Saturday, January 31, 2015

Free T-Shirt Contest

I have some exciting news to report in today's blog!!!!!  The magazine cover that features Angel Zoom Smokey that I covered on a previous blog is now availabe on a t-shirt! The best part is that I will be giving one away free of charge--yeah--you don't have to give up any bones or treats to get it.  All you have to do is email my gmail account at  and you are entered in the contest to get this wonderful shirt.  When you leave a comment on my blog you will also be automatically entered in the contest, and also if you share the contest on FB, you will get an entry.  However, write and let me know you shared the comment because my secretary, being a very poor computer person probably has no idea how to tell.  This contest is open to anyone including those in other countries as long as the customs in that country will allow it to be shipped.  Some countries might not allow this king of thing.  The shirt will also be ordered in whatever size the winner wants it to be so a chihuahua won't be getting a shirt meant for a Great Dane although these will be in human sizes.  I don't care for clothing so I don't want any dog subjected to it.  However it is fun to make the humans wear it.  The contest ends at midnight Feb. 28 so you have an entire month to enter.  GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!  Since only one lucky person will win, if you want a shirt, contact me at my email address above and you can find out how to order one.

Demon Flash Bandit (Generous Dog)

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Water Heater: Most Useless Invention Ever Made

As usual, whenever something happens around here, my blog suffers as a result.  This time there isn't even a good excuse for my humom neglecting my blog--the water heater tank died.  Yes, dogs one of the most useless appliances ever invented went on the fritz and the humans have to drop everything and make getting a new tank top priority.  You would think the humans would be celebrating the water heater's demise.  It is mainly used to take showers.  As anyone who has read my past blogs on the subject of bathing.....I'm against it!   What a bunch of idiot humans here who work so hard for no good reason!  They had a "get out of showers free" card and they didnt use it!

Demon Flash Bandit (Catching Up on News)

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Call Deputy Dog--My Humans are Annoying Me

Help--call Deputy Dog, call the Canine Cops, call the Puppy Police....just don't call PETA those idiots hate a dog like me with AKC papers.  What do I need the doggy authorities to deal with?  I hate to write this because I love my humans and I know they love me, but last night Mommy tried to feed me something called macaroni and cheese.  Sure, she might be dumb enough to eat it, but I could tell from across the room that there was no meat scent in the bowl.  Therefore, I would not even get near enough to smell it up close.  I even suspect those little elbow looking things might have been vegetables.  Mommy said they were pasta, but I think pasta is just another word for vegetables.
This dog does not eat vegetables.  I have let my humans know this numerous times in the past when they have tried to sneak some veggies into my food, and I have not eaten them.  Mommy also offered some to Angel Zoom Smokey. and she also refused to eat it.  That dog will try stuff that I won't go near so I know it has to be bad when she won't eat it either.  Thank dog I am a genius who isn't fooled into eating the human food that is inedible.  Have you seen brussel sprouts?  Humans eat them, and I don't even think they are food!

Demon Flash Bandit (Food Inspector)

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Product Review: Foppers Gourmet Pet Treats

Today I am going to do a product review of a treat Mommy got Angel and me for Christmas.  There are many good doggy treats on the market.   I'm suspicious about many of  them  which is not unusual for me since I have yet to eat a hot dog or an egg--I just don't trust them.  However Foppers gourmet pet bakery products  have won  my Demon Flash Bandit seal of approval.  Mine was 13 ounces of pure bliss-yes 75 pieces of heaven right here on Earth.  Mine had 13 candy squares, and 2 3/5 ounces of mini-bones.  These treats are sourced and processed in the United States, and are recommended by veterinarians.  More importantly, they are recommend by me, Demon Flash Bandit, worlds pickiest dog treat eater!  Here is the website that shows you where to buy them although Mommy got hers from a mail order catalog that is not listed among the places to purchase the product.


If your human doesn't order these treats for you, do what I would do....sneak that plastic money out of her purse and order some for yourself.  Some of those retailers have items online so a dog doesn't have to bother with driving to the store to get it for him or herself.

Demon Flash Bandit (Product Review)

Monday, January 19, 2015

You Might be a Human If: ............

Although my humans and myself live in Michigan, my Mommy is from Georgia.  She grew up in the south, and has deep roots there.  Perhaps that is why she likes Jeff Foxworthy so much.  I have to admit, I think he is a funny guy too.  In honor of his comedy, I have come up with "you might be a human if" jokes.

1.  You might be a human if you throw perfectly good stuff in the garbage.
2.  You might be a human if you think walking on your back paws is a good idea
3.  You might be a human if you don't drink from the toilet.
4.  You might be a human if you enjoy baths.
5.  You might be a human if you aren't fast enough to catch a squirrel or a bunny.
6.  You might be a human if you aren't interested in chasing a squirrel or a bunny.
7.  You might be a human if you wear clothes over your fur.
8.  You might be a human if you have a small nose that can't smell well.
9.  You might be a human if you don't enjoy going through the trash.

I had another brilliant one about being able to lick certain body parts, but my human secretary censored that one.  I think she is messing with my freedom of barking, but I don't want to type this myself so I guess I'll have to let her curtail my freedom a little.

Demon Flash Bandit (You Might Be a Human If....)

Sunday, January 18, 2015

I Have a Dream!

My human secretary has been sick recently and has been unable to drive to the store to get my stuff.  As a result, I am running very low on milkbones which is inexcusable if you ask me (and I did).  Mommy went on Amazon and ordered me 2 big boxes of milkbones which  are supposed to arrive on Tuesday.  They should arrive on Monday, but it is a holiday--Martin  King Jr. Day.  I know he was a great man, and dogs love him. I have no problem with honoring him, but I think the humans are too quick to make events into holidays.  Don't they realize that a dog might be waiting for treats?  I did approach the postmaster general with my idea that all dog related items should be delivered everyday without fail, but you know how the humans are.  The postmaster did not understand the importance of my suggestion.  Anyway, just like Martin  King Jr., I have a dream and here is is:

I have a dream that some day a dog's milkbones will be delivered as soon as possible--preferably by airplane.  The treats should have the finest of human food ingredients, and the humans in charge of feeding said dog, should not mess up and wait until the last minute to order the treats.  Extra treats can be added because a dog can never get too many treats.  Yes, what a wonderful world it would be if the humans would quit celebrating holidays, and just get back to giving their dog treats!  However, I am open to the idea of holidays that involve giving a dog gifts.  Those holidays are the best!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dreamer)

Friday, January 16, 2015

My Angel is a Centerfold!

As you can see from the photo, Angel Zoom Smokey has been busy doing a photoshoot.  I think the best part of the photo is the bacon, and I think most dogs would agree with me on that point.  I just hope she doesn't let this go to her head.  If you ask my opinion, she is already full of herself!  In case you are wondering why I didn't do a photoshoot myself, I feel it is beneath a presidential candidate to appear on the cover of such a magazine, and my klondike bar is too big to fit on the cover of the magazine anyway.

Be sure and stay posted for the merchandising of this cover.  Guess who came up with that idea!  I am going to have to move dingo bones out of the way when I go to pee because I think I will make a lot of money for this She has no idea that I will be making money on this.  If I tell her I might have to share, and I prefer to keep all bones for myself!

Demon Flash Bandit (Soon to Be Billionaire Bone Dog)

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Powerful New Drug on Market: Cheese Dust

It  has come to my attention that the human population is unaware of a serious drug problem throughout the world.  The problem involves cats.  As if catnip isn't bad enough that many cats have resorted to hanging out with the criminal element under the influence of catnip, now we have to worry about a whole new problem--cheese dust!  Kennels are full of cats who are strung out on catnip, but the whole cheese dust issue has been covered up so well that very few are even aware of the problem which is a lot worse than a cat on catnip.

It all started in 1969 with the NASA moon mission.  As any scientist will tell you, the moon is made of cheese.  When the astronauts went there in 1969, they brought home cheese dust, and cats all over the world went nuts.  Everyone knows that cats love cheese so cats cannot resist the cheese dust.  How many cats must be addicted before governments around the world put their paws down to stop this  horrible threat?  I say it is time to gather the addicted cats and put them in cheese dust rehab before they destroy society.  Don't cats annoy us dogs enough when they are sober?  We dogs do not need cheese dust addicted cats running around!

Demon Flash Bandit (Cats Must Not be Allowed to be Addicted to Cheese Dust)

Monday, January 12, 2015

Minimum Wage and Food Testing

I had to take an extended leave of absence from my blog because my human secretary got very sick.  I would say she was just milking it to get out of work; but quite frankly, I don't think she is smart enough to do so.  Besides, she even made a trip to the hospital, and she doesn't do that unless she feels very bad.  She is much better now so, hopefully, she won't be shirking her secretary duties anymore.  By the way, I think she misspelled hospital.  When I go to the dogtor, the office and doggies hospital are in a big red barn on Highland Rd. in Howell, MI so I'm guessing the correct spelling is horspital, and it is probably in an even bigger barn since humans are bigger than dogs.

Today I have decided to discuss this whole work thing the humans seem to be discussing on the Internet.  For some crazy reason, the humans always feel they need to evaluate the money everyone else is being paid to do their job.  Personally, I don't see what the humans find so interesting about "work" because it doesn't look like a lot of fun to me.  I think we dogs are into a good thing because we can lay around all day and get treats and nap, and all we have to do it look good while we are relaxing.  However, since the humans always seem to need to be shown the wise path by a dog, I am willing to bark my opinion.  First of all, the paycheck is really a matter between the employee and the employer and it should not involve everyone else.  The employer pays the employee to do a specific job, and the employee does said job and gets paid the agreed upon amount.  Businesses are not social service networks.  They pay the employee because the employee makes them money.  However, here is where the humans stupidity gets involved.  A lot of people are upset because fast food workers are asking for $15.00 an hour (which, if the humans understand negotiating means that they won't get that much and will settle for less, but you have to ask more because the humans seem to enjoy playing "money games".  As a dog who has been eating at fast food restaurants all my life, I think I am uniquely qualified to address this issue.  From my observation, the humans aren't considering quality.  There are fast food workers (and this is true of all industries) that deserve far more than what they are being paid.  Yes, there are fast food workers who work hard, are accurate, treat the customers nice, and keep the customers coming back  That worker might be worth $50. an hour.  However, there are plenty of fast food workers who are being overpaid at $1.00 an hour because they are lazy and don't want to work.  I know I joke about work not being fun, but I have spent the last couple of weeks hanging out with Mommy because she is sick and I love  her.  It is my job to take care of her and comfort her when she needs me, and I take my job very seriously! I think if businesses were run by dogs, things would be better because a dog understands quality.   In fact, I would volunteer to work at Burger King free of charge as a taste tester.  I would  be glad to take a bite out of every burger that leaves the restaurants in order to make sure the food is up the the high quality standards of Demon Flash Bandit!

Demon Flash Bandit (Potential Food Tester)

Friday, January 2, 2015

Huskies Pulling Santa

I decided to share with my readers the new Christmas decoration Mommy bought for the yard this year.  Santa is usually portrayed being pulled by reindeer; but, if you ask my unbiased opinion, huskies are cuter!   Sure, dogs shouldn't have to pull a fat guy around in a sleigh, but in this case, the huskies are about as big as Santa so pulling him isn't so bad.  As long as the other fat humans-including my own humans-don't expect Angel Zoom Smokey and myself to pull them around after seeing this, it is a great decoration.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Christmas Decoration)