Things are not going well around here! Thank dog I have an outlet for my misfortunes. I know that many dogs who read this will understand my plight. It started at dinnertime last night. William (my server) fed me ham-or tried to feed me ham. I refused to eat it so he he allowed me to go without dinner. I was a nice dog, and I love my humans so I did not call the authorities and report them for dog neglect. Today I confiscated a bag of bacon and cheese flavor Beggin' Strips because I was hungry; and, obviously, the humans wanted me to get my own food. I didn't eat them immediately because I carried it with me everywhere. I used the bag as a pillow when I napped. It is wonderful to. smell bacon in your sleep!
Today, at feeding time, William again offered me ham. I politely showed him my bag of Beggin' Strips and refused to eat the ham. He felt that barking at him was not polite behavior. How am I supposed to let them know that the ham is not up to my standards? I know the store has maple syrup ham which is much more delicious, but my humans don't want to spend $10.00 a pound for it. I'm tired of the humans and their cheapskate behavior. It is okay when they are cheap with their own food, but they shouldn't be chrap with mine. I happen to have very refined taste buds. There are many foods I will not try: hot dogs, pepperoni, liver, eggs-to name a few. I also have refused to eat salmon and sreak when I'm not hungry.
However, this time William took offense to my refusals to eat, and told Mommy I'm spoiled and should be fed kibble. I was insulted! Kibble is for dogs, and I'm refusing human food. How logical is that thinking? I know the humans are stupid, but have they lost all common sense? I'm not spoiled! If I were spoiled, I would smell rotten. I happen to smell great-particularly after I put on some cologne. I hope Mommy has more sense. She is much smarter than my brother. She thinks like a dog!
Demon Flash Bandit ( Gourmet)