I Want to Be The First Dog Lottery Winner!

Since the mega millions lottery is at a record high level, this dog is planning to buy a ticket. After all, half a billion dollars will buy a lot of dingo bones even after taxes. I should check into that....does a dog have to pay taxes? It does not seem fair since we aren't allowed to be tax deductions for our humans, receive government aid or even collect social security-not that I have ever met a dog who is 65 in human years. Anyway, it would still be a lot of money, and since the "experts" say that if you should win, you should consult with an expert, I have already prepared just in case I do win. The expert is the best financial genius that I could ever find--myself. I have decided to take the money in one lump sum and, after buying a truck load of dingo bones, milkbones, and treats, and putting some money away for future treats, then I will use part of the money to invest in companies which I believe in and support. The companies are: dingo bones, milkbones, McDonalds, Wendy's, Arbys, etc. Most will be food related because both dogs and humans have to eat to survive so I think these companies make the most sensible investments. The rest I will donate to dogs in shelters who need to find homes. Now I must go and dream about all the dingo bones I am going to buy with the jackpot. I will also make news as the first dog to win! Then I will write a book about my experiences and the profits from it will go to the dogs in shelters. I won't need them anyway.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Plans to Buy a Ticket for the Lottery)

Dogs Make Best Financial Consultants!

After reading this item on yahoo.com, I realized it is time for some financial advice from me because when you need financial advice, you should always consult a dog! Look at what a mess the humans make of the economy when you let them make decisions! Here is the address so you can read more if you choose to do so:
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/india-tycoons-got-tons-cash-064653323.html

The story is about a billionaire in India who can't invest his money. This is the big problem with the humans--they don't seem to understand that money is paper. Don't get me wrong--it is paper that will buy you food at a drive-thru restaurant, but I certainly would not enjoy eating it as it is. Its main purpose is to buy things that a dog wants like food, treats, bones and toys. Personally, I am a big investor in dingo bones. They are delicious and chewing on them is a great way to spend your spare time. Of course, there are plenty of other good investments-gift certificates to McDonalds, Wendys, and Arbys, milkbones, beggin strips, Yummy Chummies, Zukie jerky etc. I will admit that you don't tend to get more money back from these investments, but some of the humans make investments they lose money on, and at least with these investments, a dog can enjoy them until they are gone. I am thinking of starting my own investment advice website to help the humans who seem to invest in really silly things. I can look around the house and find lots of stupid investments. For example, I hate the vacuum cleaner, and since a house only needs to be vacuumed about once every five years (at the most), it is a total waste of money that could have been spent on something more sensible like a bird house/guillotine. (For those who may not have read my past blogs--I hate birds.) It is a shame that more dogs aren't in the financial services industry, because if we were, things would be different. In fact, for sheer pleasure, a free stick is one of the greatest things you can own!

Demon Flash Bandit (Financial Advisor)

Film Director: Demon Flash Bandit

I have mentioned in the past that dogs are better actors than humans and should star in more movies. However, now there is a product that can help a dog go beyond merely acting and into directing, producing, or even just being a cameradog. That product is from the nice people at dogtek. They sell a video cam for dogs that takes movies as the dog walks around. This opens up a new opportunity for me, Demon Flash Bandit, to become a director. I have some great ideas for a movie, and I even have a brother who has a movie script in the works. I think I'll have him write a script that stars me and maybe Angel Zoom Smokey. However, since Angel Zoom Smokey bit my paw earlier today in a scuffle over the ownership of some Arbys roast beast, I might not let her be in my movie. I will probably make an epic type of movie--you know something on the level of Lord of the Rings, but maybe only lasting 15 or 20 minutes. If I go much longer than that, most dogs are going to want to stop watching to take a nap so you have to keep it down to a reasonable amount of time. In fact, the humans have even less of an attention span. If it goes more than 5 minutes, the average human will be jumping around in their chairs acting stupid. Okay, that is not true. The average human starts acting stupid even before they sit down to watch--it does not take 5 minutes. Anyway, the address for the pet cam is:
http://www.dogtek.com/eyenimal/?utm_source=adwords&utm_medium=cpc&gclid=CImYoZystKwCFcvJKgodpEcuHw
With this web cam, I could start my own television program: Funniest Dog Videos. I bet it would be an awesome television show!

Demon Flash Bandit (Film Director Demon Flash Bandit )

Money: Not Just for Breakfast Anymore!

A couple in Florida have a dog named Tuity who ate $1,000 in cash. Then they fed the dog hydrogen peroxide to make the dog vomit the money back up, and sent the pieces to the Department of Treasury for replacement. I feel bad for the dog being forced to drink hydrogen peroxide to throw up. I can guarantee you if Tuity had something like roast beast from Arbys, Tuity would not have had to resort to eating money. Money was a stupid thing for the humans to feed Tuity because money is not edible unless Tuity is a termite. Perhaps the couple thought they had a pet termite instead of a dog! It would have been cheaper to leave some decent treats laying around for Tuity. Anyway, I think if the humans are going to start feeding their dogs money (and I do not recommend this as a diet option), they should at least face the consequences and not induce the dog into vomitting so that they can get their money back. If you ask me, this is a stingy couple who needs to learn where the treat section of the store is located!

Demon Flash Bandit (Money--Not Edible)

My Solution to All Economic Problems

I hope everyone had a nice New Year's Day. My humans had Arbys chicken sandwiches. Yeah, they really know how to live it up. Then I found out how to solve all financial problems and make sure that everyone in the world is prosperous. I overheard my Mommy telling my human brother Jeff that when she was growing up, her Mother always had ham on New Year's Day. Why did they have ham? Because if you eat ham on New Year's Day, you will live high off the hog all year. If you eat chicken, you will be scratching for a living. This made me wonder about my humans because they ate chicken sandwiches, but they were cordon bleu so that means they were chicken with ham. Do they cancel each other out and make it a moderately successful new year or do you count one or the other? You would think that, with this kind of knowledge available to Mommy, that she would not have taken such stupid chances with dinner yesterday. She also said that black eyed peas are supposed to be served for good luck. Of course, the humans didn't eat them either. I am not quite sure how peas who were unlucky enough to be given a black eye can be lucky, but perhaps even if they aren't lucky themselves, they have the power to give good luck to humans. Personally, I think eating Burger King on New Year's Day means that you will be living royally all year. Guess who had Burger King yesterday? Yes, it was me. I do love Burger King. This means that I will be King for the rest of the year. This dog does not take chances with ancient superstitions.



With the world economy not doing well, it would have been nice if I had known these dinner facts in advance. I could have told everyone to eat ham yesterday, and everyone would have had a prosperous new year. I called Bo Obama today to let him know how simple the solution to everybody's economic problems happens to be. I hope next year, we can make sure everyone has ham for dinner except for us dogs--we can eat Burger King.



Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing a Solution to World Economic Problems)