My Wise Advice to Queen Lady

Today I plan to share a letter with my readers that will be sent to my pal, The Queen Lady. I read about Princess Kate turning down free clothing, and , as usual, I knew that the royal family could use my wise counsel involving this issue.

Dear Your Royal Highness Queen Lady,
I know you must be upset that Princess Kate is turning down free clothing. Does she think your family is made of money? When I read that on the Internet news, I knew that you would need some good advice from your pal, Demon Flash Bandit. It isn't like the clothing she is being offered is used although if it is used and not washed yet, Angel Zoom Smokey and myself have found that sniffing it can be quite interesting. I'm sure your Corgis would understand, but I know that humans don't always appreciate a good smell. If necessary, I will write her myself because I know how the humans always treasure my letters. However, since I am a busy dog and I write you anyway, I hope that just telling her my opinion will suffice.

Here are some great reasons for taking the clothing:

1. You might get a clown suit free because clown suits are hilarious and, judging from the hats and even some of the outfits worn at the royal wedding, clown suits are very much in fashion.
McDonalds might even hire Kate to do some commercials and can you say ca ching?

2. She might be lucky enough to get a trucker's hat, and who wouldn't want a hat that says "honk if you like big butts". Kate should be so lucky!

3. If she is super lucky, she might get a chicken outfit, and I've seen humans in chicken outfits holding signs at restaurants. I'm sure Prince William would be turned on by seeing her in a chicken outfit. If it is good enough for Brad Pitt, it is good enough for Kate.

4. If she gets a janitor's outfit, she can get extra money doing her own cleaning. Imagine, cleaning one's own house and getting paid for it! This does not apply to those French Maid outfits because she is not French so it could cause an international incident--whatever that is.

5. If she gets a cowgirl outfit, William might buy her a pet cow!

6. She might get some normal clothes so she can look more like a girl and less like modern art. The only thing missing from her outfits is a toilet.

7. Someone might give her an outfit made from money which she could use to buy stuff.

8. Lady Gaga might design a meat outfit for her--practical and delicious. The Corgis would love that!

9. She might get an outfit from a very tall man and she can wear it and act like she has shrunk and then make a movie about it. That is always a good subject for a movie.

10. She can get a scarecrow outfit to keep the crows out of the garden, but be careful if Batman is around. He seems to have issues with scarecrows.

11. She might get a Burger King outfit and then she would know what real royal power feels like.

I do think it is wise for her to take the free clothing, but I must applaud her willingness to turn them down. As a dog, I also prefer no clothing, but I'm not sure it is a good idea for a member of the royal family. Besides, I suspect her sister, Pippa, will end up taking care of the naked part.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing a Letter I Wrote to the Queen Lady)

Purchase Painting: Poker Playing Dogs Copy

In a past blog, I have written about the famous painting with the dogs playing poker. I have some great news for my readers--you can now get a copy of that famous painting for a mere $35.00. Yes, for only $35.00, you can be the envy of your neighborhood. In fact, you would be the envy of your entire town or city. Can you imagine your neighbor viewing your painting on your wall, and knowing that the painting shows that not only do you have the greatest taste in the world, but they will probably think you are super wealthy too??!! Who would think that anyone but the choice few could afford such a masterpiece in their home? You might ask me how this it possible, but thanks to modern technology, you can have your own copy and walk with your head held high knowing that you are one of the few who ordered it from the Internet. The copy is sold through Cafe Press. Be sure and tell them Demon Flash Bandit sent you. They won't know what you are talking about so that makes it super funny!

When your painting arrives, be sure and hang it in a prominent place in your home for all to see. Hanging it in a front room window comes to mind. If you are going to spend big money like $35 for a painting, you want everyone to see it! I know $35. isn't much for a painting as famous as the dogs playing poker, but when you spend big money, you want other dogs to know that you are a rich, successful dog. For those of you who really want to flaunt your wealth, you can get a mug with the poker playing dogs for $18. I want to remind you that if you want to take the mug to work, and you have really jealous co-workers, it might be better to skip the mug. You don't want co-workers getting so jealous of your good fortune that they want to kill you. Seeing a mug like that in someone else's paws could drive those kind of humans over the edge.

I hope the Queen Lady (the Queen of England) will take advantage of this item and have one hanging on the castle wall as soon as possible. With all those silly hats Princess Kate is wearing, she needs to show the people that she has good taste. I can't think of a better way to accomplish that feat than to buy that painting. Perhaps Cafe Press will make a hat with the painting on it so that Kate can wear it in the future instead of those silly ones she has been wearing.

Am I the only dog wondering what the dogs are barking to each other. I've heard the rumor that one of them said, "Poker, I hardly know her". That dog must have been watching The Office.

Demon Flash Bandit (Poker Playing Dog Painting Can Be on Your Wall!)