Wednesday, December 7, 2016

I Am Watching the Grinch

Jeff brought up a 5 foot tall animated Grinch, and put it in the living room.  This worries me because the Christmas tree is not up yet so I am worried that the Grinch is planning to steal our Christmas before it arrives.  By the way, for those of you on the metric system, you are on your own with the conversion.

 Anywhat,  I did not approve of his treatment of his dog, Max.  He dressed Max in reindeer antlers, and made him pull his loot.  Thus  making Max an accessory to theft.  Max could have went to jail for helping.  I think Max should have turned the Grinch into the authorities.  I make it a point NOT to hang out with green people. Blue people are okay.  I learned that fact from watching Avatar

Demon Flash Bandit (Doesn't Trust the Grinch)

Monday, December 5, 2016

Blog not Written by Angel Zoom Smokey

As usual, I, Demon Flash Bandit, am writing this blog as I do every day.  Angel Zoom Smokey did not confiscate my site.  I must admit thst I don't talk about Angel enough.  She is so womfetrful that I can't complimrnt het enough.  Here is her letter to Santa Paws.

Dear Santa Paws,

This is your favorite dog, Angel Zoom Smokey.  My list is simple.  You can leave me 1 million dollars in either cash, check, all major  charge cards, money order or paypal.  Thanks to your generosity, Christmas is my favorite holiday.  Give Mrs. paws  a hug from me.

Demon Flash Bandit ( Not Angel Zoom Smokey)


Sunday, December 4, 2016

2016 Letter to Santa Paws

It is time for my annual letter to Santa Paws which I always share with my readers.   I have to make sure the Christmas dude knows what I want.  Here it is:

Dear Santa Paws,

As you know, I have been a good boy as usual.  I know there are a lot of dogs on your list.  Therefore, I will keep it short.

Bacon (it is on every dog's list), Dingo bones, rawhide bones, puzzle toys, milkbones,  dog yogurt drops, and basically most dog treats (NO LIVER FLAVOR).  I know you have limited time so a gift card for $10,000 will be okay.  My humans can take me to Petsmart, and I can buy the things myself.  Angel Zoom Smokey has not been a good girl so I am the only dog in this house who should get gifts.  However, you can bring her a stick.  She loves sticks.
I also hope that you can find families for the dogs who need them.  Thank you in advance and merry Christmas.

Love,

Demon Flash Bandit (Good Dog)

Message from Yoda

Finally, my warnings about the evils of birds has been noticed by a celebrity, Yoda.  Yoda has made a video about being attacked by seagulls.  Yoda has the power of the force to fight birds.  I hope he will use it to solve the bird problem.  I am sharing the (Seagulls. Stop it Now:

https://www.videoup.org/m/v/m5hdtpp79-seagulls-stop-it-now-a-bad-lip-reading-of-the/

Now Yoda is one of my heroes.  I have a new hope.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing Information)

Friday, December 2, 2016

I Want a new election.

Yesterday was the first day my mom went for dialysis at the  new place.  She had to be there at 6:00 AM so I was woke up early.  I am a not a morning dog, and I got woke up at 5:00 AM.  I am not supposed to wake until noon. Yeah,  I didn't think anyone got up at that time.  Stupid humans:  no one should be up at that hour.  I bet they get up for that stupid concept called work.  Believe me, a dog would not have envisioned such a silly idea.  This is why humans are so tired.  Dogs know how to avoid work and nap.  We get our rest.  Now that I am done complaining, I will add that if it keeps humom around, I will put up with it.

I am still wondering why I wasn't elected as president, and I want the election done over.   I have heard that many dogs were turned away from the polls and not allowed to vote.  The only dogs that were allowed into the voting booth were service dogs, and most dogs are not service dogs.  How could either of the humans win  when there was no specific bird policy mentioned? Birds are the main issue in today's world.

I hope all my readers are having a wonderful day.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog)






Thursday, December 1, 2016

I Am a Doctor

There was great joy in my house yesterday.  Humom came home after a 3 month absence.   I am so happy I could kiss a cat.  Mommy ordered Angel and me almond chicken from the Chinese restaurant for dinner.   Life is getting back to normal again.  Humom has oxygen now, and a bunch of medical people will be coming to visit.  I see no need for them when I am a doctor, and Angel is Nurse Jane Fuzzybutt.  We have been taking good care of mom for years.  Mom said she has to humor the medical people because they went to college to do their jobs so I will allow it.  All dogs know that you have to humor the humans.  However I plan to make sure they didn't go to the electoral college.  If so, I will tell them to leave.

Demon Flash Bandit (Doctor Demon)

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Bad Electorsl College

In my continuing mission to try to teach the humans with dog sense, today I am going to discuss the electoral college in the United States.  Hillary Clinton should be president because more people voted for her. The same thing happened with Al Gore when he won the most votes.  I know anyone who knows math would ask, why someone with less votes would be made president?  That is a good question so I will answer it on this blog.  When a state wins, the winning candidate gets all the votes.  This system was set in place by the founding fathers.  No, they were not literally fathers of all the citizens.  They would have gone broke just giving out allowances.  I don't know exactly what they were looking for.  However, when they were done, they had started a new country, the United States.  They set up the electoral college.  It sounds good on the surface that some well educated people would cast the final vote.  That isn't what happens.  I did some research, and I am going to share an amazing fact with my readers.  It is not a four year school of education.  Yes dogs, they meet only once every four years.  I do not think that small amount of time should even qualify them for a degree.  Certainly, they aren't educated enough to pick a president. I think it is about time the president is chosen by popular votes and not by lazy college students.

Demon Flash Bandit (Educated Dog)