I saw something on the Internet news about an Unidentified Flying Object (UFO) flying over London. Wasn't it bad enough that the royal couple, William and Kate didn't invite President Obama to their wedding? Now it turns out that they didn't invite those nice space aliens that sent them that expensive gift. The aliens didn't even realize that the wedding was over. I guess the newscasts take awhile to reach them in space. Thanks to the royal couple causing an intergalactic incident, we could end up vaporized in an intergalactic war. You would think the royal family would be taught better protocol with dealing with space aliens. I've always been taught that the general rule of paw when dealing with an advanced civilization that could vaporize the entire planet.....don't make them mad!!!! This means to include them in your events, and be nice. You are supposed to laugh at their jokes even if their jokes are the worst ones you have ever heard. I don't care if they don't make sense, you laugh and then you laugh some more. No Earthling needs an annoyed alien with fire power.
I think the royal couple is travelling now because they know that if the space aliens find them, they are going to be the target of some serious mayhem. I bet that is why the UFO was hanging out around the BBC. They are hoping that the BBC will televise some news about the royal couple's trip and they can find them with the information. I say turn the royal couple over to the aliens. They are the ones who made the aliens mad. I don't think us dogs should have to suffer!
Demon Flash Bandit (Space Aliens Should be Kept Happy)
Showing posts with label royal wedding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label royal wedding. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
Pippi Longstocking and Pippa Middleton--Same Human?
Since the royal wedding, the press has been excited over the coverage of Pippa Middleton, Kate Middleton's sister. I thought her name was Pippi Longstocking, but Angel Zoom Smokey told me that Pippi Longstocking is her "stripper name". She wears long stockings that take a while to take off. I don't always believe Angel Zoom Smokey, but since there are photos of her on the Internet dancing in her bra, I have to give Angel Zoom Smokey credit for being right this time. I can't keep from wondering....is this really the family that Great Britain wants to have representing their country? We have humans like that in the United States, but you usually see them on television programs like Cops, where they are being arrested. It sounds like, once again, my pal, the Queen Lady is going to be busy doing damage control.
Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing the Royal Family)
Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing the Royal Family)
Thursday, May 5, 2011
My "Precious", Mt. Doom, and the Chicken Dance
Today I am going to cover the royal wedding from my own point of view. My previous coverage was from the royal corgi dogs because I didn't bother to watch the royal wedding on television. I had better things to do like lick my paws. Today I saw about 3 minutes of coverage which was all I needed. Some of the human women were wearing hats that made them look super silly. I have no idea why they would want to be seen in such monstrous hats, but I can only assume it is because the royal corgis told them the hats looked good. Most humans ask dogs how they look, and we dogs have a sense of humor and enjoy telling them they look good in silly things. I have to admit that I really don't care what the royal family does or does not do which is why I kept wondering why the news kept yapping about the wedding for so long. It was only a wedding. Judging from the funny hats, it wasn't even a serious occasion. My brother has a jester's hat from a Renaissance Festival, and it looked like it would be worn by a more serious person than some of the hats at the wedding. One lady wore a blue dress and a ridiculous blue hat that looked like it might fall off her head at any time. I can only assume she was the royal wedding jester. I preferred the coverage on The Daily Show because having Gollum from Lord of the Rings as the ring bearer was a brilliant idea. It would have been nicer if only he had been willing to give up "his precious" ring. I know they don't show it on the clip, but Kate had to fight him for it, and Frodo was in the audience hoping to grab the ring so he could take it to Mt. Doom. Frodo really didn't need to worry since I've heard that Mt. Doom is the honeymoon destination. The couple heard their motto: "what happens at Mt. Doom stays at Mt. Doom". It sounds like nothing good ever happens there, but the royal couple didn't ask me for my opinion.
At least the couple didn't do the stupid dance down the aisle at the wedding like Jim and Pam did in the wedding episode of The Office. That episode is a good reason to avoid wedding ideas that appear on Youtube. I'm sure that the wedding reception did include the classic chicken dance which is a "must dance" at every wedding. Personally, I don't approve of the chicken dance because any dance that is named after a "bird" is bad. I am not so sure that the chicken dance was a good idea anyway since the royal family was watching the royal budget. When beans are the main menu item, the chicken dance is not practical. They were serving fruit cake which had been saved from every Christmas since the last royal wedding of Charles and Diana so they only served beans and fruit cake. They tried to cover the frugality of the menu by saying the beans were served in honor of their guest, Mr. Bean, but his name is really Rowan Atchinson so I'm not buying that excuse. I'm not so sure that I would have wanted to eat at the wedding anyway since the beans were from Chernobyl Farms. The beans were free of charge so the Queen was excited about the savings. Now a couple of wedding guests are glowing in the dark so I suppose they are happy about saving money on electricity. I know one friend who managed to crash the wedding by wearing a suit and putting on some Mickey Mouse ears that were purchased at Disney World. People at the wedding thought it was Charles.
Remember if you are a dog and you want to pass as Prince William, that only works for Chinese Crested because other breeds have too much fur.
Demon Flash Bandit (The Real Story of the Royal Wedding)
At least the couple didn't do the stupid dance down the aisle at the wedding like Jim and Pam did in the wedding episode of The Office. That episode is a good reason to avoid wedding ideas that appear on Youtube. I'm sure that the wedding reception did include the classic chicken dance which is a "must dance" at every wedding. Personally, I don't approve of the chicken dance because any dance that is named after a "bird" is bad. I am not so sure that the chicken dance was a good idea anyway since the royal family was watching the royal budget. When beans are the main menu item, the chicken dance is not practical. They were serving fruit cake which had been saved from every Christmas since the last royal wedding of Charles and Diana so they only served beans and fruit cake. They tried to cover the frugality of the menu by saying the beans were served in honor of their guest, Mr. Bean, but his name is really Rowan Atchinson so I'm not buying that excuse. I'm not so sure that I would have wanted to eat at the wedding anyway since the beans were from Chernobyl Farms. The beans were free of charge so the Queen was excited about the savings. Now a couple of wedding guests are glowing in the dark so I suppose they are happy about saving money on electricity. I know one friend who managed to crash the wedding by wearing a suit and putting on some Mickey Mouse ears that were purchased at Disney World. People at the wedding thought it was Charles.
Remember if you are a dog and you want to pass as Prince William, that only works for Chinese Crested because other breeds have too much fur.
Demon Flash Bandit (The Real Story of the Royal Wedding)
Friday, April 29, 2011
I Didn't Attend the Royal Wedding
Since I chose not to attend the royal wedding, I also chose not to watch it. I do have a letter to share with you from the Queen Lady regarding my lack of attendance.
Dear Demon Flash Bandit,
The royal wedding of my grandson yesterday went well, but it would have been so much better if you had attended. We never realized that when we didn't invite Bo Obama, first dog, that you would take offense and not attend. We were so looking forward to you because, as you know, you were our most important guest. The media was very upset when they asked where you would be sitting, and we had to tell them that you had declined our invitation. I have to admit that I didn't expect you to decline the invitation since most people will not turn down a royal invitation, but we failed to take into consideration you would stand by your fellow dog, Bo. I do hope that we can continue to be friends because being your friend means a lot to me and my family.
Love, Queen Lady Elizabeth
For those who want to know what I replied, I am going to include my reply.
Dear Queen Lady,
I do appreciate the wedding invitation, and I am glad that it went well. I would have attended had you included Bo Obama, but when you omit the first dog, then as a patriotic American dog, I cannot in good conscience attend the event. I understand that the wedding would have been a lot better had I been there, but this is something you should have realized before you omitted Bo Obama.
Actually, I'm surprised the royal family has even managed to survive all these years what with all the inbreeding in past generations. Some people in the United States do that, but they usually don't get the opportunity to run the country. Sure, sometimes they are allowed to run a fast food franchise or a gas station, but seldom the entire country. Judging from the success of recent royal marriages, it even takes the "fairy tale" out of the equation since, in fairy tales, the couple lives happily ever after--not divorced. I will admit that I never realized what a rich country Britain happens to be until I saw how much money your family has to live on. I have to tell you that you wouldn't like the welfare system here in the United States because the tax payers won't allow a family to draw so much money from the government. Kudos to your welfare system there.
Don't worry about us being friends. I'm glad that you understood why I could not attend the royal wedding, and I do hope the couple will be very happy together. Happiness doesn't seem to be too prevalent in your family which is very sad.
Love, Demon Flash Bandit
Dear Demon Flash Bandit,
The royal wedding of my grandson yesterday went well, but it would have been so much better if you had attended. We never realized that when we didn't invite Bo Obama, first dog, that you would take offense and not attend. We were so looking forward to you because, as you know, you were our most important guest. The media was very upset when they asked where you would be sitting, and we had to tell them that you had declined our invitation. I have to admit that I didn't expect you to decline the invitation since most people will not turn down a royal invitation, but we failed to take into consideration you would stand by your fellow dog, Bo. I do hope that we can continue to be friends because being your friend means a lot to me and my family.
Love, Queen Lady Elizabeth
For those who want to know what I replied, I am going to include my reply.
Dear Queen Lady,
I do appreciate the wedding invitation, and I am glad that it went well. I would have attended had you included Bo Obama, but when you omit the first dog, then as a patriotic American dog, I cannot in good conscience attend the event. I understand that the wedding would have been a lot better had I been there, but this is something you should have realized before you omitted Bo Obama.
Actually, I'm surprised the royal family has even managed to survive all these years what with all the inbreeding in past generations. Some people in the United States do that, but they usually don't get the opportunity to run the country. Sure, sometimes they are allowed to run a fast food franchise or a gas station, but seldom the entire country. Judging from the success of recent royal marriages, it even takes the "fairy tale" out of the equation since, in fairy tales, the couple lives happily ever after--not divorced. I will admit that I never realized what a rich country Britain happens to be until I saw how much money your family has to live on. I have to tell you that you wouldn't like the welfare system here in the United States because the tax payers won't allow a family to draw so much money from the government. Kudos to your welfare system there.
Don't worry about us being friends. I'm glad that you understood why I could not attend the royal wedding, and I do hope the couple will be very happy together. Happiness doesn't seem to be too prevalent in your family which is very sad.
Love, Demon Flash Bandit
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Interview With Bow-Nessie, The "Sea Monster"
Recent photos of Bow-Nessie, were on the Internet news today. Bow-Nessie is the "monster" that inhabits Lake Windermere, England's largest lake. Bow-Nessie is not really a monster. The humans like to give that title to anything they don't understand. I've met Bow-Nessie and I've found Bow to be a very charming companion. In fact, the reason Bow is being seen more now is that he has received his invitation to the upcoming royal wedding, and Bow knows that he will have to make a couple of appearances prior to attending because the humans scare easily. This way, he will get them used to seeing him before the big event. If he just showed up at the wedding without any previous photos, the humans might act like those humans act in the Godzilla films. Bow has no intention of destroying London so he wants to make sure the humans know about his attendence in advance. I was able to get an interview with Bow and I am going to share it with my readers.
Demon: Hi Bow. It is nice to meet you. How long have you lived in the lake?
Bow: I'm not sure since we "sea monsters" don't really measure time like the humans. We don't even have watches or clocks.
Demon: What do you eat?
Bow: Fish. There are lots of them in the lake.
Demon: Have you ever thought of moving?
Bow: No, it would be too much trouble.
Demon: How do you feel about fishermen?
Bow: They don't bother me. Their poles aren't strong enough to catch me.
Demon: Can you survive on land?
Bow: Yes, but I have to carry a special tank that is kind of opposite of the kind the humans use for scuba diving.
Demon: I wasn't aware that you had that kind of technology.
Bow. Of course, we do. We are a very advanced culture.
Demon: Does this mean that you aren't the only one?
Bow: Of course I'm not the only one. In fact, we start out as those sea creatures that the humans sell in the back of comic books. Once we get into a large body of water, we get really big.
Demon: Are you looking forward to the royal wedding?
Bow: I am so thrilled to be invited. Will you be there?
Demon: Yes, the Queen Lady asked me personally to be there.
Bow: I look forward to seeing you there.
Demon: Same here. Have a good swim!
I am proud to be the first person to be granted an interview with Bow-Nessie. I hope my readers now understand the creature better. He is not a monster, but just a regular guy like the rest of us.
Demon Flash Bandit (Doing Interviews)
Demon: Hi Bow. It is nice to meet you. How long have you lived in the lake?
Bow: I'm not sure since we "sea monsters" don't really measure time like the humans. We don't even have watches or clocks.
Demon: What do you eat?
Bow: Fish. There are lots of them in the lake.
Demon: Have you ever thought of moving?
Bow: No, it would be too much trouble.
Demon: How do you feel about fishermen?
Bow: They don't bother me. Their poles aren't strong enough to catch me.
Demon: Can you survive on land?
Bow: Yes, but I have to carry a special tank that is kind of opposite of the kind the humans use for scuba diving.
Demon: I wasn't aware that you had that kind of technology.
Bow. Of course, we do. We are a very advanced culture.
Demon: Does this mean that you aren't the only one?
Bow: Of course I'm not the only one. In fact, we start out as those sea creatures that the humans sell in the back of comic books. Once we get into a large body of water, we get really big.
Demon: Are you looking forward to the royal wedding?
Bow: I am so thrilled to be invited. Will you be there?
Demon: Yes, the Queen Lady asked me personally to be there.
Bow: I look forward to seeing you there.
Demon: Same here. Have a good swim!
I am proud to be the first person to be granted an interview with Bow-Nessie. I hope my readers now understand the creature better. He is not a monster, but just a regular guy like the rest of us.
Demon Flash Bandit (Doing Interviews)
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Royal Invitation to the Private Dinner Dance
Imagine my happiness at getting another letter from Queen Elizabeth II, who I refer to as the Queen Lady. As usual, I will share the letter with my readers.
Dear Demon Flash Bandit,
I am looking forward to seeing you at my grandson's wedding. I was so glad to get the RSVP telling us that you would attend. I can't tell you how pleased the entire family was to know that you will be attending. As you already know, your attendance at any event makes it a newsworthy occasion, and we were hoping to get some news coverage so now that is guaranteed thanks to your kind acceptance of our invitation. I am writing this letter to let you know that after the wedding reception, there will be a private dinner dance for close family and friends which will be hosted by the Prince of Wales. We are most anxious for you to attend the dinner dance. Without you there, it would just be more food to eat. You make the events memorable. I have made sure that the event will be catered by Burger King so that you will enjoy it. You are so right when you write about Burger King being the best food you can eat. Would you believe that the caterers wanted to overcharge for some stupid food that wouldn't taste nearly as good as Burger King? You have to watch it when you are in the royal family---people are always trying to take advantage of you by serving inferior food (like caviar) at ridiculous prices rather than delicious tasty food like Burger King. Several members of Parliament want to know if you can spare some time before you return to the United States because they need some advice on matters of grave importance, and everyone here respects your opinion.
I did follow your suggestion and I told Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury, to make sure the wedding is done in English. I have also read Canterbury Tales, and I have often wondered what language in which it is written--certainly not English as I learned it. I do agree that Robin Williams would have been a good person to officiate the wedding, but he was too busy. I did ask Rowan Atkinson if he was available. Sadly, he is also busy so we are going to use Rowan Williams. I just hope he will do as good a job as Williams or Atkinson. Please keep your paws crossed that all goes well.
Love, Queen Lady, Elizabeth II
As you can see, I do get lots of letters from celebrities. Despite this fact, I have managed to stay the same sweet, down to Earth dog that writes this daily blog. I've got to go now. I want the humans to carry me to the bed for my nap. You don't expect a dog of my stature to get my paws dirty, do you?
Demon Flash Bandit (Royal Invitation to the Private Dinner Dance)
Dear Demon Flash Bandit,
I am looking forward to seeing you at my grandson's wedding. I was so glad to get the RSVP telling us that you would attend. I can't tell you how pleased the entire family was to know that you will be attending. As you already know, your attendance at any event makes it a newsworthy occasion, and we were hoping to get some news coverage so now that is guaranteed thanks to your kind acceptance of our invitation. I am writing this letter to let you know that after the wedding reception, there will be a private dinner dance for close family and friends which will be hosted by the Prince of Wales. We are most anxious for you to attend the dinner dance. Without you there, it would just be more food to eat. You make the events memorable. I have made sure that the event will be catered by Burger King so that you will enjoy it. You are so right when you write about Burger King being the best food you can eat. Would you believe that the caterers wanted to overcharge for some stupid food that wouldn't taste nearly as good as Burger King? You have to watch it when you are in the royal family---people are always trying to take advantage of you by serving inferior food (like caviar) at ridiculous prices rather than delicious tasty food like Burger King. Several members of Parliament want to know if you can spare some time before you return to the United States because they need some advice on matters of grave importance, and everyone here respects your opinion.
I did follow your suggestion and I told Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury, to make sure the wedding is done in English. I have also read Canterbury Tales, and I have often wondered what language in which it is written--certainly not English as I learned it. I do agree that Robin Williams would have been a good person to officiate the wedding, but he was too busy. I did ask Rowan Atkinson if he was available. Sadly, he is also busy so we are going to use Rowan Williams. I just hope he will do as good a job as Williams or Atkinson. Please keep your paws crossed that all goes well.
Love, Queen Lady, Elizabeth II
As you can see, I do get lots of letters from celebrities. Despite this fact, I have managed to stay the same sweet, down to Earth dog that writes this daily blog. I've got to go now. I want the humans to carry me to the bed for my nap. You don't expect a dog of my stature to get my paws dirty, do you?
Demon Flash Bandit (Royal Invitation to the Private Dinner Dance)
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Royal Wedding Zombie TShirts
With the royal wedding happening in the spring, I thought my readers would like to read a copy of the letter I just mailed to my friend, The Queen Lady, Elizabeth II.
Dear Queen Lady,
I know you are super busy planning the royal wedding for your grandson, but I was just wondering what you think of the tshirts that depict the couple as zombies. I can understand if you approved them because zombies seem to be quite popular, and it would help increase your household budget. It just didn't seem like something of which you would approve. I also wanted to suggest that, given the popularity of the movie Twilight, you might suggest vampire tshirts and/or werewolf tshirts. You have to act while the wedding is big news. When it is over, it will be hard to sell these items. I think the Lego HappyLand Royal Wedding set is a good idea. If you want the money from the small children, you have to go with toys because they don't tend to care much about clothing. I do think that you should consider marketing a video game of the wedding. I could see several versions that would be big sellers. For girls, you can let them plan a "dream" wedding even down to designing their own gown. For the boys, you can have something more unusual (like zombies taking over the wedding).
I do hope that you have approved of all of these items because I know how it is being famous. Many times I have found Demon Flash Bandit items on sale that did not get my approval. I usually solve the problem by sending in Angel Zoom Smokey to give out some puppy slaps of justice. She said to tell you that if you need her, she is available.
I do hope the wedding goes well, and that you are able to keep any stupid merchandise from being sold.
Your pal, Demon Flash Bandit
I'm sure my readers will be rushing to order their own zombie tshirts.
Demon Flash Bandit (Zombie Tshirts are Cool)
Dear Queen Lady,
I know you are super busy planning the royal wedding for your grandson, but I was just wondering what you think of the tshirts that depict the couple as zombies. I can understand if you approved them because zombies seem to be quite popular, and it would help increase your household budget. It just didn't seem like something of which you would approve. I also wanted to suggest that, given the popularity of the movie Twilight, you might suggest vampire tshirts and/or werewolf tshirts. You have to act while the wedding is big news. When it is over, it will be hard to sell these items. I think the Lego HappyLand Royal Wedding set is a good idea. If you want the money from the small children, you have to go with toys because they don't tend to care much about clothing. I do think that you should consider marketing a video game of the wedding. I could see several versions that would be big sellers. For girls, you can let them plan a "dream" wedding even down to designing their own gown. For the boys, you can have something more unusual (like zombies taking over the wedding).
I do hope that you have approved of all of these items because I know how it is being famous. Many times I have found Demon Flash Bandit items on sale that did not get my approval. I usually solve the problem by sending in Angel Zoom Smokey to give out some puppy slaps of justice. She said to tell you that if you need her, she is available.
I do hope the wedding goes well, and that you are able to keep any stupid merchandise from being sold.
Your pal, Demon Flash Bandit
I'm sure my readers will be rushing to order their own zombie tshirts.
Demon Flash Bandit (Zombie Tshirts are Cool)
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Royal Wedding Invitation
I notice that my secretary did not delete the first paragraph of my blog yesterday as she was instructed by me. This is not the first time my secretary (obviously of the human persuasion) has not followed my orders. If she did not work free, I would fire her, and hire someone more dependable and obedient.
As many of my regular readers are already aware, I have been sharing correspondence with the Queen Lady (the Queen of England) ever since she came to New York City, and the Daily Show announced that she was having to cut back on household expenses. I felt bad for her so I offered her a job mowing my yard, an offer which she was happy to receive. However, family obligations have kept her from fulfilling her dream of mowing my yard. When Prince William announced the royal engagement, I assumed that this would be another year when the Queen Lady would have family obligations standing in the way of her lawn mowing dream. However, I received this letter yesterday, and I want to share it with my readers.
Dear Demon Flash Bandit,
How is my good pal doing? I hope this letter finds you in good health and enjoying some wonderful snow. I know you have heard about my grandson's upcoming wedding, and I want you to know that the date is set for April 29, 2011. This will give me the summer free to come by your house, meet you, and mow your yard. I have been anxious to meet you ever since we first started corresponding. I hope that you will be able to give me some practical advice for dealing with some of the political problems we have here while I am there because your dog advice is so valuable. I know your advice is highly sought after by world leaders so I hope you will have time to oblige me with this request. I'm so glad that someone of your dog intelligence and gift for diplomacy is available to help world leaders solve problems. If only all of them listened to your wisdom, the world would be a better place.
It is my wish that you can attend the wedding. I know you are a busy dog, but having you come to the wedding is all the kids can talk about. Last night at dinner, both William and Kate were asking me if I had heard from Demon Flash Bandit and was he available to attend their wedding. It would be such an honor if you grace us with your presence.
I am so pleased to count you as a friend, and I hope you won't think I'm bragging too much when I tell people that Demon Flash Bandit and myself are close pals.
Love, Queen Lady Elizabeth
I was touched by this letter. I get a lot of letters from celebrities, but I always enjoy hearing from her Majesty, the Queen Lady. It would be nice to attend the wedding, but this dog refuses to wear a tuxedo so if that is required, I won't be attending. I have standards.
Demon Flash Bandit (Corresponding with Her Majesty, The Queen Lady)
As many of my regular readers are already aware, I have been sharing correspondence with the Queen Lady (the Queen of England) ever since she came to New York City, and the Daily Show announced that she was having to cut back on household expenses. I felt bad for her so I offered her a job mowing my yard, an offer which she was happy to receive. However, family obligations have kept her from fulfilling her dream of mowing my yard. When Prince William announced the royal engagement, I assumed that this would be another year when the Queen Lady would have family obligations standing in the way of her lawn mowing dream. However, I received this letter yesterday, and I want to share it with my readers.
Dear Demon Flash Bandit,
How is my good pal doing? I hope this letter finds you in good health and enjoying some wonderful snow. I know you have heard about my grandson's upcoming wedding, and I want you to know that the date is set for April 29, 2011. This will give me the summer free to come by your house, meet you, and mow your yard. I have been anxious to meet you ever since we first started corresponding. I hope that you will be able to give me some practical advice for dealing with some of the political problems we have here while I am there because your dog advice is so valuable. I know your advice is highly sought after by world leaders so I hope you will have time to oblige me with this request. I'm so glad that someone of your dog intelligence and gift for diplomacy is available to help world leaders solve problems. If only all of them listened to your wisdom, the world would be a better place.
It is my wish that you can attend the wedding. I know you are a busy dog, but having you come to the wedding is all the kids can talk about. Last night at dinner, both William and Kate were asking me if I had heard from Demon Flash Bandit and was he available to attend their wedding. It would be such an honor if you grace us with your presence.
I am so pleased to count you as a friend, and I hope you won't think I'm bragging too much when I tell people that Demon Flash Bandit and myself are close pals.
Love, Queen Lady Elizabeth
I was touched by this letter. I get a lot of letters from celebrities, but I always enjoy hearing from her Majesty, the Queen Lady. It would be nice to attend the wedding, but this dog refuses to wear a tuxedo so if that is required, I won't be attending. I have standards.
Demon Flash Bandit (Corresponding with Her Majesty, The Queen Lady)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)