I'm Not Fond of "Time Keepers"

Time passes so quickly. It seems like it was just yesterday when I was writing a blog. Perhaps that is because I do write a blog everyday so I guess time is running as it is supposed to. However, I am not thrilled with time's partner, the clock. The stupid clock goes off and makes noise which wakes my humans which, in turn, wakes me up. This is not fair or right. Also, the humans can be in the middle of a tummy rub, and suddenly, they quit rubbing my tummy and tell me the clock says it is late. Therefore, the clock and the watch (a clock humans wear on their wrists) has become my enemy. Normally, I do not declare war on household items, but those "time keepers" have annoyed me for the last time. I suggest you do the same. Perhaps if the humans don't have any idea what time it is, they can start doing sensible things with their time....like give their dog a tummy rub! I've got to go now. That talk of a tummy rub sounds wonderful!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Hates "Time Keepers")

I Own a Siberivarious Violin!

Strativarious violins have been considered the best violins ever made. As a dog who is a violinist, I'm sure you are thinking that, with all my dog talent, I must own a Strativarious violin. Of course, I always want to have the very best violin available to me in my paws so you might be surprised to learn that my violin is not a Strativarious. It is a much more expensive violin which is a Siberivarious. It is made by Siberian Huskies, and you know it has to be the best because dogs always do things better than humans. From the first time it is played by the paws of one of the talented huskies who made it, it brings sweet music to the world. Since I'm a blogger, I am fortunate that I can buy such a priceless item. Mommy says I make no money from my blog, but I'm sure I must be a cazillionaire by now. Humans aren't usually good in math so you can't trust them with numbers. Other dogs who read my blog have told me that I must be super rich to have such a successful blog. I can't disagree with them. Anyway, that is how I could afford such an expensive violin. I've got to go now, and play my violin. There are so few hours in the day for us talented dogs to use all our talents!

Demon Flash Bandit (Siberivarious Violin Owner)

Puppy-Kitten Is it a Hoax?

I take a day off from writing a blog, and when I return, I find a news item that upsets me. A man in South Korea said his dog gave birth to a litter of puppies and one kitten--or I guess that would be one half dog, half cat. As a dog, I am hoping this story is a hoax. Don't get me wrong. I don't hate cats, but I also don't want to see the doggy gene pool messed up with cat genes. What is next? Dogs refusing to eat unless the food is exactly what they want to eat? Dogs not coming when the humans call their names? Dogs who refuse to do tricks because tricks are "too much trouble"? Wait a minute, that sounds like me, and I am not half cat. However, I will never use a litter box....it just does not seem sanitary to me. For those who want to read the link for themselves, here it is:
http://www.pawnation.com/2012/07/23/south-korean-man-claims-his-dog-gave-birth-to-a-kitten/?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl30%7Csec1_lnk2%26pLid%3D182907#page=1

I do have one good thing to say about cats: they like to kill birds. I agree with them on the bird situation!

Demon Flash Bandit (Half Dog, Half Cat)

Demon Flash Bandit: Dog Needs Toilet Tank Aquarium!

In my last blog, I mentioned a cool product I found on the Internet that is a toilet tank and an aquarium all in one. I think this is not only a cool product, but a product that a dog would find very entertaining. As I predicted, when I told Mommy I wanted her to order one and have it installed (and I didn't insist she put it in both bathrooms even though that would be a great idea), she told me that the ones in those bathrooms are working just fine, and she sees no need to spend money to replace things that work okay. At least she did agree that it would be cool to have one which makes her a lot more intelligent than some of the other humans--one of which called it (and I quote) "silly". I would order it myself, but it seems that a dog does not get paid for writing a blog (yeah, it seems crazy to me too--I've read some of the blogs written by humans and they aren't even interesting). Anyway, I had one of those moments when a lightbulb goes off over my head. It didn't hurt that I was sitting under a light fixture when it happened, but I knew that I had solved my problem of getting the fish tank toilet. All I have to do is ask my readers to send me money. Here is the address:
Demon Flash Bandit
United States
I'm sure that will be enough for the post office to get the money to me. I'm sure all the humans know who I am, and are probably jealous of my many, many postings which are always better than anything they could write. I am sure that, with all the money coming in, I'll be able to put aquarium toilet tanks in both bathrooms. Mommy said that there are more important things to give money to--like people who are starving and homeless, but I say that if you give a dog a fish toilet, he will be entertained for at least a week. I think that makes donating to my cause far more important than all the other causes out there. Remember, I need to watch fish when I'm laying on the bathroom floor, which happens to be one of the cooler spots in the house in which to lay. Being a husky, I always check to find the coolest spots!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Needs Your Help)

Watching the Fish Swim

Once again, I have searched the Internet for an item that is cool that I can write a blog about. Today it is an aquarium and toilet all in one. There is also a sink that has an aquarium. Imagine having fish swimming around the toilet. I showed this to a couple of cats and they loved it. In fact, they are getting their fishing poles ready in case their human orders one. I think it would be very cool for a dog to be able to watch fish while laying on the bathroom floor. It would be very entertaining, and a dog needs entertainment. I can also imagine how much fun it would be to watch a cat fishing from the top of the toilet tank. The link to this great product is:
http://www.geekologie.com/2008/09/under-the-sea-fish-n-flush-toi.php

I've got to go now and try to talk my humans into buying this. I bet I will hear the usual, "why should we replace something that works okay just because the dog wants something more unusual". I get so tired of the humans being cheap and not giving a dog what he wants. Perhaps I'll just get some plastic money out of my human Mommy's purse and order it myself. Do you think they speak dog or do I need to use my human words?

Demon Flash Bandit (Wants Cool Aquarium Toilet)

Town for Sale

My human has been gone today so my blog is being written later than usual. Today I have a site to share with my readers for those people who are looking for some space in which to live. Why buy a house when y0u can buy an entire town? If that is your kind of thinking, then go to this site:
http://realestate.aol.com/blog/2012/03/01/pray-mont-buy-the-whole-town-for-1-4-million/?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl20%7Csec1_lnk3%26pLid%3D139959
You can own your own town in Montana, and run it the way you want to run it. If I were buying this town, I would make sure that a dog is mayor and the town would be the best run town in the United States except possibly for Rabbit Hash, Kentucky--a town already run by a dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Town for Sale)

Chicken Little Says the Sky is Falling!

Today's blog is considered a fairy tale, but all us dogs know that it really happened. For years, chickens have been calling it a fairy tale so they don't look so stupid. Many years ago, a little chicken who was named Henny Penny or her nickname, Chicken Little, was hanging out with some chicken pals, and an acorn fell from the tree and hit Henny Penny on the head. Henny Penny immediately came to the conclusion that the sky was falling mostly because Henny Penny was an idiot--as are most members of the chicken family. Some dogs were watching and they were laughing and laughing because Henny Penny was running around telling everyone that the sky was falling. The other chickens were in a state of panic over their impending doom. The dogs, being resourceful and intelligent suggested to Henny Penny that she and her chicken friends could hide in the nice metal thing with the top that would protect them from the falling sky. That metal thing was called a grill. Once all the chickens were inside the grill, the dogs turned it on, and they enjoyed barbequed chicken for dinner. I suppose Henny Penny was right after all....the world did end for all the chickens that day! This is also why dumb people are called "bird brains"--it is because birds are stupid!

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing Story of Chicken Little and the Sky Falling)

No New Year's Resolutions For This Dog!

This is my first blog of the new year, and I thought I would start it by talking about New Year's Resolutions. I don't have any. Dogs do not bother with them because there is no way we could make any improvements to our lives. The humans make them because the humans can always use some improvement. If you ask me, my first suggestion for them would be to walk on all fours. Seriously, how many humans fall every year trying to walk on their back paws? You don't see dogs falling nearly as much because we have enough common sense to realize that walking on all 4 paws is superior to walking on only two paws! Of course, as simple as this concept happens to be, the humans don't seem to understand. No wonder they have to make so many resolutions. Sadly, most of them have given up on them today. Most of the humans can't handle a whole day of improvement. Most give up after about 2 hours. I guess there is always next year....

Demon Flash Bandit (No New Year's Resolutions for This Dog)

Humans Are Entertaining

I didn't write a blog yesterday. My secretary is a human, and she was "under the weather" yesterday. I think that means she was sick, but the humans always find such stupid ways of saying things. Aren't all us of officially "under the weather" unless we are flying in an airplane and then we might be above the weather. I wasn't sure if she would write my blog today so I had to put my paw down and insist that she get it done. I'm sure it might be more effective if I actually paid her to do my blog, but she is a human, and the humans aren't smart enough to realize that they aren't getting paid. Besides, one wink from one of my blue eyes, and I can get her to do anything I want her to do.

Since this is the time of year when many of the humans catch colds, flu, and other annoying illnesses, I think that the real problem is that they need to have nice fur coats like us huskies have. I can go outside in freezing weather and feel quite warm. The humans are really not well adapted to their environments. I think this is because they are such an inferior species. Don't get me wrong--I like the humans, but I think the only reason they have survived over the centuries is because of us dogs. Our anicent wolf ancestors took pity on the stupid humans and started hanging out and watching over them. We didn't mind doing it....we do love the humans! As a whole, they are very entertaining with their antics!

Demon Flash Bandit (Humans Need Dogs)

Need Advice: Ask a Dog!

I have already written a blog today, but I decided to give my readers a treat and write another one. The subject for this blog is the news about Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore getting a divorce. I don't mean to sound cynical, but this dog is surprised that they lasted this long. I always thought that Ashton married Demi because she had more fame and money than him. Now that he is making a big salary himself, he doesn't need her. This is what I like about dogs. We love the humans unconditionally. It is always sad when there is a breakup no matter whether some of us can see it coming from the beginning or not, but if the humans used some common sense sometimes, maybe they would have a lot less problems. For those of you who need advice or help, always ask a dog. We are so much smarter than the humans!

Demon Flash Bandit (Doggy Advisor)

That is the Moon!

As usual, I have found a news item that I think deserves to be talked about in my blog. A human called emergency services because he spotted a UFO (Unidentified Flying Object). Obviously, this is something that a human does not expect to see so naturally, he called to report it. After all, it could have been a takeover by space aliens so it is important to inform the proper authorities. However, in this case, it was just the moon he saw. This dog is tired of the moon causing so much trouble. When there is a full moon, it causes humans with the tendency to become werewolves to transform into the werewolf identity. The full moon is also linked with the humans going crazy which is called "moon madness". Anyway, now it is fooling regular humans who think it is a UFO. I think the moon should be warned that this behavior is unacceptable, and will not be tolerated. I must admit that it would not surprise me if the man had been visiting the local pub before he called because most sober humans can tell the difference between the moon and a UFO. For those who want to read more about this story, here is the link:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/28/man-mistakes-the-moon-forufo_n_1064009.html

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Can Recognize the Moon)

Fire the Person Who Brought About Power Outage!

Electrical power has been cut off to many people living in the southwest United States. The states affected are New Mexico, Arizona, and California. According to news reports, one person's mistake is responsible for the power outage. Normally, I'm an easy-going dog who understands that anyone can make a mistake. However, in this situation, I think they should find the culprit and fire that person as quickly as possible. There is a good reason for my being tough this time. Many of the humans can't read my blog when they have no power, and my blog is super important for the humans and dogs to read. In fact, I don't know how the humans will survive for a day or two without my words of wisdom. I hope that the power companies will take this seriously, and that other power companies will learn from their example. Being able to read my blog is super important, and it should have a top priority among the humans. Anyone risking that deserves to be fired. In fact, I'm not even sure they should be allowed to run free. Perhaps they should be locked up in prison where they can't do anymore harm.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing the Importance of My Blog)

M&Ms in Space!

I'm sorry about not writing a blog yesterday. I have a human secretary, and she had "something important to do yesterday". What could be more important than staying home and writing my blog? Next she will be expecting to go on vacation. This dog did not say anything about vacations when I hired my human. It isn't that I'm against vacations as long as I get to go along. However, I am not about to say anything about a "paid vacation" since I have no intention of paying my humans to work for me. I have important things to do with my money--like buying dingo bones and treats. I have forgiven my secretary since she did come home with McDonalds hamburgers for Angel Zoom Smokey and myself along with some delicious human peanut butter cookies and dingo bones. At least she knows how to buy our affection!

In my last blog, I wrote about the collectible Star Trek Captain Kirk M&M. After I wrote the blog, I started thinking about how maybe that is the "real" Captain Kirk. Perhaps he wasn't human at all, but he was actually a big M&M. I can't think of a better ambassador of good will throughout the galaxy than a giant M&M. Sure, I guess you could have someone like Twinkie the Kid, the Keebler Elf, or Captain Crunch represent Earth, but an M&M is still an excellent choice. There have been many brave M&Ms in space that remind me of characters from the movie Star Wars. I have an address for you to watch a M&Ms commercial in which they are characters from the Addams Family television show. The address is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxyWWJe_7wo This causes me to conclude that it is really M&Ms that are "running the universe", and humans are copying them. If you ask this dog, the humans aren't doing a great job of mimicking the M&Ms. I wonder if the M&Ms are going to end up getting mad and annihilating the humans. I hope not since we dogs do tend to like the humans even if they are silly. We like M&Ms too, but for a totally different reason. It is our taste buds that like M&Ms!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing M&M candies)