Banana Sam the Monkey is Missing!

A squirrel monkey is missing from the San Francisco Zoo. His name is Banana Sam, and the zoo is assuming that he was stolen. However, I wonder if he escaped to have some fun looking around the city. I would imagine a zoo gets kind of boring after awhile and a monkey might get curious (like George the monkey), and want to enjoy some new sights. I hope Banana Sam is okay and he is back home at the zoo soon. If you happen to run into him, be sure and tell him to head home--that the humans at the zoo are worried about him.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Missing Monkey)

For Sale: Birdual Items

There is an item on the Internet news about a man in China who has spent $16,000. on a virtual sword for a game that has not been released yet. This gave me an idea. I decided that I should start selling virtual dingo bones from my blog so that I can make money to buy real dingo bones. Of course, that idea was given up as quickly as I thought of it. Since dingo bones would be of interest to dogs, then there would be no way I could sell virtual dingo bones because dogs are too smart to buy them. We dogs want real bones--not virtual bones. Don't get me wrong.....I have a page on www.dogster.com, and I get lots of cool gifts from my friends that make my page look good-including bones, and I like getting them. However, I am not paying money for them. No dog would spend real money on virtual bones. That is the kind of stupidity that only the humans possess. Perhaps I should design a Demon Flash Bandit game. It could involve killing birds or doing something similarly useful to society. I'm sure the humans who get involved in it would love to buy virtual game items--guns to shoot at the birds, grills to cook the birds, etc. They could be called Birdual Items. I just thought up a whole new word--I am such a talented dog! I bet it would be a big hit as a video game. How could it not be a hit if I'm in it?

Demon Flash Bandit (Selling Virtual Items)

Husky Snow Dance!!!

There hasn't been a lot of snow yet here in my area so my fellow Siberian Husky, Angel Zoom Smokey, and myself have decided to take matters into our own paws and make sure we get more snow. We are planning to do a "snow dance" later today. A snow dance is like a rain dance only instead of rain, you get snow. I checked with Professor Ima Husky, and she said that snow dances are very effective in getting snow to arrive. She should know because she has an advanced degree in snowology! It is tricky finding the time to do it when the humans aren't watching because my humans really hate snow, and would probably live in a place with palm trees if they could do so. Personally, I have been to Florida, and I was not impressed with the palm trees.....they are no better than any other tree, and I peed on them just to check them out! If they were really such a great tree, they would be able to survive in cold climates instead of only warm climates. I have to go now. Angel has some ice for us to eat to get into the proper frame of mind for the dance. I hope that tomorrow at this time, I can report that we have lots and lots of snow!

Demon Flash Bandit (Sled Dog)

Dogs Make Best Financial Consultants!

After reading this item on yahoo.com, I realized it is time for some financial advice from me because when you need financial advice, you should always consult a dog! Look at what a mess the humans make of the economy when you let them make decisions! Here is the address so you can read more if you choose to do so:
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/india-tycoons-got-tons-cash-064653323.html

The story is about a billionaire in India who can't invest his money. This is the big problem with the humans--they don't seem to understand that money is paper. Don't get me wrong--it is paper that will buy you food at a drive-thru restaurant, but I certainly would not enjoy eating it as it is. Its main purpose is to buy things that a dog wants like food, treats, bones and toys. Personally, I am a big investor in dingo bones. They are delicious and chewing on them is a great way to spend your spare time. Of course, there are plenty of other good investments-gift certificates to McDonalds, Wendys, and Arbys, milkbones, beggin strips, Yummy Chummies, Zukie jerky etc. I will admit that you don't tend to get more money back from these investments, but some of the humans make investments they lose money on, and at least with these investments, a dog can enjoy them until they are gone. I am thinking of starting my own investment advice website to help the humans who seem to invest in really silly things. I can look around the house and find lots of stupid investments. For example, I hate the vacuum cleaner, and since a house only needs to be vacuumed about once every five years (at the most), it is a total waste of money that could have been spent on something more sensible like a bird house/guillotine. (For those who may not have read my past blogs--I hate birds.) It is a shame that more dogs aren't in the financial services industry, because if we were, things would be different. In fact, for sheer pleasure, a free stick is one of the greatest things you can own!

Demon Flash Bandit (Financial Advisor)

Carpet Interview

As a tribute to news shows of the 60s and 70s which, for some reason, covered half hour events for 3 and one half hours, I am going to do one of the interviews which I'm sure was done by a newsman somewhere at sometime during those decades. Evidently back then, the newscasters didn't think the viewers were capable of understanding what was being said so it was necessary to explain it before and after. Therefore, if there was a Presidential speech, they had to come on early to tell the veiwers what they thought he would say and then later to recap what he had said. Here is my tribute to those newscasters.

Newcaster: If only the carpets could talk, I can only imagine what they would say.....with all the famous feet that have been walking on them today and all the important conversations they have been in on, if the carpet could talk, it would be a fascinating interview!
Wait a minute, I have something exciting to report--I have located some talking carpet and the carpet is willing to give me an interview!
Mr. Carpet, this is truly exciting. You have been walked on my some of the world's most powerful people today. What do you have to say about the people walking on you?

Carpet: That hurts. Quit stepping on me. Lose some weight! How about going outside to walk on the grass. Quit wearing heels lady. Uh-ho......here comes another human....no don't you dare unzip your pants....don't even think about.....oh no he didn't. I've got to go now and find some paper towels. I hate politics!

Newscaster: Now that you have heard first hand what the carpet thinks about the political climate today, we can go back to the scheduled program which has only been delayed for 5 hours for the half hour speech.

Yes, that is what it was like in the "good old days" when the humans only had 3 main channels to watch.

Demon Flash Bandit (Reliving the "Good Old Days")

Christmas for a Celebrity Dog

For those of you who are wondering what Christmas is like for a celebrity dog, I am going to tell you about my holiday. I got up earlier than usual since it was Christmas and a dog has gifts under the tree to open. I was up at 11:00 am which is early for this dog. At noon, nothing was going on because the humans were waiting for my brother to get here. This was not acceptable because there were gifts under the tree with my name on them. Seriously, the to: said Demon Flash Bandit. Anyway, my patience with the humans ran out, I yelled Christmas. For those of you who doubt that I said Christmas, then you have not lived around Siberian huskies. We can talk human if we want to. Then I got under the tree and started helping myself to all the gifts. I might add that both Angel Zoom Smokey and myself had not bothered the tree up until this point because we are both good dogs, and the tree is artificial so the branches on it aren't really sticks which makes bothering them a lot less fun than if it were a real tree. Anyway, I got dingo bones, medium and large rawhide bones, beggin strips, and toys. We got lots of great stuff from Santa Paws not to mention all the gifts we received earlier from some of our doggy pals-like bones from Coco Rose and Puff and Zukes jerky from our pal, Raja. We just didn't wait for Christmas to eat those treats! Evidently, Angel Zoom Smokey's plan to deernap Rudolph worked better than I expected. I admit--I was a bit worried, but Angel Zoom Smokey was right this time! Santa Paws was much more generous to get his red nosed reindeer back! Our humans had a nice Christmas too. I hope everyone reading this had a nice holiday, and I hope everyone has a happy and prosperous New Year!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Enjoys Christmas)

Amazon.com Located in Amazon Rain Forest!

I have a new conspiracy theory that I discovered myself. There is a news item on the Internet today about Amazon.com hiring temporary workers for some of their warehouse locations, and the people who work at many of these jobs live in RV parks. I am going to share the item so you can read it for yourself.
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/welcome-to-amazon-town.html
I know it sounds okay--they have warehouses all over the United States, and they are not located in the Amazonian rain forest. I think that is what the company wants you to think. I stand by my earlier blogs about the workers going through the jungle to get to work. I'm not sure why the company doesn't want to disclose their actual location, but my theory is that it is because another company might try to do the same. Now Amazon is big, but what is Sahara started a company in the desert. I'm sure they could sell sand and make a lot of money since they have it in abundance. Anyway, no matter what the reason, this dog is not easily fooled, and if I wrote that they were headquartered in the Amazon, then that is where they are headquartered. Perhaps they have a few warehouses in the United States as decoys. I can even understand the need for decoy locations. Those space aliens are probably always insisting that the free shipping should include other galaxies. The space aliens can be so annoying when they are trying to be cheap. Anyway, no matter what you read, remember, if you want the true story, come to Demon Flash Bandit for the facts.

Demon Flash Bandit (Amazon Headquartered in Amazon)

Tin Tin: Movie Review

I was pleased to be asked to review this film for my readers. As usual, the theatre was a pleasant experience, and I enjoyed the snacks during the movie. The movie I saw was Tin Tin. This is the story of a young dog, Snowy, who belongs to a journalist named Tin Tin. The humans may think Tin Tin is the star, but they would be wrong, as usual. Tin Tin buys a model ship from a dealer who has items from an estate owned by an old sea captain. This starts him on an adventure because there are others who want the model. The model is part of a puzzle that leads to a treasure. SPOILER ALERT: A bird works with the villain so be prepared. I wish I had known that an evil bird would be in the movie so I could have prepared myself for its presence. You know how much I hate birds! The dog was cute and brilliant, and deserves an Oscar for his performance. Captain Haddock also deserves to be applauded because most fish are unable to pull off playing a human so well. There is one other scene I need to warn you about. If I had known ahead of time, I would have brought some ear plugs because there is one scene where the lady is howling about something--I can only assume she was dying or something. Snowy had to put his front paws over this ears and hide under a chair while she was screaming. I did the same thing. No dog should be subjected to such hideous noise which was called opera.

All in all, I give this movie my highest award of doggy achievement in the world of cinema which is a 9 out of 10 on the human movie scale.

I hope all of you can see this movie because Snowy is worth watching!

Demon Flash Bandit (Tin Tin Movie Review)

Pooping Sweater: Fashionable Attire

My human was unavailable to type this for me earlier today so I am typing it with my own paws because this needs to be shared as soon as possible. As my loyal readers already know, I always share wonderful items that can be purchased on the Internet, and I have found one of those products today. It is too good to wait until later today to share when my human has the time so I am doing it now. That product is a pooping sweater. In fact, I am thinking that a dog had to have thought of this wonderful product because it is so cool. The reindeer on the sweater poops out candy. A dog can follow the human wearing this sweater around and have treats falling all over the place! I wish I could have found it earlier and shared it with my readers sooner because this is a great gift for the person who has everything on the Christmas list. I bet most of them don't have a pooping sweater!!!! Sure, it may have "Christmas" theme, but I think this would be a fashion statement anytime of the year. For those who are interested in seeing this delightful item, go to:
http://fashionablygeek.com/jackets/everybody-poops-including-this-christmas-sweater-video/
Tell them Demon Flash Bandit sent you, and they will know that you have excellent taste!

Demon Flash Bandit (Fashion Consultant Dog)

Humans Are Entertaining

I didn't write a blog yesterday. My secretary is a human, and she was "under the weather" yesterday. I think that means she was sick, but the humans always find such stupid ways of saying things. Aren't all us of officially "under the weather" unless we are flying in an airplane and then we might be above the weather. I wasn't sure if she would write my blog today so I had to put my paw down and insist that she get it done. I'm sure it might be more effective if I actually paid her to do my blog, but she is a human, and the humans aren't smart enough to realize that they aren't getting paid. Besides, one wink from one of my blue eyes, and I can get her to do anything I want her to do.

Since this is the time of year when many of the humans catch colds, flu, and other annoying illnesses, I think that the real problem is that they need to have nice fur coats like us huskies have. I can go outside in freezing weather and feel quite warm. The humans are really not well adapted to their environments. I think this is because they are such an inferior species. Don't get me wrong--I like the humans, but I think the only reason they have survived over the centuries is because of us dogs. Our anicent wolf ancestors took pity on the stupid humans and started hanging out and watching over them. We didn't mind doing it....we do love the humans! As a whole, they are very entertaining with their antics!

Demon Flash Bandit (Humans Need Dogs)

Things To Do At Walmart

I have written many blogs about Walmart largely because Walmart seems to always have some interesting stories coming from their stores. However, today I am going to share a video I found on youtube suggesting things that a customer can do at Walmart to pass the time there. I am sharing this because I have seen just about all of these things done in the local store. Sure, the "gift wrap battle" was done with toy swords from the toy section when I was in the store, but it is the same basic idea. The only thing I have not seen is the person crawling around on the floor, but I'm sure it is probably something that I will see in the near future. This brings me to the point of this blog. I have heard Walmart suggest that they start having doctors to treat people set up at the store. Judging from their customers, I think what they really need is psychiatrists setting up offices in their stores. I'm quite sure that the psychiatrists would have people waiting in line for their services....providing the people who need to see them know what a line is. I'm not sure that some of their shoppers even know where they are! Here is the address of the video for those who are curious about the things that can be done at Walmart.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-5nDCV2arw&feature=related

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Prefers Not to Shop at Walmart)

Bones: The Pawfect Gift!

Yesterday I discussed Christmas gifts for the dogs on your list--which in my opinion, should be the only ones on your list. However, there are a few gifts that dogs do not want and are not appreciated so make sure that the dog on your list does not get any of these gifts. Vacuum cleaners are the first thing that you do not get for a dog. I have yet to meet a dog who likes vacuum cleaners. If you happen to have food that drops on the floor, the dog will probably be willing to clean it for you. It is isn't food, who cares? It can stay until you move to another house. I have discussed this with many dogs and that is the general consensus among us dogs!

Another gift that you should never give a dog is soap or shampoo. Few of us like baths, and if we live with humans who give us baths, the humans will pay for such things so why waste a gift getting something like that? Besides, most of us dogs hate baths, and would prefer to be left alone.

Remember, dogs love bones. It is always a safe choice for any dog on your list!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Doesn't Like Cleaning Products)

Christmas List Just for Dogs!

With Christmas approaching fast, there are many articles on the Internet suggesting which gifts the humans should get for each other. I always find these articles amusing because there is no gift that "everyone" will love. You might think you are safe with a gift of fragrance, but the recipient could hate the perfume or even be allergic to it. Candy sounds like a safe bet, but there are always some humans who are on a diet or happen to be diabetic so candy is not a good gift for them. Many flavors of coffee sound good to most Americans, but there are humans who hate coffee. There is the old standby-the wallet, but there are different styles of wallets, and one that is perfect for one person could be a horrible choice for another. This is why it is important that you skip the humans on your list and just buy for the dogs. I have yet to meet a dog who wouldn't want a nice juicy bone for Christmas--real, rawhide, or dingo brand. We aren't that picky. In fact, even a dog without teeth will try to "gum" down a bone. Treats are also a good choice. Most of us love treats. We also enjoy toys particularly those of the squeaky variety. Do not buy the dog clothing, costumes, or hats since these items are not appreciated by ALL dogs. As usual, it is best to know the recipent of the gift enough to have some idea of what will make them happy. However, I think it wise to skip the humans on your list and just spend your money on the dogs you know. Dogs are much easier to please and far more appreciative of our gifts!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Christmas Gifts)

Dogs Should Get Oscars!

I have written numerous blogs saying that dogs should get Oscars for many of their performances in movies. It is good to see that the humans are finally beginning to see my wisdom and agree with me. Here is an article that was on the Internet today involving the subject of dogs getting Oscars:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/16/oscar-dogs-uggie-from-the-artist_n_1154162.html
It is good to see the humans using some common sense for a change.

I would also like to write about a wonderful product that I got for Christmas from my doggy pal, Raja (who also has a blog about travel, http://www.traveldogbooks.com/?p=565 . That product is Zukes Jerky Naturals. I got the lamb formula, and it has fresh apples, blueberries, and carrots in it. I loved it, and I'm a picky eater! It is also made in the U.S.A., and has no wheat, corn, soy, artificial colors, flavors added fat or by-products. If you are a dog, I am sure you would love this product too. I'm not sure about the humans. They might like it, but why let them try it? It is for dogs, and we don't want to share our treats!

Demon Flash Bandit (Zukes Jerky Naturals: Good Treat)

Light Saber Battle at Toys R Us

Usually all the unusual shopping events happen at Walmart, but sometimes Toys R Us gets to be in the spotlight too. It seems that a customer at a Toys R Us in Oregon (David Canterbury) attacked other shoppers with a lightsaber from Star Wars. I suppose that word must have leaked that Imperial Stormtroopers were planning to shop at that location, and Canterbury had to do something to protect the Rebellion. Chances are the local police won't believe that the "victims" were stormtroopers because they probably did not wear their uniforms so that they would look like normal shoppers. I'm sure that Canterbury probably needs a few months in a nice rubber room where he can contemplate future attacks on the Empire. Let's hope that next time, he doesn't attack until they are wearing their uniforms so the rest of the world won't think he is insane.

Demon Flash Bandit (Reporting a Light Saber Battle)

Birds Shopping at Walmart!

Walmart has had quite a few incidents of problems during holiday shopping, but recently a Utah store had a lot of deaths involved with shopping there. It seems a flock of birds heading for Walmart died on the parking lot. Investigators aren't sure what caused the deaths. Perhaps just the idea of having to shop at Wamart made the birds too depressed to continue living. Personally, I find Walmart to be a depressing store in which to shop. However, since we are dealing with birds here, and I think birds are my enemies, Walmart has finally done something right. Perhaps the birds were armed with pepper spray for the shopping trip and accidentally shot themselves in the face with it--they are birds and birds have those little bird brains. Anyway, it is always nice to read about birds dying....it just makes this dog's day!

Demon Flash Bandit (Birds Shopping at Walmart)

Donald Trump

When I saw a news item with the title, "Donald Trump makes a surprising move", my first thought was that he must have said or did something intelligent. As it turns out, it was one of those teaser type titles because I didn't see anything intelligent about him as usual. I'm still trying to understand why this guy has a television show. It must be for those who want something a little more exciting than "let's watch the grass grow", but a little less exciting than a fishing show. If the show was titled, "Let's go bankrupt", I could understand why he would be perfect for it, but I think it is some kind of stupid, let's get a job show. I'm still trying to understand why the humans want these job things in the first place. They don't seem to enjoy them yet they go to them all the time. I think the humans should have a long talk with their dogs to find out how we can live so well without having to work! I don't know why the humans don't stay home with their dogs and let their cats do the work. It would be good for the cats because most of them are a bit too stuck up if you ask a dog's opinion!





Trump was busy talking about some debate for the GOP (Geezers Offering Policies). I don't know all the details, but I think Big Foot is booked for an appearance as is some of the oldest men in politics--all members of the GOP. For those who want to watch it, I would suggest you make sure you get a good nap beforehand. I'm sure it will put most people to sleep if they are tired.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Donald Trump)

Calling Phantom Fast Snowman: Stunt Dog!

Mommy bought reindeer antlers for my stunt dog, Phantom Fast Snowman. Phantom has to do all the annoying stunts that I don't like to do-like wearing costumes and hats. I say if a dog is supposed to have antlers, we would have been born with them! The humans get such ridiculous ideas! For example, just last night, I was licking my paw. I kept licking it until it was bleeding. I wasn't complaining, but my human saw it, and immediately told me to quit licking it. Then she sprayed some stuff on it to make it taste bad so that I would quit licking it. Do the humans never learn? Of course, I continued licking my paw. No silly flavor is going to stop me from doing something I want to do. I'm not licking it now because I'm not in the mood to lick it, but if I were, you can be sure I would be licking it to my heart's content. I happen to think the humans should sit back and let a dog do what a dog has got to do!

I've got to go now. I suspect there are Christmas gifts hidden around here someplace for me and I need to go and sniff them out. There is really no need to wait until Christmas to enjoy a present!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog)

Airlines

I don't know about the rest of the dogs out there, but when I learned that Alec Baldwin had been kicked off a plane for using his cell phone, this dog decided that air travel just might be a bit too risky. My humans have never let me fly because they refuse to allow me to be in the cargo area of the plane which is where most bigger dogs like myself would have to fly. However, even if I could fly in a first class seat, how smart is it to fly knowing that the person next to me can get out his cell phone, make a call, and take down the plane. Many decades ago, the airlines wanted their passengers to feel safe in the air, and they went out of the way to make the customer feel that air travel was safe. Now they make you wonder if it is even safe to drive to the airport. I keep reading about the airlines losing money and going bankrupt. I remember when they used to make money and most people liked to fly. Let me explain how things have changed over years.

Fifty years ago, stewardesses were young and pretty. The last time my humans were on a plane, the "flight attendent" looked like she had been with the airline for about 40 years--probably starting when she was 30. The stewardesses used to be pleasant and nice--now the flight attendents (as in Alec Baldwin's case) could play the witch in the movie, Hansel and Gretel from their attitude. They used to give out food--either meals or snacks. Sure, the food wasn't gourmet, but at least it was food. Now most of the airlines charge you for food. They also add charges for luggage that are often not mentioned when the tickets are purchased because they keep changing them all the time. Perhaps if they went back to the old way of doing business-by treating customers like people who are paying for their service, maybe many of them would not be doing so badly. Sometimes a bit of kindness can go a long way. I also think they should start hiring employees who don't let the job of flight attendent put them on a power trip. A flight attendent is basically an "in air waitress"--not the CEO of the airlines. Before I would kick a person off a flight, I would probably assume that the game is not going to bring down the plane, and let it go. It would make for better public relations, and happier customers. I wonder how many customers were annoyed they had to wait for such a stupid reason.

Another thing, in the old days, planes were comfortable, and now they don't have enough leg room for anyone over 4 feet tall. I know they need to save money on gas, but this dog does not want to fly on the volkswagen bug of the airlines. In fact, grabbing a ride on a mosquito would probably give a dog more leg room!

I want to share an American Airlines pilot's opinion with you. It covers this subject well!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/11/alec-baldwin-snl-american-airlines_n_1141626.html

It really was the good old days when it comes to the airlines...now they are all being run by idiots--I'm sure there is not a dog running any of them!

Demon Flash Bandit (Consumer Advocate)

My Hobby: Collecting Bones!

I'm writing this blog later than usual today because I've been a busy dog-you know how it is for us celebrity dogs. Okay, the truth is that I have been laying around napping and I was comfortable and decided that writing the blog could wait. My readers know me so they probably aren't believing that "busy" excuse anyway! Besides, there isn't much of interest for me to write about today. Mommy did eat at Taco Bell and I got to share some cinnamon twist dessert things, and I did find that interesting, but really not up to my usual blog topics. As you know, I like to write about the things that other dogs are afraid to bark anything about. I did see one news item about how napkin rings add a distinctive touch to the table, but I'm a dog, and I could care less about napkin rings unless they are those cool round bones that a dog can get his teeth into! Speaking of bones, I don't want to brag, but I have quite a nice collection. I am always adding to it because some of them slowly disappear--I have no idea how this happens....one minute, you are enjoying a big bone, and a couple of weeks later, it is half its size. My theory is that elves come in the middle of the night and chip away at it when a dog is sleeping. I have yet to stay up all night to test that theory, but it sounds reasonable to me. I wonder if those elves are the ones who wrote the song about all the bones that are connected to each other---you know, the tail bone is connected to the tummy bone, the tummy bone is connected to the liver bone....now hear the bark of the dog. The real problem bone is the funny bone because you never know what it is connected to since it is always moving around trying to be funny which, of course, is how it got the name, funny bone. I must admit that I do enjoy writing about bones. I enjoy chewing them more, but writing comes in second. I hope that my readers are having a nice day and have their own bone collections because everyone needs a hobby!

Demon Flash Bandit (Bone Collector)

I just read a seemingly innocent article about tomatoes being a possible plant to use for Christmas decorating.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/09/tomato-christmas-decorations_n_1138887.html
However, I have written past blog articles about the nasty variety of killer tomatoes that have even been covered by several Hollywood movies. Humans have such short memories about such things. Sure, not every tomato is evil, but the evil ones look like the good ones so it is hard to tell which is which. I would suggest everyone watch the movie, "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" or any of its 3 sequels or the animated documentary so the humans will at least be semi-prepared if they do turn out to be of the killer variety. Personally, I would just decorate with something less dangerous--like maybe TNT, but that is me, and I am a dog. Being a dog, I've got more sense than the humans. Personally, I happen to prefer a more interesting decor often involving stuff that I have personally rescued from the garbage. The humans don't seem to appreciate that decorating scheme,, but it is quite lovely. I also like to decorate with bones and dog toys. A well placed bone can give a room that "lived in by a dog" look that is so popular with the humans. A bit of fur placed in strategic places also gives a wonderful look to a room. In fact, since the humans are dumb enough to decorate with tomatoes, I think I will start my own interior decorating service so the humans can live in homes that really look good. Move over, Martha Stewart, you have been replaced by Demon Flash Bandit!

Angry Birds and Angry Dogs

I know this is hard for me to report, but a lady wore an "Angry Birds" dress to a big event. This made me an angry dog. As my regular readers are aware, I dislike birds. Besides trying to take over the planet, they spend much of their time annoying dogs. This is how the birds infiltrate human society. They invented a video game, and then, once they get the weak minded humans playing it, they take over by having Angry Birds tshirts, and now dresses worn to big occasions. I have even seen Angry bird dog toys--like I want to play with a toy that has an angry bird on it. Sure, dogs are smart enough to see the birds plans,, but the humans are so easily fooled that I am very worried that the war with the birds will be settled in the birds' favor.

Another thing that I want to mention....several customers at a Walmart in Atlanta, Georgia have been poked by needles that are in the clothing sold at Walmart. The customers are complaining about it, but Walmart does advertise that it gives you better value for your money--this time, they are throwing in needles at no extra charge. Personally, I think there could be an angry birds connection with both these stories. I think the birds are putting the needles in the angry birds clothing line in a feeble attempt to give the humans more for their money. This will fool the humans because humans are idiots! I suppose it could be worse--they could be leaving their bird bombs in the clothing.

I will continue to watch for these news items and share them with my readers. When dealing with birds, a dog cannot be too vigilant!

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Fan of Angry Birds)

The Muppet Movie: Liberal Propaganda

Thanks to Fox Business Channel anchor, Eric Bolling, I am now aware that The Muppet Movie is liberal propaganda brainwashing children to hate the upper class. Since I have yet to see this movie, I am glad that I was able to read his comments before I waste my money going to see the movie. Who would ever think that Tex Richman could be a man who is only out for money? I have always admired large corporations for their generosity and their caring. Whether it is overpaying their employees (heaven knows that minimum wage is annoying for a company to have to pay) or collecting government subsidies to hire people they need, life for the average billionaire is tough. What a shame the liberals are always making them look bad! Doesn't the liberal media know that life is hard for billionaires? Does a billionaire not bleed green ink when he has to take some money out of his bank account? Does he not feel pain when another company makes more money than he made? Does he not worry that when he dies, he can't take the money with him? I don't know about the rest of you, but I think that I will go and see The Muppet Movie. I also want to state that I do not hate the oil companies--the car does need gas to go and get me food, treats, and toys. However, many companies are greedy and uncaring, and that is what this dog does not care for. I remember reading a story about a rich man who did so well that he said he would tear down his barns and build bigger barns. Then the "Big Guy" said, tonight thy soul shall be required of you...what will a man give in exchange for his soul? I think that many of the rich corporate people would not know how to answer that question. I am sharing the link if you want to read more details:
http://movies.msn.com/movies/article.aspx?news=687868

Royal Family Cut Backs

I have written in the past about offering the Queen Lady (Elizabeth II) a job mowing my yard for a cool $25.00 because I have heard that she has had to cut back on her budget in recent years. Of course, she would have loved to come here and make the big bucks and spend some quality time with me, but her royal duties kept her from doing so. Now I have read that her portfolio is not doing as well as it once did, and there will be further cuts to her "allowance". Sadly, it is not the time of year for mowing the yard so I can't help her by letting her mow now. However, I do have a brilliant plan for her to keep up her royal standard of living. I think there should be a telethon for her. I'm sure all the humans out there living on regular type wages are very sympathetic to her plight. Many of her castles are going to have to go without needed repairs and she might even have to cut back on personal appearances or vacations. I'm sure I'm not the only dog who would not want to see this happen. In addition to the telethon, if you have any odd jobs that the royal family can do to raise money, be sure and let me know and I will transmit the message for you. I know that, like me, my readers are concerned about the lifestyle of the royal family....I know I would not want to see them have to cut back. They already had to serve fruit cake at the royal wedding. If you ask my opinion, how much more can they sacrifice?

Demon Flash Bandit (Watching Out for the Royal Family)

Movie Review: J. Edgar

It is time for a movie review, and the movie that is being reviewed today is J. Edgar. This movie stars Leonardo DiCaprio as J. Edgar Hoover, who as most of us already know was the head of the FBI for many years. DiCaprio, as usual, did a very good acting job. It was an interesting movie. Although it is based on real life, of course, it is hard to tell just how much is actual fact, and how much is assumed. However, it is a very entertaining movie, and it gives an interesting look at J. Edgar. I give the movie 4 paws up and a tail wag. This would be about a 7 out of 10 in a human rating system.

Now I am going to give you a movie review of Breaking Dawn. The sun was supposed to come up, but it didn't so the dawn was broken. I think the movie was a bit long and should have been a movie short showing that the sun didn't come up like it was supposed to.

I hope everyone is having a great weekend.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Movie Reviewer)

Work--I Don't Like It!

My brother went to work today despite my sad puppy dogs looks which are supposed to melt the heart of any human and make said human do what his dog wants him to do. I will never understand the humans and their obsession with work. However, I have noticed that Mommy gives the drive thru humans money and I get burgers so I guess that is why they show up at work even though it isn't fun. I am glad I don't have to work. In fact, I am glad that we dogs don't have to work. I have decided that if I ever need money, instead of getting a job, I am going to post my photo on a website and let the humans send me money for being cute. Being cute may be hard work, but I'm willing to make the sacrifice if it means not having to get a job. I think the humans should use their brains to think of ways of making money without going to work. It would make their lives a lot easier and more fun!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Feels Human Should Stay Home With Me)

Bacon Nativity Scene

As the Christmas season approaches, more and more of the humans are decorating their houses for Christmas. Most houses will have a Christmas tree decorated with lights and ornaments. They will also have other decorations throughout the house. Personally, I think that the baby "wet ones" in the Christmas packaging might be pushing it a bit....not that it isn't nice for everything to be festive, but the humans get a bit flaky at this time of year. Many of the humans will have nativities in honor of Jesus which makes sense because that is why the humans are celebrating Christmas. Normally, I let the humans deal with the decorating while I take naps. However, this year, I found an item that I want included in the decorations. That item is a nativity made from meat. Just the bacon roof makes me hungry. The great thing about this nativity is that you can display it during the Christmas season, and the family dog can eat it when the season is over so there is no bothering with taking it down. The dog does all the work which makes life easier for the human--and they need a break by the time Christmas is over. I have the address for the nativity scene, and I hope all the dogs reading this will have your human make one. Here is the address:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wTCxcLkOlM
I have put this on my humans favorites list so that she will see it and get the idea to make one. Sometimes the humans need a push!

Demon Flash Bandit (Meat Nativity Scene)

Long Live the King

I used to love Burger King hamburgers, but I quit going there awhile back because when my human went to order my burgers--stackers with only bacon, the employee refused to ring up stackers with bacon but no condiments, and proceeded to argue with my human by telling her that she couldn't ring up a stacker without condiments. The manager had to come over to straighten it out, but my human was so annoyed that the company had refused to allow her to order it "her way" which was even more serious because it was my way. When Burger King starts giving one of their most loyal customers trouble, it is time to switch. My human called the company to tell them what had happened (by the way, BK has no toll free number so you know the company does not want to hear from its customers). The customer representative told my human that individual franchises have the right to charge you for leaving things off a burger. I have mentioned all this already in a past blog, but I'm recapping it for those who haven't read it or forgot it. Ever since then, I have been going to the competition, McDonalds. I wouldn't eat the burgers there when I was a puppy, but now I find them quite tasty! Anyway, Burger King is changing its fries and dropping its mascot, the King. This explains why things are so lousy at Burger King. The King, who took care of his kingdom and made sure all the burger problems were taken care of has been replaced by a bunch of stupid humans in customer service. I also read today that Wendys is about to take over Burger King's spot. This is what happens when a company messes with an order for Demon Flash Bandit. They probably wish I hadn't written anything about their treatment of my order in my blog. I think they had better fix the kingdom by putting the king back on his throne. The humans running the place aren't doing a good job. I would volunteer to be in charge, but I'm eating at McDonalds now, and I suspect it would be an annoying job that would eat into my nap time.

By the way, an update on yesterday's igloo building blog--I have decided to include a bathtub. It is not for baths, but it is for waterboarding terrorist birds. I really hate those evil birds!

Demon Flash Bandit (Long Live the Burger King!)

Building My Own Igloo

I heard the radio say we are going to have snow tonight, and they had better be right or this dog is going to go to the weather service and give them some puppy slaps of justice. I love snow, and you don't promise a dog snow and not deliver! As usual, my human was not happy about it. She was actually hoping that it was a radio station out of Saginaw instead of Detroit. I have no idea why the humans around here don't like snow. It is lots of fun to play in and it is cold and delightful!

I have decided to build an igloo this year. I plan to build it big enough so the whole family can live in it. You can be sure it won't have the one thing that annoys me in this house--the furnace. Yes, the house is toasty warm even when it is extremely cold outside. I keep hoping the humans will turn it off and not use it at all...it would even save them money because I hear them talk about how it costs a lot of heat the house. My idea of not turning it on would save them a small fortune which could be better spent on dingo bones if you ask me. I shed enough fur to keep them warm so it is a win-win situation for all of us if they decide to live in the igloo I plan to build. My only problem at the moment is how I can keep the igloo livable year round. There is no problem during the winter having a nice cold place to live, but then spring will rear its ugly head and threaten to melt my igloo. This is the same problem that Frosty the Snowman has had to deal with. He gets a magical hat, and is able to dance around until the sun comes out and causes problems. I need to watch some Frosty specials on television to see if he ever found a way to work out that problem. I've got to go now. I'm going to have an architect draw up the plans for my igloo. You don't expect me to live in an ordinary igloo, do you? I plan on having a lot of special features that the humans don't have....like a room for storing and eating of bones which I call the bonery. You can be sure that there will be one thing missing from my igloo that the humans think you need--a bathtub and/or shower. I see no need for baths so I'm not wasting money putting a bathtub in my igloo. I just heard the doorbell ring....it must be the architect...I'll write more tomorrow!

Demon Flash Bandit (Igloo Builder)

Critter Crave on the Christmas List!

I wrote about Critter Crave awhile back, and I have an advertisement for it on my blog. I got a package from them today that Mommy ordered for me, and because I blogged about them, they sent me a couple of extras. I want everyone to know that the chocolate is delicious, and I loved it. If only Angel Zoom Smokey didn't love it too, I could have eaten a lot more of it. Since Christmas is coming soon, I think it would make a great gift for the dog on the list. I hope Santa Paws knows about this delicious product because a dog gets tired of being told he can't have any when the humans are eating chocolate. Dogs, put it on your Christmas list--you will not be sorry...and you'll thank me later.

Demon Flash Bandit (Loving Critter Crave)

No Need to Work for Food--The Humans Give it to Me Free

There is a reality show which I don't watch that I am always hearing about. That show is Extreme Couponing. This dog has better things to do with my time than to sit around clipping coupons. However, I have to admit that when I learned that a dog can save money by using said coupons, I had to give it some thought. My thought is that I am not going to worry about the cost of food because my humans are supposed to do that. I will just sit back and nap and wait for them to give me food. I don't care how many coupons you use, you aren't going to get your food free, and still nap and not have to do any work. I think us dogs have a better system than those humans with their extreme couponing. Of course, it does require some cuteness and that is hard for the humans to pull off..it comes naturally to us dogs!

Demon Flash Bandit (No Need To Use Coupons)

Here I Go Awaffling

I wrote about Walmart yesterday and the violence at some of the Black Friday sales. The customers at a Walmart in Arkansas got into a riot over some $2.00 waffle makers. Do the humans in Arkansas not know that they make frozen waffles which are popped into the toaster and ready in about a minute with no preparation and no clean up? It is almost like the humans want to work more. I am lucky to have intelligent humans who know how to do things properly. If they want waffles around here, they go to the freezer, pop them into the toaster, and put them on a disposable plate. Yes, there is a dishwasher in the kitchen, but using it would require loading and unloading and putting things away. To be fair, when my human was in better shape, she used to do stupid things like make her own stuff, but now she says she is questioning the wisdom of all the extra work she did in her youth in order to save money...like disposable plates are that expensive. I could have told her these things had I been around back then, but Mommy is a lot older than I am so she had to go with her own wisdom, and let's face it, compared to dogs, the humans are idiots! By the way, she has discovered when maple syrup rose in price that caramel sauce meant for ice cream makes a great topping for waffles. I'm pleased that she can figure some things out for herself. I like the caramel sauce too...but I'm also a fan of maple syrup. Both are delicious-even by themselves!

Demon Flash Bandit (Waffling)

Walmart or Stupidmart?

It comes as no surprise to my humans that, once again, there were people injured at a Walmart location during their after Thanksgiving sales. This year my brothers talked Mommy into going to Walmart to their midnight sale. The Walmart in Howell, MI is not one that is known for violence, and there were no incidents of bodily harm there, but Mommy didn't stay long, and she says she can see why Walmart has so many problems compared to the other stores. She noticed that there were lines for the 32 inch television, the 40 inch television, and the $248.00 computer. If you stood in line long enough, and were lucky, you would to buy the item. One was in the pet section, one was around the crafts, and one was somewhere else--she never quite found out where. She was there almost an hour before the sale started, and she was told by an employee that the items were already sold out---an hour before the sale even began. However, they did not share that information with the people standing in line--Mommy was not in line at the time, but I think that was something that should have been told to everyone in line. Mommy did not stay long-she was not particularly impressed with the sale. Mommy already has a lot of the electronic gadgets, and if she doesn't have them, she doesn't care about having them. She overheard one of the ladies that bought a 32 inch television say (actually, she had 2 in her cart), that she had to wait 3 hours in line to get them. The math doesn't add up for this dog. It sounds like they didn't need to form a line at midnight because they were already gone-before the sale started. This dog thinks that Walmart, although an okay store, is run very stupidly. On the good side, it gave Mommy an excuse not to stay long, and she got out of there as quickly as possible. This is also why she doesn't do a lot of shopping there. Many of their prices were the same as at several other local stores, but those stores were not having people wait in line and were not out of stock. Mommy does not usually go to Walmart much, and she has always avoided it for their after Christmas sales. Now my brothers understand her wisdom. If the humans had listened to me, they would have stayed home and rested. I never underestimate the value of a good nap! Walmart used to be a nice store years ago before they became "super Walmart" which seems to refer to their "super stupidity".

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Fan of Walmart)

Demon Flash Bandit

Cell Phones for Dogs

Today is Thanksgiving, and I have decided to write about the things that I am most thankful that I have. First, of course, are my humans who take care of me, and love me. However, there are also many other things that make life worth living. Dingo bones, milkbones, rawhide bones, real bones....you might have noticed a theme, and it is true--I do enjoy a good bone! I also enjoy my toys. I don't play with them as much as I did when I was a puppy, but I still like to get new toys and I like to have them around to make me feel important. Now if only the humans will get me my own cell phone so that I can bark with my doggy pals, that would make life even better. Believe me, I have listened to the converstions the humans have, and nothing they have to say is that important. I have far more important things to bark about! I guess I'll have to ask Santa Paws for one because the humans don't seem to think a dog needs his own cell phone. Once again, the humans should not be allowed to think...it is too hard for them.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Needs His Own Cell Phone)

Turkeys Don't Deserve a Pardon!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving in the United States, and I have to say that even though my family will be eating our tradtitional Thanksgiving pizza, I am glad that many families will be eating turkey. Turkeys are birds, and this dog hates birds! Therefore, Thanksgiving is a holiday that is dedicated to killing our feathered enemies. Yes, when you take a bite out of that turkey, you can think about all the birds who left their "bird bombs" on your possessions or even your person. They go around dropping those bombs wherever they please like they own the planet. I might add that 2 turkeys get a Presidential pardon every year. Where do those birds get to live? Disneyland...yeah, they get to live out their lives having fun yet dogs aren't allowed into Disneyland. This is what happens when you have an entertainment complex run by a mouse. He does allow Goofy and Pluto, but of course, they are working at the park. It isn't like they can sit back and enjoy themselves like those pardoned turkeys. It does not seem fair to this dog, but as all of us know, life is not fair. I do promise that if I am elected President, I will not pardon any turkeys at Thanksgiving. There is no way I could let a bird go free. It is against my instincts as a dog to do so. Besides, if they were not guilty of being turkeys, they would not need a pardon. Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Pardoning Turkeys)

Metric System Too Logical For Humans!

How many of my readers are aware that standard measurements are not the same all over the world? I had to go to the store the other day to get some vodka for my stunt dog, Phantom Fast Snowman, and the bottles were not in ounces, pints, quarts, or gallons, but in something called liters. I didn't buy them because how is a dog supposed to know how much he is getting for his money when they aren't measured properly? Sure, this upset Phantom, but I had to tell Phantom that some things are more important than his alcoholism. Sometimes a dog has to take a stand, and not buy things that aren't properly marked. I know that the United States is only one country, but it is a country that is powerful, and happens to be full of humans who do not like to learn new things. I have to agree with the humans here. I have been told that back in the 70's, the government tried to make the people here convert to the metric system. I could have told them that it would never happen. The "metric system" which is used by the rest of the world and some scientists and doctors is a stupid system. In case you are wondering why it is stupid, it is logical. Humans are the least logical species on the planet so it is insane to think that their system of measurement should be logical. Besides, there is that cute children's song called Inchworm. This is an important song for children learning how to multiply. It is not a meterworm, it is an inchworm which means that even nature prefers the system of measure used in the United States. I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea. If other parts of the world want to be backward and use a "logical system", that is their problem but this U.S. dog will continue to buy only things measured in good old fashioned measurements. If you expect me to change, you will have to pry that yardstick out of my cold, dead paws!

Demon Flash Bandit (Perfers USA's System of Measurement)

My Birthday Should be a National Holiday!

Today is my birthday! I am now 8 years old which is also 8 years old in doggy years because I plan to live for another century or two. I am annoyed that my brother Jeff had to work today because I think my birthday should be a national holiday. I have written Congress about this idea, but they are too busy bickering over the budget. I could solve that problem in about 2 minutes and still have time for a nap. I would raise the taxes on the super rich. They won't miss the little bit of extra money since they have more money than they know what to do with anyway. Since some of the Congress humans are against the idea, I would bite some butt until they change their mind and see my logic. The problem with humans is that they aren't willing to put their teeth into a problem. This is why more dogs should be in Congress. We know how to "take a bite out of a problem". Then Congress could get to more important issues-like making my birthday a national holiday. Yes, I think we could all use a Demon Flash Bandit day!

Demon Flash Bandit (Wants my Own Holiday)

Snoutstik for the Dog on Your Christmas List!

How many of you dogs out there have had a problem with a nose that is dry? I bet there are a lot of us. Now there is finally a product for those of us who want our noses to stay moist. That product is called Snoutstik. You can order it in pumpkin, rosemary, or lavender. At only $3.00 or 3 for $10.50, it is a real bargain. It would also make a great booty stuffer for the dog on the Chrismas list! You can order it on the Internet so you don't even have to go to the store to get it which is the ultimate in convenience. The address is:
http://www.dogtoys.com/snoutstick-nose-balm-for-dogs-rosemary-pumpkin-lavendar.html

I would get my order in early. I bet all the humans will be ordering it for their dogs--not to mention the dogs ordering for themselves.

Demon Flash Bandit (Talking About Snoutstik)

My Opinion of Toilet Day

Today is World Toilet Day which shows that the humans will dedicate a day to almost anything. I never thought the humans would like toilets enough to give them their own day yet there is no Demon Flash Bandit Day despite my constant efforts to have a day set aside for me. There isn't even a day set aside for dogs in general. I want to get in touch with whoever is in charge of these kinds of decisions because clearly, they are not doing a good job. What is next? A day for birds, cats and/or fleas? I wonder if tomorrow is toilet paper day since it seems only natural that if toilets have their own day, then toilet paper must be another thing that deserves its own day. Don't get me wrong, I know a lot of dogs who appreciate the nice, cold water in toilets, but they are actually dog watering fountains. The humans have never understood that, and they do disgusting things in a dog's fountain. This is why I have my own watering dish. Until the humans learn that a toilet is a dog's drinking fountain, I think it is best to avoid drinking water out of them. I do wish humans would learn to behave properly. They are often an embarrassment to the family dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Not Celebrating Toilet Day)

Need Advice: Ask a Dog!

I have already written a blog today, but I decided to give my readers a treat and write another one. The subject for this blog is the news about Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore getting a divorce. I don't mean to sound cynical, but this dog is surprised that they lasted this long. I always thought that Ashton married Demi because she had more fame and money than him. Now that he is making a big salary himself, he doesn't need her. This is what I like about dogs. We love the humans unconditionally. It is always sad when there is a breakup no matter whether some of us can see it coming from the beginning or not, but if the humans used some common sense sometimes, maybe they would have a lot less problems. For those of you who need advice or help, always ask a dog. We are so much smarter than the humans!

Demon Flash Bandit (Doggy Advisor)

Demon Flash Bandit: Sexiest Dog Alive!

Recently People magazine chose the "sexiest man alive", an honor given to Bradley Cooper. I was shocked that I wasn't chosen, but I suppose that People must have chosen from among the humans. I bet if it was Dog Fancy, Dog World, Modern Dog, or Bark, I would have won the honor! This is why I think those are the only magazines worth buying except for the Weekly World News/Sun because it is importat to keep up wih the latest news. I'm not bragging, but I happen to think I'm a whole lot handsomer than Bradley cooper!

Demon Flash Bandit (SExiest Dog Alive)

Puppy Pads For Sale!

It turns out that one of the humans has paid $8,000 for underwear worn by Kylie Minogue. I'm not sure who she is because I have never heard of her, but she still sold her used underwear for a lot of money. This gave me an idea. I am quite sure that I am more famous than she is, and I think I'm a lot cuter! If the humans are willing to spend that kind of money for her underwear, I can only imagine how much money I would make if I wore underwear and would be willing to sell said underwear! Since I am a genius (for those of you who missed it, I did win a genius award from the humans), I came up with a plan for making myself a lot of money for dingo bones. I am going to get some puppy pads, and pee on them. I'm sure my puppy pads will bring me a fortune to spend on dingo bones and other treats. Would I buy a used puppy pad? Of course not, but I'm a dog and we dogs have more sense. I wouldn't spend $8,000 on anyone's underwear--not even new underwear for myself!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With Another Genius Plan)

I Would Sentence Veterinarian to Jail!

I am going to comment on a story from Virginia today. A dog named Basie was found outside of her yard, and the person who found her took her to a veterinarian who decided to euthanize the dog because she was a "stray". I think this veterinarian should lose his or her license to practice medicine on animals. There is no absolute way to tell if an animal is a stray or not. Dogs get lost or stolen, and collars do come off sometimes. Angel Zoom Smokey has managed to get out of her collar and leash in the past--and end up having the humans chase her through the neighborhood. The details of the story can be read at:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/14/couples-dog-accidently-euthanized-basie_n_1093322.html?ref=dc&ir=DC&icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl21%7Csec3_lnk3%7C112675

As a dog, I found this item to be deplorable, and I hope some legal action is taken against this vet. If I were a judge, I would put this so called vet in jail, but I'm not a judge. If more dogs were judges, there would be laws against this sort of thing. I have no idea why the dog was not taken to the local animal shelter and given a couple of days for her humans to find her. What a shame that a vet took matters into his or her own stupid paws!

Demon Flash Bandit (Not Happy With Stupid Veterinarian)

Movie: Cockroaches on a Plane!

In 2006, a movie was made called "Snakes on a Plane". Now it is time for the real life sequel, "Cockroaches on a Plane". There is a couple suing an airline because they said the bugs were coming out of the vents, and all over the place. I am not a fan of bugs, but I do think it is much better to have bugs all over the place than snakes--particularly the poisonous ones. A decade prior to "Snakes on a Plane",
(1996), a movie was made about cockroaches which was titled, "Joe's Apartment". It was a great movie. It is worth buying the movie just to watch the big musical number by the roaches! I never knew that bugs had so much talent! I think the roaches need to hire some better public relations people because most of the humans, and many of us dogs don't like them. Perhaps if they hired the proper public relations humans, they would not be hated so much by other species. Perhaps they need to start dressing for success. I was even reading an article on the Internet yesterday discussing how buying a better cell phone can make you look more successful, which is often the key to being more successful. I can imagine this is difficult for the roaches since cell phones are a bit large for them to carry, but maybe dressing in a business suit might help. Ladybugs have managed to keep a better image among the humans, and don't tell me is doesn't have something to do with their red outfit with the black polka dots. Perhaps if they could cover themselves with fur, it might help because it works great for dogs, cats, and rabbits. They might end up as PETS instead of Pests. While I'm on the subject of public relations people, I could use a good agent. If anyone out there wants to represent a dog, let me know! By the way, for those who would like to read more about the lawsuit, here is the address:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/13/charlotte-couple-sues-air_n_1090910.html

Demon Flash Bandit (Waiting for New Movie, Cockroaches on a Plane)

Film Director: Demon Flash Bandit

I have mentioned in the past that dogs are better actors than humans and should star in more movies. However, now there is a product that can help a dog go beyond merely acting and into directing, producing, or even just being a cameradog. That product is from the nice people at dogtek. They sell a video cam for dogs that takes movies as the dog walks around. This opens up a new opportunity for me, Demon Flash Bandit, to become a director. I have some great ideas for a movie, and I even have a brother who has a movie script in the works. I think I'll have him write a script that stars me and maybe Angel Zoom Smokey. However, since Angel Zoom Smokey bit my paw earlier today in a scuffle over the ownership of some Arbys roast beast, I might not let her be in my movie. I will probably make an epic type of movie--you know something on the level of Lord of the Rings, but maybe only lasting 15 or 20 minutes. If I go much longer than that, most dogs are going to want to stop watching to take a nap so you have to keep it down to a reasonable amount of time. In fact, the humans have even less of an attention span. If it goes more than 5 minutes, the average human will be jumping around in their chairs acting stupid. Okay, that is not true. The average human starts acting stupid even before they sit down to watch--it does not take 5 minutes. Anyway, the address for the pet cam is:
http://www.dogtek.com/eyenimal/?utm_source=adwords&utm_medium=cpc&gclid=CImYoZystKwCFcvJKgodpEcuHw
With this web cam, I could start my own television program: Funniest Dog Videos. I bet it would be an awesome television show!

Demon Flash Bandit (Film Director Demon Flash Bandit )

Money: Not Just for Breakfast Anymore!

A couple in Florida have a dog named Tuity who ate $1,000 in cash. Then they fed the dog hydrogen peroxide to make the dog vomit the money back up, and sent the pieces to the Department of Treasury for replacement. I feel bad for the dog being forced to drink hydrogen peroxide to throw up. I can guarantee you if Tuity had something like roast beast from Arbys, Tuity would not have had to resort to eating money. Money was a stupid thing for the humans to feed Tuity because money is not edible unless Tuity is a termite. Perhaps the couple thought they had a pet termite instead of a dog! It would have been cheaper to leave some decent treats laying around for Tuity. Anyway, I think if the humans are going to start feeding their dogs money (and I do not recommend this as a diet option), they should at least face the consequences and not induce the dog into vomitting so that they can get their money back. If you ask me, this is a stingy couple who needs to learn where the treat section of the store is located!

Demon Flash Bandit (Money--Not Edible)

Special Date: 11-11-11

Today is 11-11-11. The reason this date is so important to so many people is that it adds up to 33 or possibly -11 if you are one of those pessimistic type people reading my blog. There are more weddings taking place today because of the date, and the Great Pyramid is shut down. Sure, the Egyptian people might say it is for maintenance, but we know better. Some people think that the power from the pyramid is greater on 11-11-11 so they were planning on visiting and charging their cell phones. How often can you charge a cell phone free of charge--isn't that a great play on words? Shakespeare never wrote with such wisdom. Anyway, I have decided to take advantage of the possible lucky aspects of the day. A dog can use some good luck so just in case, I have some special plans for the day. I plan to take my dingo bone and put it under a piece of paper shaped like a pyramid. I'm hoping it will last longer because dingo bones never last long enough for me. They are so delicious that I can eat them for hours. I hope it turns out to be a lucky day for my readers, and also that my readers have a nice weekend!

Demon Flash Bandit (Lucky Date)

I Want a Device that Makes Things Invisible!!!!!

A scientist in Texas is working on some new technology that can actually make items invisible. This has me so excited that I've been doing the happy dance around the house for the past hour! I'm hoping that this technology will be available soon so that I can take advantage of it. Obviously, it would have some military advantages, but I want it for a very personal reason. I happen to live in the same house with another Siberian Husky, Angel Zoom Smokey. I like Angel, and enjoy having her around--until I get something special. I keep telling her that we aren't supposed to share our treats, and that all treats are mine. This is because I am the older dog and I was here first. Being an obstinate creature who does not listen to my wisdom (I don't even think she reads my blog), she continues taking one of the treats when I have made it clear that both treats are for me! Last night each of us was handed a dingo bone. My human made a mistake and handed one to Angel when both are supposed to be handed to me. I tried to explain this to Angel Zoom Smokey, but as usual, she laid there chewing on MY dingo bone, and she ate the entire bone. I was so annoyed! However, when I got up this morning and checked over the news, I saw the article about the scientist in Texas who invented this new invisibility invention, and I knew that I need to order one as soon as it is available. The next time Angel gets my dingo bone, I will use the device to make it disappear. Then later, when she isn't around, I will make it reappear and eat it myself. In fact, anytime she annoys me, I can make her disappear. This has to be one of the greatest inventions of all time. I just hope I don't have to wait too long before it is on the market!

Demon Flash Bandit (Needs an Invisibility Device)

Latest Action Figures!

For those of you who are fans of the royal family, I have some great news for you. For those of you who read my recent blog about British accents, I am barking this one with a British accent since it is about the royal family. Now you can buy an action figure of Kate Middleton or her sister Pippa. These action figures are being manufactured by Herobuilders toys, and it is a company in the United States. You would think a company in Great Britain would see the demand for these action figures, but evidently, they did not. I'm sure that they would be a great addition for those who enjoy playing with action figures. You don't even necessarily need to play with them, but you can display the figures for that "I'm displaying a member of the royal family so I have good taste" type of person. However, playing with them would be awesome. I can just see Kate being the villain and fighting a Superman action figure. Perhaps she is the good guy and is being annoyed by the Joker. The scenarios are endless, and all the good fun provided because a smart company saw the need for making the two women into action figures! I know it is something to be thankful for so it is great that the items came onto the market so close to Thanksgiving. I can just imagine how many families will be sitting around the traditional pizza dinner being thankful for the new action figures. How many prayers of thanks will be offered for such a magnificent item? I bet people haven't been this excited about a product since Larry the Cable Guy wrote a book! I'm sure my readers are thinking, Demon, we love reading what you have to say, but please let us know more about this product so that is just what I plan to do now. Here is the web address so you can see this item for yourself:
http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/see-kate-and-pippa-middletons-weird-muscular-action-figures-2011811

Be sure and order yours before they run out. Remember, it would make a great Christmas gift!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Kate Middleton and Pippa Action Figures)

Ben and Jerry Should Make a Demon Flash Bandit Celebrity Flavor!

Today's blog is about ice cream. It is cold, it is creamy, it is sweet and it is delicious. I enjoy having it everyday, and if I could have it more often, I would. I sometimes watch Steven Colbert on television and that other show with Jimmy Fallon, and they have their own ice cream flavors as do other celebrities. Ben and Jerry make special celebrity flavors so I only have one question? Why no Demon Flash Bandit flavor? I'm a world famous dog blogger. Doesn't a celebrity dog rate a flavor? I'm not sure if bacon flavor ice cream would taste good, but there are lots of flavors us dogs love. I love peanut butter, carob, cashews, caramel, and many other things that would taste super good in ice cream. I'm thinking caramel waffle flavor or maple syrup waffle flavor would make most of us dogs happy. By the way, I won't even eat Frosty Paws. I tasted human ice cream as a puppy, and the doggy ice cream does not measure up to my standards. Anyway, I think it would be a great marketing idea for Ben and Jerry to make a special flavor that both humans and dogs would enjoy. Don't tell them that I will eat their regular vanilla flavor--they don't need to know that. I want my own Demon Flash Bandit flavor ice cream, and I think all my readers should contact Ben and Jerry and tell them that I need a flavor of my own. I'd even be happy with milkbone flavor ice cream. It would have 2 of my treats put into one treat which means I can eat more of it. As I said yesterday, I didn't get the genius award for nothing.

Demon Flash Bandit (Wants My Own Ben and Jerry Ice Cream Flavor)

I Won a Genius Award!

I am so excited!!!! I won $200.00 for my genius idea in a contest. I have always told my readers that I'm a genius dog, and now I have proof from the humans. I promise that I will stay the humble, genius dog that I have always been despite this major award for my intelligence. I wonder what I will win next....the presidency of the United States, the Nobel peace prize, some more dingo treats? The possibilities are endless. I would like to thank the nice people who recognized my genius. I am so pleased that I was able to give the humans such a brilliant idea that they can use to make their lives better. What was the idea? It was to get a dog. Sure, I know all us dogs know that, but it was humans voting.

Demon Flash Bandit (Genius Dog)

British Accents: Not Good For Telling Bad News

I was listening to a BBC broadcast about a terrible car crash pile-up. I'm very sorry about the tragedy, but I have decided that English broadcasters should not be allowed to report bad news because they just don't have the accent for it. The more I listened to the pleasant British accent, I realized that this is just not the accent for telling bad news. This might explain why news stories are scarier in the United States because the news is not reported with a British accent. In fact, if you want to report some really bad news, I think the best accent for that is the New York City one--the one that sounds like the person talking is going to kill someone before they are done talking. I think the honor of announcing executions should go to someone with a Texas accent because they are so gung ho with that idea. British accents in the news should be used when reporting news about the royal family, tea parties, fashion, and news about new inventions since the accent makes the person sound more intelligent. Even British dogs sound nicer than American dogs. We have our tough, American type barks from being brought up in a frontier environment. Now, I have to go and take my spot on the bed, and have some milkbones. Yes, no wonder our bark is scarier...we have such rough doggy lives. LOL

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Accents)

Money Saving Hint

I'm always reading things on the Internet about how to get good deals to make money go further. However, other than using less electricity, there aren't many ways to cut the electric bill. I don't think I have to tell everyone that electricity is something you need if you want to use a computer or technology or even have lights in your house. When it is regular merchandise, you can often get it on sale, but electric companies never have sales where you can use more electricity and you won't pay as much because it is "on sale". Therefore, when I discovered this on youtube, I had to share it with my readers. It is a brilliant plan to cut electric bills without having to cut back on the amount you use. Here is the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kXS37clsZw

In addition to saving money, the guinea pigs are adorable and fun to watch. I am very pleased to be able to share this money saving tip with my readers!

Demon Flash Bandit (Saving Money)

Send Homeless Unwanted Snacks to Me

Since I am the official dog blogger who covers the British royal family, I think it is only appropriate that I address the Internet rumor involving the possibility that Kate is going to have a baby. This rumor is based of some very scientific evidence. She turned down a snack that involved peanuts and is not allergic to peanuts. Obviously, this is reason for some of the humans to assume that she is going to have a baby. I have several explanations for this that do not include her having a baby. She might not have been hungry. She might not like peanut butter. She might be on a diet....sure she doesn't need to be on a diet, but those are usually the humans who watch their weight the most. This is a really radical one: she might just not have been feeling good at that moment....it does happen to all of us--even dogs. Everyone gets upset tummies at times. If she is going to have a baby, that is nice, but I do think it is kind of silly to broadcast it as a rumor on the Internet, and I wonder even more why it matters so much. Someone will take the throne eventually whether the royal couple have a baby or not. Ultimately, it is their business, and if the rumor is true, it will be announced when they are ready to tell people. The important thing here is that all peanut butter snacks that she turns down should be sent directly to me: Demon Flash Bandit or my fellow dog, Angel Zoom Smokey because we love peanut butter. By the way, the same thing goes for bacon snacks. We are both willing to take in any homeless, unwanted snacks. We aren't on diets, and enjoy snacks!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Peanut butter)

Dogs Make Great Movies Better

I didn't get a chance to write my blog yesterday because my human secretary decided to take the day off to go to see a movie. That movie was Johnny English Reborn. She said it was a good movie. However being a human, her opinion does not matter so I will give my own movie review. Thank dog I was allowed into the theatre! It starred Rowan Atkinson, and it was a sequel to Johnny English. I enjoyed the movie, but was a bit disappointed with its overall lack of dogs. However, for a human movie, it was good. Very often the humans don't include dogs in movies. Sure, it is stupid, but the humans know that they can't act as good as us dogs, and don't want to compete!

Today I also want to write about an elephant named Chhouk, who lives in Cambodia. Chhouk was hurt, but was taken care of by nice humans and he now has a prosthetic paw, and can get around like all the other elephants. I always enjoy a true story with a happy ending over one with a sad ending so I thought that I would share this video with my readers. Here is the web address:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVljK6fosDI
If you ask my opinion, Chhouk's story would make a great movie. If they replace the humans with dogs, it would be a spectacular movie. Are you listening, movie studios?


Demon Flash Bandit (Movies Should Star More Dogs)

I Won a Very Important Award!!!

The nice people at Dingo sent me a bag of their grill house bac-n crisps. I actually won them--it wasn't even because I'm a world famous blogger! Talk about being lucky---I was thrilled. I had never tried them, but they are delicious!!!! I recommend them highly to all dogs who are reading this. The Dingo company, the smart dogs (or possibly humans) who came up with the idea of putting meat in the middle of a rawhide bone have come up with another winner!!! These treats are made with real meat, and real meat is something dogs love! Tell our humans to get you some. If you don't want to wait for the humans to get it done, go to www.dingobrand.com and order some for yourself. All you need is that piece of plastic in your human's wallet. I can't think of anything better to use it for than dingo products. The humans would probably just use it on something stupid anyway. You know how they are. Tell the dingo people that Demon Flash Bandit sent you. They won't know what you are talking about so that makes it funny!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Dingo Grill House Bac-n Crisps)

Giant Robot Birds Spotted Over Indiana

A UFO (unidentified flying object) was spotted over the Notre Dame stadium in South Bend, Indiana. By the way, the city is also home to the Studebaker Museum. I know this because my human Daddy has taken the family to the museum many times. However, I digest---yes, I am still digesting some Halloween candy---whoever invented the apple caramel candy corn flavor should get an award! There was a football game in South Bend, and there was a storm, and some of the humans spotted the UFOs. Hopefully, they were the humans who hadn't already had a few too many beers because the reports from humans in that condition tend to be questionable. It is a true report from non-beer drinking humans because there are even videos on the web showing what flew over. Naturally, whenever there are unusual UFO sightings, everyone always checks out my blog since I happen to be the leading expert on such things. I am the one who told everyone that the UFOs over China were only here to get some take out food. If you were a space alien hanging around in space, don't you think you would get tired of eating that horrible dried space type food they sell in all the space related museums? They have ice cream that isn't even cold. What is the point of ice cream that isn't cold? You can easily see why space aliens would want to stop in for some real Earth food! I know I would. Of course, the humans tend to get a bit upset over sightings until a dog like myself explains to them why the UFOs are here. This time I wish I could report that they are here for such a simple reason, but they are not. In fact, those objects are not spacecraft at all! They are bird robots created by the evil birds who are planning to take over the world. They sent snow to the northeastern United States so that they could send their robot birds to Indiana to see how easy it will be to take over the humans. I can only hope that the humans will listen to a dog--and the entire population of cats before it is too late. If you have a cat, and the cat wants to eat a bird, let him. Cats know that birds are evil, but humans listen to cats even less than they listen to dogs. Perhaps that is partly the cats' fault since they don't tend to like to hang out as much with the humans, and are too busy acting like they don't need anyone but themselves. They can't help it--they are cats! Anyway, it is time to declare war on the birds before it is too late, and all the humans are under the control of their feathery evil!

Demon Flash Bandit (Giant Robot Birds--Not Spacecraft!)

Practicing for Halloween!

I want to wish all my readers a Happy Halloween! I have personally been busy getting everything ready for my annual trick or treating marathon. Halloween has to be one of the best holidays of the year because it is all about the candy, and I love candy! I want to remind all the dogs who will be out collecting candy to be safe--watch out for cars, and be sure and use your best sad faces. The humans are suckers for a dog's "begging face". You'll get more candy than you ever thought possible. It does not hurt to practice the begging face in the mirror before you go out. A dog can never get too much practice when candy is riding on the outcome of the look. I've got to go now. I've still got some practicing to do although I can't imagine the humans ever being able to turn me down....I"m going to hit the candy jackpot tonight!

Demon Flash Bandit (Ready for Halloween)

Trick or Treat--Not Just For Dogs!!!!

Since tomorrow is Halloweeen, I am going to write about how exciting the anticipation of trick or treating is to the average dog. I myself have been preparing a super large treat bag because, like most dogs, I love treats! Human candy is delicious. I can't tell you how much I love to have candy like Mike and Ikes or Swedish fish. (It is even fun hearing the fish scream in Swedish before I bite them--it could only be improved by making them Swedish birds!) As you can imagine, dogs everywhere are getting all the little last minute things done--you know....like barking trick or treat and barking thank you so that the person giving the candy will know that you are a polite, well bred dog. Dogs like to practice things like that since normally we don't have to bark out specific phrases. I plan to go as a sled dog, and you should see my costume--it is very realistic. Amid all this fun, I was checking out the Internet today, and I discovered that some of the humans don't think dogs should get trick or treat candy at Halloween. I don't know why some humans are so stupid, but before any of my human readers get any ideas about agreeing with the stupid humans, here is a video I discovered. This video is hilarious and shows how dogs can get revenge on the humans who have such stupid ideas. I think you'll agree that it is best to give trick or treat candy to the dogs in the neighborhood after seeing what the dogs did to get revenge! Here is the address:
http://www.care2.com/greenliving/dogs-play-trick-or-treat-on-halloween-fun-video.html

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Wants to Trick or Treat)

That is the Moon!

As usual, I have found a news item that I think deserves to be talked about in my blog. A human called emergency services because he spotted a UFO (Unidentified Flying Object). Obviously, this is something that a human does not expect to see so naturally, he called to report it. After all, it could have been a takeover by space aliens so it is important to inform the proper authorities. However, in this case, it was just the moon he saw. This dog is tired of the moon causing so much trouble. When there is a full moon, it causes humans with the tendency to become werewolves to transform into the werewolf identity. The full moon is also linked with the humans going crazy which is called "moon madness". Anyway, now it is fooling regular humans who think it is a UFO. I think the moon should be warned that this behavior is unacceptable, and will not be tolerated. I must admit that it would not surprise me if the man had been visiting the local pub before he called because most sober humans can tell the difference between the moon and a UFO. For those who want to read more about this story, here is the link:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/28/man-mistakes-the-moon-forufo_n_1064009.html

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Can Recognize the Moon)

Forests Hide Werewolves!

Prince Charles has announced that he and Vlad the Impaler of Romania are relatives. If any family has a right to complain about relatives attending holiday dinners, I think the English royal family is among them. Can you imagine having Thanksgiving dinner with Vlad the Impaler? If the dinner is at his castle, you would have to go through a forest of humans who are impaled to trees to get to the castle. By the time you get there, I would have lost my appetite! I know that any of us can have ancestors that we aren't particularly proud of. I'm sure I probably have some Siberian Husky relative who has even helped out a bird, although I would hope that dog just didn't realize how evil birds are when he made that mistake. However, if I found out that I had a relative who did that, I would be trying to keep it quiet, but that is because I have pride which obviously, the British royal family does not. I know they have no pride because I saw the stupid hats being worn at the royal wedding. A human with pride does not show up wearing a hat that looks like something a space alien would refuse to wear. I'm not kidding. It would not have surprised me if I had seen someone wearing a cone shaped hat made from aluminum foil!

Anyway, Prince Charles has bought some land in Romania, and he says the forests in Transylvania are a national treasure. Being a dog, I happen to like trees, and I have done my part to help keep them watered. However, I'm not sure if having a forest in an area that has werewolves is a wise idea. I know this because one of my human great grandmothers came from Romania, and she talked about werewolves. She had to carry a stick to keep them at bay. I guess if Prince Charles wants to take his chances with the werewolves, that is his business; but I doubt that they care if he is the Prince of Great Britain. I suspect werewolves pay little attention to titles like that. I hope he doesn't meet up with one because they sound kind of mean!

Just so you know that I am not making this news story up, go to this web address to read all about it:
http://www.inquisitr.com/154582/vlad-the-impaler-prince-charles/

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Talking About Werewolves)

No Snow For My Area---Birds Are Evil!!!!

Today I am one very annoyed dog. I just found out that the weather service has predicted snow for the northeastern United States. Since I am a Siberian Husky, I happen to love cold weather and snow. Our weather here in lower Michigan is cool, but there are no predictions of snow. I know that birds have to be behind this indignity to a dog. Those birds are snow thieves, and for those of you who have not read my theories in the past, I will explain why. Warmer climates that get no snow, and have little cold weather have lots of birds. Coincidence? Of course not. It is a massive conspiracy among the evil feathered birds to take over the world! For those of you who live in colder climates, do you ever notice how the birds are always singing in the spring? If you spoke bird, you would know that they are singing about how happy they are that they have come to steal the snow. I happen to know this because I am bi-lingual-species so I speak fluent bird. I hear their evil plans and their horrible songs. I only wish the humans could understand just how big a threat they are. However, humans, as usual, go on with their lives not having a clue that they are being surrounded by evil, snow stealing birds unless they read my blog! I'm sure that the lack of snow in lower Michigan is due to the birds' personal hatred for me. They want to keep me from having some lovely blizzard type weather. This is why I hate birds and don't think they deserve to live. That is this dog's opinion, and as such, is not open to question.

Demon Flash Bandit (Bird Hater)

KRYPTO is not a CAT: KRYPTO is a DOG!

I am tail spanking mad over the new artist depiction of Krypto, Superdog. Yes, that is correct, I'd like to take the artist from his studio and spank him with my tail. What kind of jerk makes Krypto, who happens to be a very popular dog, look like a big cat? What was that artist thinking? Krypto is a DOG!!!! Has the artist never seen a dog? Is the artist a cat? Is the artist a bird? I can understand if the artist is a bird since birds are always causing trouble. I am going to share the web site with you so that you can see for yourself that this is an unacceptable depiction of Krypto. http://www.comicbookmovie.com/fansites/JakeLester/news/?a=48959

Don't get me wrong--I don't hate cats as some dogs do, but that does not mean I want to see a dog portrayed as a cat. We dogs have our standards! It reminds me of a movie I watched called, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. In this movie, Jay and Silent Bob, a couple of stoners, head for Hollywood to stop the production of a comic book movie based on their lives named "Bluntman and Chronic". When I watched this movie, I thought it was funny because I couldn't understand how any movie could make those two morons look worse than they are in real life. However, now I am sympathetic to their plight because, speaking for dogs everywhere, this cat looking Krypto is making all us dogs look bad. I think all us dogs need to head for wherever this comic book publisher is located so that we can put a stop to this ridiculous depiction of us. I personally will stand over the artist and make sure that he draws a new Krypto who looks like a DOG which is what he or she was supposed to do in the first place. My tail is ready to do some spanking. Wish me well!

Demon Flash Bandit (Artist Needs Inspiration From a Real DOG)

Dogs Are Not Into Bungee Jumping

The humans do a lot of stupid things. In my opinion, bungee jumping is one of them. I have never seen a dog do a bungee jump which is because we dogs have more sense than the humans. Most of the time, inanimate objects aren't into bungee jumping either. However, today I found that this is not always the case. I am going to share a video with my readers of a bungee jumping car. I know some cars like the "General Lee" on the Dukes of Hazzard television show like to jump a lot, but until today, I never saw one bungee jump. Here is the address:
http://www.autoblog.com/2011/10/25/next-up-for-the-chevy-sonic-bungee-jumping/

Personally, I have no plans to buy this kind of car because I don't want to be riding somewhere and have my car decide to start bungee jumping when I am in it. I have no desire to do any daredevil type stunts when I am out for a nice car ride. Some of the humans will buy it because many of them have no brains, but I'm hoping that they don't have dogs to take with them. If so, they are going to have one very unhappy dog in the car!

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Bungee Jumping Dog)