I Want to Be The First Dog Lottery Winner!

Since the mega millions lottery is at a record high level, this dog is planning to buy a ticket. After all, half a billion dollars will buy a lot of dingo bones even after taxes. I should check into that....does a dog have to pay taxes? It does not seem fair since we aren't allowed to be tax deductions for our humans, receive government aid or even collect social security-not that I have ever met a dog who is 65 in human years. Anyway, it would still be a lot of money, and since the "experts" say that if you should win, you should consult with an expert, I have already prepared just in case I do win. The expert is the best financial genius that I could ever find--myself. I have decided to take the money in one lump sum and, after buying a truck load of dingo bones, milkbones, and treats, and putting some money away for future treats, then I will use part of the money to invest in companies which I believe in and support. The companies are: dingo bones, milkbones, McDonalds, Wendy's, Arbys, etc. Most will be food related because both dogs and humans have to eat to survive so I think these companies make the most sensible investments. The rest I will donate to dogs in shelters who need to find homes. Now I must go and dream about all the dingo bones I am going to buy with the jackpot. I will also make news as the first dog to win! Then I will write a book about my experiences and the profits from it will go to the dogs in shelters. I won't need them anyway.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Plans to Buy a Ticket for the Lottery)

Dogs Make Best Financial Consultants!

After reading this item on yahoo.com, I realized it is time for some financial advice from me because when you need financial advice, you should always consult a dog! Look at what a mess the humans make of the economy when you let them make decisions! Here is the address so you can read more if you choose to do so:
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/india-tycoons-got-tons-cash-064653323.html

The story is about a billionaire in India who can't invest his money. This is the big problem with the humans--they don't seem to understand that money is paper. Don't get me wrong--it is paper that will buy you food at a drive-thru restaurant, but I certainly would not enjoy eating it as it is. Its main purpose is to buy things that a dog wants like food, treats, bones and toys. Personally, I am a big investor in dingo bones. They are delicious and chewing on them is a great way to spend your spare time. Of course, there are plenty of other good investments-gift certificates to McDonalds, Wendys, and Arbys, milkbones, beggin strips, Yummy Chummies, Zukie jerky etc. I will admit that you don't tend to get more money back from these investments, but some of the humans make investments they lose money on, and at least with these investments, a dog can enjoy them until they are gone. I am thinking of starting my own investment advice website to help the humans who seem to invest in really silly things. I can look around the house and find lots of stupid investments. For example, I hate the vacuum cleaner, and since a house only needs to be vacuumed about once every five years (at the most), it is a total waste of money that could have been spent on something more sensible like a bird house/guillotine. (For those who may not have read my past blogs--I hate birds.) It is a shame that more dogs aren't in the financial services industry, because if we were, things would be different. In fact, for sheer pleasure, a free stick is one of the greatest things you can own!

Demon Flash Bandit (Financial Advisor)

Long Live the King

I used to love Burger King hamburgers, but I quit going there awhile back because when my human went to order my burgers--stackers with only bacon, the employee refused to ring up stackers with bacon but no condiments, and proceeded to argue with my human by telling her that she couldn't ring up a stacker without condiments. The manager had to come over to straighten it out, but my human was so annoyed that the company had refused to allow her to order it "her way" which was even more serious because it was my way. When Burger King starts giving one of their most loyal customers trouble, it is time to switch. My human called the company to tell them what had happened (by the way, BK has no toll free number so you know the company does not want to hear from its customers). The customer representative told my human that individual franchises have the right to charge you for leaving things off a burger. I have mentioned all this already in a past blog, but I'm recapping it for those who haven't read it or forgot it. Ever since then, I have been going to the competition, McDonalds. I wouldn't eat the burgers there when I was a puppy, but now I find them quite tasty! Anyway, Burger King is changing its fries and dropping its mascot, the King. This explains why things are so lousy at Burger King. The King, who took care of his kingdom and made sure all the burger problems were taken care of has been replaced by a bunch of stupid humans in customer service. I also read today that Wendys is about to take over Burger King's spot. This is what happens when a company messes with an order for Demon Flash Bandit. They probably wish I hadn't written anything about their treatment of my order in my blog. I think they had better fix the kingdom by putting the king back on his throne. The humans running the place aren't doing a good job. I would volunteer to be in charge, but I'm eating at McDonalds now, and I suspect it would be an annoying job that would eat into my nap time.

By the way, an update on yesterday's igloo building blog--I have decided to include a bathtub. It is not for baths, but it is for waterboarding terrorist birds. I really hate those evil birds!

Demon Flash Bandit (Long Live the Burger King!)

Trick or Treat: I Would Love a Job

I have been contemplating ways to keep my candy safe from those thieving little human puppies who come by yelling trick or treat on Halloween. When Mommy was cleaning out my brother's closet, I had the brilliant plan to give the kids used clothing, books, etc. instead of candy so the little deadbeats could sell the stuff on Ebay and make their own money. Mommy gave the stuff away so that is no longer a viable option. However, a dog who possesses my genius, will always be able to come up with another idea. I think the new idea is even more intelligent than the first idea.

I have been going by places and asking for job applications and each little deadbeat is going to get his or her own job application. The candy will taste sweeter if they have had to work for it, and Demon Flash Bandit gets to keep the stash in the house. I know there are a few of you who might be saying, "Demon Flash Bandit if your humans don't mind giving out the candy, why are you so against it?". That is a stupid question that isn't even worthy of my time, but I will answer it anyway. My humans are stupid, and the candy is mine, mine, MINE. Do you know how hard it is for a dog to get candy from the humans. Sometimes Mommy doesn't even have my favorite candy on the shopping list. Those human puppies are not contributing to society. Many of them are still expecting their parents to watch out for them even though they are 2 or 3 years old. Excuse me......I could take care of myself after a couple of months. Angel Zoom Smokey is 3, and if she wants some food, she can climb up and get it for herself. The humans start out whining and being taken care of and look what happens when they grow up--they grow up complaining and whining. I say that you have to stop this behavior early by bringing them up right.

I'm sure the children will be very happy to find where they get the chance to work....I've got applications for McDonalds, Wendys, Taco Bell, and Walmart. They can stock the lower shelves at Walmart which is just right for them. I will not be handing out applications for Burger King because that is where I get my dinner, and this dog doesn't want some incompetent 4 year old messing up my order.

I have to tell you that this new concept has me looking forward to Halloweeen. By the way, I have cleverly filled in the age for the children in advance...stupid child labor laws....

Demon Flash Bandit (Job Applications--Not Hand Outs)