I hope you enjoyed the letter I received from the Queen of England in yesterday's blog. I do hope that the Queen can find the time to make it here to mow for me. I was very honored that she offered me the position of professor of agriculture at Cambridge. I will have to decline the offer because it rains a lot there, and I don't want to have to smell wet humans. All us dogs know that rain is Mother Nature's way of giving a dog a shower. I know Great Britain is a nice country, but I prefer a country that has less rain and more snow.
I got to thinking that if the Queen could use some extra money, the Pope could probably use some extra money too. After all, the church actually passes around a collection plate because they need money so much. Very much like the guy on the street who plays the guitar for extra cash, I have to assume that is why the church has the music and everything--it is the entertainment that they ask the humans to pay for. I'm not sure if I am supposed to refer to him as Mr. Pope or His Popeness, but if you are reading this, Mr. Pope, I have a business plan all set up for you. If it takes off, you might need to hire some people, but you can start it on your own. It is a septic tank cleaning business. Before you know it, you might not need those collection plates anymore, and you won't have to depend on the generosity of others. By the way, I'm also thinking of an edition of collector collection plates....I think I am the first to think of that-featuring different popes maybe wearing swim suits. In fact, a calendar of past popes would be a good seller. One pope can dress as a lifeguard, one a fireman, one in a business suit--you get the idea.
I am thinking of hiring some body guards. Yes, Demon Flash Bandit has become so popular on the Internet that hiring bodyguards would be a good idea. You can never be too careful. Sure, I can take care of myself, but a dog likes to take a nap, and super villains love to take advantage of the good guy when he is taking a nap. I was perusing the cereal aisle of my local supermarket for possible candidates for the job. Candidates include, Capt. Crunch because of his military experience, Count Chocula because it takes a villain to fight a villain, Boo Berry because he has the boos so bad and needs the work, Tony the Tiger because he is g-r-e-a-t, and Mr. T although I'm quite sure the store should update their stock. Snap, Crackle, and Pop are out of the question because I am not issuing 3 paychecks for those dudes. I know Count Chocula might be busy thanks to the popularity of vampires due to that Twilight movie franchise. Have you heard the girls talking about being on Team Chocula? I've even read it on the tshirts. By the way, if this dog had to support a team from Twilight, Team Chocula has my vote. On the other paw, I might even hire someone from the royal family since I'm such a good pal of the Queen, I could hire Charles because with those ears, no one could sneak up on him.
Thanks to my blog about helping the Queen come up with more money, I got a call from Bo Obama (first dog) asking me to come to the White House to fix things for the United States. That is how it always works out--if you want a solution to a big problem, call in a dog. I will share my brilliant ideas for the U.S. economy in an upcoming blog. Hey, I don't get paid to write this blog, and a dog's time is valuable. I could be napping. One final word to the Queen: Queen Lady, the grass isn't getting any shorter!
Demon Flash Bandit (Problem Solver)