Humans: Always Entertaining Us Dogs

Authorities in Prince George county, Maryland have installed speed cameras to help monitor the speeding situation in the area. However, the humans, who tend to like to go above the speed limit do not like the speed cameras and have started attacking the cameras. This has led the county to add security cameras to watch the speed cameras. I wonder when they will install security cameras to watch the security cameras. The human are a constant source of entertainment for us dogs. You never know what they will do next. I never thought that you would need to install cameras to protect cameras, but when the humans are involved, you never know what will happen. This still makes me wonder why humans are runnning the world. I might add, for those living in the United States, let's put a stop to that by voting for me, Demon Flash Bandit for President!

Demon Flash Bandit (Watching Humans Do Silly Things Is Entertaining)

Super Sized Coffee Pots

I personally don't like to drink coffee, and neither do my humans. However, most of the humans in the United States love coffee. Some of them have to have it first thing in the morning or they can't function. For those people, just a cup of coffee often is not enough. Yet we know that most coffee pots don't make a great deal of coffee so I have searched the Internet for some coffee pots that will brew up enough coffee for even the people who have trouble brewing enough coffee. Here is the link:
http://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/33447
I think that these large sized coffee pots would make enough coffee to make even the biggest coffee addict happy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Coffee Pots)

Zombie Apocalypse

The United States Department of Homeland Security has warned citizens to be on the lookout for a zombie apocalypse. Sure, it may sound silly, but according to them, the preparation needed in order to get ready for a zombie apocalypse is the same preparation needed for other problems like hurricanes. My question is: why not just tell the humans to prepare for a possible weather emergency? It would make a lot more sense and would be taken a lot more seriously. This brings me to my own personal Demon Flash Bandit conspiracy theory. Considering that recently, in the news, a man was found chewing the face off another man in Florida and that event was supposedly caused by some kind of drug the hungry guy took. Does it not sound reasonable that perhaps there are zombies out there just waiting for chow down on everyone? I'm guessing other humans have taken the same drug. The government probably does not want to alarm everyone so they are preparing everyone for a zombie apocalypse because they know that eventually, the zombies will be attacking. Of course, they can't fool us dogs--we are too smart for them. If zombies do take over, I plan to teach them how to cook for a dog, and let them take care of me. We dogs are very resilient. For those who want to read more about the warning, here is the link:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/06/homeland-security-warns-the-zombies-are-coming_n_1862768.html
Demon Flash Bandit (Zombie Apocalypse)

Were Founding Fathers Cartoon Characters?

I had to check out a new smell in Mommy's purse yesterday. It was one of my favorite of the human smells--that of money. Yeah, Mommy actually had some of the green paper United States currency in her wallet. I was looking through the bills and I realized something interesting about the "founding fathers" of the United States. They are all cartoon characters! I first noticed it on the $20.00 bill. It has Andrew Jackson, and I was amazed at how much he looks like that alien, Roger, from American Dad. The American Dad creators could have used Andrew Jackson as the model for Roger....put a wig on Roger and see if you don't think he looks like Andrew Jackson. This caused me to examine other bills to see if there was a pattern, and sure enough, there was. George Washington, on the $1.00 bill looks like the Tasmanian Devil. The $5.00 bill has Abraham Lincoln, and don't tell me that he does not bear a striking resemblance to Daffy Duck! The $10.00 bill is supposed to be Hamilton, but I think it is Foghorn Leghorn. The $100.00 bill has Porky Pig on it even though it is supposed to be Benjamin Franklin. The $50.00 bill which supposedly has Grant is actually Elmer Fudd. Perhaps it is a coincidence, but I suspect that there is more to this than the mint wants us to know. Either our "founding fathers" were cartoon characters or the cartoon characters were drawn to look like them. I do think that cartoon character founding fathers would explain why so many people elect stupid people into office. They have been trained to do so because they think the politicians should be cartoon characters! No wonder it is so hard for a dog to win an election....we are way too smart to be taken seriously!

Demon Flash Bandit (Political Observation)

Demon Flash Bandit for President!!!!

I have decided once again to put my paw into the presidential race. It seems appropriate since I'm a Siberian Husky and we like to run. Anyway, being a dog, I plan to run a nice campaign--not that I'm against mud-slinging. Of course, if they want to sling some mud at me, I'm okay with it. I've always found mud very enjoyable to play around with. Anyway, I found this on youtube about Romney strapping his dog to the roof of his car. I can't say I approve of such a practice. The dog should have been driving, and if someone needed to be strapped onto the roof, it could have been a human. I've heard a lot of them enjoy fresh air. Anyway, I am going to share the spoof with you showing Hitler and his concern for the dog. Considering Hitler was not one of the nicer men in history, it does not bode well for Romney that he does not approve. Here is the link:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIDPtL5qT9A
If you want the world to be run better, quit trusting the humans, and give the job to a dog. We are far more intelligent than the humans, and we are honest. Remember, for those of you in the United States, vote Demon Flash Bandit for President. I already have a lot of dogs who have said they will vote for me.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog for President)

Hank the Cat T-Shirts

Some of my readers may be wondering how the senate race is going for Hank the Cat. He now has election t-shirts that the humans can order and wear to show they are behind him. One of my doggy pals told me you have to get behind a cat otherwise they might scratch you with their claws, and it is easier to give them a good kick in the behind if you are behind them. Personally, I like cats, and have never needed to give one a kick in the behind. Here is the latest on Hank for those who might be interested in reading about his campaign or buying a t-shirt.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/25/hank-for-senate-t-shirts-virginia-cat_n_1378718.html#s812471&title=Hank_for_Senate
I want to remind my readers that I am having a contest to give away a t-shirt with my photo on it, and all you have to do is leave a comment on one of my blogs between March 15 and April 15. You can also send me a pawmail asking to be entered at http://www.dogster.com/ It is open to dogs (or humans) in the United States and Canada. However. Personally, I think my shirt looks a lot better than Hanks, but that is because I happen to be a handsome dog, and Hank is a cat...and he looks like a cat. Let's face it, dogs are better looking!

Demon Flash Bandit (Hank the Cat for Senate T-Shirt)

Today I have some exciting news for my readers. This photo above is a t-shirt that I am giving away to one of my lucky blog readers. I know how exciting this is for my readers--to have a chance to show that you know the famous blogger, Demon Flash Bandit by wearing my face on a shirt! Since I enjoy making my readers smile, this is what you can do in order to enter for a chance to win this wonderful t-shirt. Whenever you post a comment on this blog, you are automatically entered to win the shirt. Since I also write a diary on www.dogster.com and some of my readers also read my diary entries, those who want to post an entry on dogster can pawmail me their name and it will also be an entry. One lucky person will win the t-shirt on April 15 which gives everyone a month to enter. By the way, for those living in the United States, this is also something that might make income tax time a bit more enjoyable. This contest is open to citizens of the United States and Canada. Now for the boring details about the shirt. It is a men's XLarge. It is white, and it is Anvil brand. It says Demon Flash Bandit, Dog Blogger on it. I am speaking from a totally unbiased viewpoint, but I happen to think that this is the most exciting contest on the Internet.

Now it is time to talk about my blog topic for the day. The big sled dog race in Alaska, Iditarod has just occurred, and because I am a "sled dog", I find this race very exciting. I have never pulled a sled or taken part in such a contest, but a dog can dream. Today I was napping and I dreamed that I was running in the big Iditarod race. I took about 10 steps, my paws got cold, I decided I wanted to get a bite to eat so I jumped in the nearest car and drove to McDonalds where I ordered some burgers. Yes, it was a good dream. I have decided that racing in snow is not fun thanks to that dream. Besides a dog can get his paws dirty doing things like that.

Demon Flash Bandit (Now On A Shirt!)

Fried McRib Sounds Delicious!

I'm ready to take a trip to Austria. I'll have to ask my pal Raja who travels all over the world if a dog needs a passport or not. You might wonder why I want to go to Austria so much so I'll explain. McDonalds in Austria is offering for a limited time a fried McRib sandwich topped with bacon and pepper jack cheese. I would prefer a different cheese, but the rib and bacon sounds like McDonalds has finally gotten intelligent and hired a dog to tell them what to serve. This little bit of heaven probably won't be offered in the United States, and that is probably because the humans are always against good food. Yeah, I know it is silly. I have yet to meet another dog who is worried about calories or diet. We eat what we like, and let me tell you, it is wonderful. The only dogs on diets are put on them by the stupid humans. I think this is silly anyway because some humans have no health problems to keep them from eating the good stuff, and as long as it is an occasional indulgence, I think the humans are okay eating what they like. Some humans never develop the problems that the humans worry about so much no matter what they eat. I say bring on the ribs and bacon. This dog wants to try them without having to go to Austria which is a long way to go for dinner. Fot those who want to see what the sandwich looks like, go to this site:
http://now.msn.com/money/0229-mcribster-austria.aspx

Demon Flash Bandit (Fried McRib Sandwich Sounds Delicious)

Metric System Too Logical For Humans!

How many of my readers are aware that standard measurements are not the same all over the world? I had to go to the store the other day to get some vodka for my stunt dog, Phantom Fast Snowman, and the bottles were not in ounces, pints, quarts, or gallons, but in something called liters. I didn't buy them because how is a dog supposed to know how much he is getting for his money when they aren't measured properly? Sure, this upset Phantom, but I had to tell Phantom that some things are more important than his alcoholism. Sometimes a dog has to take a stand, and not buy things that aren't properly marked. I know that the United States is only one country, but it is a country that is powerful, and happens to be full of humans who do not like to learn new things. I have to agree with the humans here. I have been told that back in the 70's, the government tried to make the people here convert to the metric system. I could have told them that it would never happen. The "metric system" which is used by the rest of the world and some scientists and doctors is a stupid system. In case you are wondering why it is stupid, it is logical. Humans are the least logical species on the planet so it is insane to think that their system of measurement should be logical. Besides, there is that cute children's song called Inchworm. This is an important song for children learning how to multiply. It is not a meterworm, it is an inchworm which means that even nature prefers the system of measure used in the United States. I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea. If other parts of the world want to be backward and use a "logical system", that is their problem but this U.S. dog will continue to buy only things measured in good old fashioned measurements. If you expect me to change, you will have to pry that yardstick out of my cold, dead paws!

Demon Flash Bandit (Perfers USA's System of Measurement)

I Won a Genius Award!

I am so excited!!!! I won $200.00 for my genius idea in a contest. I have always told my readers that I'm a genius dog, and now I have proof from the humans. I promise that I will stay the humble, genius dog that I have always been despite this major award for my intelligence. I wonder what I will win next....the presidency of the United States, the Nobel peace prize, some more dingo treats? The possibilities are endless. I would like to thank the nice people who recognized my genius. I am so pleased that I was able to give the humans such a brilliant idea that they can use to make their lives better. What was the idea? It was to get a dog. Sure, I know all us dogs know that, but it was humans voting.

Demon Flash Bandit (Genius Dog)

Earthquake Caused By Birds!

An earthquake shook the eastern part of the United States yesterday. I read what the geologists had to say about it. It was a bunch of silly dribble about fault lines which I suspect are called fault lines so the humans will have something on which to blame the earthquake.

Regular Humans:Why did the earthquake happen?
Scientist Human: That line was at fault so we are calling it a "fault line".

It takes a dog to find the real answers which I am going to share in my blog today. The thing that caused the earthquake was the enemy that I am constantly warning about in my blog: BIRDS. Yes, you read correctly. Birds are evil creatures that are trying to take over the planet. Before you say, Demon Flash Bandit, how is this possible, I will explain. There are some species of birds that burrow under the Earth. Among these are puffins, kingfishers, and bee-eaters. These birds got together and decided to stage an all out attack by burrowing together. Thus, they made the Earth move and caused some damage to the Washington Monument in the process. This was a deliberate attack on Washington DC and our memorials. How many times does a dog have to warn the humans about the evil birds before they are eradicated? Some of the humans have some stupid conspriacy ideas to try to explain the earthquakes, but none of them have found the real answer--birds. I hope that this blog wakes the humans up to the treachery of the birds. By the way, if the humans ever listen and decide to eradicate the birds, I hope they will also get rid of their cousins, the fleas. Fleas have no use and should not exist. I've discussed this subject with dogs all over the world and all us dogs hate them. Even the humans aren't fond of them so you know they are really bad. I hope that the birds can be stopped before they take over the planet.

Demon Flash Bandit (Evil Birds Cause Earthquake)

Super Dooper Dog

I shouldn't divulge this information on the Internet, but I know I can trust my readers to keep it quiet. Demon Flash Bandit is actually my secret identity. I am actually Super Dooper Dog. Yes, I'm not just Super Dog, companion of Superman, I have the added Dooper which means I am even more super than Super Dog. For those who have been keeping up with the news, the United States Congress is having some problems coming to an agreement on the budget (what budget?). I have been reading about it, and I realized that this was a problem that could only be solved by Super Dooper Dog. I know taxes are lousy to pay, but I think the billionaires and the oil companies can afford to pay what the regular working people pay in taxes. I also think that the spending can be cut without causing that much of a problem. They can start by cutting corporate welfare. I also think that any funding for birds should be cut. They are evil and I hate them getting checks for birdseed. I also think that dogs should be allowed to be declared as dependents on the humans taxes. McDonalds does not give out those burgers free just because you are a dog. I'm not really that worried about Congress reaching an agreement. I think they will come to a last minute agreement because, the whole bunch has to worry about being reelected. They are playing "chicken". I think the humans should have more sense than to play a game named after a bird, but I'm not a human. The humans, as everyone knows are descendants of monkeys, and the monkeys aren't nearly as smart as us dogs!

Onto a more important subject. I have a gorgeous tail. I know I probably have written about it before and it goes without saying, but my tail is gorgeous. I'm thinking of having photos made of it to hang around the house so the humans can enjoy looking at my tail even if I'm not in the room with them. In fact, looking at my tail makes me happy so perhaps I could market photos of it so the humans who tend to be depressed will have something to make them happy without having to resort to anti-depressants. It makes me feel good to help the humans who have such problems with being happy. If you give a dog some tasty food (preferably human food), a comfortable place to nap, and some tummy rubs, we are happy. The humans could learn a lot from us!

Demon Flash Bandit (Super Dooper Dog)

Drivers License for Dogs

I have been wanting to drive a car since I was a puppy, but the humans told me that it is necessary to have a drivers license in order to drive a car, and that dogs aren't allowed to have a license to drive. I have been speaking out on this injustice since puppyhood, and I am pleased to announce that today I am going to share some information with my readers on how to get a license to drive if you are a "pet". The web address is:
http://www.mypetdmv.com/
For a mere $19.95, a dog can have his own license issued from his home state. These licenses are only good for dogs in the United States so dogs in other countries will have to keep after their own local governments to allow them to have a license of their own. I have often said that, judging from some of the maniacs on the road who happen to be human, that many of us dogs would be better drivers. It is nice that the humans are finally beginnning to realize that simple fact. I hope that all the dogs reading this will get their own license. You never know when you will need to take over the steering wheel for your human! I only hope that cats aren't allowed to get them. Cats should not be allowed to drive. They have 9 lives so they take too many unnecessary risks.

Demon Flash Bandit (Happy About Doggy Drivers License)

Pippi Longstocking and Pippa Middleton--Same Human?

Since the royal wedding, the press has been excited over the coverage of Pippa Middleton, Kate Middleton's sister. I thought her name was Pippi Longstocking, but Angel Zoom Smokey told me that Pippi Longstocking is her "stripper name". She wears long stockings that take a while to take off. I don't always believe Angel Zoom Smokey, but since there are photos of her on the Internet dancing in her bra, I have to give Angel Zoom Smokey credit for being right this time. I can't keep from wondering....is this really the family that Great Britain wants to have representing their country? We have humans like that in the United States, but you usually see them on television programs like Cops, where they are being arrested. It sounds like, once again, my pal, the Queen Lady is going to be busy doing damage control.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing the Royal Family)

I'm Planning a Special Mother's Day for my Human Mommy

Tomorrow is Mother's Day here in the United States. It is a day set aside to honor our Mothers for all the wonderful things they do for us. I will be honoring my human Mommy who is very good to me. Since she enjoys doing nice things for me, I have the day all planned out for her. First on the agenda is for me to get her up which probably won't happen. Mommy usually gets up before me. This dog does not like to wake up before noon. I'm not a morning dog. I'm sure she will understand, and she can wait to receive my greeting when I finally wake up. That is when the fun will begin. Mommy can run to Burger King or Subway to get me some burgers to eat. This year is the first year that I have added another restaurant besides Burger King to my list so it will be a little more exciting for her this year since she will have a choice. Angel Zoom Smokey is going to allow her to make some chicken because Angel says that she knows Mother's Day would not be complete for Mommy if Angel doesn't have chicken. Then we will get the gifts Mommy has gotten for us. I am sure there will be toys and treats since Mother's Day is a special day, and the only way to celebrate a special day is to give the family dogs gifts! It is even listed in the book of Human-Dog Etiquette that I wrote so you can check and see for yourself that is is proper etiquette for the day. I plan to do some napping so Mommy can sit back and choose a dog movie of her choice because I think Mommy deserves the best in entertainment. When I wake from my nap, Mommy can bring me my usual ice cream, milkbones and rawhide bones which I like to enjoy before I go to bed at night. Yes, as you can see, this will be an exciting day for Mommy. I am so glad that there is a special day set aside for her.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Planning a Mother's Day Celebration)

Today is National No Pants Day

Today is a special day in the United States. It is National No Pants Day. This is the day when the humans decide to skip wearing pants and walk around all day without pants. I have no idea how this day started. I suspect someone hadn't done their laundry in a long time, and announced that it was No Pants Day. Many of the humans will do anything the other humans tell them to do so they jumped on the bandwagon, and National No Pants Day became a tradition. I have to admit that I've never seen anyone in my town without pants on No Pants Day so I suspect that some of the humans either haven't heard about it or they think it is silly. My own humans do not celebrate it, but continue to wear pants just like any other day. However, because dogs enjoy seeing the humans look silly, we dogs are trying to get the word out so that one day, all humans will celebrate all over the world and us dogs will have a good laugh. I honestly don't know what the big deal is anyway. I never wear pants and no one seems to notice. I think the humans are so used to seeing dogs without pants that they don't even notice or think it is unusual. For those who would like to get the tradition going in their area, more information can be found at this site:
www.nopantsday.com/wp/ .

Whether you choose to wear pants or not, I hope my readers have a nice weekend!

Demon Flash Bandit (Celebrating No Pants Day Everyday)

Enjoy the Last of 2010

Since tomorrow is the last day of 2010, that means that many of the humans will be making New Year's resolutions that will involve them giving up some of their bad habits. This means that today and tomorrow are the last days to enjoy those bad habits before the big day of giving them up so I suggest that you enjoy today and tomorrow. Of course, for most of the humans, the "good behavior" will last about a day and a half, but that can be a very long 36 hours. I haven 't met any dogs who worry about such silly things. Perhaps it is because we are perfect so there is no room for improvement except of course, for getting a better education. This is why I am pursuing a college degree in napping.

Some areas of the United States are digging out of major blizzards which missed our area, and only gave us a couple of inches of the delightful snow which we sled dogs love so much. Sure, my humans are pleased, but they are stupid and don't like snow. I guess it is about time for me to have another chat with Mother Nature. I've had to have chats with her before, and I have come to the conclusion that Mother Nature isn't very intelligent because she isn't listening to this dog. I should not have to waste my time having further meetings with her.

I have to go now. I have an essay to write for Napping 102. College sure keeps a dog busy!

Demon Flash Bandit (Enjoy the Last of 2010)