I had to check out a new smell in Mommy's purse yesterday. It was one of my favorite of the human smells--that of money. Yeah, Mommy actually had some of the green paper United States currency in her wallet. I was looking through the bills and I realized something interesting about the "founding fathers" of the United States. They are all cartoon characters! I first noticed it on the $20.00 bill. It has Andrew Jackson, and I was amazed at how much he looks like that alien, Roger, from American Dad. The American Dad creators could have used Andrew Jackson as the model for Roger....put a wig on Roger and see if you don't think he looks like Andrew Jackson. This caused me to examine other bills to see if there was a pattern, and sure enough, there was. George Washington, on the $1.00 bill looks like the Tasmanian Devil. The $5.00 bill has Abraham Lincoln, and don't tell me that he does not bear a striking resemblance to Daffy Duck! The $10.00 bill is supposed to be Hamilton, but I think it is Foghorn Leghorn. The $100.00 bill has Porky Pig on it even though it is supposed to be Benjamin Franklin. The $50.00 bill which supposedly has Grant is actually Elmer Fudd. Perhaps it is a coincidence, but I suspect that there is more to this than the mint wants us to know. Either our "founding fathers" were cartoon characters or the cartoon characters were drawn to look like them. I do think that cartoon character founding fathers would explain why so many people elect stupid people into office. They have been trained to do so because they think the politicians should be cartoon characters! No wonder it is so hard for a dog to win an election....we are way too smart to be taken seriously!
Demon Flash Bandit (Political Observation)
Showing posts with label Benjamin Franklin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Benjamin Franklin. Show all posts
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Friday, March 4, 2011
Letter from Charlie Sheen
This dog happens to have a lot of celebrity friends who correspond with me frequently. One of them that I share letters from often is the Queen Lady (Elizabeth II). Today I will share a letter I received from my pal, Charlie Sheen. I am sharing this letter because I think he needs to be heard. It is a shame that he has been so quiet lately.
Dear Demon Whatever,
How is it going? I know you don't get me and you can't comprehend me, but you are the only one who can even come close to understanding me. You get me, but I know you don't get me, man, but you get me. You got it? I know you get it, or do you? Got it?
You and me are so alike dude because I have stunt doubles and you have Phantom Fast Snowman, your stunt double. My stunt double always wins, and he is always winning. He wins. He is a loser compared to me, but he is a winner by association with me. It is win-win. My stunt double is Zeus because he is the only one that can come close to my winningness and awesomeness, but he is a *&%$& compared to me. He has a long gray beard that is not cool man. If I remember my old high school D&D days, long gray beards were for #%$# and wizards. We all know they are one and the same. Look at Gandolf the Gray-he needs to shut his yap. I'm tired of hearing what he has to say.
Did anyone see my Tweet about getting a hot dog? That hot dog was cool, but it was hot. If it has been cool, it would not have tasted good, and I put hot sauce on it so it wouldn't be cool. That hot dog was awesome unlike that *^%*&^ Thomas Jefferson. If Thomas Jefferson were here now, I would kick him right in his pantaloons. Oh Charlie Sheen, how I hate Thomas Jefferson. I'm amazed the studio didn't cancel his Presidency. He didn't make people laugh which is why his Presidency *^#$&. I need more money to dig Thomas Jefferson up and kick the deading lights out of him. He has a stupid face. I also need money for more hot dogs. Hot dogs are cool and so are nachos. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I live with 2 goddesses and my twins who are Barbie and Ken dolls. Get it? Of course you can't, but I know you get it even though you can't. Man, I am feeling good because I am high on Charlie Sheen. I think my 2 goddesses have names, but I'm not sure nor do I care. They shall be known by the names, Charlie Sheen 2 and 3 because Charlie Sheen is a good name for a goddess. I wonder if they do magic tricks. They already make my money disappear, but that is okay because I don't need money. I pay for everything with Charlie Sheen because I'm a winner. Money is so beneath me since it is such a celestrial concept that I can't grasp it nor do I care to grasp it. Man, I don't even want money nor do I need money. I need at least 320 million dollars. Bills don't pay themselves. Drugs don't buy themselves either. It isn't like I take drugs, but I do buy them. I'm honest and wouldn't cheat a drug dealer who is selling me drugs I don't take.
I always tell the truth, man. I sometimes lie and I'm being honest about that because I tell the truth all the time. John Stamos can #$%$# it. He can't replace me. I can barely replace me. I make the show, Two and a Half Man. I even suggested they rename the show, One Man, One Mooching Crybaby and One kid. Pretzels are good dude. My costars need to grow some and eat pretzels.
I think I am going to hunt and tear the heart out of a zebra because the tiger blood in me is telling me to eat a zebra. I have no control over this tiger blood, man. It is crazy, but it makes me sane. I'm going to the zoo so I can pick a fight with another tiger at the zoo so I can be the dominant tiger.
99% of songs are written about me. The other 1% are written about #%$#% that don't concern me. They need to shut up.....NOW. KNEEL BEFORE SHEEN-not that stupid Zod character on Superman. I can beat the #%## out of Superman and Zod at the same time man. That is my Adonis DNA that allows me to do that. Superman is a #$%# just like Jefferson. Sheen, I hate Jefferson. I hate Washington too. I have never understood why the country has so much respect for a man who washes clothes. What a loser! Washington was cool though. What was I talking about.....oh yeah, Nixon. He had a long nose and would not have made a good sitcom actor. I bet he never lived with a goddess let alone goddesses.
The guy and me at the hot dog shop were discussing the situation in Liberia, and we agreed that something needs to be done and that Thomas Jefferson was a #%$# who was the sole person responsible for all the horrors we face now. Why did he plant killer tomatoes anyway? Stupid Jefferson. Benjamin Franklin was cool because he invented lightning, and stormed into people showers with a wrench and tells them to call a plumber. In fact, Franklin is a plumber. He is still alive. I know this because he was on a episode of The Office, which is a lousy show because it does not star Charlie Sheen. That Charlie Sheen is one talented dude. I'd love to meet him someday!!!
Franklin must be like me because he appears to be immortal. The movie Highlander was loosly based on my life, but the movie *_#*# because it didn't star Charlie Sheen. I'm not a fan of Bach either. He had the DNA of a fruitfly--a stupid fruitfly. They are almost as bad as anteaters. Sheen, I hate anteaters!
I think Thomas Jefferson was secretly an anteater. It was a conspiracy among the anteaters to infiltrate the government and steal our ants. I wonder if he drove one of those #%$$ hybrid cars. It sounds like something Jefferson would do.
Man, you are the only person I envy. I think it would be great to be a dog if I could be Demon Flash Bandit. Of course, being a dog might cause some problems with my tiger cat blood.
Long story short. I just wrote to say hi. I don't really have anything to say.
Love, Charlie Sheen
As you can see, we are close pals even though I have no idea what he is saying most of the time, but that is okay because I doubt if he knows what he is saying either.
Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing Letters from my Celebrity Friends)
Dear Demon Whatever,
How is it going? I know you don't get me and you can't comprehend me, but you are the only one who can even come close to understanding me. You get me, but I know you don't get me, man, but you get me. You got it? I know you get it, or do you? Got it?
You and me are so alike dude because I have stunt doubles and you have Phantom Fast Snowman, your stunt double. My stunt double always wins, and he is always winning. He wins. He is a loser compared to me, but he is a winner by association with me. It is win-win. My stunt double is Zeus because he is the only one that can come close to my winningness and awesomeness, but he is a *&%$& compared to me. He has a long gray beard that is not cool man. If I remember my old high school D&D days, long gray beards were for #%$# and wizards. We all know they are one and the same. Look at Gandolf the Gray-he needs to shut his yap. I'm tired of hearing what he has to say.
Did anyone see my Tweet about getting a hot dog? That hot dog was cool, but it was hot. If it has been cool, it would not have tasted good, and I put hot sauce on it so it wouldn't be cool. That hot dog was awesome unlike that *^%*&^ Thomas Jefferson. If Thomas Jefferson were here now, I would kick him right in his pantaloons. Oh Charlie Sheen, how I hate Thomas Jefferson. I'm amazed the studio didn't cancel his Presidency. He didn't make people laugh which is why his Presidency *^#$&. I need more money to dig Thomas Jefferson up and kick the deading lights out of him. He has a stupid face. I also need money for more hot dogs. Hot dogs are cool and so are nachos. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I live with 2 goddesses and my twins who are Barbie and Ken dolls. Get it? Of course you can't, but I know you get it even though you can't. Man, I am feeling good because I am high on Charlie Sheen. I think my 2 goddesses have names, but I'm not sure nor do I care. They shall be known by the names, Charlie Sheen 2 and 3 because Charlie Sheen is a good name for a goddess. I wonder if they do magic tricks. They already make my money disappear, but that is okay because I don't need money. I pay for everything with Charlie Sheen because I'm a winner. Money is so beneath me since it is such a celestrial concept that I can't grasp it nor do I care to grasp it. Man, I don't even want money nor do I need money. I need at least 320 million dollars. Bills don't pay themselves. Drugs don't buy themselves either. It isn't like I take drugs, but I do buy them. I'm honest and wouldn't cheat a drug dealer who is selling me drugs I don't take.
I always tell the truth, man. I sometimes lie and I'm being honest about that because I tell the truth all the time. John Stamos can #$%$# it. He can't replace me. I can barely replace me. I make the show, Two and a Half Man. I even suggested they rename the show, One Man, One Mooching Crybaby and One kid. Pretzels are good dude. My costars need to grow some and eat pretzels.
I think I am going to hunt and tear the heart out of a zebra because the tiger blood in me is telling me to eat a zebra. I have no control over this tiger blood, man. It is crazy, but it makes me sane. I'm going to the zoo so I can pick a fight with another tiger at the zoo so I can be the dominant tiger.
99% of songs are written about me. The other 1% are written about #%$#% that don't concern me. They need to shut up.....NOW. KNEEL BEFORE SHEEN-not that stupid Zod character on Superman. I can beat the #%## out of Superman and Zod at the same time man. That is my Adonis DNA that allows me to do that. Superman is a #$%# just like Jefferson. Sheen, I hate Jefferson. I hate Washington too. I have never understood why the country has so much respect for a man who washes clothes. What a loser! Washington was cool though. What was I talking about.....oh yeah, Nixon. He had a long nose and would not have made a good sitcom actor. I bet he never lived with a goddess let alone goddesses.
The guy and me at the hot dog shop were discussing the situation in Liberia, and we agreed that something needs to be done and that Thomas Jefferson was a #%$# who was the sole person responsible for all the horrors we face now. Why did he plant killer tomatoes anyway? Stupid Jefferson. Benjamin Franklin was cool because he invented lightning, and stormed into people showers with a wrench and tells them to call a plumber. In fact, Franklin is a plumber. He is still alive. I know this because he was on a episode of The Office, which is a lousy show because it does not star Charlie Sheen. That Charlie Sheen is one talented dude. I'd love to meet him someday!!!
Franklin must be like me because he appears to be immortal. The movie Highlander was loosly based on my life, but the movie *_#*# because it didn't star Charlie Sheen. I'm not a fan of Bach either. He had the DNA of a fruitfly--a stupid fruitfly. They are almost as bad as anteaters. Sheen, I hate anteaters!
I think Thomas Jefferson was secretly an anteater. It was a conspiracy among the anteaters to infiltrate the government and steal our ants. I wonder if he drove one of those #%$$ hybrid cars. It sounds like something Jefferson would do.
Man, you are the only person I envy. I think it would be great to be a dog if I could be Demon Flash Bandit. Of course, being a dog might cause some problems with my tiger cat blood.
Long story short. I just wrote to say hi. I don't really have anything to say.
Love, Charlie Sheen
As you can see, we are close pals even though I have no idea what he is saying most of the time, but that is okay because I doubt if he knows what he is saying either.
Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing Letters from my Celebrity Friends)
Thursday, October 28, 2010
I Solve Yet Another Mystery
It never ceases to amuse this dog what the humans on the Internet will speculate about. Today's musings involve a silent "Charlie Chaplin" film made in 1928 in which an old lady has her hand to her ear, and many of the humans are assuming that she is a time traveller talking on a cell phone or she is an alien. Granted, these are interesting concepts, but if you see the photo, if she were a time traveler using a cell phone, she would not be dressed in such attire. The same goes for an alien--I'm sure they have more fashion sense than to dress like her. I can understand why she would wish she had a cell phone. She would likely be calling her agent to protest that the zebra had a bigger part in the movie than her. Perhaps she was on the phone complaining that she had been cast in a Charlie Chaplin silent movie. My theory is that it was the "wireless version" of Pony Express, and she was giving the zebra the message he was supposed to send to the intended recipient--as I said earlier-probably her agent. Since it was a silent film, what would be the point of talking anyway? It wasn't like the audience could hear her which might explain a lot. Do you know how much it disturbs actors when they don't have an actual speaking part? She was probably annoyed that the technology allowing her to speak on film was not invented yet. Sure, aliens do visit from time to time to pick up some carry out food or do some experiments on humans. I have seen this many times on movies. I suppose it depends on what planet they come from. I'm sure there are people who have travelled in time. I was watching the television show, The Office, and they had Benjamin Franklin on there in one episode. He had to travel in time to make that appearance so it was extra nice of him to be so considerate.
I think it is safe to conclude that the woman was not on a time traveller using a cell phone and she was not a space alien. Sure, she could have just been insane, but that is a far more logical conclusion that the ones many people are forming. We dogs know that the humans do tend to act crazy, but they can't help it--they aren't dogs!
Demon Flash Bandit (Commenting on The Circus)
I think it is safe to conclude that the woman was not on a time traveller using a cell phone and she was not a space alien. Sure, she could have just been insane, but that is a far more logical conclusion that the ones many people are forming. We dogs know that the humans do tend to act crazy, but they can't help it--they aren't dogs!
Demon Flash Bandit (Commenting on The Circus)
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