Friday, March 24, 2017

New Territory

The state of Florida is being overrun by pythons.  There are humans that get a Python as a pet.  Obviously anyone who thinks a snake makes a good pet needs a therapist.  When they tire of the snake, they let him go.  Now there are a lot of snakes, and they are annoying the gators there.  The gators have complained that the pythons are not paying rent to them.  Gators are so angry that they are getting a  bit cold blooded about the situation.  To show they mean business, some of the pythons have been eaten by gators.  Then the gators got really angry when pythons starting rating Gators.  Florida is a reptile eat reptile world.  I wonder if Gatorland in Orlando  will have to add pythons and call it Gatorthonland.

I wonder:  since the reports of baby alligators flushed down toilets in NYC must be true since I have heard that many times.  I heard it from a reliable source (a wolf).  You have to consider the  sources of information.  If a squirrel tells you something, don't believe it.  Squirrels are jerks.  My advice to New Yorkers is to watch for alligators and pythons.  It is better to be safe than sorry.

Demon Flash Bandit (Warning  my Readers)

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Farming

Officially spring is here, but so far we have continued to have lovely cold weather.  Still, a dog starts thinking of starting a garden.  Whether planting vegetables, flowers, meat, pasta, candy, etc, the principle activity is the same.  For the city dogs reading this, Farmer Demon will give you instructions that will make your garden the envy of every rabbit in your area.

The first step in gardening is to dig a hole.  Humans need tools for that, but we dogs have front paws that are perfect for digging holes.  Once the hole is dug, you plant whatever you want to grow.  I always plant some bacon bits because I love Bacon.  Believe me, there is nothing better than bacon fresh from the garden.  After the planting is done, some sunshine and water will have your crops almost as tall as a giraffe's neck.  When the crops get that tall, it is time to harvest your crop and enjoy tasting it.  For more gardening tips, buy my new book, Demon Flash Bandit's Almanac.  It is a great book.

Demon Flash Bandit ( Farmer)


Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Dogs Love Bones

My brother, William, thought up a clever joke which I will share.

 Question:What do you call a junk yard owned by a dog?

Answer: A  boneyard.

Personally, I don't think many dogs would be interested in owning old junk cars.  You cannot drive them, and dogs love to drive.  The humans know we would be better  drivers than them so they won't let us drive legally.  The charge, if the dog is caught driving is impersonating a human which is ridiculous.   Why would we want to impersonate a lower life form?

On the other paw, if the bonbeyatd was, literally.  an area filled with bones, a dog would love that.  It would be even better if the bones had some meat on them.  I can hear the dog saying  Waitress, I  will have some barbeque sauce on my ribs.  Delicious!!!  I need to go get sleep sand dreams about ribs, Bacon, steak.......zzzzzzzzzng,

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Bones)

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Dog Approved TShirt

Isn't this an adorable T-shirt?  All my humans wore this shirt on St. Patrick's Day.  It was advertised on Facebook, and humom had to buy one for everyone.  The bottom says, can you handle your licker?  Angel and I laughed and laughed.  She said she had to buy them because they are so cute.  I havshare the photo so you can see humom has good fashion sense.  The shirt  is  (dog approved.

Demon Flash Bandit (Fashion Dog)

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Spy Dog

I was busy yesterday being a spy which is why I didn't write my blog.  Coincidentally, my secremommy was wiped out after dialysis so she fell asleep right after dinner.  I can't share my adventures because they are classfied.  I was not working directly for the orange human with the tiny hands, but I was working for his country.  There are some moles bothering the White House lawn.  They called and begged me to help.  This happens to me frequently.  It is a normal part of being a world renowned mole catcher.  I have so many mole finding awards.  I would say I don't like to brag, but I know my readers know better.  I hear the moles are being sent to QiamtonaMOLE. EBay.
I assume they sell them from there.  As usual, I got a thank you from the orange  man.  I think he is a clown named Bozo.

Demon Flash Bandit ( Spy Dog)

Friday, March 17, 2017

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Happy St. Patrick's Day!  The humans are wearing their new green McHusky Pub  t-shirts.  They look so cute in their dog featured clothing.  I am wearing a green hat.  It was either that or "the eating of the green" and this dog does not eat vegetables.
I did eat a bowl of Lucky Charms cereal.  I don't know a lot about leprechauns, but they make good cereal.  I wonder if they exchange recipes with the cookie baking elves from Keebler.
  I have checked every tree in my yard and I have not found  any elves baking cookies, but they are welcome to move here.  It is time for my nap.

Demon Flash Bandit


Thursday, March 16, 2017

Vincent Van Gogh

It is time to introduce human culture to my readers.  It is far inferior to dog culture, but humans are not advanced enough to understand dog culture.  I have chosen to write about Vincent Van Gogh.  Vincent came from a long line of taxi drivers, but he decided to follow his heart and became an artist.  It caused a lot of friction in his family, but he was determined to follow his own path.    He was an impressionist.  Impressionists did impressions of famous people while they painted.  He painted sunflowers and straw hats.  He painted starry nights, but it was no match for Sammy Spaniel's bones on a tray.  He is best known because of a accident.  He was ahead of his time on body piercing.  He overdid it and had no ear left.  There are books about him, but thanks to me, you don't need to waste valuable time reading them.  You are welcome!

Demon Flash Bandit (Art Expert)