Saturday, February 18, 2017

Adventures of a Travelling Dog)

Recently I wrote a blog about  telephones.  Due to the mobility of modern phones, the phone booth has become virtually obsolete.  There is the obvious observation about Superman losing his dressing room, but I am concerned about its other uses, and I'm not referring to upscale housing for the homeless.  Dr. Who has one that is a time machine.  In the two Bill and Ted movies (Excellent Adventure and Bogus Journey) the duo travelled through time in a phone booth.  I assume that if the third sequel is made, it will also have a phone booth time machine.  This means that telephone booths are time machines camouflaged as booths for only telephones.   I plan to buy one and have my own adventures in time.  Then I will change my blog title to Adventures of a Time Travelling Dog.  I need to go so I can buy one before the humans realize they are time machines.  I want to get one as cheap as possible.  I hate to spend money on non bone items.

Demon Flash Bandit (Adventurous Dog))

Friday, February 17, 2017

Incomperant Birds

Today I am writing this blog about human biology.  It has come to my attention that human puppies are found in cabbage patches by birds called storks.  I got this information from an animated documentary  I watched  when I was a puppy.  Therefore, I know it is factual.  This concerns me because birds are involved on the process.  This does explain why stores have sold cabbage patch kids.  Storks, equipped with their small bird brains dropped them off at the wrong place.  I will never understand why humans trust birds when they so clearly incompetent.  I hope someday the humans will see birds through a dog's eyes.

Demon Flash Bandit (Bird Watcher)

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Telephones

Some inventions do not survive the test of iime, and some do.  One successful invention is the telephone.  This invention became so successful that now most people in the USA have a cell pH one that requires no wires.  All the humans in my family have cell phones despite my wise advice that  the money should be spent on the dogs.  For dogs who are wondering why telephones are so popular among the humans, I think I can understand it.  For example humom got a call today and every other day on her landline.  The caller was concerned about her college loans.  Because humom and my brothers have no collegs loans, she seemed  agitated.  Three times, a week, she gets a call to a resort in Florida offering her big savings.  They did not offer the dialysis tour so she can't go.  She is one of the luckiest humans alive because she has won ocean cruises and all sorts of prizes and she didn't even enter the contests. With her good luck, I was shocked when she turned down a trip to Las Vegas, Nevada.  She might have to rent a semi to bring the money home.  Humom's luckiest win was getting me.  I love her and she loves.me.  I guess I am a lucky dog too.

Demon Flash Bandit (Lucky Dog)

Sunday, February 12, 2017

Breaking News

Breaking news:  President Trump has been rushed to the hospital at Andrews AFB.  I am here at the hospital to get the latest news, I will interview the doctor who treated him.  Doctor  Dooittle.

Me:  Hello Dr. Doolittle.  What news  can you share with us about the president's condition?

Dr:  He had to be treated for hand strain.  He signed so many executive orders that his hand started hurting.   His hands are incredibly small.  He is resting comfortably.  He should be okay in a couple of weeks.  He should be able to sign more executive orders again.

Me:  Thank you for your time.
This is Demon signing out

Demon Flash Bandit

Friday, February 10, 2017

Crime Hits Home

We have been having cold weather.  I refer to it as a little touch of heaven right here on Earth.  My humans don't agree.  I can't tell you what they say because it is inappropriate language for puppies to read.  I do try to keep my blog puppy friendly.  Let's just say my humans do not like cold weather.

This is a blog I never thought I would have to write. But I have become a victim of a serious crime.   Humom got me (and Angel, but mostly me) a pizza for dinner.  It was delicious.  We ate half of it and half was put into the refrigerator for later consumption.  My brother, Jeff, was out with his friends so he didn't get pizza.  He ate at a restaurant where, from the implications of the name, you have to be an apple to eat there.  Evidently this restaurant is part of a chain.  I guess humans are far more willing to become apples than us dogs.  What do they serve there?  Perhaps spaghetti and apples or a blooming apple are on the menu.  I sympathize with Jeff's hunger for pizza, but he is the one who chose to eat apples.  I can't gloss over his theft.  Did I mention it was a BACON pizza?  I love Jeff but what he did is called felony pizza theft, and dogs take that very seriously.  I was on the phone to America's Most Wanted to give them my story,  and I.am printing up some wanted posters to get the word out.  However, Jeff has promised to buy us another pizza so he is making an effort to atone for his crime.  I think I could forgive him if he purchases 5 pizzas for us.  As I have always said: don't mess with a dog's food!

Demon Flash Bandit (CrimemVictim)

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Fast and Furious

Why did a casting director  cast Vin Diesel in the Fast and Furious movies.  The man  he cast in a movie requiring fur?   Iguess he was supposed to act like he had fur. The movies were popular despite Vin Diesel 's lack of hair.  I have been offered a job that I had to turn down.   I am a talented actor, but I can't play a monster. I am too handsome to play an ugly person.

Demon Flash? Bandit

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Better Safe

I am so glad President Trump warned us about those bad hombres in Mexico.   No wonder he doesn't want non-citizens to get into this country.  I understand where he is comling from.  I have always suspected that chihuahuas are not really dogs.  I have never approved of them because they bark in Spanish.  They have never learned to bark in English.  If they want to live in this country, they should  learn our language.  When my great great great grandparents came here from Siberia, they learned to bark in English.

President Trump is a big fan of the movie, A Christmas. Story. I know because hombre is a word Ralphie would use.  Can't you see Trump standing at the border with his Red Ryder action shot air rifle with a compass in the stock smd a thing that tells time?  It is very important that you shoot the hombres in the butt. If you don't understand, watch the movie.  Now Trump has traded  his bb gun for am AK47.  Now I can take a nap with the knowledge that the world is safe.  An American would never shoot another American.  Would they?

De!on Flash Bandit (Safe Dog)