Bird Hit Dog--Perfect Job for Demon Flash Bandit

Imagine my interest when I saw that an airport in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, is willing to pay a lot of money for someone who can get rid of birds around the airport. Birds cause a lot of problems for airplanes so they think it is worth paying a "bird killer". As a Siberian Husky, I think Florida is a bit too hot, and they never have any snow, but I could keep the air conditioner going for such a perfect job for me. I like to think of myself as a "bird hit dog". I don't like birds, and I don't trust birds, and I think I could make sure the airport was bird free. I'd like to make the whole planet bird free so it is a job that I would be proud to do. It would also solve that problem of whenever I ask for something cool I see on the Internet that a dog would love to have, my human tells me that I have no money. Recently I wrote a blog about an animated zombie dog that was only $5,700. and I was planning to buy it and use it on Halloween to scare the trick or treaters away from my house. Every year those little deadbeats come by wanting a dog's candy. The humans, being stupid humans, give the children candy that could be eaten by the family dog if the humans had any sense at all. This is why it is great that I can get a job doing what I do best, and get enough money so that a dog can buy whatever he chooses to buy. Asking the humans for money isn't right--dogs should have their own stash of cash. To show that I am not just making this up, here is the link:
http://now.msn.com/you-can-make-dollar76000-a-year-scaring-birds-in-sunny-florida

In the future, I expect that my blogs will be coming to you from Florida.

Demon Flash Bandit (Bird Hit Dog)

Letter From Queen Lady About Prince Harry

Since Prince Harry is involved in a scandal involving his partying in Las Vegas, Nevada, I can only assume that he did not benefit from the promise, "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas". Perhaps he has a lawsuit against the Las Vegas tourist industry for making that promise. However, I think the real problem is that his friends might not be looking out for his best interests. I'm sure that many of you are wondering what is going on with his grandmother and how she feels about the scandal so I am going to share a letter she wrote me about it. It just happens that the Queen Lady and I are good friends.

Dear Demon Flash Bandit,
As always, I am glad to hear from my dog pal, and I always appreciate your letters to me. I love the encouragement and advice you offer. As to this recent scandal involving my grandson, Prince Harry, I did appreciate your comment that we humans have such a problem because of our lack of fur. If he had a body full of gorgeous Siberian Husky fur, those photos would not have even gotten the attention of the media. I also want to thank you for your offer to send us some of the fur laying around that you have shed so that we can glue it on ourselves and look more like dogs. However, as you know, no matter how much fur we glue on, no human will ever be as handsome as a dog--particlularly a blue eyed husky like yourself. I do appreciate the offer. I'm sure that you are right about him just forgetting to put on clothes. That kind of thing happens all the time among us humans. If only we were as smart as a dog, we would not face these problems. Anyway, I'm sure it will calm down as soon as someone else in the public eye does something stupid. When dealing with humans, that shouldn't take long. I had a LONG talk with Prince Harry, and I showed him all the clothing he can wear and explained how it works so I'm hoping that this kind of thing won't happen again. I think he understands it now except for the socks. They seem to be giving him some trouble, but who can blame him? Socks are hard to understand. You put them on your feet, but they aren't shoes....it is like the fashion industry only invented them to confuse us humans. As usual, thanks for your support and I'm so grateful to have you as a friend.

Love, Queen Lady (Elizabeth II)

As you can see, Prince Harry did not mean to cause the scandal, and he now has a good grasp of what to do with his clothing. How was he supposed to know you are supposed to wear it? I have never seen a tag suggesting it be worn...the tag only tells you how to wash and dry it. Anyway, I'm glad that this is another problem solved. Remember, what happens in Vegas might not stay in Vegas, and you won't run into similar problems.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing Queen Lady's Letter)

New Television Show: Hunting for Dog Toys

There is a new television show called Toy Hunter. It is about a human who is searching for toys. This show gave me a brilliant idea (let's face it--most of my ideas are brilliant because I'm a dog). Why not a show starring a blue eyed Siberian Husky (myself) who goes in search of dog toys? I have been collecting dog toys since I was a puppy, and I don't think a dog ever outgrows the need for toys. There is just something comforting about having a dog toy around. I think this kind of show would also bring in the doggy demographics which the networks are so concerned about capturing yet do nothing to capture. What do you expect when you allow a bunch of humans to run things? They are dumb, but we dogs still love them anyway. Since humans run the networks, and they don't have much in the brain department, I feel that, in order to get my own show, I may need the help of my readers. How can you help? You can write the network executives at the following address and tell them that you are a fan of Demon Flash Bandit, and that you would love to see me have my own searching for dog toys show. Here is the address:

Nitwit Network Executives
Hollywood, CA
ATTN: Leading Nitwits

This should get your letter sent directly to the proper people since the post office knows that they are some of the dumbest people in the country, and that is all you need for your letter to get to them. Be sure and get those letters mailed in so I can be starring in a television show that a dog would actually enjoy watching. I will tell you now that my tubey toys will be featured in an episode. Any toy that squeaks EVERYWHERE deserves its own episode!

Demon Flash Bandit (Star of Dog Toy Hunter)

Zombie Dogs

The humans have been in the process of creating zombie dogs. Basically, the idea is that they take a dog and kill it so they can bring it back to life. The experiment is supposed to help the humans find out how to save humans and bring them back when the medical establishment can help them. (I am going to assume that, here in the United States, the ones without health insurance would stay dead.) Sure, this is what they say, but I think the project is really a way to find out what makes human zombies eat brains and act stupid. If they can make sure dog zombies don't share this behavior, they might stand a chance of stopping human zombies before they start a zombie apocalypse. There have been way too many instances on the news about humans eating other humans in recent weeks. I guess the experiments must be on some kind of "deadline" if this continues. Yes, I just love the play on words that a dog blogger can enjoy. Anyway, I am not sure that I like the idea of turning dogs into zombies. Those dogs could be running free over the bridge and instead they are being forced to hang out in some lab so the humans can do experiments. Sure, a labrador might be okay with it, but not a Siberian Husky. We like to run our own lives! Here is the link for my readers can read about it for themselves:
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/12/11/magazine/11ideas_section4-21.html?_r=1

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Zombie Dog)

Demon Flash Bandit for President!!!!

I have decided once again to put my paw into the presidential race. It seems appropriate since I'm a Siberian Husky and we like to run. Anyway, being a dog, I plan to run a nice campaign--not that I'm against mud-slinging. Of course, if they want to sling some mud at me, I'm okay with it. I've always found mud very enjoyable to play around with. Anyway, I found this on youtube about Romney strapping his dog to the roof of his car. I can't say I approve of such a practice. The dog should have been driving, and if someone needed to be strapped onto the roof, it could have been a human. I've heard a lot of them enjoy fresh air. Anyway, I am going to share the spoof with you showing Hitler and his concern for the dog. Considering Hitler was not one of the nicer men in history, it does not bode well for Romney that he does not approve. Here is the link:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIDPtL5qT9A
If you want the world to be run better, quit trusting the humans, and give the job to a dog. We are far more intelligent than the humans, and we are honest. Remember, for those of you in the United States, vote Demon Flash Bandit for President. I already have a lot of dogs who have said they will vote for me.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog for President)

One Crazy, Zooming Dog!

Today I am going to write about Angel Zoom Smokey, my adopted Siberian Husky sister. I want everyone to know that she is adopted because, although she looks a lot like me, she is one crazy dog! When the humans come home, she goes nuts. I stand back and let the humans enter the house, and I am very polite with my greeting. I let them get in, and then I calmly allow them to pet me and love me. Angel zooms through the house practically knocking the humans down and I strongly suspect they don't enjoy her greeting. If they did, Mommy would not be telling her to calm down. Does she listen? Of course not...she is too busy zooming through the house. I'm not saying that perhaps naming her Angel ZOOM Smokey isn't part of the problem, but I don't really think the humans meant for her to live up the the name literally. She certainly does not live up to the name, ANGEL, literally. Just yesterday, there were 2 dingo bones for us, and I was planning to have both of them, but she took one when the humans gave it to her. A true Angel would have allowed me to have it because angels are supposed to be generous and kind. However, she kept it for herself. I don't know why the humans got her to keep me company. I was happy as an only dog!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Wonderful Dog)

Latest On Hank the Cat's Senate Campaign

I'm sure some of you are wondering what is going on with Hank the Cat's senate campaign. Today I have a link that has the latest on his campaign, and here it is:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/26/hank-the-cat-senate-virginia-2016_n_1452934.html
I know that a cat would be better than a human, but I'm not sure how much better. I think only a dog can be a serious candidate since we care about the humans. Cats don't even get excited when their humans come home after being gone. Can the humans really trust them to make good decisions for them? I think not! Dogs, on the other hand, love our humans and want to make their lives better. In addition, dogs are smarter than cats. It has been proven scientifically, and the results are published in the Demon Flash Bandit Scientific Journal of Dogs Are Smarter Than Cats! I hope all my readers remember, vote for dogs and not cats, and on that note, I am still considering a run for the White House. After all, I am a Siberian Husky, and we do love to run!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Hank the Cat)

Movie Review: Big Miracle

It is time to give a movie review of Big Miracle. This movie starred Drew Barrymore, and John Krasinski (from "The Office"). This movie takes place in a small town in northern Alaska. Three gray whales get trapped by ice and can't get to the open sea due to the ice. A reporter who was in the town from Anchorage broke the story which captured the imagination of people all over the world. A lot of effort and money was spent to try to help the whales get to open sea. This dog wondered why they didn't just get the whales some scuba gear, but evidently, the humans didn't think of that. There were even a couple of teams of sled dogs in the film, and one very beautiful black and white dog with blue eyes (it was not me). I want that dog on a poster in my room-unless it is a male, and then, this sentence was never written. It was an excellent movie. I loved looking at all the ice and snow, and I think the people and dogs who live there are super lucky. Of course, my humans do not share my love of ice and snow, but I am a Siberian Husky and that is what we like. I was disappointed that the whales were not listed in the credits because, in my opinion, they were the actual stars of the movie. It would also have been nice if they had listed the dogs in the credits too. I would like to write a fan letter to that one dog. Anyway, I give the movie 4 paws up, a hyper wagging tail, kisses, and a kiss that knocks down the humans. This would be a 9 out of 10 on the human movie rating system, which is you ask me, makes so little sense. The dog rating system is superior, but then again, dogs are superior to the humans in every way!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Review: Big Miracle)

Newt Gingrich Should Be On The Moon!

Newt Gingrich is in favor of establishing a colony on the Moon. Personally, I don't think it is a good idea. I'm not saying that there won't be colonies on the Moon and other planets in the future, but at our present level of technology, I don't think it is a fiscally responsible idea. It would cost too much money. I would not be surprised if, in the future, it is possible, but that does not mean it is cost effective now. However, I do think that, since Gingrich thinks it is such a wonderful idea, that he start the colony himself. I think that many people would be willing to donate money to send him to the moon. I know I would. If he can take all his present and past wives with him, I think there would be enough people to start a decent sized colony. What if there are some moon creatures living on the moon that we can't see from Earth, and the Moon landing team didn't meet? Perhaps they won't mind Gingrich turning the moon into a state, but perhaps they won't be keen on the idea. I think the best place for Newt is the Loony Bin, but I'm not sure if there is enough room since us dogs think most of the humans are crazy--particularly those running for office. They "run" for office, yet all they do is stand around. I don't think they know what the word "run" means. I guess I will have to run for the Presidency to show the humans how to run as only a Siberian Husky can!

By the way, if they do establish a Moon Colony, do you think the cow that jumped over the Moon will become a member of the colony--just wondering.....

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Not Going to the Moon)

Birds: Get Out of Town!

Once upon a time.....yeah, this is a fairy tale. If it were a more modern tale, it would more likely start....this happened awhile back. Once upon a time, there was a town that was overrun by birds. Everyone should be aware that birds are evil (particularly if they read my blog). The town's leaders got together to try to decide what to do to get rid of the evil birds. There were many ideas from poison birdseed which could kill other animals to shooting them, but that would involve everyone carrying a gun. Then one of the leaders remembered that he had read a news story about a dog--a Siberian Husky-who hated birds and could get rid of all of them just by playing music. You may have guessed that this is where I come into the story. This is not just a fairy tale because this is a true story. I happen to play a mean flute, and I have the ability to have birds follow me wherever I want them to go. I took the job, and made an arrangement with some hungry cats to be waiting where I would bring all the birds. The cats were thrilled by this arrangement because cats love to eat birds! I did just as I promised, and all the birds were eaten by the cats so that the town was bird free. When I showed up to get my pay, the city leaders decided to stiff me on the pay and did not come through with the necessary money. I'm sure many of you are thinking that I would get out my flute, and lead all the children out of town. However, I observed that leading the children out of town would make life way too easy on the adults of the town so I left the kids and the cats paid me for the feast they enjoyed. The moral of this story is that Demon Flash Bandit hates birds!

Demon Flash Bandit (The Pied Piper Husky)

World's Smallest Working Dog!

As a Siberian Husky, I am considered a "working breed" dog. Of course, I prefer to take naps and do as I please. However, I want to share this video about a dog who has set a world record as the smallest "working dog" who is currently holding down the job of therapy dog. Lucy is a Yorkshire Terrier, and she has been named the world record holder for smallest working dog. I think Lucy deserves a round of applawse--yeah--applawse--that is applause done with paws by dogs! Lucy is not only a great dog for working so hard, but she is also a very cute dog in my opinion! For those who would like to see the video, here is the address:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/11/tiny-yorkshire-terrier-lucy_n_1199689.html

Demon Flash Bandit (Working Breed Dog)

Why Many Dogs Hate Cats

Today I am going to share the fairy tale of Cinderella.

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful and well behaved Siberian Husky named Cinderella. Cinderella's mom died and her father re-married a horrible grouch of a cat named Gertrude. Getrude had 2 ugly cat daughters and because Cinderella was not her daughter and also a dog, she always made Cinderella do all the work. Her and her daughters sat around the house purring and smoking catnip (yeah, you know they had to be druggies). Anyway, poor Cinderella spent much of her time wishing for a better life.

One day the handsome Prince in Dogrealmia needed to find a bride so his parents would quit bugging him about getting married and providing an heir. He decided to throw a ball, and all the young creatures in the land were so excited at the possibility that they might become the Queen. Obviously, these are people who didn't know that the English royal family traditionally serve fruit cake at their wedding. The fruit cake alone would cause most women to cancel the wedding. There are fruit cakes in the United States that have been in families for generations as Christmas gifts that no one eats or wants to open under the tree. They do make great gifts fo the relatives you don't like though. Anyway, Cinderella was not allowed to go to the ball, but her fairy godmother showed up and made sure she got to go.

The ball was so exciting. The Prince was on his throne, and he had a basket of balls and he threw them out to the audience. Whichever girl was lucky enough to get the golden ball would be his Queen. Of course, Cinderella was the lucky dog who got the gold ball, and the Prince fell madly in love with her at first sight. The ugly stepmother cat and her two ugly daughters were mad, but Cinderella did not have them killed.....she just had them and all other cats banished from the kingdom. This is why many dogs still hate cats to this day.

Demon Flash Bandit (Relating the Story of Cinderella)

The Only Good Chicken is a Cooked Chicken!

I want to start this blog by asking the age old question. Why did the chicken cross the road? Answer: to get away from Angel Zoom Smokey, fellow Siberian Husky and lover of chicken. I have a real treat for you today. Many of my readers want to know what the future holds for them. I would suggest you visit this site:
http://www.ruprecht.com/ This is the website of the psychic chicken. I personally would not expect the prediction to be accurate, but that is because a chicken is a member of the bird family and I don't trust birds. However, with that in mind, I can still get great advice from the psychic chicken merely by expecting the opposite of whatever the chicken says will happen. By the way, there are also games on the site. Be sure and tell the chicken that Demon Flash Bandit sent you. I like to keep the birds on their claws.

While on the subject of chickens, I am not a fan of the cartoon chicken character, Foghorn Leghorn. He is always bothering that sweet dog on the cartoon, and he is quite the smart alec. I keep hoping that one day I'll watch the episode where the dog has fried Foghorn Leghorn for dinner! Foghorn Leghorn is not the only cartoon chicken in existence. This site has more:
http://renegadechickens.com/chickens/cartoons.htm
Personally, I like to look at the chickens in the meat department of the grocery store. They are the best chickens--ready for a dog to eat. That is where Foghorn Leghorn should have been instead of annoying the wonderful dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (The Only Good Chicken is a Cooked Chicken)

Robot Demon Flash Bandit

I was chosen as a diary pick today on www.dogster.com. I told the humans to rent me a limo so I can be driven around in style as a dog of my accomplishments deserves.

The recent royal wedding captured the interest of many of the humans. However, I found a wedding video that is more interesting and I want to share it with my readers.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/02/pekingese-wedding-video-vintage-and-freaky-_n_946430.html
If you go to this site, I think you will agree with me. I enjoyed this wedding much, much better than the royal wedding.

Since I am a Siberian Husky, it just happens that I shed a lot of my fur. Some of the humans complain about this fact, but who cares what they think? Humans complain about just about everything anyway. I happen to be happy that we shed so much. Being a practical dog, I have found a use for all that fur. I am building a robot Demon Flash Bandit. There are times when a robot of dogself can be useful. For example, I like to take naps, and I have a special spot in the living room by the French doors. That area has a slate floor so it is cool, and I can look outside and enjoy the view of the things happening out there. Sometimes, while I'm in the middle of a nice nap, the humans call my name and expect me to come. Of course, many times I don't bother, but if I had a robot dog, I could send it instead. The humans would be happy, and I would not have to be disturbed from my nap. In face, the robot dog is almost finished, and I hate to brag (okay, I love to brag), I did an excellent job building it. I'm going to send it on a practice run to let Angel Zoom Smokey annoy it. That way she won't be bothering me. I am truly a doggy genius!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Doggy Genius)

Career Planning

Since I'm a Siberian Husky, I was bred to pull the humans and/or their equipment on sleds. This is a very important job if you live in an area where there is lots of snow, and vehicles have problems getting around. Personally, I have never pulled a sled, and I think that riding in the car is cool so I don't think I'm missing anything by not doing that job. In fact, I have another career watching out for my humans (heaven knows they don't have enough sense to watch out for themselves), working on my blog, my diary on dogster.com, and my blogs on http://www.silverscreenhub.com/ . I also try to herd my humans into their proper spot in the house so I can nap. That might sound like an easy job, but it is not. The humans tend to be uncooperative. For example, yesterday, my human brother took off with his friend instead of staying home with me. He didn't even ask my permission to go!!! I think that was very rude behavior. Anyway, other dogs have been bred for certain jobs too. Border collies and German Shepherds herd cattle and sheep. Pointers, labradors, retreivers, etc. were bred for hunting. Shih Tzus and Pomeranians were bred to be cute. Chihuahuas were bred to bark all the time. However, some dogs, like myself do not need to do the jobs we were bred to do so that is why I have other jobs that I do. This means that many of us dogs have to choose a career when we are a puppy. I know this is a tough decision. Whether to go on to college, just finish high school or even drop out of high school....these are all very big decisions. I thought I would do some research and make a suggestion based on my interviews with many differing dogs and their careers to see which career seemed best suited for the average dog and which they enjoyed the most. The paws down favorite was working on a garbage truck. Whether you are lucky enough to drive the truck or you happen to be the dog hanging by your paws on the back of the truck, it is a favorite among the dogs I interviewed. Of course, it does take a bit longer for them to do a garbage route than the humans because they have to stop and inspect each garbage bag. This is one reason it is such a cool job for a dog. You would not believe the goodies thrown away by the humans...left over food that is still delicious, bones, and even fun things that can be easily recycled into dog toys. I know many dogs who enjoy the "perks" of the job. One of my doggy pals, Hank* works on a garbage truck and he is one dog who really loves his job. He also benefits from the perks of the job. He has his wife follow his truck and at each stop, he loads the good stuff in her pickup truck. He keeps some of the garbage and his wife puts the rest on ebay. He has an ebay store called Dog's Pick of the Garbage, which is highly popular among us dogs. I myself have purchased many things from their store. Hank is a power seller, and has rave reviews from his buyers. I'll share one with you, and, keep in mind, this is a typical feedback for Hank. "Loved the Kleenex...they had the most interesting snot on them....A+++++ seller". As you can see, Hank has done well for himself, and the garbage truck job did not require a college education. Meanwhile, another dog, Jack*, chose to become a doctor. Did you know that Hank has managed to make just as much money as Jack because those perks really add up? If you are reading this and trying to make a career decision, I highly recommend the garbage truck job. If I didn't already have so much to do, I'd think about applying for that job myself.

*The names have been changed to protect the individual dog's privacy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Garbage is Fun)

Doggy Psychiatrists

I am not the only dog in this household. I share the house with another Siberian Husky named Angel Zoom Smokey. Angel is a nice dog for the most part, but one thing I have learned from her is that living with someone who is mentally ill is not an easy task. It it made even worse by a society that does not always recognize the seriousness of mental illness. The worst part is that Angel is not seeing a doggy psychiatrist which is sad not only for her own happiness, but also for mine. Fortunately, I live with a couple of humans who have advanced psychology textbooks from college courses they took so I have studied these book at length and I am now qualified to discuss Angel Zoom Smokey's diagnosis. Angel Zoom Smokey is suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. You might ask how I came to that conclusion. It was actually quite simple. Every night we are both given rawhide bones, and I like to take hers once she has chewed on it for awhile. It is a lot of work to chew a rawhide bone from its beginning, and it is nicer when it is "pre-chewed". Of course, I bark at her to give it to me, and she refuses and keeps it for herself. Thus, the diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. If she were mentally healthy, she would give me the rawhide bone. In fact, the humans say that they would consider pre-chewing the bones for me to keep me from whining, but that would not solve Angel Zoom Smokey's mental problems. Angel is so lucky that she is living with such an intelligent and understanding mentally healthy dog like myself.

Demon Flash Bandit (Prefers Pre-Chewed Rawhide Bones)

Human Fashion Approved by Demon Flash Bandit

Today I have decided to discuss fashion. Of course, this is not dog fashion because, if there is one thing I hate it is having the humans decided to dress me in some ridiculous outfit that they think looks "cute" on me. Of course it looks cute on me, but I am just as cute without it so why bother? The humans spend a great deal of time and money picking out just the right item to wear, and I think I can solve this problem because I have decided to go into the fashion industry myself. I have come up with a plan to make things much easier for the humans in the fashion arena. I have seen some lovely t-shirts with dogs on them. My humans have several Siberian husky shirts, and I think they look bettter than anything else in their closet. It does not have to be a husky, it can be a poodle, or even a chihuahua, but as long as it is a dog, it looks great.

Since humans aren't logical thinkers like us dogs, you have to explain things to them like you would bark to a puppy. I will start with business suits. If they were replaced by dog t-shirts, that person would seem a lot more honest, and other humans would feel better about doing business with them so why are the humans wearing suits when a dog t-shirt would be much better for business? If you meet another human on the street that you don't know, seeing them in a dog t-shirt would make them seem a lot friendlier and more approachable which means that the humans would get along better. T-shirts are comfortable to wear and would help keep the humans cool in warmer weather. As you can see, my idea would bring peace and prosperity to the world, align the planets, and stop global warming. To make sure that the humans get the best looking t-shirts, I am even thinking about putting my face on a t-shirt. What could be better than a Demon Flash Bandit shirt? I can't think of anything better.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With Ideas)

The True Story of Little Red Riding Hood

Today I am going to tell the story, Little Red Riding Hood, from Grimm's fairy tales the way it was actually written. Some of the humans changed the story over the years, and I think it is time the original story was revealed.

Once upon a time there was a little girl who wore a red cape. She was a horrible, badly behaved little girl whose Mother sent her to visit her grandmother because she was sick of putting up with her. Her mother was hoping that Little Red Riding Hood would get lost in the forest and never find her way back. Her teachers had the same philosophy as her mother. They sent her to her mother hoping she would never find her way back to school.

On the way to her grandmother's house, she met a handsome dog ( a Siberian husky like myself). She thought he was a wolf because Little Red Riding Hood was not only a brat, but she was also quite stupid. She told the dog she was lost and the wonderful, well behaved dog helped her find the way to her grandmother's house. When she got to Grandma's house, she pulled the chain saw out of her basket. Luckily some kind hunters saw the girl ready to kill her grandmother (I told you she was a brat.) and they shot the little girl, and everyone lived happily ever after.

I think it is important to relate the true story of Little Red Riding Hood because wolves have gotten a lot of bad press over the years while jerks like Little Red Riding Hood, who happen to be the real villains, get by with everything.

The moral to this story is: Avoid children, spend more time with wolves and dogs.

Today I announce the winner of the Siberan Husky Christmas ornament. It is Khyra. Contact me at my email, demonflashbandit@gmail.com so that I can arrange shipment.

Demon Flash Bandit (Narrator)

RED and Marmaduke: Movie Reviews

Mommy went to see a movie yesterday, and I asked her to do a quick review of it for my readers. The movie was RED. She said it was a good movie about some retired spies who had to go back to work to solve a problem. Then she said it was blah blah blah......okay, that is not officially what she said, but how good can a movie be with no dogs in it? When I learned that there were no dogs, I immediately rated it as ND--a No Dog movie. Who would want to see it? I'm amazed she wasted her time and money going to see it? Then she actually said it was good....it takes so little to please the humans.

Mommy did buy the combo (blu-ray and dvd) of the movie Marmaduke so Angel Zoom Smokey and myself got to see it. I recommend it highly. Dogs were the stars of the movie. There was even a husky in the movie! It has everything you would want to see in a movie--a Great Dane, a Collie, a Siberian Husky, a Chinese Crested, a Beagle, etc. It has my vote for the Oscar for best picture of the year. I also hope to see the cast up for some Oscars--not the humans of course, but the dogs. Marmaduke easily gave the best actor performance of the year. I laughed, I was on the edge of my paws, I munched on a rawhide bone. It was a GREAT movie with a GREAT dane in it. What more could a human want to see in a movie. I give it my 4 paws up and a wagging tail award--it doesn't get any better than that.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Reviews)

Appearance of Money Could be Improved!

Today I am going to discuss something the humans seem to think about a large amount of the time: MONEY. I like money. Even as a puppy, I observed that when you give the people at drive thru useless pieces of green paper, they give you burgers at Burger King and ice cream at the Diary Queen drive thru. I know it is silly. I would never give up a burger for a piece of paper, but these businesses are run by humans, and all of us dogs know how dumb they are. Mommy actually has a nine dollar bill that she ordered from Ebay awhile back and it is the only piece of green paper that I would accept if I were Burger King even though it clearly says it is non negotiable. Instead of having those silly looking old humans on it, it has a lovely Siberian husky on it instead. It even says "in dog we trust" which is a smart move if you ask me. This brings me to the important part of this blog. Why did the humans choose to put old men on the money when they could have put some adorable dogs on the money instead? I think that part of the reason people can't hold onto money is because looking at the faces of a bunch of old guys does not make a human want to save that money. However, with a cute face like mine, the humans would save their money because who would want to give up money with such a handsome face on it? I think the governments should re-think their position on how they make their money look. Now that I have solved the problem with the economy, it is time to take a nap.

By the way, I see the Pope is visiting the Queen of England. Did she not tell him she needs to come here to mow my yard? Queen Lady, I know you want to come and mow my yard.....I think you should tell him to get in his Popemobile and come back later--you have mowing to do.

Demon Flash Bandit (Solving Economic Problems for the Humans)