Saturday, October 16, 2010

Trick or Treat: I Would Love a Job

I have been contemplating ways to keep my candy safe from those thieving little human puppies who come by yelling trick or treat on Halloween. When Mommy was cleaning out my brother's closet, I had the brilliant plan to give the kids used clothing, books, etc. instead of candy so the little deadbeats could sell the stuff on Ebay and make their own money. Mommy gave the stuff away so that is no longer a viable option. However, a dog who possesses my genius, will always be able to come up with another idea. I think the new idea is even more intelligent than the first idea.

I have been going by places and asking for job applications and each little deadbeat is going to get his or her own job application. The candy will taste sweeter if they have had to work for it, and Demon Flash Bandit gets to keep the stash in the house. I know there are a few of you who might be saying, "Demon Flash Bandit if your humans don't mind giving out the candy, why are you so against it?". That is a stupid question that isn't even worthy of my time, but I will answer it anyway. My humans are stupid, and the candy is mine, mine, MINE. Do you know how hard it is for a dog to get candy from the humans. Sometimes Mommy doesn't even have my favorite candy on the shopping list. Those human puppies are not contributing to society. Many of them are still expecting their parents to watch out for them even though they are 2 or 3 years old. Excuse me......I could take care of myself after a couple of months. Angel Zoom Smokey is 3, and if she wants some food, she can climb up and get it for herself. The humans start out whining and being taken care of and look what happens when they grow up--they grow up complaining and whining. I say that you have to stop this behavior early by bringing them up right.

I'm sure the children will be very happy to find where they get the chance to work....I've got applications for McDonalds, Wendys, Taco Bell, and Walmart. They can stock the lower shelves at Walmart which is just right for them. I will not be handing out applications for Burger King because that is where I get my dinner, and this dog doesn't want some incompetent 4 year old messing up my order.

I have to tell you that this new concept has me looking forward to Halloweeen. By the way, I have cleverly filled in the age for the children in advance...stupid child labor laws....

Demon Flash Bandit (Job Applications--Not Hand Outs)

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