70,000 Birds Killed

I'm sorry about not writing a blog for a couple of days. My secretary was in the hospital, and she does all my typing for me. I hate to have my readers have to go several days without my words of wisdom.
When I saw in the news today that a man killed 70,000 birds and was arrested, I had to read more about it since I thought any human who kills 70,000 birds should be getting a medal. For those who may not have read any of my past blogs, I think birds are evil creatures who are trying to take over the planet. However, he got drunk and turned off the power to chicken houses which killed the chickens. Somehow I find it odd that the chickens will begin to die within 15 minutes of being without power. My grandparents used to have chickens, and they lived in a chicken coop that had no electricity and they thrived just fine without it. I guess modern chickens are a lot more spoiled. Maybe if they can't watch the latest episode of Robot Chicken, they start to commit suicide. Anyway, if he was going to kill birds, he should have stuck with regular birds because Angel Zoom Smokey (a fellow husky) loves to eat chicken, and she is very upset that so many chickens were killed and not being eaten by herself and other dogs. Here is the link to the news:http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/08/28/13531163-sheriff-drunken-man-turns-off-power-on-poultry-farm-causes-death-of-70000-chickens?lite
Demon Flash Bandit (Modern Chickens are Spoiled)

Meatloaf, Onions, and Killer Tomatoes

Meatloaf collapsed on stage in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Onions are threatening to go on strike. I'm surprised the killer tomatoes aren't also in the news since it seems that food is taking over the news today. According to Internet news sources, Meatloaf is in the hospital. I can only assume that meatloaf is so delicious that it now has its own act on stage. However, I think if there is a problem, it would make more sense to send it to a chef and not a hospital. It sounds like a case of food poisoning to me. Mommy just told me that meatloaf is a human and not an actual meatloaf. Why would a human name himself after food? It makes no sense to this dog, but of course, few things the humans do make sense.

Onions have their own news show and they are about to go on strike. I suppose the onions think they aren't getting enough money. I suspect it is really because onions don't get the proper respect they deserve as a vegetable--if they are a vegetable--I'm not really sure what they are.

For those who are worried that the killer tomatoes are back, I have heard nothing about them in the news, but I would be careful because you never know when they are going to go on another killing spree. This is why Hollywood has made so many documentaries about the killer tomatoes. Be on the lookout for large, evil looking tomatoes. It is better to be safe than sorry.
Demon Flash Bandit (Commenting on Food News)

Blood Just Wants to Have Fun

First, I would like to thank my guest blogger, and adopted sister, Angel Zoom Smokey, for writing a guest blog for me in my absence. Angel Zoom Smokey has started her own blog which, for those who might be interested, can be found at http://angelzoomsmokey.blogspot.com/. Angel, like myself also writes the occasional blog for a new site that is owned by one of our husky pals, Cairo, http://www.huskydigs.com/. My human secretary, Mommy, who is the one who types what I dictate was in the hospital. By the way, doesn't Demon Flash Bandit, dictator have a nice ring to it? At least I think it does. Anyway, Mommy had a blood clot and from what I understand, that means that all the blood got together to throw a party. Since the medical community's main purpose in life is to keep the humans from having a good time, they couldn't stand to see the blood having fun so they had to put a stop to it. Mommy said she spent 4 days being a human pin cushion. I'm not sure what a pin cushion is, but it does not sound good to me. Anyway, Mommy is back and the world will continue to be able to read my words of husky wisdom everyday again now. If Mommy didn't work free, I might have to replace her, but you know how it is when you hire relatives---you can't really fire them or they will get their feelings hurt, and you look like a jerk.

For the most part, dogs are not allowed in hospitals (with some exceptions), but I cleverly disguised myself as a human. It isn't that hard to do. I put on some clothes, and I put on a wig and a mustache. My blue eyes are an advantage in fooling the humans. If they even thought I might be a dog, one look at my eyes makes them think they were stupid to think I might be a dog. It also pays to act a bit stupider than usual since humans aren't as intelligent as the average dog. Normally, I do not like to wear clothing. In fact, I am against it, but I wanted to visit Mommy and observe the hospital procedures to make sure they were up to my canine standards.

My first observation is that the free chicken is nice, but there is no Burger King burgers on the menu or even served in the hospital. How do they expect the patients to get well if they can't eat Burger King? I know I would not want to be in a hospital that did not serve me Burger King.

I do have some concerns that Mommy even shared with me. With all the pollution on the planet, sticking the humans with needles so many times seems to be just adding more bio-hazard waste to the environment. Mommy was willing to do her part to avoid this unnecessary problem, but the drs. kept ordering it to be done. Someone needs to explain to them that they are polluting the environment with all the needles, and if the patients tell them their blood if fine, taking their word for it would create less trash to throw out into the environment.

Some of you might be surprised to learn that I, Demon Flash Bandit, happen to be a doctor myself. The only difference is that my MD degree (Medical Dog degree), is far more prestigious than the human MD degree. The human MD degree, if from a prestigious university stands for Mister Doctor degree. If the medical degree is from a community college, it means that the degree stands for Mediocre Doctor degree. As I understand it, most human doctors are required to attend 4 years of college before they can hang out their shingle to practice medicine. However, you should always check that sheepskin sometimes the ones who got their MDs after 2 years of community college can be good at sounding like they have a full 4 year degree. In fact, if the dr. comes from a family that raises sheep, he might get a sheepskin with only high school. It is wise to make sure you pick a good doctor.

I am glad to be back to the blogging community, and I hope Mommy doesn't cause me to miss blogging again. The whole problem would be solved if the humans would just stay well.

Demon Flash Bandit (Doctor Demon Flash Bandit)

Guest Blogger: Angel Zoom Smokey!!!!!!

Howdy everyone! My name is Angel Zoom Smokey. I am Demon's sister and, from time to time, mortal enemy (aren't all siblings?). Anyway, Demon is having me write this blog because his secretary (code name: mommy) is in the hospital at the moment. If everything goes fine, she should be out in a couple of days. Demon just felt that the world might end without some "husky wisdom" everyday so he wants me to blog today since he refuses to allow the likes of Jeff to write his blog. Demon can be impossible at times.

Anyway, everyone here hopes mommy feels better soon so she can return to her dogs! Demon told me that mommy has some writing to catch up on. Demon is always so thoughtful. Demon is a typical guy though. I am a lot more thoughtful, I just want to make sure she brings home a lot of grilled chicken from the hospital. They give out grilled chicken as a prize for escaping the hospital, don't they? If they don't, they should, more people would go to the hospital just so they could leave and get chicken.

Anyway, I thought I'd share some of my views with Demon's blog readers today. First of all, I actually like birds...in my stomach. When it comes to birds not in my stomach, I pretty much agree with Demon one hundred percent that they should all die (so we dogs can eat them). I enjoy eating gourmet food, such as chicken or any other birds (turkey will more than do as well). I like Mexican style food and enjoy Taco Bell very much. Demon doesn't care much for it, but I don't mind a few tacos here and there mixed in with my chicken (plus, Taco Bell has wonderful chicken tacos that are to mush for).

I ran as Demon Flash Bandit's running mate in the 2008 election (we didn't get as many votes as Obama/Biden but we got a lot more than McCain/Palin's 3 votes nationwide). Some of you may not know that Demon and I invented the Fur Party in politics. Next time, instead of voting for major political players, vote for a dog! You will thank me later.

The Fur Party promised more fire hydrants on the street for EVERYONE to pee on! We felt that making humans feel equal to dogs was important in bridging the species gap. We also promised to find alien life to bring to Earth so they could clean up the human's poop. Humans have to clean up their own waste. It must be disgusting and degrading. Demon and I felt that having some higher intelligence clean up their poop would not only help the humans feel more equal, but it would also create a great relationships with humans! What alien in their right mind would want to take over a planet in which the higher beings (dogs and humans) don't even clean up their own poop. Alien invasion successfully avoided thanks to us dogs.

Of course, I can't legally make anyone vote for a dog on election day...but I can illegally make someone, so just keep that in mind (wink wink). Seriously though, if you do vote for a dog in 2012, make sure it's Demon Flash Bandit and Angel Zoom Smokey! We would bark the roof off of Washington D.C.!

-Angel Zoom Smokey (Dog of the People)