My Wise Advice to Queen Lady

Today I plan to share a letter with my readers that will be sent to my pal, The Queen Lady. I read about Princess Kate turning down free clothing, and , as usual, I knew that the royal family could use my wise counsel involving this issue.

Dear Your Royal Highness Queen Lady,
I know you must be upset that Princess Kate is turning down free clothing. Does she think your family is made of money? When I read that on the Internet news, I knew that you would need some good advice from your pal, Demon Flash Bandit. It isn't like the clothing she is being offered is used although if it is used and not washed yet, Angel Zoom Smokey and myself have found that sniffing it can be quite interesting. I'm sure your Corgis would understand, but I know that humans don't always appreciate a good smell. If necessary, I will write her myself because I know how the humans always treasure my letters. However, since I am a busy dog and I write you anyway, I hope that just telling her my opinion will suffice.

Here are some great reasons for taking the clothing:

1. You might get a clown suit free because clown suits are hilarious and, judging from the hats and even some of the outfits worn at the royal wedding, clown suits are very much in fashion.
McDonalds might even hire Kate to do some commercials and can you say ca ching?

2. She might be lucky enough to get a trucker's hat, and who wouldn't want a hat that says "honk if you like big butts". Kate should be so lucky!

3. If she is super lucky, she might get a chicken outfit, and I've seen humans in chicken outfits holding signs at restaurants. I'm sure Prince William would be turned on by seeing her in a chicken outfit. If it is good enough for Brad Pitt, it is good enough for Kate.

4. If she gets a janitor's outfit, she can get extra money doing her own cleaning. Imagine, cleaning one's own house and getting paid for it! This does not apply to those French Maid outfits because she is not French so it could cause an international incident--whatever that is.

5. If she gets a cowgirl outfit, William might buy her a pet cow!

6. She might get some normal clothes so she can look more like a girl and less like modern art. The only thing missing from her outfits is a toilet.

7. Someone might give her an outfit made from money which she could use to buy stuff.

8. Lady Gaga might design a meat outfit for her--practical and delicious. The Corgis would love that!

9. She might get an outfit from a very tall man and she can wear it and act like she has shrunk and then make a movie about it. That is always a good subject for a movie.

10. She can get a scarecrow outfit to keep the crows out of the garden, but be careful if Batman is around. He seems to have issues with scarecrows.

11. She might get a Burger King outfit and then she would know what real royal power feels like.

I do think it is wise for her to take the free clothing, but I must applaud her willingness to turn them down. As a dog, I also prefer no clothing, but I'm not sure it is a good idea for a member of the royal family. Besides, I suspect her sister, Pippa, will end up taking care of the naked part.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing a Letter I Wrote to the Queen Lady)

No Longer Recommending Burger King

I have been enjoying Burger King burgers since I was a wee puppy, but today I have to report that I will no longer be barking their praises. Sure, the burgers are delicious, but Mommy had a problem with my order Friday (the employee was arguing with her about not being able to order a stacker without cheese and sauce). When Mommy finally called the corporate office to complain (and she isn't one who usually bothers to call the corporation), the corporation didn't do a very good job of customer service. If they treat a well known blogger who has been barking their praises for years like I don't matter (probably because I'm a dog), it is time to let my fellow dogs and their humans know that the company really doesn't care about its customers at all. I have never been paid or compensated for my many blogs involving BK nor for any company I write about, but I do it because if I like something, I tell my pals. From now on, I will be blogging about the other burger I happen to enjoy which is Subway's Angus burger. I know King Burger probably cares, but he is busy with royal business in his realm and he has hired humans to represent him, and they didn't do a good job of making this dog feel appreciated. Sure, the burgers are still good, and you can enjoy them if you want, but be aware that the company does not appreciate your business so don't expect them to be nice if they mess up. In fact, the guy on the phone told Mommy that an individual franchise can charge extra if you want something left off the burger. This is a stupid policy since that saves the restaurant money, and their whole slogan is "have it your way". I guess they should change the slogan to "have it our way because we don't care if you are happy or not". Anyway, a dog has to stand on his principles, and I would suggest that even the clown place is nicer to its customers when there is a mistake.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Is Annoyed at Burger King)

Burger King Cannot be Owned by Commoners

This dog is highly upset today over something I read in the news. Burger King might be up for sale. Yes, Burger King, the place that sells this dog's favorite food, might be sold to another company. This upsets me because how can a dog know that the new owners might not mess with the menu and start serving food this dog doesn't like? I happen to be a picky eater. I have refused to eat burgers from McDonalds since I was a puppy. The clown just does not serve a burger high enough in quality to persuade me to eat it. However, I am okay with their bacon and ice cream. Does the King know what is happening in his realm? Has he been taken over by some evil influence like that king in Lord of the Rings? Is he sick? Someone needs to check on the King's health and get him to realize that selling Burger King would be a mistake. If a bunch of commoners buy the franchise, the burgers won't be royal anymore, and what will I serve the Queen of England when she comes to mow my yard? Of course her coming does depend on if that royal pain the the arse, Prince Charles, can ever take care of himself long enough for the Queen Lady to come for a visit. Perhaps she could talk to the King of Burgerland for me. Maybe he will listen to another royal. Meanwhile, Mommy has been watching a marathon session of The Tudors. Henry the VIII was not a good king. He didn't serve hamburgers to his subjects or do anything noteworthy except marry and kill his wives. I think he was the first recorded serial killer in history. It seemed to me that he spent most of his time putting people to death. You would think a couple of his "subjects" would have gotten together and returned the favor, but I suppose they weren't allowed to or it would have ruined the series which would have annoyed the Showtime executives. Perhaps if everyone started eating at Burger King everyday, the King would not even consider selling the franchise. It is a sacrifice that this dog is willing to make.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Burger King)

Burger King--Burgers For Royalty and Dog Toys for Children

Burger King, the wonderful restaurant that makes my favorite hamburgers is now giving out toys with their children's meals and they are dogs from the movie, Marmaduke. I am so pleased with Burger King's good taste-both in making my delicious burgers and in promoting a wonderful dog movie. Mommy has yet to see the movie, but I'm sure she will see it soon. What human could pass up seeing a movie with dogs starring in it? Sure, a few of the stupid humans with bad taste won't see it, but who cares what they think? I know I don't.

It is about time I blogged about the greatest food ever served to dogkind. It is only appropriate that their mascot is a king because their burgers are good enough for royalty--unlike one of their competitors that chose a stupid clown to promote their company. I feel it is wrong to mention names, but if I had to choose between a burger that a king likes and one a clown likes, there would be no contest. You know the king is going to get the best burger. However, I do enjoy the ice cream and bacon at the clown's restaurant so they aren't all bad. This dog is not picky when it comes to ice cream except that I prefer it in a sundae cup. One time Mommy dipped it out of a regular ice cream container, and I refused to eat it. I do not like to be given cheaper alternatives. Anyway, Burger King, you have the Demon Flash Bandit seal of approval, and I have a cool photo of myself wearing one of your crowns and eating one of your burgers that you can have for advertising if you would slip a dog a couple of extra burgers. We don't have to tell the humans about the deal......I don't want to share.LOL

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Burger King)