Today I am writing about a dance that has been around for years, but being a dog, I just learned about it today thanks to my exhaustive Internet research. Yes, that is correct--I am a very devout researcher for my blog. I've been known to spend 10 or even 15 minutes a day researching a topic for my blog. Today's topic is about the chicken dance. Chickens are part of the bird family although they aren't successful members of that family because they can't fly. I can imagine how they are introduced as the losers at the Bird family reunions. Hi Wally Wren, have you met cousin Clyde Chicken....you can talk to him anytime since he can't fly away (inevitable snickers from the rest of the family). I will say one thing good about chickens. They taste good! I'm sure you are thinking, Demon Flash Bandit, if chickens are such losers why are is there a chicken dance? I really wish I could answer that question, but despite my genius, I have no idea. The humans are the ones who do the chicken dance. I have never seen a dog do the dance so who knows what the humans are thinking. I'm not even sure if humans have the intellectual capacity for thinking. Anyway, the humans seem to like to do the chicken dance, and they look very silly when they are doing it so you would think they would stop it. Perhaps they need to have a mirror show them what they look like when they are doing it. I suspect that humans think they look cool when they really look very uncool.
I think this dance might be part of the birds' ultimate plan for world domination. They know that they can put their other evil plans into effect while the humans are busy dancing. I think this is a situation that needs to be monitored because if my suspicions are correct, there will be other silly dances to keep the humans occupied....the turkey dance, the duck dance, even the goose dance. As a dog, I must be ever vigilent in my watch on the birds. I am grateful that I learned to speak bird as a puppy so I can listen in on their evil plans. Please, if you are a human reading this, don't get so involved in the chicken dance that you let the birds take over the planet. I know it is hard for you to focus on important stuff, but try--the planet is depending on you!
Demon Flash Bandit (Birds Dance--Threat to Life as We Know It Now)
Showing posts with label chicken dance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label chicken dance. Show all posts
Friday, May 27, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
My "Precious", Mt. Doom, and the Chicken Dance
Today I am going to cover the royal wedding from my own point of view. My previous coverage was from the royal corgi dogs because I didn't bother to watch the royal wedding on television. I had better things to do like lick my paws. Today I saw about 3 minutes of coverage which was all I needed. Some of the human women were wearing hats that made them look super silly. I have no idea why they would want to be seen in such monstrous hats, but I can only assume it is because the royal corgis told them the hats looked good. Most humans ask dogs how they look, and we dogs have a sense of humor and enjoy telling them they look good in silly things. I have to admit that I really don't care what the royal family does or does not do which is why I kept wondering why the news kept yapping about the wedding for so long. It was only a wedding. Judging from the funny hats, it wasn't even a serious occasion. My brother has a jester's hat from a Renaissance Festival, and it looked like it would be worn by a more serious person than some of the hats at the wedding. One lady wore a blue dress and a ridiculous blue hat that looked like it might fall off her head at any time. I can only assume she was the royal wedding jester. I preferred the coverage on The Daily Show because having Gollum from Lord of the Rings as the ring bearer was a brilliant idea. It would have been nicer if only he had been willing to give up "his precious" ring. I know they don't show it on the clip, but Kate had to fight him for it, and Frodo was in the audience hoping to grab the ring so he could take it to Mt. Doom. Frodo really didn't need to worry since I've heard that Mt. Doom is the honeymoon destination. The couple heard their motto: "what happens at Mt. Doom stays at Mt. Doom". It sounds like nothing good ever happens there, but the royal couple didn't ask me for my opinion.
At least the couple didn't do the stupid dance down the aisle at the wedding like Jim and Pam did in the wedding episode of The Office. That episode is a good reason to avoid wedding ideas that appear on Youtube. I'm sure that the wedding reception did include the classic chicken dance which is a "must dance" at every wedding. Personally, I don't approve of the chicken dance because any dance that is named after a "bird" is bad. I am not so sure that the chicken dance was a good idea anyway since the royal family was watching the royal budget. When beans are the main menu item, the chicken dance is not practical. They were serving fruit cake which had been saved from every Christmas since the last royal wedding of Charles and Diana so they only served beans and fruit cake. They tried to cover the frugality of the menu by saying the beans were served in honor of their guest, Mr. Bean, but his name is really Rowan Atchinson so I'm not buying that excuse. I'm not so sure that I would have wanted to eat at the wedding anyway since the beans were from Chernobyl Farms. The beans were free of charge so the Queen was excited about the savings. Now a couple of wedding guests are glowing in the dark so I suppose they are happy about saving money on electricity. I know one friend who managed to crash the wedding by wearing a suit and putting on some Mickey Mouse ears that were purchased at Disney World. People at the wedding thought it was Charles.
Remember if you are a dog and you want to pass as Prince William, that only works for Chinese Crested because other breeds have too much fur.
Demon Flash Bandit (The Real Story of the Royal Wedding)
At least the couple didn't do the stupid dance down the aisle at the wedding like Jim and Pam did in the wedding episode of The Office. That episode is a good reason to avoid wedding ideas that appear on Youtube. I'm sure that the wedding reception did include the classic chicken dance which is a "must dance" at every wedding. Personally, I don't approve of the chicken dance because any dance that is named after a "bird" is bad. I am not so sure that the chicken dance was a good idea anyway since the royal family was watching the royal budget. When beans are the main menu item, the chicken dance is not practical. They were serving fruit cake which had been saved from every Christmas since the last royal wedding of Charles and Diana so they only served beans and fruit cake. They tried to cover the frugality of the menu by saying the beans were served in honor of their guest, Mr. Bean, but his name is really Rowan Atchinson so I'm not buying that excuse. I'm not so sure that I would have wanted to eat at the wedding anyway since the beans were from Chernobyl Farms. The beans were free of charge so the Queen was excited about the savings. Now a couple of wedding guests are glowing in the dark so I suppose they are happy about saving money on electricity. I know one friend who managed to crash the wedding by wearing a suit and putting on some Mickey Mouse ears that were purchased at Disney World. People at the wedding thought it was Charles.
Remember if you are a dog and you want to pass as Prince William, that only works for Chinese Crested because other breeds have too much fur.
Demon Flash Bandit (The Real Story of the Royal Wedding)
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
You Might Be a Chicken.....
Many of my readers are probably familiar with the comedy of Jeff Foxworthy, who has done the world a service by letting them know how to identify rednecks. Today, I plan to offer a similar service by helping everyone identify chickens.
YOU MIGHT BE A CHICKEN:
1. If you have feathers and are being eaten by a dog, you might be a chicken.
2. If your brain is smaller than a peanut, you might be a chicken.
3. If you pee on your feathers, you might be a chicken.
4. If you get stuffing put up your butt, you might be a chicken.
5. If you have wings and can't fly, you might be a chicken.
6. If you run around after your head has been cut off, you might be a chicken.
7. If you lay eggs, you might be a chicken.
8. If you wear a disguise to look like human guys (Animaniacs), you might be a chicken.
9. If you wake people at dawn, you might be a chicken.
10. If you look around in paranoid fashion, you might be a chicken.
11. If you are contacted by the Easter Bunny in Spring for a huge egg order, you might be a chicken.
12. If you are in Angel Zoom Smokey's tummy , you might be a chicken.
13. If you shake your tail feathers, you might be a chicken.
14. If you hate Colonel Sanders, you might be a chicken.
15. If you do a stupid dance at a wedding, you might be a chicken.
16. If you allow Mel Gibson to voice a relative (movie, Chicken Run), you might be a chicken.
17. If you peck people on the neck, you might be a chicken vampire.
18. If you color your eggs, you might be a flamboyant chicken.
19. If you are scared by the initials, KFC, you might be a chicken.
20. If you avoid military service, you might be a chicken.
21. If the phrase, original recipe upsets you, you might be a chicken.
22. If Mr. Bean has ever gotten his head stuck in your butt, you might be a chicken (or turkey).
23. If you taste good with almonds, you might be a chicken.
24. If you can't tell if your baby is a boy or girl, you might be a chicken.
25. If you won't live in the state of Kentucky, you might be a chicken.
26. If Angel Zoom Smokey is following you around, you might be a chicken.
I hope this list helps you identify chickens when you meet them. They are good eating.
I might share some of my chicken jokes with you in a future blog, but I will end this blog with one chicken joke. Foghorn Leghorn. No, he may be a cartoon chicken, but he is not the joke. The joke is: What do you call a chicken who wakes a dog in the morning? Breakfast!!!!
I hope everyone has a good day!
Demon Flash Bandit (Helping Dogs to Identify Chickens)
YOU MIGHT BE A CHICKEN:
1. If you have feathers and are being eaten by a dog, you might be a chicken.
2. If your brain is smaller than a peanut, you might be a chicken.
3. If you pee on your feathers, you might be a chicken.
4. If you get stuffing put up your butt, you might be a chicken.
5. If you have wings and can't fly, you might be a chicken.
6. If you run around after your head has been cut off, you might be a chicken.
7. If you lay eggs, you might be a chicken.
8. If you wear a disguise to look like human guys (Animaniacs), you might be a chicken.
9. If you wake people at dawn, you might be a chicken.
10. If you look around in paranoid fashion, you might be a chicken.
11. If you are contacted by the Easter Bunny in Spring for a huge egg order, you might be a chicken.
12. If you are in Angel Zoom Smokey's tummy , you might be a chicken.
13. If you shake your tail feathers, you might be a chicken.
14. If you hate Colonel Sanders, you might be a chicken.
15. If you do a stupid dance at a wedding, you might be a chicken.
16. If you allow Mel Gibson to voice a relative (movie, Chicken Run), you might be a chicken.
17. If you peck people on the neck, you might be a chicken vampire.
18. If you color your eggs, you might be a flamboyant chicken.
19. If you are scared by the initials, KFC, you might be a chicken.
20. If you avoid military service, you might be a chicken.
21. If the phrase, original recipe upsets you, you might be a chicken.
22. If Mr. Bean has ever gotten his head stuck in your butt, you might be a chicken (or turkey).
23. If you taste good with almonds, you might be a chicken.
24. If you can't tell if your baby is a boy or girl, you might be a chicken.
25. If you won't live in the state of Kentucky, you might be a chicken.
26. If Angel Zoom Smokey is following you around, you might be a chicken.
I hope this list helps you identify chickens when you meet them. They are good eating.
I might share some of my chicken jokes with you in a future blog, but I will end this blog with one chicken joke. Foghorn Leghorn. No, he may be a cartoon chicken, but he is not the joke. The joke is: What do you call a chicken who wakes a dog in the morning? Breakfast!!!!
I hope everyone has a good day!
Demon Flash Bandit (Helping Dogs to Identify Chickens)
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