Collectible and Greeting Cards

I have noticed that some humans collect cards of varying sports and other of their interests. Yet I have not noticed any dog cards on the market. Personally, I would think that all the humans would want to collect Demon Flash Bandit cards. I have looked at the baseball cards and football cards, and I think my cards would be far more rewarding to collect. There could be cards depicting me eating, sleeping, chewing on a dingo bone, etc. The possibilities are endless. I know it I were a human, I would never be able to get enough Demon Flash Bandit cards.

Humans also send greeting cards to each other, and I am also wondering why there are no Demon Flash Bandit greeting cards. They have them for Jeff Foxworthy and Larry the Cable Guy. I think I should have my own line of greeting cards. I can't think of a better way for a human to say happy birthday to another human than with my face on the front of a card. Just seeing my handsome face would make the humans happy. For example, a congratulations to a graduate card would make that graduate know that they have done well if my face is on the card.

I am going to have to discuss this concept with my humans because most good ideas around here come from one of us dogs. Humans have those little human size brains that just aren't good at thinking outside the doghouse.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Cards)

I Checked my Crystal Ball

I happened to look into my crystal ball and I foresaw a new Civil War in the United States between the north and south. This war became more complicated than the one in the 1860s because the Yankees, many of whom were able to infiltrate the south, and fit in with the Rebels were able to find out battle plans in advance. How did they do it? They mimicked a southern accent, and they wore Dukes of Hazzard T-shirts. This made them fit right into the south, and the southerners never realized that they were not really from there. The south decided to use General Lee as their lead general. The big problem with this was that The Dodge Charger, General Lee, was not an expert on military strategy. In fact, the car wasn't good at all at giving orders. It mainly wanted to drive around jumping over stuff. As in the first war, the south lost. It might have been sadder had anyone actually knew what they were fighting about. From what I saw in my Crystal ball, it looks like you can't give rednecks guns. They will use them. I should send that one to Jeff Foxworthy. You might be a redneck if you shoot first, shoot last, and then find out if you should have shot in the first place. I might add that Mommy is a southerner, and not all are rednecks--just the ones who are shooting from their pickup trucks.

If all goes as planned, I will be announcing the winner of the husky Christmas ornament tomorrow. Good luck to the contenders.

By the way, pumpkin is not good for a dog's tummy. I found this out when I ate a bag of Halloween pumpkin shaped candy. Mommy says I ate too much, but how do you stop when it is so good?

Demon Flash Bandit (Seer)

You Might Be a Chicken.....

Many of my readers are probably familiar with the comedy of Jeff Foxworthy, who has done the world a service by letting them know how to identify rednecks. Today, I plan to offer a similar service by helping everyone identify chickens.

YOU MIGHT BE A CHICKEN:

1. If you have feathers and are being eaten by a dog, you might be a chicken.

2. If your brain is smaller than a peanut, you might be a chicken.

3. If you pee on your feathers, you might be a chicken.

4. If you get stuffing put up your butt, you might be a chicken.

5. If you have wings and can't fly, you might be a chicken.

6. If you run around after your head has been cut off, you might be a chicken.

7. If you lay eggs, you might be a chicken.

8. If you wear a disguise to look like human guys (Animaniacs), you might be a chicken.

9. If you wake people at dawn, you might be a chicken.

10. If you look around in paranoid fashion, you might be a chicken.

11. If you are contacted by the Easter Bunny in Spring for a huge egg order, you might be a chicken.

12. If you are in Angel Zoom Smokey's tummy , you might be a chicken.

13. If you shake your tail feathers, you might be a chicken.

14. If you hate Colonel Sanders, you might be a chicken.

15. If you do a stupid dance at a wedding, you might be a chicken.

16. If you allow Mel Gibson to voice a relative (movie, Chicken Run), you might be a chicken.

17. If you peck people on the neck, you might be a chicken vampire.

18. If you color your eggs, you might be a flamboyant chicken.

19. If you are scared by the initials, KFC, you might be a chicken.

20. If you avoid military service, you might be a chicken.

21. If the phrase, original recipe upsets you, you might be a chicken.

22. If Mr. Bean has ever gotten his head stuck in your butt, you might be a chicken (or turkey).

23. If you taste good with almonds, you might be a chicken.

24. If you can't tell if your baby is a boy or girl, you might be a chicken.

25. If you won't live in the state of Kentucky, you might be a chicken.

26. If Angel Zoom Smokey is following you around, you might be a chicken.

I hope this list helps you identify chickens when you meet them. They are good eating.

I might share some of my chicken jokes with you in a future blog, but I will end this blog with one chicken joke. Foghorn Leghorn. No, he may be a cartoon chicken, but he is not the joke. The joke is: What do you call a chicken who wakes a dog in the morning? Breakfast!!!!

I hope everyone has a good day!

Demon Flash Bandit (Helping Dogs to Identify Chickens)