Illegal Alien Worms Not Welcome Here

I just discovered an item on the Internet that claims that space rocks might have fossillized worms in them. This brings me to the conclusion that some of the rocks might have live worms in them. Worms are disgusting creatures, and I think we have more than enough of them here on Earth. We don't need to have them coming here from outer space. Besides, birds eat worms so it will just encourage the birds to have more birdlings. From what the humans say, there are already illegal aliens living in the United States so I think we have put up with enough from these "space creatures". I think it is time to put them all on a spaceship and send them back to wherever they belong! I'm surprised none of the humans running for political office have mentioned this plan. I guess it is too simple for them to understand. Anyway, I think this needs to be done before space fleas start coming here too. I dislike worms, but I hate fleas, and they are one of the most useless life forms on the planet. For those who want to read more details about the annoying space worms, here is the article:
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3449881/Worms-in-space-Rocks-show-alien-life.html

Demon Flash Bandit (Don't Allow Illegal Worm Aliens into the Country)

Aliens Love Earth Food

For several days, there has been a news video on AOL Internet news that shows a UFO over China. Of course, as usual, the humans speculate on whether it is an alien spaceship, a military experiment, or even a hoax. The most obvious reason is never mentioned. The pilot, Teska, was hungry and he dropped by China for some dinner--almond chicken. Next week, you may very well see a UFO over Italy when Teska decides he is in the mood for pizza. You might wonder how I know this information, and there is a simple explanation for my knowledge. I was introduced to Teska by a mutual friend, Rover 1, who is from Sirius, the Dog Star. Teska often drops by Earth to pick up food when he is hungry. It seems that the other planets do not offer a large choice of restaurants so Teska comes here when he gets hungry. Because he doesn't want to cause a big crowd at the restaurant which would make it take longer to get his food, the advanced technology of his space ship can turn the ship into a human looking car when it lands to approach the restaurant. Usually the humans never see it in the air, but sometimes they do get a glimpse of the ship, and then they get excited because they don't know what the ship happens to be. If I told them it was just Teska getting some Chinese food, I doubt that they would believe me, and I'm sure someone will decide it is some kind of conspiracy to get our best human recipes to take back to their home planet. Would it really matter is Teska's planet has an Outback Steakhouse? It really won't be competition for our planet's food since we can't jump into a space ship and run to their planet to get dinner. I think the humans should let Teska get his dinner and leave quietly. He prefers not to be in the limelight since he is just a regular guy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Aliens Love Our Food)

To Boldly Go Where No Dog Has Gone Before

Space....the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the star ship Igloo-doghouse. Her ongoing mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life forms and new civilizations, to boldly go where no dog has gone before. This is what I said to get the government funding for my project which is actually one of those cool igloo style dog houses that I have modified into a space ship. My actual mission is to go into space in search of bones and other interesting garbage. It seems that the humans who have already been in space have been dumping their garbage there. It just happens that dogs like myself enjoy garbage so I couldn't resist the idea of travelling into space to rescue some of the treasures that the humans are thoughtlessly casting aside. Of course, when you want government funding, you have to make it sound like you are doing something noble. I thought if I said, Space: The Place Where a Bunch of Cool Garbage is Tumbling Around. These are the voyages of the Star ship, Igloo-Doghouse. Her ongoing mission: to seek out cool new garbage, to boldly go where no dog has gone before unless some alien dogs have beat us there. The truth wouldn't be a good way to get the funding I needed so I borrowed the opening lines from the television show, Star Trek. I didn't think Captain Kirk would mind since the last time I saw him, he was busy being a lawyer in Boston Legal. This dog does enjoy the Star Trek television shows and movies which is a good thing since my brother Jeff really likes them a lot and I like to hang out with him so it is good that we have something in common. I still prefer a good dingo bone over television, but you can't eat dingo bones all day--I could, but the humans won't buy that many of them for me. I have to go now. I have some finishing touches to put on the Igloo-Doghouse. I am going to paint a dead bird on it. When I'm flying through the air out into space, it will be fun to upset the birds.

Demon Flash Bandit (Correction: Captain Demon Flash Bandit....soon to be....Admiral Demon Flash Bandit)