Royal Couple Can't Dress Themselves?

Once again, I have received a letter from my pal, the Queen of England. As usual, she is writing to me because she knows I understand her problems with her family. I have decided to share the letter so we can all see how tough life is for the Queen.

Dear Demon Flash Bandit,
Now that the royal wedding is over, I was hoping to settle down and have the chance to relax. I hoped that my grandson and his new wife would settle in happily at their new home. However, you can imagine my embarrassment to find that they are now planning to hire a housekeeper and a dresser. I realize that a housekeeper might be necessary, but can you imagine how hard it is for a mother to admit that her descendants don't have enough sense to dress themselves? I can only imagine what the neighbors are saying......"I see the kids can't dress themselves.....we knew those kids were idiots from the time they were toddlers". I am hoping that the kids will learn how to dress themselves so that I can hold my head up high once again. Thanks for your encouragement, Demon Flash Bandit. I don't know what I would do without the wise counsel of an intelligent dog such as yourself.

Love, The Queen Lady

As you can see, being the Queen is not easy. There is another person in the news who is having a rough time with the media at the moment. That man is Congressman Weiner, and he is involved in something called Weinergate. I thought it might be an interesting story involving hot dogs, which are quite tasty, but it turns out it is stupid.....like most human news. That is why I haven't bothered to write much about it. I would rather concentrate on important stories. For example, there was an ad for Bit o Luv treats, which I happen to love. When my humans went to the store, the treats never arrived. This should be front page news. When a dog's favorite treats aren't available, something needs to be done. However, the media is so busy discussing Weinergate, the story of the lack of Bit o Luvs did not get covered. This is what happens when humans are allowed to run things. They have no ability to priotitize!

I hope all my readers stay cool. It has been too hot here.

Demon Flash Bandit (Royal Couple Can't Dress Themselves)

I Didn't Attend the Royal Wedding

Since I chose not to attend the royal wedding, I also chose not to watch it. I do have a letter to share with you from the Queen Lady regarding my lack of attendance.

Dear Demon Flash Bandit,
The royal wedding of my grandson yesterday went well, but it would have been so much better if you had attended. We never realized that when we didn't invite Bo Obama, first dog, that you would take offense and not attend. We were so looking forward to you because, as you know, you were our most important guest. The media was very upset when they asked where you would be sitting, and we had to tell them that you had declined our invitation. I have to admit that I didn't expect you to decline the invitation since most people will not turn down a royal invitation, but we failed to take into consideration you would stand by your fellow dog, Bo. I do hope that we can continue to be friends because being your friend means a lot to me and my family.
Love, Queen Lady Elizabeth

For those who want to know what I replied, I am going to include my reply.

Dear Queen Lady,
I do appreciate the wedding invitation, and I am glad that it went well. I would have attended had you included Bo Obama, but when you omit the first dog, then as a patriotic American dog, I cannot in good conscience attend the event. I understand that the wedding would have been a lot better had I been there, but this is something you should have realized before you omitted Bo Obama.

Actually, I'm surprised the royal family has even managed to survive all these years what with all the inbreeding in past generations. Some people in the United States do that, but they usually don't get the opportunity to run the country. Sure, sometimes they are allowed to run a fast food franchise or a gas station, but seldom the entire country. Judging from the success of recent royal marriages, it even takes the "fairy tale" out of the equation since, in fairy tales, the couple lives happily ever after--not divorced. I will admit that I never realized what a rich country Britain happens to be until I saw how much money your family has to live on. I have to tell you that you wouldn't like the welfare system here in the United States because the tax payers won't allow a family to draw so much money from the government. Kudos to your welfare system there.
Don't worry about us being friends. I'm glad that you understood why I could not attend the royal wedding, and I do hope the couple will be very happy together. Happiness doesn't seem to be too prevalent in your family which is very sad.
Love, Demon Flash Bandit

Media Reading my Blog For Story Ideas

I know I should be used to it by now being the high profile celebrity dog that I am, but today's headline on MSN.com news reminded me once again of just how important my blogs are to the media. Just a couple of days ago, I wrote about insuring my beautiful tail with Lloyd's of London. Today when I logged onto the computer's MSN.com home page, there was a item entitled, "Celebs Insure the Darnedest Things". Sure, I read the article. They were wise enough not to mention me personally. My guess is they didn't mention me so I don't sue them for using my idea for a story; but we all know that they got the idea for that article from me. I'm a celebrity dog insuring my tail, and then seeing a story on celebrities insuring body parts--not a mere coincidence. We all know they were reading my blog for story ideas. Most people just read it for entertainment and knowledge, but now I realize that the news people are reading it for future stories. In fact I have suspected it for some time because this is not the first time that a story in the news has been on a subject that I have blogged about in previous days. I have no plans to sue because I am also a bit flattered that they depend on me so much, and I know that the humans usually don't have any good ideas of their own which is why they have dogs. However, I am not adverse to the idea of having a Demon Flash Bandit day which would be a holiday to honor me, Demon Flash Bandit. It would also be a day in which I would get gifts. I happen to enjoy gifts so I think a day in my honor is appropriate. Speaking of celebrities, my brother is using my stunt double as the logo for his movie site, http://www.silverscreenhub.com/ He would have used Angel Zoom Smokey or myself, but we don't like to pose wearing stupid looking human items. Phantom Fast Snowman doesn't mind modeling things which is why he is our stunt dog. I think Jeff picked an awesome logo because you can't get better than a dog! Wow, it has been about 10 minutes since my last nap so I'd better get back to dreamland. Demon Flash Bandit (Celebrity Dog)