New Product: Fortune Cookie Machine

Occasionally, I enjoy sharing with my readers new products that are sure to make a big difference in everyone's lives. Today I am excited to introduce a fortune cookie machine. I happen to LOVE fortune cookies. In addition to my fortune, I get to eat a very delicious cookie. Of course, you can buy them ready made, but what if you can have your humans baking them for you at home anytime you want them? It sounds like a dream, but it is now a reality. I'm sure dogs could use the machine too, but it is much easier to have the humans do it for you. I think this is a product that should have been invented decades ago. I'm amazed that the humans have survived without this product. I am going to share the information about it with my readers. I'm sure all of you who see this blog will want to rush out and buy yourself one--and if it is a human reading it, buy it so you can make these delicious cookies for your dog. I think I would like to try one dipped in peanut butter. Here is the web address:

http://www.cnet.com/8301-13553_1-20123339-32/bake-your-own-custom-fortune-cookies/

I saw this product at my local Target store last week. I'm sure it will be available in other stores soon since it is due to be out in spring of 2012.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Fortune Cookies)

Humans Need to Learn to Have Fun!

Angel Zoom Smokey and myself both received plush squeaky sheep for Valentine's Day, and we both enjoyed our special toys. Each of us got a fortune cookie, and as usual, I will share our fortunes with my readers. My fortune says that I will be very lucky. I was pleased with that fortune, and Angel's fortune said she would start a new project, which has already happened. Yes, she has already started annoying me with yet another of her "projects". The latest project is trying to take my new toy.

Mommy went to see the movie, The King's Speech yesterday, and here is the movie review. It was an excellent movie. I personally don't think I would want to be a member of the royal family because it sounds like it is just too much trouble. I'm sure the dogs in the royal family don't mind because the people aren't constantly bugging them, but the humans that are royalty are always being judged by their subjects, and that can get very tiring. I bet they can't even nap whenever they feel like it either. What is the point of being royalty if it isn't fun?

The Westminster Dog Show is continuing today, and although I enjoy the show, it is similar to being royalty. It is way too much trouble for a dog to have to be good during the show. I think the show would be improved if they added a mud fight or something of similar interest to dogs.

I have to go now. When I start writing about naps, I begin to realize that it would be better to take one than talk about a nap.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Enjoys a Good Nap)

Big Lottery Winner!

I recently enjoyed a tasty fortune cookie in which the fortune read that I would soon be getting some money. I have written in the past about the amazing accurancy of fortune cookies, but even I was astounded at the accuracy of the fortune. It hasn't even been a month, and this dog is now a super rich lottery winner. After receiving that good fortune, I decided to walk into a store and purchase a lottery ticket. I know this would be hard for many dogs because dogs aren't allowed in most stores. However, I walked in and no one noticed that I am a dog because of my gorgeous blue eyes. Since most dogs don't have blue eyes, it makes it easy to trick the humans. I thought perhaps the lady at the counter would give me trouble because I'm officially not old enough to buy a ticket, but since I am an adult dog, I guess I looked old enough that she did not ask for any identification. I handed her $1.00 for a ticket, and it was a winner. Yes, folks, it was a $2.00 winner. Now I have officially doubled my money, and instead of only $1.00, I have $2.00. I'm so glad I heeded the fortune cookie and bought that ticket. Even fortune cookies can't buy the lottery tickets for you. Sometimes you have to take matters into your own paws, and take a risk. I'm sure some of you may be wondering--will I still write the blog now that I am a super rich lottery winner? The answer is yes. I still plan to write the blog. Of course, I will be discussing with the tax attorney I plan to hire the possibility of using it as a tax deduction. When you win the big bucks, it is best to hire a professional to handle the money for you. I am also considering investing some money in the Arctic Paws Company because they make the Yummy Chummie dog treats, and they are delicious. Maybe I'll just invest in the treats and eat them. You can't go wrong with an investment in food.

Demon Flash Bandit (Big Lottery Winner)

Under Which Zodiac Sign Was Sonny With Hair Born?

Professor Parke Kunkle of the Minnesota Planetarium Society, claims the Earth has changed over the years and those changes have resulted in the necessity of a new zodiac sign, Ophiuchus. This change would mean that I would no longer be a Scorpio, but instead, I would be a Libra. It isn't that I mind being a Libra, but I think I will stick with fortune cookies for predicting my future. They are accurate, and they are also tasty to eat after you are done reading your fortune.

Speaking of reading, Sonny, the dog who can read, could be a reincarnation of Sonny Bono. According to the Weekly World News, one of the few newspapers a dog can trust, this is the case. Lucky for Sonny, he got the same name so he doesn't have to get used to a new one. I'm wondering if he can also write songs. Several of the networks are vying to get him to star in a new television show, Sonny With Hair. It is about time a dog is the star of a show because it would make an excellent show. I'm hoping that one of the networks can get Sonny to sign on for it. The only thing that bothers me is that Sonny thinks he is a person--not a dog. I think he needs some help with self esteem. We dogs are so much better than the humans.

Demon Flash Bandit (Proud to be a Dog)

Musical Composer--Dog of Many Talents

I was watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia with Mommy last night, and one episode had Charley's musical, The Night Man cometh. There was also a viewing of the live show that was held on April 17-18, 2009 in Los Angeles at the Troubadour. This inspired me because if the humans could have shows that sold out in 10 minutes, a dog should be able to do even better. This made me write my own musical, and I based in on The Night Man Cometh. Here is the main song:

Dog Man, leader of the Cat Man, ooh ahh,
Killer of the Birds, ooh ahh,
Master of cuteness and friendship for every dog.

I'm quite sure the Troubadour will be happy to book my musical. I got a fortune cookie yesterday that said I would soon be rich so I'm sure if I took that in to show them, they would know my show has to be a major success. You can't argue with a fortune cookie. I'm sure the humans will love my show. As you know, most humans would love to be dogs--not having to work and napping all the time.

I hope everyone is having a delightful weekend, and remember, dogs lead cats. Cats are okay to have around, but are always inferior to dogs.

Demon Flash Bandit (Musical Composer)

I'll Be a Lead Dog!

Things are going well for the Deemster! The fortune in my fortune cookies have been good (as were the fortune cookies themselves--I love those little cookies). I just read my horoscope, and it says that an idea I set in motion in the past will happen. I have had many wonderful ideas, but I have to assume that my ideas about saving my candy from the mooching human puppies who want to take my Halloween candy will catch on. It is Friday, and the weekend approaches which means very little to me since my weekends are very much like my weekdays, but some of the humans "live for the weekend". I think this shows how stupid the humans happen to be. They work all week, many of them at jobs they hate, and live for the weekend when they are off. If you ask me, they should just find jobs they like--if that is even possible. The very word, work, does not tend to give the image of anything fun happening there.

I have a major announcement that my readers are going to learn here first. Doesn't that make you feel privileged? I have decided to mush in the big Alaskan sled race, Iditarod. I will be the lead dog of my sled, and the next race will be a memorable one. Instead of mushing all that way through the wilderness, I will talk the other lead dogs into mushing to the local Burger King. I think it would make the race more enjoyable for the dogs, and it would definitely make Iditarod history. By the way, I hope each musher has enough money to pay Burger King for the food. I know I don't want to use my money to pay for food, and I'm sure the other dogs feel as strongly about this point as I do. Be sure and watch the race, and cheer for me and the other lead dogs as we go through the drive thru lane of Burger King....in fact, I think we should be invited inside to eat. There will be a lot of us, and we do enjoy elegance too. It isn't just something for the humans.

Demon Flash Bandit (Iditarod to Burger King)

Good Fortune and Good Decorating--All in One Blog

I have some exciting news to share with my readers. Mommy and Jeff ate at the Chinese restaurant yesterday, and as usual, they brought home their fortune cookies to Angel Zoom Smokey and myself. We LOVE fortune cookies, and in the past the fortunes have been amazingly accurate. My fortune yesterday was: "Something on four wheels will soon be a fun investment for you". I was so excited when I read that---I am getting a car!!!!! I have wanted to drive since I was a puppy, but I never expected to get my own car!!!!! I just thought I would have to drive the humans' car. Now, thanks to the fortune, I know I will be getting my OWN car. I'm so excited I can hardly wait until this prediction comes true. Imagine me, Demon Flash Bandit, cruising down the road in my new car. I hope it is a convertible. I loved riding in Daddy's convertible. I didn't even have to stick my head out the window to feel the wind in my fur. To show what a great dog I am, I'll even let Angel Zoom Smokey ride in the passenger seat.

On the home front, I have decided to put myself in charge of holiday decorating for Howloween. I plan to go and catch some decorations. I plan to decorate with the usual things--dead birds (my favorite), dead rats, dead possums, etc. because I plan to have a dead varmint motif. The best thing about the decorating scheme is that Angel Zoom Smokey and myself will have lots of bones to munch on after the holiday. I have to admit that I am hoping the dead varmint motif will scare the little trick or treaters into avoiding the house and then all the candy will be mine, mine, mine, MINE!!!!! My humans are idiots. I say the human puppies are stealing the candy, but my humans are accessories. They stand there like idiots just giving it to the children and the children don't even have guns or anything to make my humans give the candy to them. If a child got candy from Angel Zoom Smokey or myself, they had better have a gun on them and be ready to use it. We don't give up candy easily.

Demon Flash Bandit (Howloween Decorating Coordinator)

Stand Up Comic Dog

I'm sorry about the lack of a blog yesterday, but my secretary, Mommy, was gone most of the day. I told her that there were dogs in Cyberland waiting to read my words of wisdom, but she left anyway. Did she go anywhere important? No, not in this dog's opinion. Sure stopping by Burger King to get my burgers was important, but the Chinese restaurant where she ate, and the shopping she did--not important at all!! The least important thing she did was go to the theatre. I have told her many times that my humans should boycott the theatre until they allow dogs, but Jeff wanted to see Resident Evil even though I told him Good Tourist looks like a much better movie, and will be out soon. Mommy went to see Eat, Pray, Love. It seems there were free tickets involved for that movie since Mommy bought some blu ray dvds with free ticket offers on them. To show just how Jeff felt about the preview for that movie, he said he would PAY to see Resident Evil rather than go and see Eat, Pray, Love FREE. I personally would have went to see Eat, Pray, Love with Mommy because it sounds like a good movie centered around food so a dog can get into the subject. I asked Mommy about it, and the main character, Liz, liked to eat, she likes to pray for more food, and she loved the food she got. Mommy might not have described it in exactly those words, but that is what I heard and that is what I wanted to hear. I hear there is going to be a sequel that is being filmed as I write this blog. The sequel will be titled, Get Fat, New Clothing, Diet. I think I will skip its sequel. It does not sound like a dog friendly movie to me because if my vet ever brings up that four letter word, diet, he will be sorry. Aren't veterinarian's fingers low calorie food?LOL

Angel Zoom Smoky and I had fortune cookies last night, and mine said I would have a shower of luck before my birthday so the universe has a couple of months to get busy showering me with good luck. There had better not be any tricks because if the shower involves water, I will not approve, and I might be in the mood for some of those low calorie fingers....yes, I make myself laugh. I don't know why I don't have a stand up act on a cable network. I can see it now....HBO presents, Demon Flash Bandit, the dog who makes America laugh. I could do my "you might be a chicken" jokes and make lots of money and I could buy lots of dingo bones and Yummy Chummies. I think I would be the first stand up comic dog so HBO should take advantage of the opportunity before more dogs get into comedy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Stand Up Comic Dog)

Poppin Fresh'--My Pal

This dog enjoys a good dessert so I invited my pal, Poppin' Fresh, the Pillsbury Doughboy for a visit. I knew he could bake some tasty items for a dog to enjoy. We were sitting around having some cookies, and talking. He was relating his life experiences to me because he wants me to write his biography. I can't understand why his biography isn't already on the book shelves since he is such an iconic character. He told me about his early life when he was just a little cookie, and how he grew up to become the dough boy. He once met the Gingerbread Man, but he said the Gingerbread Man wasn't particularly nice. I will take his word for that. It does seem like a cookie that runs away from the human that made him can't be very nice. Since he eventually got eaten by a fox, I suppose he would have been happier if he hadn't run from the little old lady. He has met the Muffin Man, but they tend to have different schedules so they have never spent much time together.

Poppin' Fresh never expected to become such a star, but the nice folks at Pillsbury were so impressed with him that he has been their spokesdough for years now. He has quite the fan base, and even has a store selling collectibles. With all his accomplishments, he says he is still just plain dough. I am so pleased that he would ask me, his pal, to write his biography. After a couple of hours, we watched a bit of television--he loves the Food Channel. The best thing about writing his biography is that I will get to spend a lot of time with him, and he has promised to bake me some special dog biscuits the next time he drops by--Burger King flavor. I am so excited! Then this finger came out of nowhere and poked him in the tummy. Why is that finger always following him around? I'll have to wait until his next visit to ask him about that.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who is Pals With Celebrity Doughboy, Poppin' Fresh)

I Do Not Wear a Tin Can

I know many of my fans have asked me why I turned down the role of Iron Dog, but did you see that outfit? I had to refuse the role because this dog does not dress in a tin can. They managed to find a human who was willing to play the part, and it has become a successful franchise for him, but I stand by my original decision. I will never wear a tin can just to play a role in a movie.

I have a serious problem to report in this blog. Mommy often brings Angel Zoom Smokey and myself fortune cookies when she goes to the Chinese restaurant, and my fortune said I should expand my business so I assume I am supposed to become a more serious writer. However, Angel Zoom Smokey's cookie was missing its fortune!!! I wonder how often this happens. Sure, Angel ate the cookie and said that it didn't really matter. However, I could see the sadness in her eyes and sure, it could have been because the cookie was gone, but I have to think not having a fortune might have had something to do with it. What does it mean when you don't get a fortune in your cookie? Is your future so bad the cookie can't even talk about it? Do you not have a future? Did the cookie baker perhaps just miss putting the fortune in the cookie? (How likely is that?) Is Angel Zoom Smokey at the forefront of some massive plot to cheat customers out of fortunes? Just to be safe, I shared my fortune with her. I wouldn't want to see anything bad to happen to her. Now if only we can figure out what business we are supposed to expand......there are so many.

Demon Flash Bandit (I Could Be Iron Dog if I Were Willing to Wear a Tin Can)

Fortune Cookies: Uncanny accuracy

I happen to be a big fan of cookies--oatmeal, peanut butter, vanilla wafers, etc. The one cookie that I not only enjoy eating, but that also gives me words of wisdom is the fortune cookie. The fortune cookie is delicious, and when you break it open, there is a small piece of paper with a "fortune" on it. In this case, the fortune is not referring to an actual treasure, but it tells a dog what a dog needs to know. Normally, I would be cynical about its accuracy, but I have to tell you that, after eating quite a few fortune cookies, this dog has a great respect for their wisdom. Last week, my cookie said, "People enjoy having you around. Appreciate this." Of course, it is true--the humans do enjoy having me around, but despite its obvious accuracy, I realized that it could just be a coincidence. Then today I got another cookie and the fortune said, "You are admired for your adventurous ways." Here I am writing a blog entitled, Adventures of a Lead Dog, and the cookie talks about how adventurous I am. Who would have thought a cookie could know so much? Anyway, I am now a firm believer in fortune cookies. In fact, I am wondering why you see advertisements for psychic hotlines and no ads for fortune cookie hotlines. Now I am getting worried that, once the humans see how accurate they are, they will buy up all the fortune cookies so that there won't be any left for this dog--and in addition to being accurate, they are also delicious! I think perhaps I should head for the store now to buy up all the ones on the shelf before the humans realize how wonderful they are. I would love to write more, but an important adventure has just come up. Until tomorrow.....

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Fortune Cookies)