Where is My Book Deal?

Harper Collins has announced that a book deal with the Bronx Zoo Cobra has been reached. The cobra will be writing an autobiography entitled, Cobra Blood, about the snake's adventures in the city. The zoo said that the snake never left the Reptile House, but those of us who kept up with the snake's tweats know better. The snake, which escaped from the Bronx Zoo on March 26, enjoyed sightseeing around the "Big Apple", before being apprehended by zoo officials. The zoo officials had been on the lookout for the snake as soon as they noticed she was missing. I personally found the snake's escapades to be fun reading. However, if that earthworm that I met in the yard who bought the hooded jacket and is trying to pass himself off as the Bronx Cobra gets a book deal, this dog will be angry. I don't have a book deal myself and I have written several children's books. Of course, I have not sent them in to any publishers yet because I think the publishers should come to me. I doubt that the stupid snake had to go to the publishers--and that snake didn't even blog--she just posted what she was doing at the time. I happen to be a highly respected blogger, and I know this because I write myself a lot of fan mail. Anyway, if the worm tries to get a book deal, I will go outside and smash him with my mighty paw. I don't mind the earthworm pretending he is the snake, but I draw the line at writing. That is MY vocation, and I am not about to compete with a worm. I wonder if Hollywood will make a movie based on the snake's book. I think it would be an interesting movie. Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Is Better than a Snake)

Bronx Cobra in my Yard---I Don't Think So!

Since the Bronx Cobra has been located at the Reptile House of the Bronx Zoo (at least that is what the zoo WANTS us to believe), there has been no official news of any tweats from the snake. However, just as the humans have "copycats" (notice the cat part of the word--they aren't copydogs), I have discovered that the snake has a copycat that I met myself in my own yard. I met this snake "lookalike' creature, but the creature seems a little too small to be a snake so I came inside and checked the Internet. As usual, I was right. The creature is an earthworm. This earthworm had bought itself a hooded jacket so it would look like a cobra, and it was telling me how it had escaped from the Bronx Zoo, and hitched a ride on a semi truck which ended up here in Michigan. I think the stupid worm thought I would fall for the lie, but he did not realize that he is dealing with the doggy genius of Demon Flash Bandit. He told me not to get too near to him or he would bite and inject his poisonous venom into me. I didn't believe him, but I didn't put a paw near him until I checked to make sure he was lying. I thought about crushing him with my mighty paw after I discovered he had lied, but I happened to go to this site: http://yucky.discovery.com/flash/worm/pg000216.html Sure, worms may look disgusting, but it seems they do a service for us dogs and humans too so I decided to let him live. However, I don't plan to make him a pet, and he definitely isn't the Bronx Cobra. I guess a worm has to do what he has to do to get some respect. They aren't cute and cuddly like us dogs. Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Did Not Meet the Bronx Cobra)

Bronx Cobra Found--I Need Her Agent!

Finally, the cobra that escaped from the Bronx Zoo has been found. She was in the Reptile House just as the zoo said--at least that is what they want you to believe. However, judging from all the tweets from the snake, all of us know better. The snake had 200,000 followers before she was found, and I hope she will continue to tweet occasionally because I personally will miss the tweets. I'm sure the snake will have many things to tell us. For example, how does the zoo's menu hold up compared to other zoos? I'm sure other snakes would want to know that in case they ever decide they want to live in a zoo. I am planning to email the snake and ask the name of the snake's agent. I think I need to hire that agent to represent me! Today is April 1, which is the day in which the humans decide to do stupid things. Sadly, dogs know the humans well, and we know they do stupid things everyday. I really don't see why they need to go to any extra trouble one day a year. I guess they want to have one day when they can really get stupid. I saw an item on the Internet about a parade in San Francisco, California dedicated to St. Stupid. I don't know if it is real or an April Fool's Day Joke, but it does seem appropriate that the humans would have a patron saint to stupidity. All us dogs agree that they need one. I hope everyone has a Happy April Fool's Day, and be careful around the humans today. Some of them go a bit crazy with the jokes. Demon Flash Bandit (Wants Snake's Agent)