Monday, July 4, 2011

History of Independence Day

The year was 1776, and the humans who convened at the Second Continental Congress in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania were tired. They had been hanging out in meetings (and human meetings tend to be very boring) so they decided it was time to adjorn and have some fun. They were in Philadelphia at that historic time in history (officially, it was not historic for them since it was "their time") because they were part of Great Britain, and they were very annoyed with King George III. I can understand why they were annoyed at him. He was probably wearing even sillier hats than Kate back then. No one wants to be ruled by a person wearing a silly hat. That is why schools in the old days used to make the dumb kids sit in the corner with a dunce cap on their heads. That stupid hat was part of the punishment. However, I'm not discussing fashion today--I'm discussing the history of Independence Day in the United States. Continental Congress declared their independence from Great Britain for several reasons, the main one being that they felt that everyone needed another holiday from work. I can't argue with practical logic like that. The Declaration of Independence was written and the representatives of the various colonies all signed it. Then they went outside and had a barbeque and picnic. Later that night there were fireworks. That is why so many people celebrate the Fourth of July by having barbeques and fireworks.

Of course, it wasn't as easy as it sounds. King George III did not want to give up the colonies. Sure, his main interest in life was wearing silly hats, but his aides were wise enough to hide his hats for a couple of days so he could take care of more serious affairs, but mostly he sat around the castle making fart noises with his arm pits because that is what he thought kings were supposed to do in their spare time. He was not only fond of silly hats, but he was also insane--very much like many leaders which is why the humans have so many problems in this world. No self respecting dog would ever allow some of the world leaders to lead their packs. This is because we are dogs and we are smart. King George III was not about to allow the colonies to go without a fight so he sent over his rock-em, sock-em robots, and the colonists fought back with their GI Joes, and the GI Joes won the fight. King George granted the colonies their freedom to form a new government, and the king went back to making fart noises with his arm pits.

Anyway, that is how the United States got its independence from Great Britain, and this is also why the humans have barbeques and fireworks to celebrate. Some of them take vacations which is in honor of the representatives who travelled to Philadelphia to convene the Second Continental Congress. I might add that John Hancock, the President of Continental Congress, and the man who signed his name larger than those of his cohorts summed up the situation by saying, "I've got to sign my name larger than life because in the future, I plan to own my own insurance company".

As usual, I hope my readers have learned something accurate from my blog. If you want the facts, always ask a dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing History Behind Independence Day)

1 comment:

  1. I think SP and MB khould learn a lot of historikhal things from your blog!

    Happy FoURth of WOOOO-ly!