Friday, April 28, 2017

Gingerbreaf

My rules for eating gingerbread cookies:

Gingerbread is a tasty treat, but it can be difficult to enjoy.  That is because many gingerbread cookies are "gingerbread men".  Gingerbread men tend to rum away before you can eat them.  I guess I can't blame them.  I would probably run too.  Being baked in an oven can't be fun. Being on a menu is not something to which anyone would want either.   This is why I am writing this blog.  I like to share my insights with my fellow dogs and any human! s who might be reading this. There is a story most people kmow. It is  the story of a little old lady who made the first gingerbrlad man.  He  is a smartalect who runs away from the little old lady and the little old man., and other farm animals that want to eat him.    Finally he gets eaten by a clever fox.

Back to my  gingerbread situation.  Humom bought some gingerbread cookies and put them into a cabinet where a dog can smell them.  I opened the cabinet to help myself to one.  This is when I discovered that they were gingerbread girls.  Most of my regular readers know that I live with Angel Zoom Smokey, and she is a bitch.  Therefore   I was one with the clever fox.  I ate her legs so she could not run.  The moral of this blog is that bitches annoy a he-man dog like me.

I hope my readers have a pleasant day!

Demon Flash Bandit.
My rules for eating gingerbread cookies:

Gingerbread is a tasty treat, but it can be difficult to enjoy.  That is because many gingerbread cookies are "gingerbread boys".  Gingerbread boys tend to rum away before you can eat them.  I guess I can't blame them.  I would probably run too.  Being baked in an oven can't be fun. Being on a menu is not something to which anyone would want either.   This is why I am writing this blog.  I like to share my insights with my fellow dogs and any humans who might be reading this.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Unwelcome Spider

Ad usual, I have been doing my duty as a dog to guard the humans from harm.  Most of the time, things are quiet around here.  Today we hut threat level spider.  There was a spider in my territory acting like he owns the place.   I could have taken care of the interloper, but I alerted my human brother, William.  Normally I don't like the vacuum cleaner,  but the look on that spider's face was hilarious!  I doubt that he saw the humor in his situation, but I thought it was very funny.  I took him out of the vacuum and put him out on the porch to send a message to other spiders that they are not welcome.

Many of you are probably wondering about the size of the spider.  Hr was about 20 feet long with giant legs and an ugly face that makes a dog want to smack him.  Of course, if you smack him, you would have to touch him with your paw.  I don't want spider germs on my paw.    I know some of you might ask how a spider that big with a vacuum cleaner, but it is a special magical vacuum.  It can stretch to hold spiders.  I hope my readers will invest in a magical vacuum.  They come in handy.

Demon Flash Bandit

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Strike!

Hold the presses!  I have always wanted to say that, and now I have the opportunity.   It is possible that there will be a writer's strike.  This would affect my summer television viewing.  Some of the humans might say that a dog needs fresh air and should not be sitting around watching tv.  They are wrong.  During hot weather, a dog should rest inside under the air conditioner.   In fact, one summer day every year should be set aside to honor the man who invented air conditioners.  He is my hero!

Demon Flash Bandit

Monday, April 24, 2017

Big Foot Discovered

I am pleased to announce that Big Foot and his family are alive and well.  In fact, they are doing commercials for a mattress cover. Here is the link:

https://onpurple.com/mattressprotector

Demon Flash Bamdit


Sunday, April 23, 2017

McDonalds New Uniforms

In an effort to increase sales and have a more modern looking workforce, McDonalds has turned to the fashion industry to update their uniforms.   Unlike past uniforms, employees would be proud to wear them outside of work.  Do the people running McDonalds have a clue as to what their potential customers are thinking?  The new uniforms are just as lame as any they have had in the past.  Clothing preferences are a matter of opinion. By the way, this dog was not impressed with the look of the new ones.  I will sum it up in one word, DRAB.  It is a shame that a company that should pay its workers higher wages puts money into "designer" uniforms.  McDonalds would have more customers if they put more money into the food, not fashion.   I have yet to hear a dog say I go to McDonalds ( or any other restaurant) because of the dress of the employees.  They go there to EAT.  I think finding more qualified employees  and hiring enough to do the job properly is more important than what the employees wear to work.  Since puppyhood, I have always been an unpaid spokesdog for Burger King.  I love their food.

Demon Flash Bandit

Friday, April 21, 2017

Humom is Home

Hallelujah!!!  The humom is home from the hospital.  Angel and I were concerned about her care.  I checked the hospital registry, and there was not one dog on staff.  Yes readers, my mom was being cared for by humans!!!   However, I must give credit when credit is due; and the humans did a good job.   Humom is feeling better.

Sir E. Bunny left humom a white chocolate bunny, and treats for us.  I knew the bunny would come through as always.  I hope my readers treated the bunny cordially.  He is a great guy!

I have to take care of mom now. Hopefully, mom will be able to type my next entry.

Demon Flash Bandit