Dreaded Library Gang

There are pink bows around the streetlights in my town, Howell, Michigan. I'm not sure why they are there so I assume that they are for some super secret reason. Luckily, I am a smart dog who has given the matter a lot of thought (at least 5 minutes), and I have come up with an answer. Ever since my humans moved here is 1995, they have observed the presence of the "library gang". This is a gang of teens and pre-teens who hang out at the library after school until their parents get off from work. As you can imagine, any group of youngsters who are hanging out reading books and doing research make a formidable gang. Townspeople approach the library at their own risk because of their fear of this marauding group of book-readers. In inner cities, gangs mark their "territories" with gang related graffiti. It is only natural that the "library gang" would choose to mark their "territory" with pink bows. I can only imagine what evil the library gang is going to set loose on the town. I hope the town survives. My human brother Jeff says maybe the pink ribbon bows have something to do with breast cancer. Only a human could be so silly. Pink bows are festive and happy, and cancer is not something to be happy about having. It would make no sense for the bows to have any connection to cancer. I bet that is just what the library gang is hoping the humans will think. Thank goodness for us dogs who have the ability to think things through intelligently.

Demon Flash Bandit (Explaining Town's Bows)

Chicken Dance--Not Just for Fun

Today I am writing about a dance that has been around for years, but being a dog, I just learned about it today thanks to my exhaustive Internet research. Yes, that is correct--I am a very devout researcher for my blog. I've been known to spend 10 or even 15 minutes a day researching a topic for my blog. Today's topic is about the chicken dance. Chickens are part of the bird family although they aren't successful members of that family because they can't fly. I can imagine how they are introduced as the losers at the Bird family reunions. Hi Wally Wren, have you met cousin Clyde Chicken....you can talk to him anytime since he can't fly away (inevitable snickers from the rest of the family). I will say one thing good about chickens. They taste good! I'm sure you are thinking, Demon Flash Bandit, if chickens are such losers why are is there a chicken dance? I really wish I could answer that question, but despite my genius, I have no idea. The humans are the ones who do the chicken dance. I have never seen a dog do the dance so who knows what the humans are thinking. I'm not even sure if humans have the intellectual capacity for thinking. Anyway, the humans seem to like to do the chicken dance, and they look very silly when they are doing it so you would think they would stop it. Perhaps they need to have a mirror show them what they look like when they are doing it. I suspect that humans think they look cool when they really look very uncool.

I think this dance might be part of the birds' ultimate plan for world domination. They know that they can put their other evil plans into effect while the humans are busy dancing. I think this is a situation that needs to be monitored because if my suspicions are correct, there will be other silly dances to keep the humans occupied....the turkey dance, the duck dance, even the goose dance. As a dog, I must be ever vigilent in my watch on the birds. I am grateful that I learned to speak bird as a puppy so I can listen in on their evil plans. Please, if you are a human reading this, don't get so involved in the chicken dance that you let the birds take over the planet. I know it is hard for you to focus on important stuff, but try--the planet is depending on you!

Demon Flash Bandit (Birds Dance--Threat to Life as We Know It Now)