Smart Phones

The humans call some of the new cell phones, "smart phones". I am wondering just how smart a phone has to be before it becomes a smart phone. Do they give recently manufactured phones an IQ test to see if they are smart enough to be sold as smart phones? Another thing, what if you bought a phone that just barely made it onto the smart phone shelf? Does that mean that your phone may act stupid at times because it isn't as smart as the other phones in the group? These are important questions to ask before buying a phone. Do you have to be a smart human to buy a smart phone because it seems silly for a stupid human to own a smart phone? These are questions that would have troubled philosphers for centuries if there had been phones in past centuries. There is a young man in China who recently sold a kidney to get a smart phone. I think it is very sad that the humans feel they need some of the technology to the point that they would sell something so important to survival. Now he is in renal failure--all for a smart phone. Personally, from what I've seen of the telephone calls my humans get, getting rid of the phone would be the smartest move they could make. Most of the phone calls are stupid and just take time away from spending that time with me which is how it should be spent--with a dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Smart Phones)

Ice City: Ideal Vacation Destination for a Sled Dog!

Making the decision of where to go on a vacation can be difficult, but thanks to the Internet, this dog knows where I want to go next. There is an Ice City in Habin, China that looks wonderful. Since I'm a sled dog, I happen to be fond of ice and snow so this would be paradise for me. There are so few places a dog can go where it is cold and you can enjoy ice and snow. My humans do not share my enthusiasm, but it really doesn't matter what they think. A vacation destination should be chosen by the family dog. If you have trained your humans well, it won't be a problem. However, for those dogs out there whose humans aren't as well trained as mine are, keep working on it. The humans take a long time to train. They aren't dogs so they don't possess our genius brains. Don't give up--the humans mean well. They can't help it that they are stupid. Here is the web address so you can see Ice City for yourself:

http://www.aol.com/video/the-ice-city-in-habin/517256776/?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cvideo-module%7Csec3_lnk4%7C131443

Demon Flash Bandit (Writing About Vacation Paradise)

Giant Robot Birds Spotted Over Indiana

A UFO (unidentified flying object) was spotted over the Notre Dame stadium in South Bend, Indiana. By the way, the city is also home to the Studebaker Museum. I know this because my human Daddy has taken the family to the museum many times. However, I digest---yes, I am still digesting some Halloween candy---whoever invented the apple caramel candy corn flavor should get an award! There was a football game in South Bend, and there was a storm, and some of the humans spotted the UFOs. Hopefully, they were the humans who hadn't already had a few too many beers because the reports from humans in that condition tend to be questionable. It is a true report from non-beer drinking humans because there are even videos on the web showing what flew over. Naturally, whenever there are unusual UFO sightings, everyone always checks out my blog since I happen to be the leading expert on such things. I am the one who told everyone that the UFOs over China were only here to get some take out food. If you were a space alien hanging around in space, don't you think you would get tired of eating that horrible dried space type food they sell in all the space related museums? They have ice cream that isn't even cold. What is the point of ice cream that isn't cold? You can easily see why space aliens would want to stop in for some real Earth food! I know I would. Of course, the humans tend to get a bit upset over sightings until a dog like myself explains to them why the UFOs are here. This time I wish I could report that they are here for such a simple reason, but they are not. In fact, those objects are not spacecraft at all! They are bird robots created by the evil birds who are planning to take over the world. They sent snow to the northeastern United States so that they could send their robot birds to Indiana to see how easy it will be to take over the humans. I can only hope that the humans will listen to a dog--and the entire population of cats before it is too late. If you have a cat, and the cat wants to eat a bird, let him. Cats know that birds are evil, but humans listen to cats even less than they listen to dogs. Perhaps that is partly the cats' fault since they don't tend to like to hang out as much with the humans, and are too busy acting like they don't need anyone but themselves. They can't help it--they are cats! Anyway, it is time to declare war on the birds before it is too late, and all the humans are under the control of their feathery evil!

Demon Flash Bandit (Giant Robot Birds--Not Spacecraft!)

Hurricane Irene Caused by Birds!

After doing extensive research, I have discovered what causes hurricanes. They start in tropical areas--areas that have a lot of birds. The birds get together and flap their wings, thus causing heavy winds. The birds know that most of the humans will never be able to put the two events together--birds flapping wings and hurricanes--far too complicated for the humans. I'm a dog so I used my superior, genius doggy brain to figure out the cause of hurricanes. I knew that the birds must have something to do with hurricane Irene and all other hurricanes, but it even took me a couple of hours to do the research.

I don't think it is a coincidence that one of the articles in the news today is about birds and their link to illness. Here is the address of the article:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/29/bird-flu-asia-mutant-strain-h5n1_n_940185.html?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl1%7Csec3_lnk1%7C90306
Yes, birds are spreading their bird based illness all over China and Vietnam. I hope the humans listen to us dogs about the birds and their evil before it is too late.

Finally, I have another internet site to share with you on the evilness of birds. I think it is written by a human so it gives a dog hope that some of the humans do listen when we tell them about birds. I will warn you that there is some bad language on the site so if that will offend you, don't go to the site. I think the human writing it is only using bad language because the birds have made him or her so mad. Humans often use such language when they are mad. The address is:
http://birdsareevil.com/
This site explains the evolution of birds and why they are so annoying today!

I am hoping that this gets published because I'm quite sure that there is probably a spy network of bird hackers that try to prevent important messages like this from being published.

Demon Flash Bandit (Exposing the Truth About Birds)

Exploding Watermelons Making Gallagher Unemployed?

According to news reports, there are fields of watermelons in China that are literally exploding in the fields. Some reports blame the use of a growth accelerator, but since it has happened in fields with watermelons that aren't treated with the chemical also, I guess they aren't exactly sure what is causing it. Of course, it could be that the untreated fields got some of the chemicals on them due to wind, stupid birds, etc. However, this dog is not concerned with what is causing it since that is a job for the scientist dogs. You might be thinking, Demon Flash Bandit, is it because there will be less watermelon to eat? No, that isn't the worst part of the problem either. The worst thing about this situation is that when watermelons decide to "smash" themselves, that puts hard working comediennes like Gallagher out of work. The man who is best known here in the United States for smashing watermelons in front of his audiences while selling his watermelons smashing product-unemployed!! How is he going to make a living when the watermelons are taking his job from him? No one is going to pay to see previously smashed watermelons. It takes the fun out of the demonstration. As it is, he hasn't had a lot of television specials recently so I hate to see the possibility of this whole watermelon situation growing out of paw. Very much like that documentary movie, Killer Tomatoes, what if the watermelons are starting out exploding themselves to get the humans to feel sorry for them and then they decide to go on a killing spree? This situation must be stopped before it gets out of paw. I am going to encourage you to go to Gallagher's official website to support him during this time of watermelon crisis. The address is:
http://www.gallaghersmash.com/
Let's hope that the watermelon crisis ends quickly so that Gallagher and comediennes like him won't be out of work!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Exploding Watermelons)

Interplanetary Outsourcing

For those of you who saw the item on the Internet news about the UFO seen over China, which is just the latest in a string of sightings, I am here to put every one's mind at ease on the subject. As many humans living in the United States are well aware, many jobs that used to be done here are being outsourced to China, India, and other small nations around the world because the people in those countries are willing to work for cheaper wages. China has become one of the main places where those jobs are shipped. Do you really think space aliens wouldn't hear about it while they are hanging around our atmosphere out in space? The UFOs are carrying corporate representatives from their planet to negotiate having their products made in China. They even have alien transportation methods so that shipping will be a cinch--they can just teleport the objects back to their planet. The next time you see a report about a UFO over China, don't worry about it. You know it is just an alien corporation trying to save money on production costs. I refer to it as Interplanetary Outsourcing.

I will admit that not all the UFOs are here with corporate representatives. Some of them, particularly those seen in other countries, are here to try one of our Earth restaurants. If they had any sense, they would be at Burger King, home of the Whopper. You can't get any better food than a delicious burger from Burger King. I have been eating them since I was a puppy, and I might add that Burger King had the good sense to get the rights to use children's meal toys from Marmaduke and Cats and Dogs II. Great burgers and good taste in toy products--what more can you ask for from a restaurant? If I happen to see an alien when I go to Burger King, I'll say hello from everyone. It is always a good idea to make a good impression on strangers.

Demon Flash Bandit (Interplanetary Outsourcing)

Aliens Love Earth Food

For several days, there has been a news video on AOL Internet news that shows a UFO over China. Of course, as usual, the humans speculate on whether it is an alien spaceship, a military experiment, or even a hoax. The most obvious reason is never mentioned. The pilot, Teska, was hungry and he dropped by China for some dinner--almond chicken. Next week, you may very well see a UFO over Italy when Teska decides he is in the mood for pizza. You might wonder how I know this information, and there is a simple explanation for my knowledge. I was introduced to Teska by a mutual friend, Rover 1, who is from Sirius, the Dog Star. Teska often drops by Earth to pick up food when he is hungry. It seems that the other planets do not offer a large choice of restaurants so Teska comes here when he gets hungry. Because he doesn't want to cause a big crowd at the restaurant which would make it take longer to get his food, the advanced technology of his space ship can turn the ship into a human looking car when it lands to approach the restaurant. Usually the humans never see it in the air, but sometimes they do get a glimpse of the ship, and then they get excited because they don't know what the ship happens to be. If I told them it was just Teska getting some Chinese food, I doubt that they would believe me, and I'm sure someone will decide it is some kind of conspiracy to get our best human recipes to take back to their home planet. Would it really matter is Teska's planet has an Outback Steakhouse? It really won't be competition for our planet's food since we can't jump into a space ship and run to their planet to get dinner. I think the humans should let Teska get his dinner and leave quietly. He prefers not to be in the limelight since he is just a regular guy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Aliens Love Our Food)

My Latest "Project"

The weather has been hot here which is not acceptable to this dog. Some people say that you can't do much about the weather, but I do not think this is true. I think the humans could build a giant dome around the planet and air condition the whole place. That way a dog would not get hot when he has to go outside. Sure, it might cost some money, but that is what money is for. If you don't spend it on something useful, it just sits there and does nothing. If there is one thing this dog does not like, it is lazy money hanging around and not doing anything. I have told the money in this house that if it doesn't "pull its weight" around here, I will spend it all on dingo bones. In fact, I might spend it all on dingo bones anyway. They are infinitely more fun than money.

I have been watching television, and I have noticed that the humans who have nice, in ground pools seem to be happier when it is hot so I got out the yellow pages, and ordered a pool for the humans. It is a surprise, and I'm sure they are going to be so happy with me for watching out for them. It is much easier to have a backyard pool than to have to walk all the way to the neighborhood beach. I ordered one of the nicer ones. This dog does not like to be cheap. I have no idea why some of the humans are so cheap. I once asked one of them about it and they started talking about money not growing on trees. I have to admit I quit listening since the last time I looked, the money is paper, and paper does come from trees so I think some of the humans must be really stupid. Besides, I am saving lots of money on the pool by digging the hole myself. I just have to keep my humans out of the back yard until the pool is in or they might think I am trying to dig a hole to China. If they happen to see the hole, I am going to tell them that I am digging a hole to China. Where else do you expect to find the best Chinese food? The humans can't argue with that kind of logic. Okay, they can argue, but they won't win. They can't expect to win anyway---they are arguing with a dog who has superior intelligence! I bet the humans are going to be so thrilled with the new pool. I'm sure the bill won't matter since they are going to have so much fun.

Demon Flash Bandit (Making Life Better for the Humans--Thousands of Dollars at a Time)