I'm Officially Declaring War on Birds

I am writing this with saddened paw.   My brothers took me out for a walky today, and the bird who had babies on MY front porch attacked my brother, William.  Since William had my leash, I assume the bird was after me.  They can't hurt me because I am a super macho dog. Life is tough for a dog who stands up to warn the humans about the evil birds! Of course, my non-fur brother is okay.  The stupid bird eas trying to scare my human.  All the birds know that if they get near me, that bird would be my snack!

Then I came inside, and I was reading in the Washington Post on my Kindle Fire.  There was an article about the Kremlin being sttacked by crows.  I don't think this is a mere coincidence.  However, I'm sure that is what the birds want you to think.  A bird attacks me here in the Umited States, and a flock of the little varmints are attacking Russia.  The birds are destroying the facade of the Kremlin.  It is time for us dogs to join with cats  to protect our humans from those feathered scum--birds!

Demon Flash Bandit (Declaring War On Birds)