  A cop who talks to his gun is interesting.  He needs a dog.

Demon Flash Bandit

Friday, February 24, 2017

No returns on Babies or Pete

There are a lot of warnings on products that make a dog think a lot of humans aren't playing with a full deck.  However,  I was shocked at the return policy on jet.com.  My humom has ordered from them in the past  with no problem.  The last order has one damaged item so she looked up their return policy.  She read it out loud to my brothers and me. It surprised her that much.   It States:  Please be sure and remove babies and pets from boxes before sending it back.  We cannot stress this enough.  The company also is not responsible for packages arriving late in the event of a zombie apocalypse.  I am barkless. I think jet said it all.  I have heard Walmart bought jet.com.  I guess that explains a lot.

Demon Flash Bandit

Thursday, February 23, 2017

Humon Declares Angel Innocent of all Charges

Yesterday there was a loud crash in Jeff's bedroom.  I was standing in the hall when I heard it.  At that point, Angel came running down the hall like a bat out of hell.  When I saw her running, I did what any innocent dog would do.  I did not want to be one of those "guilt by association" types so I was right behind her.  She jumped onto bed with humom.  Jeff was following, and he told humom that Angel had knocked over some blurays in his bedroom. To be fair, Jeff has a canillion of them in his room.  I would not be one bit surprised if they didn't attack Angel.  Humom told Jeff that Angel had been with her.  Jeff didn't argue with humom.  Angel has Jeff wrapped around her paw.  She laid next to Humom laughing.

Demon Flash Bandit (Innocent Dog)

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Illegals Must Be Stopped

Something needs to be done about the illegal aliens who cross the border from the south.  Those chihuahuas cross the border without being properly veterinared.  When they arrive, they never stop barking.  They have the nerve to get right up in a big dog's face with their incessant, annoying noise.  We big dogs do get a laugh out of their pathetic yapping, but all jokes aside, they are taking some of our humans which means they ate taking dog food right out of an American dog's mouth.  In fact, I am not even sure they are dogs.  The humans say they are, but the Collie Coalition said they are not.  I tend to agree with the collies.  The ones that are here can stay, but we have enough!  I think we need to build a 2 foot high wall on the border.  That should be tall enough to keep the little boogers on their side.  I think President Trump is wrong in building a wall.  I think 2 feet tall is sufficient to keep the chihuahuas from crossing.

Demon Flash Bandit (US Dog)

Monday, February 20, 2017

Meeting My Readers

I had a busy weekend.  I was booked for a pawtograph session both days.  It was exhausting,  but I do enjoy meeting my fans.  I consider it my responsibility as a celebrity dog to spend time with my readers.

.Meanwhile, back  in Gotham City, Batman is shopping for a new Batmobile at the Bat car dealership.  Unknown to Batman, the Joker has purchased the dealership in an effort to discover Batman's secret identity.  Imagine Joker's anger when Batman's driver's license says only Batman.  Does the Joker ever learn that crime does pay?

Demon Flash Bandit

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Adventures of a Travelling Dog)

Recently I wrote a blog about  telephones.  Due to the mobility of modern phones, the phone booth has become virtually obsolete.  There is the obvious observation about Superman losing his dressing room, but I am concerned about its other uses, and I'm not referring to upscale housing for the homeless.  Dr. Who has one that is a time machine.  In the two Bill and Ted movies (Excellent Adventure and Bogus Journey) the duo travelled through time in a phone booth.  I assume that if the third sequel is made, it will also have a phone booth time machine.  This means that telephone booths are time machines camouflaged as booths for only telephones.   I plan to buy one and have my own adventures in time.  Then I will change my blog title to Adventures of a Time Travelling Dog.  I need to go so I can buy one before the humans realize they are time machines.  I want to get one as cheap as possible.  I hate to spend money on non bone items.

Demon Flash Bandit (Adventurous Dog))

Friday, February 17, 2017

Incomperant Birds

Today I am writing this blog about human biology.  It has come to my attention that human puppies are found in cabbage patches by birds called storks.  I got this information from an animated documentary  I watched  when I was a puppy.  Therefore, I know it is factual.  This concerns me because birds are involved on the process.  This does explain why stores have sold cabbage patch kids.  Storks, equipped with their small bird brains dropped them off at the wrong place.  I will never understand why humans trust birds when they so clearly incompetent.  I hope someday the humans will see birds through a dog's eyes.

Demon Flash Bandit (Bird Watcher)

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Telephones

Some inventions do not survive the test of iime, and some do.  One successful invention is the telephone.  This invention became so successful that now most people in the USA have a cell pH one that requires no wires.  All the humans in my family have cell phones despite my wise advice that  the money should be spent on the dogs.  For dogs who are wondering why telephones are so popular among the humans, I think I can understand it.  For example humom got a call today and every other day on her landline.  The caller was concerned about her college loans.  Because humom and my brothers have no collegs loans, she seemed  agitated.  Three times, a week, she gets a call to a resort in Florida offering her big savings.  They did not offer the dialysis tour so she can't go.  She is one of the luckiest humans alive because she has won ocean cruises and all sorts of prizes and she didn't even enter the contests. With her good luck, I was shocked when she turned down a trip to Las Vegas, Nevada.  She might have to rent a semi to bring the money home.  Humom's luckiest win was getting me.  I love her and she loves.me.  I guess I am a lucky dog too.

Demon Flash Bandit (Lucky Dog)

Sunday, February 12, 2017

Breaking News

Breaking news:  President Trump has been rushed to the hospital at Andrews AFB.  I am here at the hospital to get the latest news, I will interview the doctor who treated him.  Doctor  Dooittle.

Me:  Hello Dr. Doolittle.  What news  can you share with us about the president's condition?

Dr:  He had to be treated for hand strain.  He signed so many executive orders that his hand started hurting.   His hands are incredibly small.  He is resting comfortably.  He should be okay in a couple of weeks.  He should be able to sign more executive orders again.

Me:  Thank you for your time.
This is Demon signing out

Demon Flash Bandit

Friday, February 10, 2017

Crime Hits Home

We have been having cold weather.  I refer to it as a little touch of heaven right here on Earth.  My humans don't agree.  I can't tell you what they say because it is inappropriate language for puppies to read.  I do try to keep my blog puppy friendly.  Let's just say my humans do not like cold weather.

This is a blog I never thought I would have to write. But I have become a victim of a serious crime.   Humom got me (and Angel, but mostly me) a pizza for dinner.  It was delicious.  We ate half of it and half was put into the refrigerator for later consumption.  My brother, Jeff, was out with his friends so he didn't get pizza.  He ate at a restaurant where, from the implications of the name, you have to be an apple to eat there.  Evidently this restaurant is part of a chain.  I guess humans are far more willing to become apples than us dogs.  What do they serve there?  Perhaps spaghetti and apples or a blooming apple are on the menu.  I sympathize with Jeff's hunger for pizza, but he is the one who chose to eat apples.  I can't gloss over his theft.  Did I mention it was a BACON pizza?  I love Jeff but what he did is called felony pizza theft, and dogs take that very seriously.  I was on the phone to America's Most Wanted to give them my story,  and I.am printing up some wanted posters to get the word out.  However, Jeff has promised to buy us another pizza so he is making an effort to atone for his crime.  I think I could forgive him if he purchases 5 pizzas for us.  As I have always said: don't mess with a dog's food!

Demon Flash Bandit (CrimemVictim)

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Fast and Furious

Why did a casting director  cast Vin Diesel in the Fast and Furious movies.  The man  he cast in a movie requiring fur?   Iguess he was supposed to act like he had fur. The movies were popular despite Vin Diesel 's lack of hair.  I have been offered a job that I had to turn down.   I am a talented actor, but I can't play a monster. I am too handsome to play an ugly person.

Demon Flash? Bandit

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Better Safe

I am so glad President Trump warned us about those bad hombres in Mexico.   No wonder he doesn't want non-citizens to get into this country.  I understand where he is comling from.  I have always suspected that chihuahuas are not really dogs.  I have never approved of them because they bark in Spanish.  They have never learned to bark in English.  If they want to live in this country, they should  learn our language.  When my great great great grandparents came here from Siberia, they learned to bark in English.

President Trump is a big fan of the movie, A Christmas. Story. I know because hombre is a word Ralphie would use.  Can't you see Trump standing at the border with his Red Ryder action shot air rifle with a compass in the stock smd a thing that tells time?  It is very important that you shoot the hombres in the butt. If you don't understand, watch the movie.  Now Trump has traded  his bb gun for am AK47.  Now I can take a nap with the knowledge that the world is safe.  An American would never shoot another American.  Would they?

De!on Flash Bandit (Safe Dog)

Monday, February 6, 2017

2017 Puppy Bowl

For sports fans yesterday was a big day.  I personally wait all year to see this football game.  Of course, I am talking about the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet.  This is the first year that disabled puppies were allowed to participate.  One puppy is deaf, one puppy is missing a leg, and one puppy is both seeing and hearing impaired.  The game was great!  It was better than the game the humans wete playing.  Yeah, puppies!

Demon Flash Bandit (Puppy Bowl Fan)

Sunday, February 5, 2017

Treadmill Torture

According to the Washington Post, a treadmill is based on a mideval torture device.  The news item did not surprise this dog at all.  I have always wondered why humans would get on one.  You run and run and stay in the same spot.  When a sled dog runs, we end up in another place.  A similar device is the stationary bicycle.  The rider can be on it for hours and never move.  Many humans pay to go to a gym and they PAY to use that type of equiIpment.   Humans are so gullible.  You can sell them anything.  I have to go now.  I must list some Demon Flash Bandit bumper stickers on EBay before the humans spend all their money at the gym.

Demon Flash Banditl zTortute


Saturday, February 4, 2017

Groundhog:s Day

Instead of writing a blog yesterday.  I was busy celebrating the holiday.  February 2 is Groundhog's Day, and this dog knows how to celebrate a holiday.  In case some of my readers have been out of touch with society and are unaware of its importance, I will explain.    It is the day that the groundhog predicts the upcoming  winter weather. Phil, the Pennsylvania groundhog says winter will continue.  Woody, the local groundhog at thr Howell Nature Center came to the same conclusion as Phil.  The national weather service did not agree, bit what do the humans know about weather?

Watching the ceremony filled my heart with pride.  I saw a proud mama groundhog who realizes that all of her sacrifices to pay for weather school was worth it.  My mom felt  the same way for sending me to Mushing School.  I was top in my class.  I am willing to much to Burger King anytime.

I hope all my readers had a wonderful Groundhog:s Day!


Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Demon the Magnificent

I have decided to add a new talent to all the many that I already have.  I am studying to be a magician.  I saw one who made a bunny disappear.  I have no interest in making a bunny disappear because I lilke bunnies.  However, making a bird disppear would be fantastic.  Of course, I have no plans to bring the bird back.  Getting rid of birds is what makes the trick so cool.  I've always said that the world would be better without birds.

Fe!on Flash Bandit (Magician)

Sunday, January 29, 2017

Trump Pawtographs Orders

Donald Trump has been in office for 9 days, and he has been busy signing executive orders.  If I had won the election, I would end my first week sniffing around the White House.  It is a big place, and it takes time to take in all the wonderful smells.  This is why a dog would be a better choice for president.  We dogs  take our time and see how things smell before we make a decision.  How many of you humans regret not putting me into the White House?  Dogs are always the best choice.

Trump signed an executive order involving healthcsre, and as he said in his campaign, he has a brilliant plan.  He ordered that no one can get sick.  I have got to admit that, if no one is sick, it would save a lot of money on healthcare.

Trump signed an order which will ban people from some Muslim countries from entering the US. .  This has caused much turmoil at some international airports.   Of course, he hasn't shared his next step which is using illegal and legal slien labor  to build the wall on Mexico's border.  This will make the cost of labor free.  He has not indicatefd how space aliens will be treated.  I am sure he will announce that plan soon.   From my observation, there are more mass killings done by our own citizens.



He also signed an order that all eagle mascots should be set free.  Normally I hate birds, but the eagle  in the video I am sharing made me realize that some birds are good.  Go Eagle.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7_OWYrLVOU


Saturday, January 28, 2017

Chimp Show

Occasionally I do movie and television reviews.  Today I am going to discuss a television show that aired from 1970 - 1972.  Lancelot Link Secret Chimp.  Lancelot was a spy for APE  (Agency to Prevent Evi!) who worked against CHUMP (Criminal Headquarters for the Underworld's Master Plan) .   In case you ate wondering, it is an all chimpanzee cast.  It is a spy comedy similar to Get Smart, another spy comedy from that era.  I think it would have been better with an all dog cast, but the chimps do an adnirable job considering they are chimps.  I like this show, but the lady ape had a voice that I didn't like.  It made me whinee.  Therefore, I don't recommend it for dogs. Humans will probably like it.

Every episode has a song by an all chimp band, Evolution Revolution.  The Howling Huskies is better, but the chimps can't compete with dogs. Their band is okay.


Demon Flash Bandit  (TV Reviewer).

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Sad Dog

This time it is not my secretary's fault that I haven't written my blog.   Two wonderful people and all but one of their Siberian huskies died in a house fire.  Frank and Deboraha Pusiteri  were wonderful people.   They were the humans who bred Angel Zoom Smokey.   I will try to write a more normal blog tomorrow.  Today I am too sad.

Demon Flash Bandit (Grieving Dog)

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Farewell Gabe

Gabe, the cute dog who has shared his talent with us on the Internet has crossed over the rainbow  bridge.  I am sad to see him go.  I  miss his delightful videos. God needed his bark in the heavenly choir.   RIP sweet puppy.

I am sharing one of his videos:

https://www.youtube.com/#/watch?v=vwGnXKNGjT0
And
https://www.youtube.com/#/watch?v=AKYj-kf01QQ

Demon Flash Bandit ( Sad Dog)

Friday, January 20, 2017

Wheels

Some humans, in an effort to be like a car,like to wear roller skates or they stand on a skateboard.  Both items have wheels like a car. I suppose the humans can't get to where they are going fast enough.  I thought a dog would not be in such a hurry, but I was wrong.  Some dogs do like to get where they are going faster than paws alone.  This dog will stick with my four paws. I am sharing a link that shows a skating dog.



😈Demon Flash Bandit😈

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Mother Hubbard's Neglected Dog

Old mother Hubbard went to her cupboard to get her dog a bone when she got there, the cupboard was bare
So poor little doggie got none.

The poem is a nursery rhyme which is told to small children.   Personally. I hate this poem and feel it is unsuitable for children's impressionable ears.  How could a mother not have bones for her dog?  That behavior is unforgivable.  Why were there no bones?  Did mother Hubbard eat them herself?  Did she party away the bone money?  Is she too cheap to buy bones?  Is she an abusive mother who needs to be reported for starving her dog?  Did a "cat" burglar break in to steal the bones?  Did a UFO beam the bones into the space ship?  Did she simply forget to buy bones?  If she forgot, that would be the worst reason.  How can you forget your dog?

According to the Internet, the poem Is anout King Henry VIII,  Cardinal Wolsey, and the divorce from Catherine of Aragon.  Of course, the Internet says birds make good pets so it gives lots of bogus information.  The poem makes no mention of a king, a cardinal, and a divorce.  I will add that, there was no shortage of bones in the reign of  Henry VIII.   He kept the executioners busy getting rid of his wives.  Cardinal Wolsey received the same fate. If you lived during that time, the best way to survive is not to meet the king.

 In concludsion, Mother Hubbard should have had a cat instead of a dog.  I also think the company that makes Mother Hubbard dog treats should have a different name.  Why associate your company with with a dog owner who neglects her dog?

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog)

Monday, January 16, 2017

Donald Trump Tweets

I apologize that I have missed writing for a couple of days.  My humom had to visit the hospital.  They didn't keep her.  They gave her antibiotics and said she is sick.  I could have told them she was sick, and I didn't charge for my diagnosis.

Today I am going to discuss politics so if the subject bothers you, close your eyes.  It has come to my attention that Donald Trump tweets his thougjhts all the time.  Donald Trump is the human who will be president because the humans are bad in math. He did not get the most votes.  Anybone, birds tweet, and Twitter lets  the humans tweet, and its trademark is a bird.  These facts come to my attention so I did some research.  The research caused me to come to the conclusion that Donald Trump  is a big bird.  He is orange, has feathers on his head, little hands like claws, and he tweets.  The humans need to remove him from service.  I am not a bird lawyer.   I am quite sure that a bird can't be president.  I am also sure that putting a bird into a high office is part of their plan to take over the world.  Birds cannot be trusted.

Demon Flash Bandit (Concern Citizen and Dog)

Thursday, January 12, 2017

I Love Roast Beast

Today the doorbell rang, and it was a food delivery from Jimmie Johns.  My humans ordered roast beef sandwiches, and they did not include sandwiches for Angel and me!  Dogs like sandwiches too.  I thought I had my humans better  trained.  I was upset until the humans fed me roast beast.  Humom knows I like meat and not bread.  I am a good trainer and humom is a good human.

Demon Flash Bandit

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Scarlett Johanson is Afraid of Birds

Scarlett Johanson has an irrational  fear of birds according to Internet sources.   I feel it necessary to say that a fear of birds is not an irrational fear.  It is a very sensible fear.  If more humans realized that birds are plotting to take over the world, maybe they could be stopped.   The planet would be a better place without birds.

Demon Flash Bandit

Monday, January 9, 2017

Health Concern

It is nice to discover that the new presidential  administration is watching out for the health if its citizens.  Of course, the concern does not involve Obamacare or health care in general.  That would be too logical for the new group.  Donald  Trump Jr is working to make it easier and cheaper to get gun silencers.  He is concerned about the possible damage that can be done to human ears when a gun goes off.  I know that can be a problem.  However, when a gun goes off, I am never overly concerned about hearing damage because guns usually cause so many other more serious problems.  I guess I will never understand why the humans like their guns so much.

Demon Flash Bandit (Political Observer Dog)

Sunday, January 8, 2017

Sending a Message to the Varmints

A good dog is always vigilante about watching out for his humans.  As a dog who has the responsibility of keeping a yard safe for humans, I can tell you it can be a big job.  There are the usual critters that inhabit most yards-- squirrels, chipmunks, rabbits,  mice, birds,  etc.  Since we live near a lake, we have additional water type animals like beavers and woodchucks.  The yard is owned by my humans.  They bought it and they pay property taxes on it.  The deed is in their name.  Since I am the family dog; and as a member of the family, the yard is also mine.  My humans never spend much time out there anyway.   I don't have to tell all the dogs and even cats that the critters are not an easy group to deal woth.  Of course, I bark at them and let them know that they have no legal right to be on my property.  However, judging from the brain size of most of them, they probably won't understand.  I solved the problem by taking one of my stuffie toys outside where I tore it to shreds in front of the varmints.  I left it outside as a reminder to them.  If they want to stay on one piece, they won't mess with this dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Guard Dog)

Friday, January 6, 2017

Being a Doctor to the Humans

Today has been a quiet day around here by order of Dr. Demon.
Humom has an upper respiratory  infection. and I prescribed keeping her warm and quiet.   My advice has been good advice so humom is much better.

Demon

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Bones R Us

Since I am an enterprising dog, I am always thinking of new business ideas.  My latest is my plan to open a store specializing in bones for dogs.  I will call it Bones R Us.  I think this would fill an important niche for dogs.  Of course, if I plan to run a bone store, I will need inventory., and it needs to be of the highest quality for my customers.  Therefore, I went to the Carnegie Museum in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.  The museum is known for it's superior collection of dinosaur bones.  Obviously, this was the perfect place to get inventory for my new store.  I looked around and found a nice bone for my store.  I was carrying it out of the museum when some jerk in a security uniform told me I couldn't take it out of the museum.  The bones are stacked up and could fall and potentially injure someone so I think they should have thanked me for limiting their liability.  You will be pleased to learn that I peed on their stupid bone. Thete will be a delay in my Bones R Us grand opening while I search for bones to sell.

Demon Flash Bandit (Business Dog)

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Carrie Fisher's Dog Will be Cared for by his Human Slated

The planet recently lost an iconic actress who will be remembered for her role as Princess Leah in Star Wars. Carrie Fisher suffered a massive heart attack and died.  Her beautiful and talented mom, Debbie Reynolds, died the following day so my prayers go out to her family.  Carrie was devoted to her dog, Gary, who accompanied her most of the time.  Thankfully, Gary will be cared for by Carrie's daughter.  However, as a dog who lost my human dad 10 years ago,  Gary will always miss her.  Gary has been posting his thoughts on his twitter account.  If you are interested on his posts, he is Garythedog.

Demon Flash Bandit

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Demon's Household Hints

Today I have made a list of household chores done the dog way.  A dog's cleaning methods are easier and superior to human methods.  Let's start with windows.  A curtain or blinds is called a window covering for a reason.  If a window is covered, no one can see that the window is dirty.  That one is so simple, I thought I might not have to tell the humans.  Of course, I was wrong.  Humans just don't think properly.

If you follow your dog's example and lick your plate clean, that is one less chore to do.  Vacuuming is a waste of time and energy.  You will just end up vacuuming again in 6 or 7 months.  The same is true for making the bed.  It is wiser to take a nap. I am sure the dogs reading this will know what I mean.

Demon Flash Bandit (Helpful Dog)

Monday, January 2, 2017

Johnny Appleseed and Rover McBaconseed

I always enjoy writing about history, and today is no exception.  Many Americans have heard the legendary story of Johnny Appleseed.  He was a real man who planted apple trees in Pennsylvania, Ohio, and Indiana.  His name was Johnny Chapman, and he made a living selling the trees he planted to settlers to that area.  As every dog knows, the humans get all the media attention.  How !any people know about the legendary dog, Rover McBaconseed? Much like Johnny Appleseed, Rover traveled  around the country planting bacon seeds.  I am quite sure that the sceptics who read this will say bacon doesn't have seeds, but Rover had magical seeds that would grow into bacon trees.  He wanted to make sure that there would be plenty of bacon trees for other dogs as well as for himself. The Bacon trees grew and grew.  Dogs still enjoy the meat from the bacon tree.  To this day, dogs  still dig up their yards looking for Bacon seeds.  In the future, I hope the humans van now understand why their dogs sre digging so many holes.  Those Bacon seeds are worth their weight in Milkbones..

Demon Flash Bandit (History Buff)

Sunday, January 1, 2017

Happy 2017

Another year has come and gone.  I know a lot of humans like to make a new start planning improvements in their lives.  Since I . need no improvement, new years resolutions are unnecessary for me.  I could brag about having had a big new year's eve party, but I would be exaggerating.  I had some bacon and I took a nap.  I really enjoyed my event.  Sometimes relaxing with a bacon snack and hanging around with my humans is as good as
 life gets.  I would like to wish my readers a new year filled with plenty of bacon and good times for everyone. Happy new year!

Demon Flash Bandit (Happy Dog)