Today I am going to cover the royal wedding from my own point of view. My previous coverage was from the royal corgi dogs because I didn't bother to watch the royal wedding on television. I had better things to do like lick my paws. Today I saw about 3 minutes of coverage which was all I needed. Some of the human women were wearing hats that made them look super silly. I have no idea why they would want to be seen in such monstrous hats, but I can only assume it is because the royal corgis told them the hats looked good. Most humans ask dogs how they look, and we dogs have a sense of humor and enjoy telling them they look good in silly things. I have to admit that I really don't care what the royal family does or does not do which is why I kept wondering why the news kept yapping about the wedding for so long. It was only a wedding. Judging from the funny hats, it wasn't even a serious occasion. My brother has a jester's hat from a Renaissance Festival, and it looked like it would be worn by a more serious person than some of the hats at the wedding. One lady wore a blue dress and a ridiculous blue hat that looked like it might fall off her head at any time. I can only assume she was the royal wedding jester. I preferred the coverage on The Daily Show because having Gollum from Lord of the Rings as the ring bearer was a brilliant idea. It would have been nicer if only he had been willing to give up "his precious" ring. I know they don't show it on the clip, but Kate had to fight him for it, and Frodo was in the audience hoping to grab the ring so he could take it to Mt. Doom. Frodo really didn't need to worry since I've heard that Mt. Doom is the honeymoon destination. The couple heard their motto: "what happens at Mt. Doom stays at Mt. Doom". It sounds like nothing good ever happens there, but the royal couple didn't ask me for my opinion.
At least the couple didn't do the stupid dance down the aisle at the wedding like Jim and Pam did in the wedding episode of The Office. That episode is a good reason to avoid wedding ideas that appear on Youtube. I'm sure that the wedding reception did include the classic chicken dance which is a "must dance" at every wedding. Personally, I don't approve of the chicken dance because any dance that is named after a "bird" is bad. I am not so sure that the chicken dance was a good idea anyway since the royal family was watching the royal budget. When beans are the main menu item, the chicken dance is not practical. They were serving fruit cake which had been saved from every Christmas since the last royal wedding of Charles and Diana so they only served beans and fruit cake. They tried to cover the frugality of the menu by saying the beans were served in honor of their guest, Mr. Bean, but his name is really Rowan Atchinson so I'm not buying that excuse. I'm not so sure that I would have wanted to eat at the wedding anyway since the beans were from Chernobyl Farms. The beans were free of charge so the Queen was excited about the savings. Now a couple of wedding guests are glowing in the dark so I suppose they are happy about saving money on electricity. I know one friend who managed to crash the wedding by wearing a suit and putting on some Mickey Mouse ears that were purchased at Disney World. People at the wedding thought it was Charles.
Remember if you are a dog and you want to pass as Prince William, that only works for Chinese Crested because other breeds have too much fur.
Demon Flash Bandit (The Real Story of the Royal Wedding)
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