A limited release of a recent movie starring Mel Gibson was a bomb. The movie had a limited release, and brought in $104,000. I have not yet had the opportunity to see the movie, but Mel Gibson plays a person who walks around with a beaver puppet on his hand. I just read a blog about the reasons why it probably did not do well, but I think my theory is the correct one. The movie was called The Beaver which means it was either a remake the the classic television series, Leave it to Beaver (which it was not), or the main "character" was a furry little beaver. I know the beavers can be cute, but basically all they do is work, thus the term, "busy as a beaver". They are the engineers of the animal world--always building dams when they could be napping. I think if the movie had been called, The Dog, it would have done much better. We dogs are adorable, and we are much more fun to watch. We know how to play games and have fun. Obviously, the humans love us because you see a lot more humans walking dogs instead of walking beavers. If they insisted on having the movie be about beavers, it could have been vastly improved by making the beaver puppet play Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver. Everyone of the actors could have worn a puppet on their hands, and that would make it possible to have Wally, Eddie Haskell, and the rest of the gang. The next time Hollywood wants to do a puppet movie, I would suggest they remake Mr. Ed because that would be cool having a talking horse puppet who will only talk to the Wilbur puppet.
Demon Flash Bandit (The Dog)
Showing posts with label Mel Gibson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mel Gibson. Show all posts
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Monday, February 28, 2011
Charlie Sheen: Is he Really "Special"?
I have been seeing a lot of news about Charlie Sheen on the Internet lately. I like the show, Two and a Half Men. I like Charlie Sheen. However, I do feel sorry for him because he sounds like he is ready for the men with the white coats and the straight jacket to take him to the rubber room where he can chat with others like himself. I'm sure he will fit right in talking with Napoleon, Jesus, and all the other residents of the mental hospital who have delusions of grandeur. I could understand his attitude if he were a dog, but he is a mere human, and as thus, he is exhibiting what I refer to technically as "off his rocker" behavior. I could understand if he had a "dog complex"--that is a common psychological term for humans who get so full of themselves that they think they are dogs. However, he never mentioned being a dog so you know he is really insane.
I have a couple of suggestions for the humans who are dealing with him. First, a muzzle would be a good place to start. This is a common thing to treat dogs who have a problem with biting or even barking too much. I think Charlie Sheen fits into the "barking too much " category. I am amazed that his agent hasn't put a muzzle on him and tied him up to keep him from talking to the press. It is a well known fact that insane people don't realize how insane they sound to everyone else so that is the job of the sane people love them to have a muzzle ready. If he weren't famous, he would not have to worry as much. You seldom see the media hanging out on the street asking homeless people their opinions so they can be insane and not have anyone cover their insanity.
I think it would be a good idea for Mel Gibson to get together with Charlie Sheen and maybe invite Tom Cruise over. Perhaps they can all jump up and down on a couch together. That would be coverage this dog would love to see. Then I could also explain to my humans that jumping on the couch is normal behavior and I should be allowed to do so whenever I am in the mood.
I do hope he gets some help, but from what I see, I think the television show is over. One fact that you can take to the bank: do not constantly criticize your boss on nationwide television. Bosses don't tend to enjoy being criticized in private, and doing it on television is like asking not to have a job anymore. I wish him well, and I will miss Two and a Half Men, but I've always thought the show could have been improved if it were Two and a Half Dogs!
Demon Flash Bandit (A Sane View of the World)
I have a couple of suggestions for the humans who are dealing with him. First, a muzzle would be a good place to start. This is a common thing to treat dogs who have a problem with biting or even barking too much. I think Charlie Sheen fits into the "barking too much " category. I am amazed that his agent hasn't put a muzzle on him and tied him up to keep him from talking to the press. It is a well known fact that insane people don't realize how insane they sound to everyone else so that is the job of the sane people love them to have a muzzle ready. If he weren't famous, he would not have to worry as much. You seldom see the media hanging out on the street asking homeless people their opinions so they can be insane and not have anyone cover their insanity.
I think it would be a good idea for Mel Gibson to get together with Charlie Sheen and maybe invite Tom Cruise over. Perhaps they can all jump up and down on a couch together. That would be coverage this dog would love to see. Then I could also explain to my humans that jumping on the couch is normal behavior and I should be allowed to do so whenever I am in the mood.
I do hope he gets some help, but from what I see, I think the television show is over. One fact that you can take to the bank: do not constantly criticize your boss on nationwide television. Bosses don't tend to enjoy being criticized in private, and doing it on television is like asking not to have a job anymore. I wish him well, and I will miss Two and a Half Men, but I've always thought the show could have been improved if it were Two and a Half Dogs!
Demon Flash Bandit (A Sane View of the World)
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Mel Gibson's New Movie: The Beaver
Mel Gibson is making a new movie called, The Beaver. I am wondering who is going to play the rest of the Cleaver family. If you ask this dog, it is about time Hollywood does a remake of the "Leave it to Beaver" television show. Mel will play the beaver. This is going to require some serious acting on his part since playing a child won't be easy for him. I wonder who is going to be cast as his family. Perhaps Wally could be played by Sean Connery. I think he could do a good job pulling off the nice big brother role. I can envision Jack Nicholson as Ward Cleaver, which would make it a bit more interesting particularly if they make dad a bit crazy. Jack can play crazy very well. Perhaps Jennifer Aniston would make a good mom. Great, my typist has just informed me that it isn't based on Leave it to Beaver at all. What a waste of my time! She could have mentioned it earlier. Secretary, be sure and delete all that I have written thus far and I will start again. A dog doesn't want to appear silly. This time I will check the facts on the Internet before I write anymore.
Mel Gibson is in a movie called The Beaver. This is not a remake of the television show, Leave it to Beaver-although that is what any intelligent person would assume. The movie is about a crazy guy who puts a beaver puppet on his hand and uses the beaver to communicate with everyone. I think this is a great role for Mel because I think he can pull off a crazy man very well. I don't even think it will require a serious amount of acting on his part. I do wonder if they used the "beaver" for a reason. They could have easily used a rabbit or raccoon, but I suspect they used a beaver to get more laughs. A dog would think the humans have more than one meaning for the word, beaver.
I do have to mention that all the money spent making this new movie could be better spent on a new dog movie, but you know how stupid the humans are when spending money.
I hope that everyone is having a nice weekend.
Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Upcoming Movies)
Mel Gibson is in a movie called The Beaver. This is not a remake of the television show, Leave it to Beaver-although that is what any intelligent person would assume. The movie is about a crazy guy who puts a beaver puppet on his hand and uses the beaver to communicate with everyone. I think this is a great role for Mel because I think he can pull off a crazy man very well. I don't even think it will require a serious amount of acting on his part. I do wonder if they used the "beaver" for a reason. They could have easily used a rabbit or raccoon, but I suspect they used a beaver to get more laughs. A dog would think the humans have more than one meaning for the word, beaver.
I do have to mention that all the money spent making this new movie could be better spent on a new dog movie, but you know how stupid the humans are when spending money.
I hope that everyone is having a nice weekend.
Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Upcoming Movies)
Monday, July 26, 2010
Letter from the Queen of England
I have written a couple of blogs about having the Queen of England come here to mow my grass. I have been waiting for a reply, and it has finally arrived. Jeff brought the mail in today and there was a letter from the Queen. Two days from my first blog offering her a job until I get a reply in the mail---and people complain about the post office being slow. I was particularly impressed with the Sunday delivery. I am glad I offered the Queen an odd job to make some extra money. The Daily Show said the royal family was having to make cutbacks, but sending the letter on a napkin from McDonalds made me realize just how badly they need the money. I do think the embossed clown wearing a crown at the top of the napkin was a nice touch. I plan to start a collection of letters I receive from celebrities. The royal stationary alone is worth saving. I have had some people tell me that it might not be an official letter from the Queen since it is on a McDonalds napkin, but I'm sure those people are just jealous that I would be getting personal mail from the Queen. I have decided to share the letter with you so that you can see that the Queen is unquestionably pawtastic.
Howdy Demon,
This is the Queen of England and I'm a big fraking fan. I happened to read your blog post the other day about paying me to mow your yard. Thanks so much for the offer because I can really use the money. I would like you to know that if time allows, I would love to mow your yard, you handsome young pup. Meeting you would be one of the highlights of my life--well above the birth of Charles (have you seen him--I thought he might fly away when he was a baby?) and my marriage to that man--I forget his name--ah yes, James Cromwell). I might add that I am very proud of my husband's role in the movies, Babe and Star Trek First Contact. He did a pretty decent job playing my husband (Prince Sylvester Stallone) in the movie, The Queen.
I've been swamped between listening to cds of MC Hammer (What's the time? It's Hammer time.), dipping Krispy Kreme dougnuts into my tea, rescuing small children who get lost in Charles' ears, and picking my nose while singing Green Sleeves. (That nose picking while singing is a royal tradition that dates back to Henry VIII.) I've also been playing ice hockey with my bros. My bros are: William Shatner, The Pope, Ron Jeremy, Greg the Bunny, Bo Obama, Snoop Dogg, and if you would come to England for a visit, you and Angel Zoom Smokey.
I've also been catching up on some movies with my fellow royal pains in the arse family members. Charles enjoyed Inception so much that I had to change his diaper. I also saw Despicable Me, and my husband, (Arnold Schwartzenaggar or however you spell his name) squealed and cried through the entire movie like a little girl or that pig in Babe. The management would have thrown us out had I not been the Queen. It is good to be the Queen.
On that subject, I just wanted to let you know that I enjoyed your last post so much that I actually pooped myself. I read the post to my husband, Prince Mel Gibson (who screamed like a crazy person which I think he is) also pooped his pants upon hearing your blog post. That being said, my husband, Prince Bruce Willis, often poops his pants so that is no guarantee that your blog is good, but it is. I think so and if anyone doesn't like it, I will yell "off with their heads" which will do no good, but it will make me feel better about my job. Charles was not allowed to hear your blog due to him being low on diapers after seeing the movie, Inception. He is also not allowed to make fudge due to an unfortunate mix up one Christmas. As you can see, we are a royally classy family.
I frakin love you Demon. I am sorry about the delay in mowing your grass. I enjoyed having you say, "Queen Lady, the grass isn't getting any shorter"--wiser words have never been uttered. I called Cambridge and asked them to give you a job as a professor of agriculture due to your observation that grass does not get shorter. It had never occurred to me, and Cambridge was very impressed with your wisdom. It had not occurred to them either. I have to call the head Cambridge dude from teaching his graduate class of fingerpainting to tell him about you. Sadly, Oxford is mad at me for not calling them first. By the way, if you ever need some expert fingerpainters, be sure they have that Phd in fingerpainting from a good university. Charles got his clown degree there and look at how well he has done....uh oh .....never mind. He is still living at home spending millions of dollars trying to prove unicorns and Big Foot are best buds. He is special. One day when he takes over the country, the national anthem is going to be changed to Charles in Charge, and England will be doomed--let's hope the United States takes over then. The U.S. would be better than being taken over by Romania since we don't want to have to walk around all the time wearing garlic to ward off the vampires.
Thanks so much for your kind offer of work. Having to cut the budget by $4,000,000 is not easy as anyone can understand. Most people never have to cope with such a serious financial cut particularly when we have to buy Q-tips by the truck load to clean out Charles ears. I will be there to mow as soon as I can....as I said, I love you Demon Flash Bandit and I think you should sell your photo and pawtograph on your blog!!!!
Love, Da Queen of England
As you can see, this letter has to be legitimate. Who else would know and share such intimate heart warming family details. If fact, I could have been quite happy had she not shared so much of it (like the fudge incident). NOTE TO SELF: Never eat fudge if you are visiting the Queen. I hope that by sharing this letter, you have gotten a glimpse of life for the Queen and the royal family and I look forward to meeting them. I wonder when she comes to mow if she is going to bring her husband (Orlando Bloom) with her.
Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing a Letter from the Queen of England)
Howdy Demon,
This is the Queen of England and I'm a big fraking fan. I happened to read your blog post the other day about paying me to mow your yard. Thanks so much for the offer because I can really use the money. I would like you to know that if time allows, I would love to mow your yard, you handsome young pup. Meeting you would be one of the highlights of my life--well above the birth of Charles (have you seen him--I thought he might fly away when he was a baby?) and my marriage to that man--I forget his name--ah yes, James Cromwell). I might add that I am very proud of my husband's role in the movies, Babe and Star Trek First Contact. He did a pretty decent job playing my husband (Prince Sylvester Stallone) in the movie, The Queen.
I've been swamped between listening to cds of MC Hammer (What's the time? It's Hammer time.), dipping Krispy Kreme dougnuts into my tea, rescuing small children who get lost in Charles' ears, and picking my nose while singing Green Sleeves. (That nose picking while singing is a royal tradition that dates back to Henry VIII.) I've also been playing ice hockey with my bros. My bros are: William Shatner, The Pope, Ron Jeremy, Greg the Bunny, Bo Obama, Snoop Dogg, and if you would come to England for a visit, you and Angel Zoom Smokey.
I've also been catching up on some movies with my fellow royal pains in the arse family members. Charles enjoyed Inception so much that I had to change his diaper. I also saw Despicable Me, and my husband, (Arnold Schwartzenaggar or however you spell his name) squealed and cried through the entire movie like a little girl or that pig in Babe. The management would have thrown us out had I not been the Queen. It is good to be the Queen.
On that subject, I just wanted to let you know that I enjoyed your last post so much that I actually pooped myself. I read the post to my husband, Prince Mel Gibson (who screamed like a crazy person which I think he is) also pooped his pants upon hearing your blog post. That being said, my husband, Prince Bruce Willis, often poops his pants so that is no guarantee that your blog is good, but it is. I think so and if anyone doesn't like it, I will yell "off with their heads" which will do no good, but it will make me feel better about my job. Charles was not allowed to hear your blog due to him being low on diapers after seeing the movie, Inception. He is also not allowed to make fudge due to an unfortunate mix up one Christmas. As you can see, we are a royally classy family.
I frakin love you Demon. I am sorry about the delay in mowing your grass. I enjoyed having you say, "Queen Lady, the grass isn't getting any shorter"--wiser words have never been uttered. I called Cambridge and asked them to give you a job as a professor of agriculture due to your observation that grass does not get shorter. It had never occurred to me, and Cambridge was very impressed with your wisdom. It had not occurred to them either. I have to call the head Cambridge dude from teaching his graduate class of fingerpainting to tell him about you. Sadly, Oxford is mad at me for not calling them first. By the way, if you ever need some expert fingerpainters, be sure they have that Phd in fingerpainting from a good university. Charles got his clown degree there and look at how well he has done....uh oh .....never mind. He is still living at home spending millions of dollars trying to prove unicorns and Big Foot are best buds. He is special. One day when he takes over the country, the national anthem is going to be changed to Charles in Charge, and England will be doomed--let's hope the United States takes over then. The U.S. would be better than being taken over by Romania since we don't want to have to walk around all the time wearing garlic to ward off the vampires.
Thanks so much for your kind offer of work. Having to cut the budget by $4,000,000 is not easy as anyone can understand. Most people never have to cope with such a serious financial cut particularly when we have to buy Q-tips by the truck load to clean out Charles ears. I will be there to mow as soon as I can....as I said, I love you Demon Flash Bandit and I think you should sell your photo and pawtograph on your blog!!!!
Love, Da Queen of England
As you can see, this letter has to be legitimate. Who else would know and share such intimate heart warming family details. If fact, I could have been quite happy had she not shared so much of it (like the fudge incident). NOTE TO SELF: Never eat fudge if you are visiting the Queen. I hope that by sharing this letter, you have gotten a glimpse of life for the Queen and the royal family and I look forward to meeting them. I wonder when she comes to mow if she is going to bring her husband (Orlando Bloom) with her.
Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing a Letter from the Queen of England)
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