National Dog Day

Tomorrow is National Dog Day. This is the best day of the year because it is a day set aside to make dogs happy. I can't think of anything better to do any day of the year than to make a dog happy. First, we dogs like a lot of treats, and dingo bones. Rawhide bones are okay, but dingo bones are better. We also prefer human food. My rule of thumb is, if the humans won't eat it, then it should not be served to me. We also prefer meat. Just because a human will eat tofu does not mean a dog wants to eat it! I can't stress this enough! We like new dog toys so we should get a bunch of new toys on National Dog Day. We should also get a lot of attention and, for dogs who enjoy them. walks. For the less energetic dogs, let them nap because naps are also something we dogs are quite fond of doing in our spare time. I am going to quit writing now so that the humans can prepare for all the delightful things they are preparing for their dogs in honor of National Dog Day. I hope all the dogs reading this have fun!

Demon Flash Bandit (Looking Forward to National Dog Day)

New Television Show: Hunting for Dog Toys

There is a new television show called Toy Hunter. It is about a human who is searching for toys. This show gave me a brilliant idea (let's face it--most of my ideas are brilliant because I'm a dog). Why not a show starring a blue eyed Siberian Husky (myself) who goes in search of dog toys? I have been collecting dog toys since I was a puppy, and I don't think a dog ever outgrows the need for toys. There is just something comforting about having a dog toy around. I think this kind of show would also bring in the doggy demographics which the networks are so concerned about capturing yet do nothing to capture. What do you expect when you allow a bunch of humans to run things? They are dumb, but we dogs still love them anyway. Since humans run the networks, and they don't have much in the brain department, I feel that, in order to get my own show, I may need the help of my readers. How can you help? You can write the network executives at the following address and tell them that you are a fan of Demon Flash Bandit, and that you would love to see me have my own searching for dog toys show. Here is the address:

Nitwit Network Executives
Hollywood, CA
ATTN: Leading Nitwits

This should get your letter sent directly to the proper people since the post office knows that they are some of the dumbest people in the country, and that is all you need for your letter to get to them. Be sure and get those letters mailed in so I can be starring in a television show that a dog would actually enjoy watching. I will tell you now that my tubey toys will be featured in an episode. Any toy that squeaks EVERYWHERE deserves its own episode!

Demon Flash Bandit (Star of Dog Toy Hunter)

I Got a New Toy!!!

Today I am going to talk about a new dog toy which I found absolutely fascinating. Yesterday my human went shopping and bought me a new toy. This new toy is a "giraffe" Tubular. It squeaks EVERYWHERE. You can squeeze it on one end, and it squeaks. You push down on the other end, it squeaks. It squeaks in the middle. It is my first "super squeaky", and I LOVE squeaky toys!!! There is no stuffing in the toy, just a toy with delightful squeakiness. I'm sure a dog must have thought of this toy, and some human is probably taking credit for it, but it is truly a dog dream come true! For my fellow dogs reading this blog, if you don't have one of these incredible toys, make sure your humans know you want one. Mommy got mine at the local Meijer store. I'm not sure what other stores carry them, but your human should make it their mission in life to find you one. After all, as a dog, the human's job is to make you happy!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves New Toy)

Christmas List Just for Dogs!

With Christmas approaching fast, there are many articles on the Internet suggesting which gifts the humans should get for each other. I always find these articles amusing because there is no gift that "everyone" will love. You might think you are safe with a gift of fragrance, but the recipient could hate the perfume or even be allergic to it. Candy sounds like a safe bet, but there are always some humans who are on a diet or happen to be diabetic so candy is not a good gift for them. Many flavors of coffee sound good to most Americans, but there are humans who hate coffee. There is the old standby-the wallet, but there are different styles of wallets, and one that is perfect for one person could be a horrible choice for another. This is why it is important that you skip the humans on your list and just buy for the dogs. I have yet to meet a dog who wouldn't want a nice juicy bone for Christmas--real, rawhide, or dingo brand. We aren't that picky. In fact, even a dog without teeth will try to "gum" down a bone. Treats are also a good choice. Most of us love treats. We also enjoy toys particularly those of the squeaky variety. Do not buy the dog clothing, costumes, or hats since these items are not appreciated by ALL dogs. As usual, it is best to know the recipent of the gift enough to have some idea of what will make them happy. However, I think it wise to skip the humans on your list and just spend your money on the dogs you know. Dogs are much easier to please and far more appreciative of our gifts!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Christmas Gifts)

Cell Phones for Dogs

Today is Thanksgiving, and I have decided to write about the things that I am most thankful that I have. First, of course, are my humans who take care of me, and love me. However, there are also many other things that make life worth living. Dingo bones, milkbones, rawhide bones, real bones....you might have noticed a theme, and it is true--I do enjoy a good bone! I also enjoy my toys. I don't play with them as much as I did when I was a puppy, but I still like to get new toys and I like to have them around to make me feel important. Now if only the humans will get me my own cell phone so that I can bark with my doggy pals, that would make life even better. Believe me, I have listened to the converstions the humans have, and nothing they have to say is that important. I have far more important things to bark about! I guess I'll have to ask Santa Paws for one because the humans don't seem to think a dog needs his own cell phone. Once again, the humans should not be allowed to think...it is too hard for them.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Needs His Own Cell Phone)

I'm Planning a Special Mother's Day for my Human Mommy

Tomorrow is Mother's Day here in the United States. It is a day set aside to honor our Mothers for all the wonderful things they do for us. I will be honoring my human Mommy who is very good to me. Since she enjoys doing nice things for me, I have the day all planned out for her. First on the agenda is for me to get her up which probably won't happen. Mommy usually gets up before me. This dog does not like to wake up before noon. I'm not a morning dog. I'm sure she will understand, and she can wait to receive my greeting when I finally wake up. That is when the fun will begin. Mommy can run to Burger King or Subway to get me some burgers to eat. This year is the first year that I have added another restaurant besides Burger King to my list so it will be a little more exciting for her this year since she will have a choice. Angel Zoom Smokey is going to allow her to make some chicken because Angel says that she knows Mother's Day would not be complete for Mommy if Angel doesn't have chicken. Then we will get the gifts Mommy has gotten for us. I am sure there will be toys and treats since Mother's Day is a special day, and the only way to celebrate a special day is to give the family dogs gifts! It is even listed in the book of Human-Dog Etiquette that I wrote so you can check and see for yourself that is is proper etiquette for the day. I plan to do some napping so Mommy can sit back and choose a dog movie of her choice because I think Mommy deserves the best in entertainment. When I wake from my nap, Mommy can bring me my usual ice cream, milkbones and rawhide bones which I like to enjoy before I go to bed at night. Yes, as you can see, this will be an exciting day for Mommy. I am so glad that there is a special day set aside for her.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Planning a Mother's Day Celebration)

Martha Stewart's New Pet Line--Who Needs It?

Have you ever noticed that sometimes when the humans hear the news, they get annoyed because they don't like what they are hearing. Now I know how they feel. I was checking out Pawnation on the Internet, and imagine how annoyed I got when I saw that Martha Stewart is launching a new line of pet products. Don't get me wrong--I don't mind new pet products, but I was insulted that the article insinuated that the stuff I have now is making the humans' house look bad. I happen to love my squeaky octopus toy, and I don't care how much I might decide to rip it up, if my humans put it in the trash, I will rescue it. It is my toy, and I happen to love it. I bet Martha does not approve of dogs rescuing trash either. I'm not saying that the stuff she is selling is bad--but who put her in charge of good taste? Does she have paw prints on her walls? Does she have garbage knocked over decorating the kitchen. I think not. There is a photo of toys that look hand crocheted. Is this supposed to make a dog feel guilty if he rips them up? I shouldn't do this, my human probably worked for hours making me this item.....somedog needs to tell her that ripping the toys up is most of the fun. Give me a cheap toy that I can destroy and I will like it a lot better than some silly toy that I have to keep in pristine condition to make the humans happy. We dogs need something to channel our pent up frustration. You know the scenario--a bird is hanging around outside the window. You can see him, and he is singing happily because he knows that you want to get your paws on him. You can't get him because of the window--he knows it, you know it, and the only alternative is to pretend a toy is a bird and rip up the toy. Without that outlet, the humans would be taking a dog in for years of psychological therapy. Maybe you think I'm too hard on Martha Stewart, but I suspect that she is a cat pretending to be a human. Why else would she be planning to annoy dogs with these new products?

Demon Flash Bandit (I Like The Toys I Have)