I'm Voting for Good Candy and the Fur Party

It must be lousy to be a human. I just finished checking out the worst Halloween candy you can eat (from a calorie standpoint), and then the best. I know other dogs who read this will not be surprised to learn that some of the same candy was on both lists. Both lists were on the same website. I have re-named this website-the insane health report. Sure, they don't know that they have been re-named, but the new name does fit. According to the site, the "best" candy is dum dums. Am I the only dog that suspects that the manufacturers of dum dums owns this site? I have talked to enough human puppies (and adult humans) to know that, although suckers are nice, they are not considered the Holy Grail of Halloween candy--they are the ones the neighbors who don't want to spend much money to give out. Yes, the bag of 1,000 suckers for $3.99 is hard to pass up particularly if you are cheap. Sure, I like them, but even dogs know there is better candy than dum dums. Look at the brand name. The company doesn't even bother to come up with a decent name for them like Great Licks or Enjoy all Day--they call them dum dums. Dumb is not generally a word that you use when you are giving a compliment to someone so it is a stupid name for a product. I'm glad I'm not the ad agency that has to come up with a campaign for that candy. I seriously doubt they have an ad campaign. My guess is that the price sells the product. If I manage to sneak out trick or treating on Halloween, and you see it is me, make sure you give me the good stuff. It is okay to give dum dums to the little deadbeat human puppies, but this dog has standards!

As I'm sure you may have gathered from the previous paragraph, we dogs often doubt the sanity of the average human. Since it is nearing election time, this is even more clear than usual. Election time is always fun here in the United States. It is even more fun than usual because there is a new group, the Tea Party who has decided that everyone in the country hates what is going on. I myself ran for President last time, and I would never run for the Tea Party. First of all, I was never that fond of the story, Alice in Wonderland, and the Mad Hatter was insane so why would I want to join the Tea Party? Also, I'm not a big fan of tea, and the local tea parties are mostly for little girls and their teddy bears and dolls. The little girls usually dress up in frilly costumes. I'm a He-Man type dog and as such, I would not want to be found dressing in a silly costume (not even a He-Man costume), and drinking tea with an insane hatter. I hate hats too. I won't even get into the Davy Crockett hat my human dad bought me when I was a puppy. When you have to go to Hillbilly Village to find a hat for a dog, my suggestion is, don't. I know very few dogs who will like it, and thank dog I don't wear it. I would not want to have squirrels in the yard making fun of my hat!

Anyway, for those of you living in the United States, I would suggest you vote for my party, the Fur Party. The humans have made enough mistakes. Time to let us furs take over.

Demon Flash Bandit (Member of Fur Party)

An Extraordinary Career

Today I have an interesting bit of history to share since this dog takes educating the public very seriously. Today's topic is about a prominent man in American history--so prominent that he merited a television show about his life. That man is David (Davy) Crockett. Davy was born in northeastern Tennessee on August 17, 1786. Davy set himself apart from other toddlers when he "killed him a bear when he was only 3". He did not win the heart of other bears, but none of the other bears would give him any trouble. Even today, Mother bears warn their cubs to watch out for Davy Crockett when they let the cubs out to play.

Davy went on to set the fashion world on fire by wearing the coonskin cap, which was actually a dead raccoon. Needless to say, this did not make him very popular with the raccoons either. At that time, much of the country was still forest and when you already have the bears and raccoons mad at you, it is best not to spend a lot of time in the forest if you value your life. This is when Davy got into politics. Most politicians are less scary than an angry bear--remember, I said most of them--not all of them. Some of them are even scarier than bears.

Anyway, he got into politics and decided to move to Texas, where he got involved in that whole Alamo fiasco, but news of his death, as Mark Twain, would say, were highly exaggerated. Some of the humans think he died in 1836, but you can't kill Davy that easily. He moved to Hollywood, California, where one of his latest projects was as one of the executive producers of the movie, Seven Pounds starring Will Smith. When asked about his life, Davy, or David Crockett, as he now likes to be called said, "I enjoyed making this film, and I hope to be showing my new line of coonskin caps in the fall". Davy, let's hope that your film career is as successful as your bear killing and political careers. You have this dog's support.

Demon Flash Bandit (Writing About Legendary David (Davy) Crockett