With Christmas approaching fast, there are many articles on the Internet suggesting which gifts the humans should get for each other. I always find these articles amusing because there is no gift that "everyone" will love. You might think you are safe with a gift of fragrance, but the recipient could hate the perfume or even be allergic to it. Candy sounds like a safe bet, but there are always some humans who are on a diet or happen to be diabetic so candy is not a good gift for them. Many flavors of coffee sound good to most Americans, but there are humans who hate coffee. There is the old standby-the wallet, but there are different styles of wallets, and one that is perfect for one person could be a horrible choice for another. This is why it is important that you skip the humans on your list and just buy for the dogs. I have yet to meet a dog who wouldn't want a nice juicy bone for Christmas--real, rawhide, or dingo brand. We aren't that picky. In fact, even a dog without teeth will try to "gum" down a bone. Treats are also a good choice. Most of us love treats. We also enjoy toys particularly those of the squeaky variety. Do not buy the dog clothing, costumes, or hats since these items are not appreciated by ALL dogs. As usual, it is best to know the recipent of the gift enough to have some idea of what will make them happy. However, I think it wise to skip the humans on your list and just spend your money on the dogs you know. Dogs are much easier to please and far more appreciative of our gifts!
Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Christmas Gifts)
Showing posts with label hats. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hats. Show all posts
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Monday, July 4, 2011
History of Independence Day
The year was 1776, and the humans who convened at the Second Continental Congress in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania were tired. They had been hanging out in meetings (and human meetings tend to be very boring) so they decided it was time to adjorn and have some fun. They were in Philadelphia at that historic time in history (officially, it was not historic for them since it was "their time") because they were part of Great Britain, and they were very annoyed with King George III. I can understand why they were annoyed at him. He was probably wearing even sillier hats than Kate back then. No one wants to be ruled by a person wearing a silly hat. That is why schools in the old days used to make the dumb kids sit in the corner with a dunce cap on their heads. That stupid hat was part of the punishment. However, I'm not discussing fashion today--I'm discussing the history of Independence Day in the United States. Continental Congress declared their independence from Great Britain for several reasons, the main one being that they felt that everyone needed another holiday from work. I can't argue with practical logic like that. The Declaration of Independence was written and the representatives of the various colonies all signed it. Then they went outside and had a barbeque and picnic. Later that night there were fireworks. That is why so many people celebrate the Fourth of July by having barbeques and fireworks.
Of course, it wasn't as easy as it sounds. King George III did not want to give up the colonies. Sure, his main interest in life was wearing silly hats, but his aides were wise enough to hide his hats for a couple of days so he could take care of more serious affairs, but mostly he sat around the castle making fart noises with his arm pits because that is what he thought kings were supposed to do in their spare time. He was not only fond of silly hats, but he was also insane--very much like many leaders which is why the humans have so many problems in this world. No self respecting dog would ever allow some of the world leaders to lead their packs. This is because we are dogs and we are smart. King George III was not about to allow the colonies to go without a fight so he sent over his rock-em, sock-em robots, and the colonists fought back with their GI Joes, and the GI Joes won the fight. King George granted the colonies their freedom to form a new government, and the king went back to making fart noises with his arm pits.
Anyway, that is how the United States got its independence from Great Britain, and this is also why the humans have barbeques and fireworks to celebrate. Some of them take vacations which is in honor of the representatives who travelled to Philadelphia to convene the Second Continental Congress. I might add that John Hancock, the President of Continental Congress, and the man who signed his name larger than those of his cohorts summed up the situation by saying, "I've got to sign my name larger than life because in the future, I plan to own my own insurance company".
As usual, I hope my readers have learned something accurate from my blog. If you want the facts, always ask a dog!
Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing History Behind Independence Day)
Of course, it wasn't as easy as it sounds. King George III did not want to give up the colonies. Sure, his main interest in life was wearing silly hats, but his aides were wise enough to hide his hats for a couple of days so he could take care of more serious affairs, but mostly he sat around the castle making fart noises with his arm pits because that is what he thought kings were supposed to do in their spare time. He was not only fond of silly hats, but he was also insane--very much like many leaders which is why the humans have so many problems in this world. No self respecting dog would ever allow some of the world leaders to lead their packs. This is because we are dogs and we are smart. King George III was not about to allow the colonies to go without a fight so he sent over his rock-em, sock-em robots, and the colonists fought back with their GI Joes, and the GI Joes won the fight. King George granted the colonies their freedom to form a new government, and the king went back to making fart noises with his arm pits.
Anyway, that is how the United States got its independence from Great Britain, and this is also why the humans have barbeques and fireworks to celebrate. Some of them take vacations which is in honor of the representatives who travelled to Philadelphia to convene the Second Continental Congress. I might add that John Hancock, the President of Continental Congress, and the man who signed his name larger than those of his cohorts summed up the situation by saying, "I've got to sign my name larger than life because in the future, I plan to own my own insurance company".
As usual, I hope my readers have learned something accurate from my blog. If you want the facts, always ask a dog!
Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing History Behind Independence Day)
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Kate and her Silly Hats
I was hoping that Duchess Kate (I think that is her proper title) would get the hint from my blogs and quit wearing the silly looking hats, but I was wrong. Today I saw a photo of her on the Internet wearing yet another silly looking hat. It is so frustrating to offer her the benefit of my good taste and see her continue going her own way and looking silly. I know the humans seem to think hats are good idea; but as usual, the humans are wrong. All you have to do is look to the past to see how silly the hats used to look until the humans' dogs told them to quit wearing them. There are hats that the women used to wear that are completely covered with flowers. Those hats are not as bad looking as the ones that are covered with fruit. Sure, they were handy when the need for a snack arose, but otherwise, they just looked stupid! I have no idea how many of the humans were attacked by hungry animals who wanted to eat their hats! I'm guessing the humans didn't keep statistics because, if they did, it would have brought down the fashion industry. Even the humans aren't going to keep wearing hats if the hats will cause them to be attacked by hungry animals. I hope Kate sees my blog and quits wearing the hats as soon as possible. I am afraid one of us dogs is going to die laughing and that would be tragic!
Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Hats)
Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Hats)
Thursday, June 23, 2011
My Wise Advice to Queen Lady
Today I plan to share a letter with my readers that will be sent to my pal, The Queen Lady. I read about Princess Kate turning down free clothing, and , as usual, I knew that the royal family could use my wise counsel involving this issue.
Dear Your Royal Highness Queen Lady,
I know you must be upset that Princess Kate is turning down free clothing. Does she think your family is made of money? When I read that on the Internet news, I knew that you would need some good advice from your pal, Demon Flash Bandit. It isn't like the clothing she is being offered is used although if it is used and not washed yet, Angel Zoom Smokey and myself have found that sniffing it can be quite interesting. I'm sure your Corgis would understand, but I know that humans don't always appreciate a good smell. If necessary, I will write her myself because I know how the humans always treasure my letters. However, since I am a busy dog and I write you anyway, I hope that just telling her my opinion will suffice.
Here are some great reasons for taking the clothing:
1. You might get a clown suit free because clown suits are hilarious and, judging from the hats and even some of the outfits worn at the royal wedding, clown suits are very much in fashion.
McDonalds might even hire Kate to do some commercials and can you say ca ching?
2. She might be lucky enough to get a trucker's hat, and who wouldn't want a hat that says "honk if you like big butts". Kate should be so lucky!
3. If she is super lucky, she might get a chicken outfit, and I've seen humans in chicken outfits holding signs at restaurants. I'm sure Prince William would be turned on by seeing her in a chicken outfit. If it is good enough for Brad Pitt, it is good enough for Kate.
4. If she gets a janitor's outfit, she can get extra money doing her own cleaning. Imagine, cleaning one's own house and getting paid for it! This does not apply to those French Maid outfits because she is not French so it could cause an international incident--whatever that is.
5. If she gets a cowgirl outfit, William might buy her a pet cow!
6. She might get some normal clothes so she can look more like a girl and less like modern art. The only thing missing from her outfits is a toilet.
7. Someone might give her an outfit made from money which she could use to buy stuff.
8. Lady Gaga might design a meat outfit for her--practical and delicious. The Corgis would love that!
9. She might get an outfit from a very tall man and she can wear it and act like she has shrunk and then make a movie about it. That is always a good subject for a movie.
10. She can get a scarecrow outfit to keep the crows out of the garden, but be careful if Batman is around. He seems to have issues with scarecrows.
11. She might get a Burger King outfit and then she would know what real royal power feels like.
I do think it is wise for her to take the free clothing, but I must applaud her willingness to turn them down. As a dog, I also prefer no clothing, but I'm not sure it is a good idea for a member of the royal family. Besides, I suspect her sister, Pippa, will end up taking care of the naked part.
Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing a Letter I Wrote to the Queen Lady)
Dear Your Royal Highness Queen Lady,
I know you must be upset that Princess Kate is turning down free clothing. Does she think your family is made of money? When I read that on the Internet news, I knew that you would need some good advice from your pal, Demon Flash Bandit. It isn't like the clothing she is being offered is used although if it is used and not washed yet, Angel Zoom Smokey and myself have found that sniffing it can be quite interesting. I'm sure your Corgis would understand, but I know that humans don't always appreciate a good smell. If necessary, I will write her myself because I know how the humans always treasure my letters. However, since I am a busy dog and I write you anyway, I hope that just telling her my opinion will suffice.
Here are some great reasons for taking the clothing:
1. You might get a clown suit free because clown suits are hilarious and, judging from the hats and even some of the outfits worn at the royal wedding, clown suits are very much in fashion.
McDonalds might even hire Kate to do some commercials and can you say ca ching?
2. She might be lucky enough to get a trucker's hat, and who wouldn't want a hat that says "honk if you like big butts". Kate should be so lucky!
3. If she is super lucky, she might get a chicken outfit, and I've seen humans in chicken outfits holding signs at restaurants. I'm sure Prince William would be turned on by seeing her in a chicken outfit. If it is good enough for Brad Pitt, it is good enough for Kate.
4. If she gets a janitor's outfit, she can get extra money doing her own cleaning. Imagine, cleaning one's own house and getting paid for it! This does not apply to those French Maid outfits because she is not French so it could cause an international incident--whatever that is.
5. If she gets a cowgirl outfit, William might buy her a pet cow!
6. She might get some normal clothes so she can look more like a girl and less like modern art. The only thing missing from her outfits is a toilet.
7. Someone might give her an outfit made from money which she could use to buy stuff.
8. Lady Gaga might design a meat outfit for her--practical and delicious. The Corgis would love that!
9. She might get an outfit from a very tall man and she can wear it and act like she has shrunk and then make a movie about it. That is always a good subject for a movie.
10. She can get a scarecrow outfit to keep the crows out of the garden, but be careful if Batman is around. He seems to have issues with scarecrows.
11. She might get a Burger King outfit and then she would know what real royal power feels like.
I do think it is wise for her to take the free clothing, but I must applaud her willingness to turn them down. As a dog, I also prefer no clothing, but I'm not sure it is a good idea for a member of the royal family. Besides, I suspect her sister, Pippa, will end up taking care of the naked part.
Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing a Letter I Wrote to the Queen Lady)
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Purchase Painting: Poker Playing Dogs Copy
In a past blog, I have written about the famous painting with the dogs playing poker. I have some great news for my readers--you can now get a copy of that famous painting for a mere $35.00. Yes, for only $35.00, you can be the envy of your neighborhood. In fact, you would be the envy of your entire town or city. Can you imagine your neighbor viewing your painting on your wall, and knowing that the painting shows that not only do you have the greatest taste in the world, but they will probably think you are super wealthy too??!! Who would think that anyone but the choice few could afford such a masterpiece in their home? You might ask me how this it possible, but thanks to modern technology, you can have your own copy and walk with your head held high knowing that you are one of the few who ordered it from the Internet. The copy is sold through Cafe Press. Be sure and tell them Demon Flash Bandit sent you. They won't know what you are talking about so that makes it super funny!
When your painting arrives, be sure and hang it in a prominent place in your home for all to see. Hanging it in a front room window comes to mind. If you are going to spend big money like $35 for a painting, you want everyone to see it! I know $35. isn't much for a painting as famous as the dogs playing poker, but when you spend big money, you want other dogs to know that you are a rich, successful dog. For those of you who really want to flaunt your wealth, you can get a mug with the poker playing dogs for $18. I want to remind you that if you want to take the mug to work, and you have really jealous co-workers, it might be better to skip the mug. You don't want co-workers getting so jealous of your good fortune that they want to kill you. Seeing a mug like that in someone else's paws could drive those kind of humans over the edge.
I hope the Queen Lady (the Queen of England) will take advantage of this item and have one hanging on the castle wall as soon as possible. With all those silly hats Princess Kate is wearing, she needs to show the people that she has good taste. I can't think of a better way to accomplish that feat than to buy that painting. Perhaps Cafe Press will make a hat with the painting on it so that Kate can wear it in the future instead of those silly ones she has been wearing.
Am I the only dog wondering what the dogs are barking to each other. I've heard the rumor that one of them said, "Poker, I hardly know her". That dog must have been watching The Office.
Demon Flash Bandit (Poker Playing Dog Painting Can Be on Your Wall!)
When your painting arrives, be sure and hang it in a prominent place in your home for all to see. Hanging it in a front room window comes to mind. If you are going to spend big money like $35 for a painting, you want everyone to see it! I know $35. isn't much for a painting as famous as the dogs playing poker, but when you spend big money, you want other dogs to know that you are a rich, successful dog. For those of you who really want to flaunt your wealth, you can get a mug with the poker playing dogs for $18. I want to remind you that if you want to take the mug to work, and you have really jealous co-workers, it might be better to skip the mug. You don't want co-workers getting so jealous of your good fortune that they want to kill you. Seeing a mug like that in someone else's paws could drive those kind of humans over the edge.
I hope the Queen Lady (the Queen of England) will take advantage of this item and have one hanging on the castle wall as soon as possible. With all those silly hats Princess Kate is wearing, she needs to show the people that she has good taste. I can't think of a better way to accomplish that feat than to buy that painting. Perhaps Cafe Press will make a hat with the painting on it so that Kate can wear it in the future instead of those silly ones she has been wearing.
Am I the only dog wondering what the dogs are barking to each other. I've heard the rumor that one of them said, "Poker, I hardly know her". That dog must have been watching The Office.
Demon Flash Bandit (Poker Playing Dog Painting Can Be on Your Wall!)
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