Martha Stewart's New Pet Line--Who Needs It?

Have you ever noticed that sometimes when the humans hear the news, they get annoyed because they don't like what they are hearing. Now I know how they feel. I was checking out Pawnation on the Internet, and imagine how annoyed I got when I saw that Martha Stewart is launching a new line of pet products. Don't get me wrong--I don't mind new pet products, but I was insulted that the article insinuated that the stuff I have now is making the humans' house look bad. I happen to love my squeaky octopus toy, and I don't care how much I might decide to rip it up, if my humans put it in the trash, I will rescue it. It is my toy, and I happen to love it. I bet Martha does not approve of dogs rescuing trash either. I'm not saying that the stuff she is selling is bad--but who put her in charge of good taste? Does she have paw prints on her walls? Does she have garbage knocked over decorating the kitchen. I think not. There is a photo of toys that look hand crocheted. Is this supposed to make a dog feel guilty if he rips them up? I shouldn't do this, my human probably worked for hours making me this item.....somedog needs to tell her that ripping the toys up is most of the fun. Give me a cheap toy that I can destroy and I will like it a lot better than some silly toy that I have to keep in pristine condition to make the humans happy. We dogs need something to channel our pent up frustration. You know the scenario--a bird is hanging around outside the window. You can see him, and he is singing happily because he knows that you want to get your paws on him. You can't get him because of the window--he knows it, you know it, and the only alternative is to pretend a toy is a bird and rip up the toy. Without that outlet, the humans would be taking a dog in for years of psychological therapy. Maybe you think I'm too hard on Martha Stewart, but I suspect that she is a cat pretending to be a human. Why else would she be planning to annoy dogs with these new products?

Demon Flash Bandit (I Like The Toys I Have)