Dogs Make Best Financial Consultants!

After reading this item on yahoo.com, I realized it is time for some financial advice from me because when you need financial advice, you should always consult a dog! Look at what a mess the humans make of the economy when you let them make decisions! Here is the address so you can read more if you choose to do so:
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/india-tycoons-got-tons-cash-064653323.html

The story is about a billionaire in India who can't invest his money. This is the big problem with the humans--they don't seem to understand that money is paper. Don't get me wrong--it is paper that will buy you food at a drive-thru restaurant, but I certainly would not enjoy eating it as it is. Its main purpose is to buy things that a dog wants like food, treats, bones and toys. Personally, I am a big investor in dingo bones. They are delicious and chewing on them is a great way to spend your spare time. Of course, there are plenty of other good investments-gift certificates to McDonalds, Wendys, and Arbys, milkbones, beggin strips, Yummy Chummies, Zukie jerky etc. I will admit that you don't tend to get more money back from these investments, but some of the humans make investments they lose money on, and at least with these investments, a dog can enjoy them until they are gone. I am thinking of starting my own investment advice website to help the humans who seem to invest in really silly things. I can look around the house and find lots of stupid investments. For example, I hate the vacuum cleaner, and since a house only needs to be vacuumed about once every five years (at the most), it is a total waste of money that could have been spent on something more sensible like a bird house/guillotine. (For those who may not have read my past blogs--I hate birds.) It is a shame that more dogs aren't in the financial services industry, because if we were, things would be different. In fact, for sheer pleasure, a free stick is one of the greatest things you can own!

Demon Flash Bandit (Financial Advisor)

Special Dog Furniture

I am a good dog who allows my humans to use their own furniture when I'm not using it. I did find an interesting website to share with other dogs. The address is: http://www.bigdogbeds.com/ . This site has all sorts of sofas and beds designed specifically for dogs. I will warn you that the furniture on the site is so nice, you might have to make sure the humans know to stay off a dog's furniture. I can just picture myself curled up or stretched out on the dog bed watching a good movie like Snow Dogs or Eight Below. Of course, I would need some tasty dog treats to eat while I watch--perhaps some Yummy Chummies or some Milkbones. Yes, that would be very enjoyable. I have to go now, and make sure my humans see this website. I haven't checked the prices because I am worth whatever they are charging. After all, I am one of the family dogs!!! Demon Flash Bandit (Found Cool Dog Furniture Website)

Farmer Demon Flash Bandit

Winter is my favorite season probably because I'm a "sled dog", but there is one thing about spring that sounds good me, and that is the prospect of planting a garden. The humans plant gardens every spring so that they can harvest tasty food products from their own plot of soil. I pawed through the catalogs Mommy gets, and I didn't really get too excited about planting tomatoes or cucumbers. However, then I realized that I could plant my own stuff. I can plant bones, Yummy Chummies, Milkbones, bacon, etc. to grow my own garden of treats. I have been busily digging in the yard to prepare for all the delicious treats that I plan to grow. A bit of bacon in this hole, a crumb of milkbone in another. By the time the summer is over, I am going to be the envy of every dog in the neighborhood. I have lived here since I was a puppy, and none of the dogs ever have a garden of treats so I know they haven't thought of it yet. After I harvest the treats, I will write a how-to book for other dogs so that they can learn how to grow their own treats too. The proceeds from the book will keep in me treats until it is time to plant a treat garden again next year. Demon Flash Bandit (Farmer Demon)

Investment Advice

Many dogs have written and asked me for advice about investments. This is normal when you are a highly successful dog such as myself. I am glad to share my advice with other dogs. One of the most important rules for investment is to diversify. If you stick with one investment, you run the risk of losing everything if it doesn't do well. This isn't just advice from me. Most financial experts suggest diversification.

I also think you should invest in companies that make products that you feel are good products. My own "portfolio" is fully diversified, and it includes only products worthy of my endorsement. This is why I am invested in Burger King, Dingo bones, Milkbones, dog toys, Yummy Chummies, Beggin' Strips, and various other products too numerous to mention. The best thing about my "portfolio" is that it has nothing to do with Wall Street. My "portfolio" is scattered throughout the house or it is in my tummy. That is what I call the best investments. You can enjoy them. Some of the humans invest in "stock" which is just stupid paper that isn't good to eat and you can't play with it. I think my investments are more practical and enjoyable.

On a separate subject, I would call the governor of Wisconsin a doodyhead, but quite frankly, that is an insult to doody.

Demon Flash Bandit (Investment Advice)

Big Lottery Winner!

I recently enjoyed a tasty fortune cookie in which the fortune read that I would soon be getting some money. I have written in the past about the amazing accurancy of fortune cookies, but even I was astounded at the accuracy of the fortune. It hasn't even been a month, and this dog is now a super rich lottery winner. After receiving that good fortune, I decided to walk into a store and purchase a lottery ticket. I know this would be hard for many dogs because dogs aren't allowed in most stores. However, I walked in and no one noticed that I am a dog because of my gorgeous blue eyes. Since most dogs don't have blue eyes, it makes it easy to trick the humans. I thought perhaps the lady at the counter would give me trouble because I'm officially not old enough to buy a ticket, but since I am an adult dog, I guess I looked old enough that she did not ask for any identification. I handed her $1.00 for a ticket, and it was a winner. Yes, folks, it was a $2.00 winner. Now I have officially doubled my money, and instead of only $1.00, I have $2.00. I'm so glad I heeded the fortune cookie and bought that ticket. Even fortune cookies can't buy the lottery tickets for you. Sometimes you have to take matters into your own paws, and take a risk. I'm sure some of you may be wondering--will I still write the blog now that I am a super rich lottery winner? The answer is yes. I still plan to write the blog. Of course, I will be discussing with the tax attorney I plan to hire the possibility of using it as a tax deduction. When you win the big bucks, it is best to hire a professional to handle the money for you. I am also considering investing some money in the Arctic Paws Company because they make the Yummy Chummie dog treats, and they are delicious. Maybe I'll just invest in the treats and eat them. You can't go wrong with an investment in food.

Demon Flash Bandit (Big Lottery Winner)

Singing Spiderman

Perhaps you have heard about the new Broadway musical starring Spiderman. Since dogs are not allowed to attend Broadway shows, I won't get to see it personally, but in this situation, the jury is still out on whether it is a good thing or bad that dogs aren't allowed. Although they do have some very talented musicians composing the music, Bono and The Edge. The only glitch for me is that I have never felt that Spiderman really needed musical accompaniment. So far, the big song about spiders, Itsy Bitsy Spider, isn't exactly on the charts. Perhaps if it was sung by Spiderman, it might do better, but considering he is usually busy fighting villains, it doesn't leave a super hero much time for singing. This is not the first time that a comic book hero has appeared on Broadway. In 1966, there was a Broadway musical based on Superman, but it didn't last long. It was called It's a Bird....It's a Plane...It's Superman. If Spiderman is successful, it might bring back a new Superman musical. I think Superman would have upbeat music. Perhaps he could perform Happy Feet with some penguins. It would be appropriate since his fortress is located in a cold area, and penguins love it when it is cold. I can envision Batman singing Stuck in the Middle With you if they decided to do a Batman musical. I checked the ticket prices on the Internet, and the prices range from $155.00-$325.00 per ticket on a weekday, and $188.00-$350.00 on the weekend. This dog would be skipping the show even if I were allowed to attend. At those prices a dog could buy a lot of Burger King, dingo bones, and Yummy Chummies. The humans are impractical with money, but not us dogs. We have our priorities.

I hope that the humans who pay so much to go to the new musical enjoy it, but this dog will stay home and chew on a dingo bone. It is hard to beat the entertainment value of a dingo bone!

Demon Flash Bandit (Broadway Critic)

Angry Birds are Really Stupid Birds

Birds have to be one of the most annoying varmints on Planet Earth. Now there is a popular iphone game called Angry Birds. I don't personally play video games much since my paws are a bit clumsy. However, just from the title, Angry Birds, I can tell that this popular video game is stupid. I watched the "trailer" for the game. It seems that the birds were so busy beating up a bug that landed on their eggs, that some pigs managed to steal their eggs while they busy with the bug. I know that the term "bird brains" is used in popular culture for a reason--birds are stupid little animals. Just the fact that many of them migrate south in the winter shows how stupid they are. Why not just stay where it is warm and there is food? Flying hundreds of miles is work--and they do it every year because no bird was smart enough at the start of spring to say to the other birds, "it is nice here, why are we leaving?" This is why it does not surprise me that the pigs could get the eggs--the birds are too stupid to watch over their eggs.

This brings me to another point I saw on the Internet news today. It seems that home schooling is becoming more acceptable. I can only hope that the homes where these children are being home schooled has turned the task over the the family dog. I do have to admit that it has to be frustrating for the dogs. It takes the human puppies so long to learn to do anything. Just look how long it takes them to learn to walk and talk--a dog puppy can do that very quickly. However, we dogs love our humans and we can summon up the patience to deal with the humans puppies if necessary. When is a dog supposed to get in his naps if you have children around bothering the dog? Most of us take our nap time very seriously. This is why I think children should go to school. Parents and dogs need a rest!

Mommy brought home a book last night--I Has a Hot Dog. She has been looking for the book and finally one of the stores she went to had it. She was ready to order it on Amazon. If you want to read a classically good book, this is the book for you. It has cool photos of dogs, and it has captions saying what the dog is thinking. This book should be a best seller if you ask me---it is a great piece of literature. If William Dogspeare had published a book of this quality, I might even say he is a good writer, but I don't think he ever thought of getting out his camera and taking photos.

I'm sorry about the lack of a blog yesterday--it was my humans fault. She took one of my brothers to the theatre, and then she was sick when she got home last night. I would fire her, but I could tell she was really sick, and Angel Zoom Smokey felt it was her job to comfort Mommy. I think she is just trying to worm her way into more treats. She isn't fooling me any. I will not stoop to that level just to get some Yummy Chummies. I have to go now and kiss Mommy. Some Yummy Chummies would taste good in my tummy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Catching up on Blogging)

Stand Up Comic Dog

I'm sorry about the lack of a blog yesterday, but my secretary, Mommy, was gone most of the day. I told her that there were dogs in Cyberland waiting to read my words of wisdom, but she left anyway. Did she go anywhere important? No, not in this dog's opinion. Sure stopping by Burger King to get my burgers was important, but the Chinese restaurant where she ate, and the shopping she did--not important at all!! The least important thing she did was go to the theatre. I have told her many times that my humans should boycott the theatre until they allow dogs, but Jeff wanted to see Resident Evil even though I told him Good Tourist looks like a much better movie, and will be out soon. Mommy went to see Eat, Pray, Love. It seems there were free tickets involved for that movie since Mommy bought some blu ray dvds with free ticket offers on them. To show just how Jeff felt about the preview for that movie, he said he would PAY to see Resident Evil rather than go and see Eat, Pray, Love FREE. I personally would have went to see Eat, Pray, Love with Mommy because it sounds like a good movie centered around food so a dog can get into the subject. I asked Mommy about it, and the main character, Liz, liked to eat, she likes to pray for more food, and she loved the food she got. Mommy might not have described it in exactly those words, but that is what I heard and that is what I wanted to hear. I hear there is going to be a sequel that is being filmed as I write this blog. The sequel will be titled, Get Fat, New Clothing, Diet. I think I will skip its sequel. It does not sound like a dog friendly movie to me because if my vet ever brings up that four letter word, diet, he will be sorry. Aren't veterinarian's fingers low calorie food?LOL

Angel Zoom Smoky and I had fortune cookies last night, and mine said I would have a shower of luck before my birthday so the universe has a couple of months to get busy showering me with good luck. There had better not be any tricks because if the shower involves water, I will not approve, and I might be in the mood for some of those low calorie fingers....yes, I make myself laugh. I don't know why I don't have a stand up act on a cable network. I can see it now....HBO presents, Demon Flash Bandit, the dog who makes America laugh. I could do my "you might be a chicken" jokes and make lots of money and I could buy lots of dingo bones and Yummy Chummies. I think I would be the first stand up comic dog so HBO should take advantage of the opportunity before more dogs get into comedy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Stand Up Comic Dog)

Demon Flash Bandit, Artist

I have many hats (which I refuse to wear)--I am a friend to my humans, the owner of an Internet toy store (http://www.demondigstoys.weebly.com) a writer(http://demonflashbandit.blogspot.com), and now I have added artist to the list. I never planned on being an artist. I even thought perhaps art was beyond my abilities. However, I remembered that as a puppy, I got into Mommy's craft paint and added some lovely orange freckles to my nose. It was then that I realized that I, Demon Flash Bandit, had a rare talent for art. I have to admit I let it lie dormant for several years, but just last week, I got the urge to create a painting that could only be done by me, Demon Flash Bandit. I got out some paint and a canvas and I dipped my paws into the paint, and painted a masterpiece. I like to call it "What Makes my Tail Wag" and I painted a Burger King Whopper on the canvas. I have seen art in museums and, although I don't mean to brag, fact is fact. My painting is better than any of the ones in art museums. I have had so many dogs tell me that my painting has inspired them to eat dinner. What more can an artist ask for in life? Perhaps my next painting will be of Yummy Chummies.

Demon Flash Bandit (Artist)

Vending Machines for Dogs-- A Great Idea!!!!

Vending machines--now they have them with pet products. Yes, it is nice to know that there are vending machines that have wonderful pet products for the humans to buy. When a dog is in the mood for a snack, the dog's human can put some money into a machine and buy the dog a treat. Actually, I am glad they have tasty treats like Bit O Luv and Yummy Chummies in the machines, but when it comes to food, I have no problem with the ice cream machines and the ones who give the humans peanut butter crackers, etc. However, when I learned that they have vending machines with dog toys, that made me happy. Sure, I am perfectly happy eating a human ice cream, but what do you do when you want to play with a ball or a frisbee and there are none available? If you are in a pet vending area, you can buy a toy like that from the machine. That has to be the coolest development in doggy marketing ever. I actually have a machine here at home where I can press the bone, and it gives me a treat. The big difference is that here at home, I don't have to pay any money for the treats. I think this is a wonderful idea, and I'm not sure why the humans didn't think of vending machines for dogs earlier. The only bad thing is that the humans never know when to stop with their ideas. They have also invented a vending machine that "gives a dog a bath". I am against this vending machine for the obvious reason that I don't like baths, and as I have mentioned in an earlier blog under rules for training humans, humans should not be allowed to bathe a dog unless they have written and notarized permission from the dog. Some humans ignore this and continue to bathe dogs without permission, but should the dog decide to have them arrested and taken to court, if they do not have the proper documentation, they would face serious penalties. In fact, they could be put in prison if the judge happens to be a dog. I wonder how many of the humans realize just how serious a matter this is. Judge Beatrice Beagle sent 3 humans to jail last month for that very reason on her television program, Doggy Court. If you haven't watched Doggy Court, you should. I love one of the lawyers on there, Larry the Labrador. You had better watch out if you go up against him. He represented Polly the Pit Bull last month and he got her humans 6 months in prison for the bath they gave her without permission, and they also have to do 300 hours of community service. I hope they have learned their lesson. Polly said the trauma of the bath still bothers her. She gets scared every time she sees a bathtub, and she is having to see a therapist. Anyway, vending machines with dog stuff--an idea whose time has come!

Demon Flash Bandit (I'll Take A Ball and a Frisbee, Please)

Don't Spy On A Dog!

I have some good news for readers who live in Texas and shop at Costco. I am on Arctic Paws email list because they make Yummy Chummies, and they are wonderful dog treats. Anyway, yesterday I got an email saying that they are shipping a large order of them to Costcos in Texas next month. I wonder how long it would take a dog to get to Texas from Michigan.

Today I am going to discuss cameras. I don't mind cameras if they take a photo of a dog looking cute for the humans to ooh and aah over. However, when the camera is one of those web cams that can take videos of a dog doing something he isn't supposed to do, that is a different matter. The worst part of the web cam is that they are broadcast via the Internet to humans all over the world who can actually see a dog when he is getting into trouble. If they could stick to a cat cam (a web cam that shows a cat getting into trouble), dogs would be okay with that. However, we don't need to have the whole world see us decide to get the human food off the counter, or see us eat a piece of furniture. This whole web cam idea is one that should have been stopped before it was started. Fortunately, I am a good dog who doesn't get into trouble, but a dog has to watch out for other dogs. If you are a dog, and a web cam is brought into the house, throw it in the trash immediately. If a new computer with a built in web cam is brought home, find a way to disable the camera--even if you can only put something over it so that it can't see anything. I suggest putting a paw in front of it, and then put on a sign that says talk to the paw. That should teach the humans to spy on a dog.

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Fan Of Web Cams)

Talking Toys

I don't mean to brag, but I am one lucky dog. I happen to own talking toys. Yes, my toys don't just sit around quietly, they talk. Some of them squeak, and some of them sing, and some of them make other sounds. I happen to like talking toys. I will admit that some of them quit talking after I play with them, but they were still talking toys when I started with them. I think this is why I got interested in learning other languages which has been instrumental in my discoveries about birds. Since learning their language, I know they are singing about taking a dog's snow and causing global warming, but that is not the topic for today's post. Today's post is about toys. Toys are important for a dog. I like to rip my toys apart--I refer to it as "surgery". There was this one black chicken which Mommy had to continually buy for me until the store quit carrying it because I loved to rip that toy apart. It turned out it was good training for how to treat birds in real life, but I really loved that black chicken. I used to rip it up and take its squeaky and carry it around the house with me. I became a real life dog squeaky toy and it was so cool. This dog always enjoys the toys that make noise the best, and if you are ever looking for a gift for a dog, noisy toys are always appreciated--as are dingo bones and Yummy Chummies. I hope my readers have a nice weekend.

Demon Flash Bandit (Talking About Toys)

Doggy Dreaming

Since napping is a favorite past time of mine, I do enjoy a lot of dreams, and most of them are good. I often dream about a nice meal at Burger King or perhaps a good run without a leash. However, not all dreams are good so it does make a dog wonder if the humans realize how silly they sound when they talk like having their dreams come true would always be a good thing. I know we dogs tend to have good dreams, but the humans sometimes have nightmares, but they are still dreams. Who would want them to come true? Do the humans want some alien monster chasing them around in real life? I know the humans aren't as intelligent as us dogs, but I think even they have some sense. It would be nice if good dreams came true, but I do think it would be important to make sure that you specify--just in case the "Big Guy" is listening and decides to give you your heart's desire.

Since some of you might be wondering what kinds of things I dream about, I will tell you. Burger King burgers, Yummy Chummies, dingo bones, squeaky toys, tummy rubs, etc. This dog knows what matters in life, and those are the kinds of things that matter.

Demon Flash Bandit (Doggy Dreamer)